Real Magic

by Chloe Garner

  He put his hands out over the papers, flicking the fingers off to the sides and shaking his head.

  “You let me worry about this. You have an amazing potential as a natural, and I’m not going to give up the opportunity to teach you just because I have a lot of shouty people wandering around telling me what to do, right now. We’ll find the time, and we’ll make it happen. I’m very interested to see what your capabilities are, actually.”

  Valerie looked at her hands and nodded.

  “Sometimes I worry that everyone has all these expectations and at some point it’s just going to… you know, to stop working, and I won’t know how to make it start again. I mean, everyone else works so hard, and they’re building up all of these skills and this knowledge, and then there’s me and I’m just… blowing soap bubbles.”

  “Soap bubbles,” he said and shook his head. “You prevented the Council from shutting down the entire school. I see what you mean, I do, that you aren’t able to control your magic the way everyone else does, and I even understand being afraid that the ability could leave you. It makes rational sense. But you can do everything they do. I’ve seen your test scores from some of your classes. You study hard and you’re capable of learning everything. They can’t take that away from you, even if you are starting out behind. But no one gets to do what you can do. You have bonus, not some unreliable liability. If it does just vanish one day, you’re no worse off than any of your peers.”

  “Except that they already know what they’re doing,” Valerie said.

  “You’re investing a lot into doing that,” Mr. Jamison said. “Everyone agrees.”

  She sighed and nodded.

  “How is your mom?” he asked. She licked her lips. They hadn’t talked, really, since she’d gotten back.

  “She’s with my dad,” she said quietly, and he nodded, going to close the door and coming back to his desk.

  “I think everyone would have guessed that, but no sense in inviting problems. They’re healthy?”

  “Yeah,” Valerie said. “They were when I last saw them.”

  The fact that they hadn’t ever come to find her, after her mom had been so certain that they could find her anywhere… Valerie nursed a deep fear that something had gone very wrong with them.

  He nodded.

  “I’m glad you’re back,” he said. “This is the right place for you to be. But I know that your mom was glad to see you. It can’t be easy for her to be separated from you like this, after all that time together, just the two of you.”

  Valerie nodded.

  “It’s strange, him not being dead and seeing them together.”

  Mr. Jamison frowned thoughtfully and nodded.

  “I suppose it would be.”

  “Mr. Jamison, why don’t you teach three branches of magic?” Valerie asked, feeling bold. He straightened.

  “You’re going to have to be specific with what you mean by that,” he told her.

  The sessions with Sasha had been profound, and it had been frustrating all of them. That no one even talked about it, this competing theory of magic.

  Mr. Jamison was her mom’s friend, the one person Susan Blake had specifically trusted. It was only a small step to reveal that her mom had told her about the way the Pure understood magic.

  It didn’t admit she knew about the Pure.

  Did it?

  And what did it matter, anyway, if she did?

  She looked him in the eye and raised her eyebrows, an approximation of innocence.

  “Light, natural, and dark,” she said.

  He folded his hands on the desk and sucked on his teeth for a minute before he spoke.

  “I see,” he said. “It isn’t the accepted paradigm for a Council-endorsed school.”

  “But it makes you a better magic user,” Valerie answered. “You know it does and so do I.”

  “I… think I disagree,” he said slowly. “The top end of what you’re capable of is not limited by how you contain the knowledge.”

  “It absolutely is,” she said. “If you spend your entire career struggling to learn things that don’t make sense.”

  He narrowed his eyes.

  “I would recommend you keep that opinion to yourself,” he said. “Though I suspect you know that.”

  She nodded.

  “I do. I just… I can’t understand why the teachers don’t rebel. You all know better, don’t you? It’s what the Superiors are teaching their kids, and it makes so much more sense that way.”

  “The world is certainly an unideal place,” he said. “But we accept what is and do the best that we can.”

  “Or you fight to change it,” Valerie said. “There’s a war going on because neither side is willing to accept the way things are.”

  “The Council is fighting to preserve the way things are,” Mr. Jamison said, and Valerie shook her head.

  “No, the Council is fighting to have more people do things the way they do them,” Valerie answered. “Which is different, I think.”

  He whistled, low.

  “You have been spending time with your mom,” he said. “I can tell. And your dad. You were always difficult - in the best possible way - but this is so what having a conversation with him was like. He was always a contrarian.”

  She shrugged.

  “I already told you he was there.”

  Mr. Jamison nodded, then looked at his papers once more.

  “I miss them,” he said. “I haven’t seen either one of them since the war, but they were profoundly influential on me as a magic user and as a person.”

  Valerie frowned.

  “I forgot that they hadn’t been here. That’s… strange, I guess.”

  He nodded.

  “Strange to hear you talk about them, when no one else has even seen them.”

  “They care about doing the right thing,” Valerie said. “They both really do.”

  “I know,” he said. “They just manage to do that without ever worrying about what anyone else thinks. It’s… I find it sitting in front of me today, and I find myself thinking about what their instructors must have gone through, trying to educate the two of them. The world looks different from this side of the desk. They don’t go through life without hurting people. You should think about that, as you make your own decisions.”

