Daughter of the Tide

by Leah Fleming

  ‘Don’t be silly. Who’d want to hear me caterwauling?’ she said, flushing at the thought.

  ‘I’ve paid good money to hear worse,’ he laughed.

  ‘Thanks very much but I’ll keep my singing to the bath from now on,’ she replied.

  She was just about to start packing when Mrs Stewart said there was a call come in for Mistress Lennox.

  Minn hoped it wasn’t bad news from Pitlandry. ‘Hello?’ she said, for the line was weak.

  ‘Is that you, Minn? It’s Ewan. I gather you want to speak to me about a matter.’ The line went quiet. How dare he pick up the phone as if they were old chums and he had not avoided her yesterday? She wanted to be cool and cold and collected.

  ‘I could have said my piece yesterday and two years ago for that matter, if you had deigned to put your face round the door,’ she answered, her voice shaking.

  ‘I know, sorry, I know, but we can meet up now,’ said Ewan.

  ‘What, in this weather? I’m not traipsing back to the Crannog on a wild goose chase again for you to be away at your scribblings and getting an earful from your wife,’ she answered.

  ‘You’ve every right to be angry. I gather Jo went over the top a bit. She’s very upset,’ he said sounding contrite and anxious at the same time.

  ‘We’re going home tomorrow if the plane can land,’ she said.

  ‘I wouldn’t bank on it,’ he said. ‘I can meet you at your cottage or the hotel?’

  ‘No, I don’t want an audience of eavesdroppers. On the beach for a walk for auld lang syne, she replied.

  ‘At the beach of the singing winds?’ he offered.

  ‘No! Not there,’ she snapped back. She would never go back to their old trysting place. ‘Balenottar will do. Halfway between your place and mine will be fine, and don’t keep me waiting. It’s cold.’ She put the phone down sharp.

  ‘Who was that?’ Harry sidled up to her, putting his arms around her waist.

  ‘It was Ewan. He wants to meet me.’

  ‘What does he want?’ Harry’s voice hardened.

  ‘How should I know?’ she snapped back.

  ‘Are you going to go?’

  ‘Of course. There’re things he should know,’ she added.

  ‘Not all that business about Anna, is it? Leave it be, Brodie. You said yourself you weren’t sure. Don’t bring up all that stuff again just when we were getting along fine,’ Harry’s eyes were glinting with anger.

  ‘Harry, nothing’s fine until this is all sorted, all out in the open. It doesn’t go away for being swept under the carpet. I have to see him one more time, just to be sure…’ she said, hoping he would understand.

  ‘To be sure you want to come back to Pitlandry or stay on this godforsaken island mooning over lover boy?’ The gloves were off now.

  ‘Do you mind if we go somewhere less public to have a row? Pas devant les enfants.’ She stared at him.

  ‘I need a drink. I’ll see you later.’ Harry turned his back on her.

  She caught his arm. ‘Come on, sit down, calm down. I’m only going for a walk with him not jumping between the sheets. He has a right to know about Anna one way or the other,’ she pleaded. ‘Then it is finished.’

  ‘It’ll never be finished between you two. Don’t think I don’t know why you’ve hung on here. I’d have given you three days on Phetray if Mackinnon wasn’t here. Don’t think I don’t know that I was always second best, a meal ticket, an also-ran. No wonder I drink,’ he whispered, watching Anna turning to see what they were arguing about. ‘If she is his bairn he’ll want to be seeing her and interfering and I’ll never be rid of him. He will be the spectre at the feast, the ghost who hovers over our bed. It’s been good us all being together these past days. Don’t spoil it all just as we’re going home. Let him go, stand him up. You had years to tell him and you didn’t, so why now?’

  ‘Because my silence has gone on long enough. You’ll have to trust me. I know what I’m doing,’ she whispered back, mouthing the words.

  ‘Do you? Do you really know what you’re doing, opening all this up again? I don’t trust him,’ Harry replied under his breath.

  ‘It takes one to know one. You took your chance and betrayed my trust but I’m not like you. I keep my word. If there was any other way I’d take it but it has to be face to face. I have to know,’ she cried.

  ‘Know what?’ he shouted.

