My Life as an Album (Books 1-4)

by LJ Evans

  She didn’t know what to make of it. But she told herself she was glad. That she didn’t need a man in her bed to make her feel whole. To make her feel complete. She didn’t need him to fill the void that her therapist wanted her to heal on her own. Wynn thought it would be best to stop having men in her life at all. It always ended up a screwed up mess, so it was better this way.

  ♫ ♫ ♫

  It only took a few more days for her own resolve to be challenged—by multiple men.

  She went to church with her mama and daddy on Sunday, and like they’d always done, they went to the diner for breakfast afterwards. She’d dressed up for the first time in a long time, buying herself a new dress because she’d felt like she deserved a new dress after everything that had been going on the last few weeks. It was an aqua-colored chiffon overlay on top of a little silk slip that landed mid-thigh. It almost felt too young for her. But then again, what was a twenty-five-year-old divorcée supposed to wear?

  They’d barely gotten their coffee, and were about to place their order, when a pair of men coming from the other side of the restaurant, heading toward the door, made her almost spit out her coffee.

  Matt Abbott was blonde and shaggy, as always, in that way that matched his brother, Blake. They could have been twins if they weren’t four years apart in age. Wynn was sure they were asked that a lot nowadays because they were both the same size, with the same eyes, and the same smiles.

  But it wasn’t Matt who had her nearly choking on her coffee. It was the man next to him. Even though he had changed, it was impossible not to recognize Zack Trudeau. Her first boyfriend. The one she thought of with sweet “what ifs” when her mind journeyed to her childhood. The one who’d had to leave her when his parents moved.

  He was taller and fuller than Wynn remembered him. He’d been tall back then too, but thin. Now, he’d filled out in that way that guys do as they turn from boys into men. His brown hair and brown eyes were still soft, almost fading into tan, but not quite. He still had a sprinkle of freckles across his nose that had always made him look innocent, but not so much anymore.

  He was in a pair of tight jeans that emphasized his muscled legs and a striped button down that really didn’t do anything to hide his lean chest and muscled arms. He was leaner than Lonnie the Lumberjack, but it was all muscle.

  Matt didn’t see them and headed out the door, but Zack stopped dead in his tracks on seeing her, their eyes meeting across the restaurant. And a smile lit up his face. He bypassed the door and headed over to the table that she and her parents were at.

  “Wynn Nichols! Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Zack said, coming toward her. She got up to greet him, and he leaned in and kissed her cheek. She got a whiff of his cologne in the process: soft and understated but musky.

  “What brings you back to Tennessee, Zack?” she asked, leaning back from the kiss but placing a hand on his arm as means of steadying herself.

  Zack waved his hand to the door that Matt had exited. “I’m up talking PRCA schedule with Matt.”

  Matt had been involved with the Professional Rodeo Cowboy Association (PRCA) for as long as Wynn could remember. Matt was a stock contractor now and did some judging. Zack had also been all about rodeos when she was dating him, but she hadn’t known that he was still involved or that he saw Matt on any regular basis. Matt had never mentioned it.

  Not that Wynn saw Matt all that much either. She saw Blake on a semi-regular basis because of Cam and Mayson, but Matt she mostly saw around town with his pretty wife, Anston.

  “Do you still do the roping events then?” Wynn asked.

  Zack grinned and shook his head in the negative. “No. I was never that good. But I work at the PRCA office in Colorado Springs now.”

  “Wow…so...Colorado.”

  “I know. Seems like the wrong place for a country boy like me. Matt was just trying to convince me to buy some property near his place.”

  Matt had bought the property that the trash artist, Seth Carmen, had inherited when his grandparents passed. It butted up next to Matt’s own grandparents’ land, and Wynn thought there were plans to merge the two properties at some point, but as of now, they weren’t.

  “You’re considering moving back to Tennessee?”

  Zack took her in, and it made Wynn flush. “Well, the pros for it have suddenly become a lot stronger.”

  Wynn’s flush grew even more.

  Before she could respond, she was tackled by a pair of little arms surrounding her legs, and she looked down in surprise to see Edie with her cape and her bear.