  “People like you?” Valerie asked, more tartly than she’d meant.

  He nodded.

  “I miss my friends,” he said. “They both got caught up in something more important and I doubt either of them ever looked back. It’s not something to chain yourself to, but it’s something to think about.”

  Valerie nodded slowly.

  “I went to Von Lauv. Do you know what that is?”

  He frowned, then shook his head.

  “I don’t.”

  “It’s a separationist school,” Valerie said. She looked up at Mr. Jamison again. “All of their words are different. It’s so frustrating, being back, because everything is so… simplified. And that isn’t how it is. Not at all.”

  “I don’t know that term,” Mr. Jamison admitted. “Though I can sense what it’s indicating. The Council isn’t the easiest to live under, and there are a lot of people in the world who would rather just be left alone. A third path, as it were.”

  Valerie shook her head.

  “No. They’re aligned with the Pure, against the Council. That’s how bad the Council is.”

  Mr. Jamison considered this for almost a full minute, watching her.

  “I think that…” He swallowed. “I think that you are wrong, but I understand why you choose those words. The Council… They are often inflexible and opaque, but they are doing their best to unite the magic community against a dire threat.”

  “I agree,” Valerie said. “It’s a dire threat. They run the risk of killing everyone, and someone has to stop them. But do you really thing the Council is doing that?”

  Mr. Jamison frowned, real concern now, and sat back in his chair.

>   “Those are words that you need to be careful with, Miss Blake. As your educator and as your parents’ friend, I think it’s a worthy conversation to have thoughtfully, but there are a lot of people who would suggest that in a time of conflict like we are in now, we can’t afford those kind of perspectives.”

  “The Council certainly likes it that way,” Valerie said, and Mr. Jamison shook his head, crossing his arms.

  “And that is exactly what Grant Blake would have said to me.”

  “Makes me more sure I’m right,” Valerie said quietly. “I’m frustrated, Mr. Jamison. Mr. Trent comes here and starts talking like they’re going to send students to war, and in the meantime they refuse to let you teach them to the best of your ability to make them able to survive. And I know, but I’m not allowed to say, because I might offend them. The people willing to send kids marching off into fights they’re going to lose because of rules that don’t even make sense.”

  “I think that maybe it’s because you’re young, and maybe it’s because you are new to the community,” Mr. Jamison said after a moment. “I don’t… I don’t think it’s wrong for you to think about this kind of thing, but just promise me you’ll be very careful who you talk to. You… Valerie, you hang out with a lot of children of active Council members.”

  “I’m talking to you,” Valerie said. “You were my parents’ friend. I think my mom trusted you more than anyone else, sending me here. How do I fix it? How do I make it better?”

  Mr. Jamison drew a slow breath and sighed, nodding.

  “It’s a good question. Again, I like the things you’re thinking about. I just don’t know if you can. If you were on the Council, perhaps. Or if you became the headmistress of a school. Lady Harrington shields us from all manner of politics by being who and what she is.”

  “What is she?” Valerie asked.

  He shook his head.

  “There isn’t a word for it. None that I’ve heard, anyway. Some of it isn’t even about her magic. It’s about who she is as a person. The woman is carved from steel.”

  Valerie smiled.

  “Sometimes I can’t stand her, but sometimes I can’t believe how lucky I am she’s in charge here.”

  He nodded.

  “That, I am free to say, is universal.”

  Valerie grinned, and he smiled back.

  “How are things going with Mr. Tannis?” he asked.

  “I don’t like building weapons,” Valerie said, and he frowned.

  “Why are you building weapons?”

  Valerie swallowed and looked to the side.

  “Sorry. I guess I’m not supposed to say.”

  “Valerie Blake, you are strictly forbidden from building magic casts for the Council. That is a violation of our deepest trusts as a school.”

  “No,” she said quickly, looking at him again. “No. I’m not building casts for the war. That’s not it.”

  “Okay,” he said, sitting back again, then frowning. “Then what are you doing?”

  “Lady Harrington knows about it,” Valerie said. “I don’t think I’m supposed to say, though.”

  “Have you told Sasha Mills?” Mr. Jamison asked, and Valerie nodded.

  “Sometimes I’m really not supposed to say, but… most of it. Yes.”

  “I need you to tell me,” Mr. Jamison said. “This is important.”

  Valerie squirmed.

  “I told my mom,” she said.

  “And Susan didn’t disapprove?”

  Valerie twisted her mouth to the side.

  “Never seemed to care.”

  Mr. Jamison still seemed disturbed, but he nodded.

  “Loose lips sink ships,” he said. “Okay. I trust that if you come to a juncture where you do not have the input of an adult you trust more than me, that you will come to me.”

  Valerie swallowed and nodded.

  “It isn’t that I don’t trust you,” she said, and he gave her a tight smile.

  “I know,” he said. “I don’t suggest it. It’s that it’s hard to know what needs supervision and what doesn’t, when you’re at school. With what little background you have for magic school, coming in like you did, and then with the skills you have… It would be very easy for you to agree to something and have no idea what you are agreeing to.”

  Valerie sucked on her lips and nodded.