  ‘I’ll know it when it happens,’ she whispered. ‘I have to go.’

  ‘Where are you going, Mummy? Why are you cross?’ Anna climbed on Harry’s knee.

  ‘We’re not cross, darling. Mummy is going out for a walk.’ Harry tried to smile.

  ‘Can we go too?’ said Anna.

  ‘No, dear. I have to meet someone,’ Minn replied. She was not going to lie to her child.

  ‘I want to come with you. It’s dry outside now,’ Anna argued.

  ‘I know and Daddy will take you both out when Hew wakes up. Be a good girl.’ Minn rose to find her coat and hat.

  ‘Where are you going?’ Anna whined.

  ‘To Balenottar,’ Minn said, wishing her daughter would shut up.

  ‘To see Agnes Accident?’ shouted Anna. ‘I’m coming with you.’

  ‘No. I don’t want you to come this time. This is grownup’s talking. Stay with Daddy, he’ll buy you some sweeties from the store if we’ve any coupons left.’ Minn smiled but Anna was scowling, that familiar V furrow over her brow with a turned-down mouth that made Minn laugh.

  ‘If the wind catches that sourpuss face you’ll be stuck with it for ever, young lady!’

  ‘I hate you!’ shouted Anna from the door.

  ‘And I don’t like you when you sulk,’ snapped Minn, turning herself to face the westerly.

  It had come at last, this final summons. No more shillyshallying, coxing and boxing around the island. This time there was no escaping the moment and her heart leapt with excitement. When I see him I shall know, she sang, and marched herself down to the grey wet road.

  Balenottar Point

  It was time to go and sort this business out once and for all. Ewan was in no mind to be lingering on a deserted beach as he strode down the coastal path, but he was dressed with care in his khaki corduroys and Harris tweed jacket, feeling the security of his second best pipe in his pocket, and he had trimmed his beard.

  So what if the mountain was coming to Mohamet at long last? He was doing it for Johanna and for no one else, and for the hurt he had caused her yesterday.

  If he had not been so thoughtless this visit would have been unnecessary. It was cold and windy and the sea was restless, swollen. There were far better things to be doing on this dull afternoon.

  Yet his steps quickened at the thought of meeting his old lover face to face again. He did want to explain why he had missed her last time through no fault of his own. He could make a hundred excuses why he had flunked coming in for tea at the Crannog and she would no doubt see through them all.

  What a square dance they had led each other over the years, going round and round in circles, forwards, backwards; swing your partner, change your partner, round you go. Ewan smiled to himself.

  Now they would take up their positions as polite strangers, bow one to the other, circle around and then walk off in opposite directions for ever. So what was he worried about?

  If only it were that simple, he chunnered to himself. If truth were told, since he had heard Minn was on the island part of him ached to catch a glimpse of her again, but the sensible bit of him had scuttled into the safety of his studio to keep out of her way. How could she be on Phetray without them meeting?

  Minn was Phetray, part of the mystery and magnetic force that bound him to this island, part of the gravitational pull of this sea and this tide force.

  Don’t be so whimsical, he argued to himself. Phetray was a lump of rock set in a rough sea, and the woman had not lived here for years. They were both married to others and there was nothing binding them but sad memories and a b
rief fling. They were grown up now with responsibilities for others. How could he even think such things?

  And yet… when he saw the outline of the lone figure walking towards him in the distance his heart leapt with recognition and excitement. His steps were quickening with anticipation as if some old memory of running towards her was still informing his feet. It was an effort of will to slow down and saunter as if he didn’t care that she was drawing ever closer and he would see the face of a thousand dreams, those sea-blue sapphire eyes, the sunshine hair, the body that would never disappoint him. His hands were shaking and he shoved them in his pocket to find his pipe and pouch. A man needed support at a time like this.

  The old spark, that damned eternal spark, was still lurking to ignite the unwary and he must shield himself from weakness with the thought of Jo waiting anxiously for his return, trusting in his decency and honour.

  How he wanted to feel indifferent towards the Lennox woman, immune to her physical presence, bored by her intellectual inferiority and ignorance of his artistic world, angry at her tainted wealth, but most of all unmoved by the sight of Minn Macfee standing now before him.