  “Edie!” She pulled the little girl up into her arms and noticed how the little girl’s blue dress seemed to match her own.

  Wynn saw Zack take in Edie and her and then look to her hand which held no ring. It didn’t even have a tan line anymore because she’d taken it off the day Grant had handed her the divorce paperwork. She’d almost thrown it down the toilet but convinced herself that the money she could get for it was better than her satisfaction at seeing it go down the drain.

  “She’s beautiful,” Zack said, and she knew he’d drawn the wrong conclusion: that Edie was hers.

  Wynn looked over Zack’s shoulder to see Lonnie making his way toward them. He wasn’t smiling. His eyes were taking her in from her face, down to her dress, and then all the way to her toes before coming back to her face again. Then he took in the man standing next to her and frowned.

  “Edie, this is Zack. Zack, this is my friend, Edie,” Wynn explained as Lonnie drew closer.

  “She’s not yours?” Zack asked.

  Wynn shook her head in the negative just as Lonnie reached them.

  “Hey, Wynn,” he said, leaning down and kissing the top of her head, which wasn’t something he normally did. But when she looked up into his face, he was already turned away, sizing up Zack.

  Zack returned the favor, eyeing the limited space between Lonnie and her, and Edie that was in her arms. Lonnie stuck out his hand. “Lonnie Brennan.”

  Zack took it and shook it without any hesitation. “Zack Trudeau.”

  “How do you know Wynn?” Lonnie asked.

  She found herself holding her breath. It had sounded so…possessive. Like Lonnie was jealous of Zack. It didn’t make any sense. She and Lonnie didn’t have anything going but chemistry.

  “Wynn was my first and only love.” Zack turned his eyes back to Wynn with a sad sort of smile. Wynn felt herself turn another thousand shades of red.

  She slapped Zack’s arm playfully. “Come on. First girlfriend is true, but hardly your only love.”

  Edie put her hand on Wynn’s face, and Wynn looked down at her. “I’s want pancakes.”

  Wynn smiled at her. “Is that why you’re here?”

  She nodded.

  Wynn’s mama, who’d been taking in all the interactions silently, finally spoke up, eyes directed at Lonnie, “Why don’t you join us? We’re just ordering ourselves.”

  “Mr. and Mrs. Nichols,” Zack said, registering them for the first time since seeing Wynn. He reached over the table to shake both their hands.

  “Zack, good to see you,” Daddy said. “You’ve already had breakfast?”

  “Yes, sir. Matt and I were just heading out to the ranch.”

  The waitress came up, a little befuddled by all the people standing around.

  “Can we get two more settings?” Mama asked her.

  “Oh. Sure.” And she took off.

  “I’ll just go grab a booster seat,” Lonnie said. “Nice to meet you, Zack.” As if he expected Zack to be gone when he got back.

  Zack followed Lonnie with his eyes, and then he turned back to Wynn.

  “It was really nice seeing you, Wynn.”

  “You too.”

  “Mr. and Mrs. Nichols,” he said, and then he headed toward the door. He stopped there to look back at Wynn who had followed him with her eyes. He smiled at her as he tipped his head to put his cowboy ha
t back on and then left.

  Wynn’s eyes followed him outside the window where he joined Matt by Matt’s truck. The two men exchanged a few words, and Matt looked back toward the restaurant and waved at Wynn. She waved back and then turned her attention back to Edie.

  “What kind of pancakes are you going to get?” Wynn asked her.

  “Kind?” Edie asked.

  “Plain, strawberry, blueberry, or chocolate chip,” Wynn explained to her.

  Edie looked like this was all new to her. As if she’d never heard of pancakes coming in more than the plain kind.

  Lonnie came back, fastening the booster to the wooden chair like a pro, and then reached for Edie. He buckled her in before sitting down in the chair next to the one that Wynn had sat down in.

  The waitress came and took their orders before disappearing. Edie eyed the crayons and paper as if she wasn’t sure what to do with them. Lonnie picked them up and showed her how to color while everyone at the table watched in silence.

