by Lost
‘I’ll have the fish stew,’ Eloise told a waiter efficiently as he cruised past.
‘Me too,’ Sophie said. She was desperate for a good moules-frites, but there were so many good places in Paris for that. It was something she had always eaten with Raff, actually. Ryan had hated shellfish, which Sophie had found disappointing; something she had never mentioned.
Sophie frowned. She wasn’t sure what to do about Ryan. He kept calling and texting and saying he missed her, but surely that ship had sailed, hadn’t it?
‘Have you asked him about Estelle?’
Sophie’s head whipped round. ‘What?’
Eloise met her sister’s eyes unflinchingly. ‘Estelle. Have you asked Raff about her?’
‘Nope.’ Sophie frowned at Eloise. Why on earth would she ask Raff about his ex-girlfriend? The woman he’d had Coco with. Estelle was probably the last person Sophie wanted to ask Raff about!
Eloise toyed with her sugar wrappings. ‘It’s just that… Estelle is an absolute nightmare from what I’ve heard. Pops up out of the blue every so often wanting to forge a relationship with Coco… before promptly disappearing off again and leaving Raff to pick up the pieces.’
‘Sounds grim.’
Sophie wasn’t sure what to think about any of this. Of course she had wondered if Raff and Estelle had gone back together after Sophie had left Paris. Probably more than she should have done. Estelle Dupres was a beautiful woman. She and Raff had serious history, and just before Sophie left, Estelle had exploded into their lives creating havoc. And they hadn’t survived it.
‘How often does she come back?’ Sophie asked, before she could censor herself.
Eloise smiled briefly, but hurriedly removed it. ‘I would say every six months or so. Maybe once a year.’
Sophie raised her eyebrows. ‘How long does she stay?’
‘A few weeks at a time, I think.’ Eloise drained her coffee. ‘From what Raff has told me, anyway. And I’ve seen her once since he started working at the macaron shop.’
Sophie bit her lip and refused to ask if Estelle looked good. She was sure Estelle had looked good; she always did. Annoyingly.
Their fish stew arrived. It looked delicious and a spiral of steam was curling out of it. It was loaded with white fish, prawns, mussels and clams, and the aroma wafting from the orange, saffron and cayenne-loaded sauce was mouth-wateringly delicious. It wasn’t a refined version; it had wholesome chunks of vegetable in it.
They both tucked in and for a good few minutes, there was no talking.
‘I think you made a mistake leaving Raff like that,’ Eloise blurted out suddenly.
Sophie stared at her, her coffee cup midway in the air. ‘What? Why? You’ve never said this before!’
‘I’ve tried,’ Eloise said earnestly. ‘Over the years, on and off, I’ve tried. You know I have. And I know there was evidence suggesting that Raff was lying, but still… I haven’t ever been able to shake the feeling that you got it wrong.’
Sophie felt irritable. Where was all this coming from? Her phone buzzed, signalling a text. It was from Pinter; something about a photography job he had for her.
‘Right.’ Sophie rested her coffee cup into its saucer decisively. ‘Tell me once what you think and then we’re talking about something else.’
‘Fair enough.’
Eloise knew her twin and she immediately accepted that Sophie would listen and hear her but then Eloise needed to let it go. Mostly so Sophie could process it and deal with it and put it in a box. Compartmentalise. It was the way she had always been, even when they were kids. Eloise remembered when their grandfather had died and Sophie had sat with a white, pinched little face whilst Mariele told them. She had asked a few questions and then she had shut down. Or rather, she had gone silent, she had rationalised it, she had cried and then she’d put it in a box and made peace with it.
‘Ok.’ Eloise pushed her coffee cup to one side. ‘I think that finding out about Coco sent you spiralling. I think you felt threatened by Estelle and I think you think that Raff knew about Coco.’
Sophie nodded, her hands clasped tightly in front of her. That was all correct. She had assumed that Raff had known about his daughter and that he hadn’t told her. That had felt like the ultimate betrayal. And so she had left.
‘I think it was a knee-jerk reaction,’ Eloise said gently. ‘And I don’t think you gave Raff the chance to explain or defend himself. He was shocked to the core to discover that he had a daughter. He honestly didn’t know anything about her. I’m certain of that.’