  He was washed away on the tidal wave of her scent, the salt-tangled freshness of her features. She had not aged but seemed younger, more vulnerable, breathless, her eyes averted for a second and then flashing out a shy smile as she held out her hand to him like a polite stranger. This gesture stung him more that he could say. He was speechless and nodded like some dumbfounded schoolboy on his first date. The dance had begun.

  *

  She looked up at him, unprepared for the impact of the surf roller wave hitting her, making her step back, reeling, from the shock of seeing the dark man of her dreams once more, wild haired, standing with the same half-smile and wide grin, taller, broader, with the same confident stance: his legs apart as if grounded, anchored into the sand. His beard made him seem even more distinguished. Time rewound its tape and it was as it always was. Nothing was changed.

  Oh, Ewan, she thought, I’ve dreamt of this coming together so many times, imagined me telling you the full truth of our story, written a hundred letters of explanation. How many times has your name been on the tip of my tongue? Why does courage fail when I think of breaking the long silence between us?

  It seemed like a full five minutes before either of them could speak, but it was only seconds when Ewan laughed.

  ‘So we meet again, Minn Macfee. I was hoping to catch you singing to the seals but… What made you want to come back here to this beach to talk after all that happened?’ He stepped back, mirroring the distance she had made between them.

  ‘I don’t know. It felt right to meet out in the open where it all began.’ She hesitated, knowing Balenottar Point was windswept and the rollers were heaving and crashing down on the shingle. ‘How are you, Ewan?’ she whispered.

  ‘I’m fine, and you didna bring me all this way to talk about my health. And for your information I did try to contact you yon time after your mother’s funeral. My watch stopped. I mistook the time until it was too late. I meant to come but you and I have ebbed and flowed like the tide, waxed and waned like the moon, but never in unison, never together in the same place at the same time long enough to straighten things out or to connect,’ he said, pointing in the air with his pipe.

  ‘We managed it once or twice or does my memory fail me… on a certain beach under the stars?’ She smiled. Had he forgotten their old trysting place? ‘Now we stand like strangers landed up on the shore listing into the wind. It could all have been so different,’ she said, piercing him with her fiercest gaze, willing him to make it easy for her. He said nothing as he turned his face from her.

  Don’t tempt me, Minn, thought Ewan. Don’t dazzle me with your glamour and beauty. Don’t do this, reminding us of what might have been if only we were free to love. Perhaps it’s the arrogance of a first love that it thinks it can outlive all other loves, that it can be picked up anytime and any place. You and I are different people, older now. We’ve separate lives and histories.

  Ewan sensed he must be hard for both of them, step back from those piercing eyes and the scent of her, step back from the brink.

  ‘So what was there of such importance that you needed to tell me before you left the island. What is there to speak of now after all this time, mo ghaoil, but the weather and our health,’ he snapped. Flippancy was always a good defence.

  There was a deafening silence for a second as she brushed back a strand of golden hair from her face and drew a gulp of air as if summoning courage to make herself plain.

  ‘There’s something I should have told you long ago and didn’t. Even now, Ewan, I’m after wondering if I should,’ she said, looking into his face, trying to read his mind. He had forgotten how intense Minn could be, how determined to succeed, how ruthless she was in stunning his will power, how dangerous it was to be alone with her.

  ‘Spit it out then. It’s too cold to be standing,’ he said, looking at his watch, trying to unnerve her with his careful indifference.

  ‘After you left Phetray there was a baby…’ she began, but he snapped her off in full flight.

  ‘Ah-ha, the wee love child that Harry passed off as his brother’s bairn.’ Ewan felt his lips curl up into a sneer.

  ‘He told you a pack of lies, as well you know. What I didn’t tell you was that—’ Minn stopped short, distracted by a moving figure, a small shape jumping across on the rocks jutting out towards the needles of Balenottar Point. ‘What the devil! Look, Ewan! There’s a child playing on the end of those rocks… and it’s Anna,’ she screamed, running as if her life depended on it.