  “I know. If it makes you feel any better, everyone seems to have a really hard time getting me to do things.”

  He grinned.

  “That also sounds so familiar,” he said. He sighed, then put his hands on his papers once more. “I am going to find some time to record a useful dictionary of words in some of my favorite languages,” he said. “I’ll get it to you in pieces. If listening to them recorded isn’t going to work, let me know and we’ll figure something else. I just am reflecting that the odds that we can find free time that overlaps seems very small. But I do want you to know that if you are ever in a true conundrum, you are always welcome here.”

  Valerie nodded.

  “Thank you,” she said. “I just wish someone would tell me what to do.”

  “Go to class,” he said. “Work hard. Tell your teachers about your interests and show them your skills and help them develop both. We’re here to make you a better magic user. Don’t worry too much about the world out there and the things you can’t change. Your time will come. You’re still getting ready, now.”

  She nodded, standing.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  “Good night,” he said. “I’m glad you stopped.”

  “Me, too,” Valerie answered, feeling freer than she had in a week. He didn’t know what she was capable of, what she was considering trying to do, but his advice was still good.

  She was getting ready.

  She couldn’t worry about everything else until it was time. She couldn’t do anything about it.

  Spring was coming.

  The school was up higher than Valerie was used to and the cold hung out later than she was accustomed to, but the trees were putting out bright green buds and the ground was springing up with the same green, vibrant and otherworldly. Valerie went out in the afternoons with Sasha to sit on a blanket while they read or wrote, and the boys were increasingly playing pick-up games of this or that, basketball and soccer and frisbee, enjoying the brisk air and the hours of sunlight.

  “I’ve never really seen spring before,” Valerie said at one point as she worked on an essay for Mr. Marve. She’d hoped, when they got another special teacher in that he would be like Dr. Finn - all about hands-on training and not so much about homework, but Mr. Marve loved his essays. “In the city, the weather changes, but it’s not like this. The whole world just opens up.”

  “I think that’s sad,” Sasha answered. “I love spring. I’ve seen it all over the country, traveling with my mom, and it’s beautiful everywhere.”

  Valerie nodded, looking out over the trees.

  Fall, here, had been spectacular. She hadn’t much been out and about to appreciate it, but this time she wasn’t going to let it get past her.

  “When do the pools open again?” she asked, and Sasha laughed.

  “It’s too cold for an outdoor pool, and the indoor pool is open all year.”

  “Indoor…” Valerie stuttered. “How have you not told me about this?”

  “I gave you the map,” Sasha said, laughing again.

  “Guys, guys, we’re short,” Ethan said, running up, sweaty and breathless.

  “No, you aren’t,” Valerie said. “Sasha is short.”

  He pulled her to her feet, then grabbed Sasha to do the same to her.

  “No,” Sasha whined, but let him do it anyway as she scrambled to mark her place in her book. He grinned and pulled, panting as he turned to run back toward where he’d come from.

  Frisbee.

  It involved a lot of hard running and a bunch of shoving and stuff, and Valerie had never figured out the actual rules.

  “You’re on our tea
m,” Ethan said to Valerie. “And Sasha is with Shack and them. You cover her, okay?”

  He pointed at Sasha, then ran off again, waving.

  Someone shoved him and the frisbee went whizzing past, and there was shouting.

  Valerie looked at Sasha.

  “So. Don’t catch it, okay?”

  Sasha frowned.

  “You either?”

  Valerie nodded.

  “Deal.”

  Sasha sighed and frowned with bemusement as the crowd of boys went racing past, thumping on the softening ground and slamming into each other, shouting laughter.

  “I don’t understand,” she said.

  “I don’t think I do, either,” Valerie said. There were a few of the girls, ones who didn’t much speak to Valerie, who would play with the guys sometimes, depending on the sport. It wasn’t just a guy thing. It just wasn’t a Valerie thing, either.

  “What do you think you’ll do this summer?” Sasha asked. “Have you thought about it?”

  Valerie laughed.

  It was mid-March, and school was slated to let out at the end of April. Earlier than her school back home - home, ha - but that was how it went, here. They started later, too. She needed to think about it, but she hadn’t.

  “I’ve just been preoccupied with surviving,” she said with honesty. “I mean, what’s the point of planning for next week when someone could show up and try to kill us all before that?”

  “Or your dad could show up to kidnap us,” Sasha said softly, nodding. “I just thought you ought to think about it. I don’t… Your parents aren’t going to suddenly show up and you can go home with them. You could probably go with Ethan if you wanted to - they’ve got the space and the security - but that’s weird, and I wouldn’t want to be in his dad’s house, even if Mr. Trent wasn’t going to be there. They’re just… They’re obsessed with you, and you shouldn’t be there. You know. If it’s okay for me to say it.”

  Valerie nodded.

  “You’re right,” she said simply.

  “You could come with me,” Sasha said. “If you’re not sick of me. And, I mean, maybe Hanson? I don’t know what he’s going to do, but I would understand if you wanted to spend the summer with him instead. He’s your best friend and you go back all that way, and maybe you don’t like traveling all over the place and sometimes sleeping in cars and sick people sometimes a lot…”