  “Eat?” Edie asked, putting the crayon near her mouth, and they all hollered, “No!” simultaneously and then chuckled and smiled when Edie grinned at them.

  “I’s know. I’s teasing.” She went back to coloring, and they all laughed some more.

  “How is your sister, Lonnie?” Mama asked, and Wynn shot her a warning glance, but Mama ignored it as always.

  Lonnie fiddled with one of the crayons. “I’m not sure. I should know more in a couple weeks.”

  Daddy exchanged a look with Mama and then changed the subject. “I think I heard from Carter that your new album is releasing soon?”

  “Yes, sir. In about a week, actually.”

  “It’s Tim, please. And that must be exciting.”

  “To be honest, I haven’t been thinking about it much lately,” Lonnie told him with a glance toward Edie.

  Mama and Daddy both nodded their heads. Wynn tried to calm the nervousness she felt at their interchange. At Lonnie being at the table with them. As if they were the family that Zack had mistaken them for.

  Lonnie turned the conversation toward her parents, asking about Daddy’s construction business and Mama’s work at the dance studio, and it almost felt natural.

  “Wynn was a really good dancer,” Mama told him after she’d explained her job as the office manager at the ballet studio.

  Lonnie took her in with a lopsided grin. “I bet.”

  “No, I mean really good. But she let all the stereotypes scare her out of the business.”

  “Mama,” Wynn chided her.

  “It’s true.”

  “You know it’s not. I never even got the lead once,” Wynn told Lonnie. “Don’t believe her.”

  Daddy leaned in as if he was conspiring with Lonnie. “She was good, but she was always a head taller than the other ballerinas, and it made her self-conscious.”

  “I’m kind of partial to her being tall,” Lonnie said back.

  The two men shared a smile that made Wynn want to roll her eyes.

  When the food came, Edie made a gigantic mess. She had syrup all down her face and on her dress. Edie seemed to adore the attention. She looked up at all of them as she let the syrup drip down her chin, a smile on her face. All the adults seemed enthralled by the mess, instead of disgusted by it.

  It made Wynn wonder what her parents would have been like with her babies. It hurt, putting her heart into a vice grip. As if her mama could read her mind, she reached across and squeezed her hand.

  Lonnie caught the exchange but didn’t comment. Instead, he said, “I’m gonna go clean this rascal up.” He picked up Edie, tickling her as she protested, and headed toward the restrooms.

  “He’s really good with her for only having her a couple weeks,” Mama said.

  Wynn nodded.

  “Must be hard to go from bachelor to dad in such a short time.”

  “He’s taking it a day at a time. I’m not sure he realizes that Edie is probably going to be with him longer than the time it takes Lita to get out of rehab. I can’t imagine CPS just handing her back.”

  They were all quiet, lost in all their own thoughts, until Lonnie came back with Edie on his shoulders just as the waitress came by with the check. Daddy grabbed it first and wouldn’t let Lonnie pay. They squabbled back and forth before Wynn put her hand on Lonnie’s arm, and when he looked down, she shook her head for him to stop.

  “Thank you, sir,” Lonnie said instead.

  “It’s Tim. Seriously, you call me sir again and I’m gonna have to put you to work on the job site.”

  Lonnie chuckled.

  Wynn and her parents stood, and they all made their way out of the restaurant.

  “I’s bowl now?” Edie asked.

  “Can I bowl now. And…I guess so,” Lonnie responded.

  The mention of bowling perked Wynn’s daddy up like a cat at the sight of a fly.

  “You’re going bowling?” Daddy asked.

  “That was the plan. Pancakes and bowling.”

  “Well, I taught Wynn everything she knows about bowling. Cary and I are in a bowling league,” her daddy said.

  “Would you like to come with us? I sure could use some help teaching this one how to get it down the lane,” Lonnie offered.

  Daddy and Mama both looked at Wynn. Everything in her was screaming, no. But she knew it would look ridiculous to refuse. They were just going to go home and sit in front of the TV. Or Daddy would finagle them all into working in the garden, which she really didn’t have any desire to do. So she shrugged, and they all grinned as if she’d just agreed to buy them a car.