Sophie blinked. ‘Why didn’t you say this at the time?’
‘I did,’ Eloise reminded her. ‘Well, I certainly tried. And so did mum. And so did Raff. We all tried. At the time and afterwards.’
Sophie chewed her lip. God. She had definitely shut down when she had headed back to England. She had been so hurt she hadn’t listened to anything or anyone. She had loved Raff so much, the thought that he had potentially kept something so huge from her had sent her into a dark place. But Estelle had told her that Raff knew about Coco. She had made a point of telling her that.
‘Estelle told me he knew. That he had known for a long time.’
Eloise shook her head sadly. ‘Of course she would say that, Soph. Of course she would. She’s not a nice person!’
Sophie swallowed. Had she got Raff wrong? Had she believed Estelle when she should have believed him? Estelle had seemed so sure… so definite about it. She had given Sophie details, had shown her a letter she had written where she told Raff about it. A letter that looked as though it had been read over and over again.
‘How long did Estelle stay that first time?’ Sophie asked suddenly.
‘Not long,’ Eloise said. ‘Enough time to get Raff on board with looking after Coco and then off she went.’
‘Leaving Coco behind?’ Sophie was aghast. ‘I don’t want to sound judgemental, but what kind of mother does that to their own child?’
Eloise took some money out to pay the bill, but Sophie waved her away. ‘I don’t know,’ Eloise admitted. ‘But I do know that she left to start up a whole new life without Raff and without Coco. She may even have another family elsewhere, I’m not sure. Definitely another relationship.’
Sophie was shocked. And she felt terrible about Raff. She felt furious towards Eloise as well, but she knew she had no right to. Eloise had tried to talk to her when she had run off to England. Several times. And Sophie hadn’t wanted to know. Jesus. Had she turned her back on something amazing? On the person she had thought was the love of her life? Had she simply distracted herself with Ryan so she could get over Raff? Sophie started to feel deeply uncomfortable.
‘And you got together with Ryan a few years after you left, but I didn’t think you were over Raff even then,’ Eloise started. ‘And I always thought that maybe…’
‘Yes. Yes, I get it.’ Sophie cut Eloise off. But not rudely. Christ. It was all too much of a revelation in one day. Sophie had no idea how she was going to feel when she saw Raff again now after this. But she still didn’t know the absolute truth, did she?
‘Shall we ask about mum?’ Eloise said, stopping a member of staff. ‘Sorry, but have you seen this woman in here?’ She showed the girl the photograph. The girl shook her head. ‘Ok… could you show the rest of the staff too please?’
‘I’ll leave them my phone number,’ Sophie said, watching the girl show her colleagues the photo.
‘I need to go, but let me know if they come back with anything won’t you?’ Eloise said, scooping up her bag and grabbing her sunglasses. ‘Come for lunch on Sunday though. You and Raff, yes? And let me know if you hear from mum again, just in case she texts you rather than me.’
‘Of course.’
Sunday lunch… with Raff? Sophie rolled her eyes. Surely Eloise wasn’t matchmaking?
As Eloise left, Pinter phoned.
‘Sophie, darling!’
‘Pinter.’ Sophie smiled.
‘How i
s Paris?’ Pinter asked grandly.
‘Beautiful,’ Sophie said honestly, getting to her feet. ‘Far more so than I remembered.’
‘You probably blocked it out,’ Pinter pointed out reasonably. ‘Knowing you.’
Sophie tutted as she walked along the street. Pinter knew her annoyingly well.
‘I have a job for you,’ Pinter said excitedly.
‘I saw that. Is it that wedding you mentioned?’
Pinter laughed. ‘Yes and no. Esther’s sister is getting married so we’re coming over for that and I’ll get you to photograph it. But for this assignment, I just want to see… Paris!’
Sophie could imagine him spreading his hands out as if to say ‘pizzazz!!’ when he said that. If he hadn’t been holding his phone at any rate.
‘Just… Paris?’ Sophie asked. She strolled past Café Flore, the other famous cafe in the area, well loved by writers and philosophers, with its cream and green canopy.