  ‘Come down from there this minute. What’s she doing up there? Harry is supposed to be looking after them. Anna, you naughty disobedient cailleach, you come down off there this minute and I’ll be giving you such a skelping,’ she screamed like a fishwife, but Ewan grabbed her arm.

  ‘Whisht, don’t startle her. She must have followed you. Why?’ he asked, working out the best way to approach the child, as she was stranded on the edge with the racing tide flooding and swirling into the bay. In a few minutes she would be sitting on an island of slippery rock at the mercy of the swell as it broke on the Needles.

  ‘I took her to see Agnes’s grave. I told her the story and she wanted to play “accidents”, the minx. She wanted to come today but I turned her back and she’s followed me. Look at her now with no sense of danger, waving as if this is some picnic. Oh, Ewan. I’m not dressed for the rocks but if I have to scramble up barefoot… We have to get her down. Oh dear God! Not again, not Agnes… not our daughter… We have to save her! She’s our daughter!’

  Ewan was racing ahead not listening to Minn’s pleas to the Almighty to save the child. He had long ago stopped putting faith in that higher authority. All he could see was a little girl, not yet frightened, about to be trapped by the sea. Once she was stranded she would freeze with fear and cold. He had to reach her first before the tidal waves lashed over her. The sea witches of Balenottar Point were about their mischief again.

  *

  Minn was gasping for breath, running against the force, loosening her coat, anything that might hamper the task ahead. Where the hell was Harry, dozing in the bar while Hew slept? She could kill him for being so careless. Now was no time for blame. Ewan was already yards ahead of her, tearing off his jacket, making for the gully and protecting himself against the force. Why was there no one around when you needed them, fishermen, coastguard, not a single passer-by?

  There was no one to stop this tragedy happening all over again. The sea wanted her child. You can’t have her! She screamed into the wind. We’ll defy you. Take me if you need a sacrifice but this child is the future of this island, fruit of these very rocks, a daughter of the tide, an ally not enemy, so be gentle with her.

  Suddenly she was back on this beach so many aeons ago, swimming with Agnes, losing her grip, losing sight of her friend, her limbs heavy and weary and the fear pumping all the
stuffing out of her body, and she tasted the salt and ling and the fear, for the first time remembering it all.

  ‘Climb back, Anna, Mummy’s coming. Go back where you came from, it’s not too late. We’ll soon reach you and the sea hags won’t have you. If you climb higher up, the sea cailleach can’t reach you, the green hag who haunts this tide, this hungry tide will go away empty handed. Mummy’s coming…’

  The wind was carrying her voice away from the rocks and out of earshot. It was hopeless to out shout the sea. She dared not look but look she must and face her fear if they were to save their child.

  This was all her doing, the lingering obsession that had brought them both here. If only she could have walked away from the temptation to see Ewan again. But no, the pull of curiosity was too strong. She’d wanted to see if the passion was still there, the look of longing in his eyes, she’d wanted to tempt him again and now she was paying the price of her silly fantasy. You can’t turn back the clock, she cried. We are not as we were nor ever can be, you fool, she thought.

  She sank into the wet sand on her knees.

  ‘Save my child and I’ll never trouble this island again. Take me in her place, if you must, but don’t harm Anna for the sins of her silly mother. As God is my witness I’ll do anything, but save my child, Ewan,’ she prayed, with tears streaming down her face.

  Then she began to climb with smooth hands not used to gripping wet rock, slime and lichen: hands grown weak, not the callused hands of her youth when she could skim over these rocks like a goat, but manicured useless fingers that felt out the ledges slowly.

  She would clamber up behind the child and guide her back to safety, coax Anna back into the safety of her arms, away from the treacherous gullies and crevasses that were as deep as hidden wells. At least her shoes were tough, with low heels, and gave some purchase. Together they would make a team and pull the child to safety.

  Then she caught a glimpse of Ewan waving, shaking his head as she tried to clamber up the rock, and signalling. Go for help, summon the lifeboat, find a lifebuoy or a fishing line, anything, he signalled. He was far away from her now like a dot scrambling up towards the lump of rock where Anna was cowering down, aware at last that she was in danger. She could read his thoughts, hear his commands. He would save Anna as he had saved her all those years ago.