  Her parents went home to grab their bowling shoes and balls while Wynn went with Lonnie and Edie to the alley. They’d already gotten a lane set up by the time her parents joined them.

  Edie was fascinated by the shoes and her ability to slide on the lane. “You’s hold Mask.” Edie shoved the teddy bear into Wynn’s arms and then headed toward the slippery floor.

  “Whoa there, little lady,” Wynn’s daddy said, catching Edie before she headed down the gutter strip.

  He brought her back to their ball return. Then, he patiently showed her what to do with the bowling ball and how to aim. Edie squatted and pushed the ball with both hands, where it twirled and hit the gutter and had to be retrieved when it rolled to a stop.

  Her daddy squatted down with Edie, helping her little arms to shove the ball harder down the lane. It cracked Wynn’s heart at the same time it sewed it up. It was a weird dichotomy.

  They played for two hours, Lonnie and Wynn taking turns holding Mask while the other bowled. It took Wynn a while to get back into the swing of things. Her daddy kept sighing disgustedly, saying that she was making him look bad and that Lonnie wouldn’t believe him that he’d actually taught her well. But, by the third game, she was almost back to her old average.

  Edie was still enjoying sliding around on the waxed floor, and no one around them seemed to complain because she was pretty much adorable.

  “You should put her in dance class,” Mama said, sitting down next to Wynn as the men were up, analyzing Edie’s pins and trying to get her to do something other than push the ball down the lane.

  Wynn looked up at her in surprise. “That’s really not up to me.”

  Mama bumped her shoulder and said quietly, “I think you have a lot more sway than you are giving yourself credit for.”

  As if he heard her, which wasn’t possible with Mama’s almost whisper and the noise in the bowling alley, Lonnie turned and winked at her. It made her heart skip a beat, but she was trying not to think about it. Trying not to read anything more into it than the friendship they’d been offering each other all along.

  “We’re just friends, Mama.” But Mama gave her the same doubtful look that both Cam and Mia had gotten good at.

  Edie took that moment to come hurtling over to her, jumping into her lap and saying, “Wynn, I’s got them all.”

  Wynn looked up i
n surprise to see that her pins were all down, but she was pretty sure that Daddy had sent the ball careening down the lane.

  “Wow! You sure did, kiddo!”

  After the last round, they headed out the door. Mama and Daddy gave both Edie and Lonnie hugs before heading to Mama’s SUV. Wynn hung back while Lonnie got Edie tucked into the car seat.

  He shut the passenger door and turned to her. “That was fun.” He was still smiling

  She nodded.

  “Your parents are amazing.” That made her heart hurt once more, but this time for him because she knew he didn’t feel that way about his own parents. “They were really good with Edie.”

  “They like kids,” she offered.

  “Too bad her own grandparents don’t see her the same way.”

  She didn’t know what to say to that. There was a long moment of silence. Daddy called out, “You coming home with us?”

  She nodded and turned back to Lonnie. “I gotta go.”

  His turn to nod. “Hey, I got an appointment with a pediatrician set for tomorrow at ten. Will you go with me?”

  “You talked with Lita?” Wynn asked, surprised.

  “Nah. But I called the CPS lady, and she got me hooked up with Medicaid and state insurance here. My insurance won’t take her if she’s not legally mine.”

  “Oh. That’s good.”

  “So…will you come? You just know more about all this stuff than me.”

  “Sure. No problem, Leo,” she said with a tease to lighten the mood.

  She turned and started back toward her parents’ SUV but was halted when he called out. “Hey, Wynn?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Let them know how much I appreciated today,” he said, his head dipping toward her parents’ car.

  “Sure.”

  Then she left him to go home with her parents. None of them said much on the way home. When she got there, she went up to her room in order to collect her thoughts. To unravel the mix of emotions she’d been through. The surprise at seeing Zack again. The rightness of having Lonnie and Edie spending time with her and her family. None of it did anything for her promise to stay away from men altogether.