‘Yes. The essence of the capital,’ Pinter was saying. ‘The style, the vibe, the…’
Sophie interrupted as she headed towards Pont Neuf. ‘I get it, Pinter. Basically you’re giving me an assignment which involves photographing the city on my travels just to keep me busy. Yes?’
‘Exactly!’
Sophie could hear the grin in Pinter’s voice. ‘Ok. I’ll do it, of course.’
‘Get me some good shots. Nothing clichéd.’
‘As if.’
Sophie rang off as Pinter enthusiastically sent his love, Esther’s and, randomly but typically for Pinter, their French Bulldog Albert’s. She jumped on the Métro at Pont Neuf and got off near the macaron shop. Raff was inside, but Sophie didn’t want to disturb him. And after everything Eloise had told her today, Sophie wasn’t sure she was ready to talk to Raff face to face. Not yet. She hurried indoors, left another message for her mum, ignored Ryan’s text and started planning her photography assignment.
Chapter Twelve
‘Dad! Wake up.’
Raff found himself rudely awakened by Coco and he wasn’t happy.
‘Coco! It’s my day off,’ he protested. He snuggled back into the sofa.
‘Dad. I want to spend some time with you.’
Raff opened one eye and fixed it on his daughter beadily. What was she up to? He and Coco were close – why wouldn’t they be? He had looked after her since she was a toddler… single-handedly. Well, his parents had been involved naturally – his mum had been fantastic and very hands on until her untimely death a year ago – but mainly because Raff still had to work. Apart from that, they had spent every moment together and most of Raff’s happiest times had been spent with Coco. Sophie swam into Raff’s mind then, but he pushed the thought away. She had been a bit distant recently, but he wasn’t sure why.
‘Come on,’ Coco pleaded, grabbing his shoulders and jiggling him around.
‘God.’ Raff sat up, raking a hand through his hair. He had been looking forward to chilling out for the day unless Sophie needed him to help with the Mariele search. ‘What do you want to do then?’
‘I was thinking of the Louvre,’ Coco announced.
‘The Louvre?’ Raff frowned. Coco had been to the Louvre dozens of times before. ‘How come?’
‘I have this project at school,’ Coco said, waving a hand carelessly in the air. ‘I need to study the Mona Lisa.’
Raff was definitely suspicious now. Coco had always said she hated the Mona Lisa and thought it was the most over-rated piece of art ever.
‘You can’t stand the Mona Lisa,’ Raff told her, getting to his feet. ‘So what’s going on?’
‘Nothing,’ Coco said, looking innocent. She sat on the edge of the sofa.
Raff took a swig from a cold cup of coffee he’d forgotten about when he’d fallen asleep and studied his daughter. She was beautiful, and he knew that even though he was biased she really was. Endless, dark hair, chocolate-brown eyes and long lashes; the adorable gap in her teeth that Raff felt suited her far more than it suited him; petite, doll-like features and ridiculously long legs, today encased in pale grey jeans teamed with a black, edgy tee.
Back in the day, Raff had thought that he would find it unbearable if Coco had turned out to look too much like Estelle, but as luck would have it, she had grown into the perfect blend of both of them and it didn’t matter one bit. Maybe that was because Raff felt differently towards Estelle these days. Either way, he certainly didn’t begrudge her for giving Coco long legs and great hair.
‘We need to check on dad,’ Raff said, heading upstairs.
‘I’ve been reading with him,’ Coco said, bounding after him. ‘He’s ok.’
Raff pushed the door to Henri’s room open. He was sitting by the window in his favourite seat. An open book lay on his lap, but Raff was fairly sure it wasn’t being read now.
‘Hey, Dad.’
‘Raff.’ Henri looked round. ‘Coco. Back again?’
‘Dad wants to check you’re ok before we go out.’
A flash of anxiety flashed across Henri’s face and it made Raff feel sad. He knew it wasn’t because his dad felt edgy about them going out, but because he felt edgy at the thought of going out himself. Henri had practically been agoraphobic since Camille had died, not even setting foot in the garden, let alone venturing out into Paris.
‘We’re off to the Louvre,’ Raff informed him, picking up his dad’s book. Albert Camus’s La Peste – The Plague, in English. ‘Light reading there,’ he joked. He had found the Camus novel heavy and turgid when he read it at school.
‘Coco’s choice,’ Henri smiled.
Raff pulled a face. He couldn’t stand Camus – far too serious and earnest. Raff much preferred Shakespeare, but it wasn’t the done thing to say that in his native France.
‘I have to read it for class,’ Coco shrugged and pulled a sheepish face. ‘Might as well read it with Grandpa.’
‘I don’t mind,’ Henri said, turning back to the window.
Raff rubbed his neck. His father’s grief was almost tangible and it was hard to witness some days. It was like a heavy dark cloak of sorrow and pain and anguish and heartbreak all rolled into one. It was etched across his face as furrows of misery and apparent in his drooped, beaten body language.
‘I’ll get you some lunch,’ Raff said, supressing a sigh. He wished he could take his dad’s pain away. He missed his mum every day, but he understood how much harder it must be for his dad. She had been his best friend and they had spent so much time together, it was clearly devastating to him that she was no longer around.
‘I’m not hungry, son,’ Henri replied.
Coco threw Raff a worried look.
‘I’ll bring you some anyway,’ Raff insisted. ‘It’s boeuf bourguignon. Your favourite.’
‘Ok,’ Henri said disinterestedly.
Raff sorted some food out and a large cup of coffee for his dad and then he and Coco headed out into the sunshine.
‘Car or Métro?’
‘Métro,’ Coco decided. She couldn’t wait to learn to drive and it bugged her that she couldn’t yet.
After the Métro, they started walking towards the Louvre.
‘Why don’t you phone that girl to see if she wants to join us?’ Coco asked casually.
‘What girl?’ Raff frowned. Now they were getting to it. As much as Coco enjoyed spending time with him, this had all felt very contrived.
‘Sophie, is it?’ Coco smiled at him, the picture of angelic innocence.
Raff shook his head. What was his daughter playing at? Was she… matchmaking, for goodness’s sakes? It hadn’t occurred to Raff that his daughter would care if he was in a relationship or not. He had had a few girlfriends over the years, of course, but nothing really serious. Not since Sophie had left, in fact. His heart simply hadn’t been in it. Either that, or he hadn’t met the right girl, or whatever it was that people said.
‘I’m sure Sophie’s busy,’ Raff told Coco. ‘As you know, her mum is missing at the moment, althoug
h in touch now and again, so we hope she’s ok. But still.’
‘Just… phone her,’ Coco suggested, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder. ‘If she’s busy, she’s busy.’
Raff tutted and gave Sophie a call.
‘Hey,’ she said, answering after a few rings.
‘Hey.’ Raff rolled his eyes at Coco who was gesticulating wildly at him with her hands, as well as apparently trying to tell him what to say, mouthing like a goldfish. ‘Coco wondered if you fancied joining us for a wander around the Louvre.’
There was a pause.
‘That sounds…’
‘I’m sure you’re probably too busy…’ Raff started, feeling that Sophie was about to bail.
‘…lovely,’ Sophie finished. ‘And I’m not too busy. I’ve been taking some photographs for this project for my boss, but I’m free now.’
Raff felt stupidly pleased and he was annoyed with himself about it. It didn’t mean anything. Sophie just happened to be free, that was all.
‘Ok, well, we’ll wait for you at the entrance then.’ They said goodbye and hung up.
Coco clapped her hands like a child. ‘Hurrah! That makes me happy.’
Raff ignored her and carried on strolling towards the entrance. He had no idea why Coco was so keen for Sophie to spend the afternoon with them, but at the same time, he could hardly say that he was unhappy about her impending arrival.
‘You ok, Dad?’ Coco asked. She looked absurdly happy and Raff didn’t have the heart to tell her off for interfering.
‘Of course.’
‘I just… really liked Sophie when I met her,’ Coco commented. ‘And I think you really like her too.’
‘I do.’ Raff glanced over his shoulder, wondering which direction Sophie was going to arrive from. ‘I just don’t want you to get carried away and matchmake.’
Coco shook her head, her dark hair flying. ‘I’m not really matchmaking. As such.’
Raff rolled his eyes. He could always tell when Coco was lying.
Sophie turned up ten minutes later. She was wearing a cute denim short dress and Converse trainers, and she looked amazing. Raff knew he was probably grinning at her, but he couldn’t help it.
