School for Nobodies

by Susie Bower

‘The only thing is,’ Rule Boy had said, ‘there’ll be more of us in the show than there’ll be in the audience.’

  Mr Gold smiled his crooked smile. ‘Wait and see,’ he’d said.

  My heart sank a bit. Miss Cruet had invited Sonia and Claude to the show. I couldn’t bear it if they made a fuss about circuses being cruel and common. Maybe Sonia would develop a migraine so they couldn’t come. Then I had a brilliant thought. What if Miss Cruet and Mr Gold had invited pupils from the school next door? What if Silver came to see me perform in my golden leotard?! I was so excited at this thought that I couldn’t sit still, and wriggled so much through Miss Cruet’s lesson that she stopped calling me girl and called me worm instead, and the others all laughed like hyenas. I didn’t care. I was itching for six o’clock, when we’d go up to the dormitories to put on our make-up and costumes for the show, which was to start at seven.

  ‘Wow!’ I said, as Custard came out of the bathroom, where we were taking it in turns to do our make-up.

  She’d sprinkled glitter in her wispy hair and painted black around her eyes so that they looked enormous. Her arms and hands were drawn with tattoos of lions and birds. Her long dress drifted down to her ankles. She’d borrowed Mr Gold’s stick, and tied brightly coloured ribbons all over it.

  ‘Do you s’pose I look like Leonora?’ she asked.

  For a moment I felt sad, remembering that Leonora and Fred were dead, killed in the fire. I shook the thought away.

  ‘Even better, I reckon,’ I said, and Custard gave a huge grin. ‘Come on—let’s go and see how the boys are getting on.’

  In the boys’ dormitory, chaos reigned. Feral, his face painted as a lion’s and the old yellow rug around his shoulders, was romping around the room on all fours, his mane sweeping the floor, roaring with excitement. When he saw me, he rushed up and licked my face like a hyperactive puppy. Rule Boy, in his top hat and bow tie, had drawn twirly blue musical notes on his face with greasepaint and was tuning up his violin, making a series of caterwauling noises to rival Feral’s roaring. And Saddo, his huge red smile painted on, was galumphing around in his outsize, diamond-patterned trousers held up by Mr Gold’s red braces. He still insisted on wearing his hoodie on top of everything though. Then I noticed his feet.

  ‘Where did you get those?’ I asked. His shoes were enormous, as big as flippers, and knitted in all the colours of the rainbow.

  ‘Miss Cruet made them for me,’ he said. ‘Cool, aren’t they?’

  Rule Boy stopped his tuning and looked at me. ‘You’d better get ready. We’re starting in an hour.’

  Custard gave a shiver.

  ‘I think I’m getting s-stage fright,’ she quavered.

  ‘Remember what Mr Gold said?’ I reminded her. ‘It’s not really fright—it’s just excitement in disguise. And anyway, you’re brave now, so you’ll be fine.’

  She nodded. ‘We must go down to the Amphitheatre,’ she said, ‘and get it ready for the audience.’

  ‘We’ve got all the lanterns to light,’ said Saddo, heading for the door.

  ‘Hurry up, Antsy!’ said Rule Boy. ‘Get your costume on.’

  ‘I’ll catch you up,’ I said.

  As soon as they’d gone, I pulled out my leotard from under my pillow and hurried into the bathroom. Using a sponge, I carefully painted my arms and legs with gold greasepaint. I sponged the paint over my neck and face until my burn disappeared. Then I wriggled into my leotard.

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror, hardly believing what I saw. I was a beautiful stranger, a golden statue. Except that this statue moved. At last, I looked the way I’d always dreamt of looking, and Silver would be proud of me. In the mirror, I read the back-to-front message embroidered on my leotard:

  You aren’t alone—it’s not too late!

  Your Twin’s ALIVE, in Middlethwaite.

  The message, and all the other messages, had told me the truth. Silver was alive and living right next door. And I wasn’t alone any more. Not only did I have a twin—I had Rule Boy and Custard and Saddo and Feral, and Mr Gold. I began to cartwheel round the bathroom. Then I stood on my hands and waved my golden legs around. The leotard flashed and glittered in the light.

  ‘This is me, FLYNN!’ I shouted.

  For the first time in my whole life, I felt like myself, all the way through.

  My name seemed to echo round the room.

  ‘Flynn!… Flynn!… Flynn!’

  I laughed. It was lovely to hear my name being called, again and again, in the empty house.

  Only, it didn’t stop. Again and again and again it called:

  ‘Flynn!… Flynn!… Flynn!’

  I began to feel frightened. I crept to the bathroom door and listened. And then I realized. This was no echo.

  It was another voice, calling my name. And it was coming from the Room of Reflection.

  THE DOORWAY

  The voice was my twin’s, I was sure. Was Silver in trouble?

  With shaking legs, I raced out of the bathroom and along the corridor. Miss Cruet’s bedroom door was firmly shut and, apart from the usual scattering of hairpins, there was no sign of her. She would be sitting in the Amphitheatre with Mr Gold, waiting for the show to begin. It was like I had an anxious clock inside me, counting down the minutes until the show. They were all waiting for me—Feral and Mr Gold and the others. I’d promised never to let them down again. But I couldn’t be in two places at once. And I had to make sure Silver was safe. I took the spiral stairs to the Room of Reflection two at a time.

  The voice called again: ‘Flynn… FLYNN!’

  At the door to the Room of Reflection, I twisted the handle and it swung open into darkness. I groped up the wall and clicked on the light.

  The room was empty. On the far wall hung the mirror, its surface dim and dusty. I glanced over to where the cabinet had been. It had vanished, as if it had never existed.

  I ran over to the mirror and stared into the glass. My golden face stared back at me. My hand shook as I placed it on the mirror and closed my eyes. Had I imagined the sound of Silver’s voice? Had it been a fig of my imagination? I couldn’t bear it if Silver didn’t come—if she didn’t exist. All my dreams would turn to dust.

  Then I heard it. The sound of gentle breathing.

  My eyes snapped open. The surface of the mirror was misting over. Through it, I could just make out the figure of a girl, shimmering like a mirage. And as the mist slowly cleared, there was Silver, her palm touching mine in the glass.

  ‘You are real!’ I whispered. I longed to feel her warm skin against my hand rather than the cold surface of the mirror, but she was there, and that was all that mattered.

  Silver smiled, her eyes brighter than the stars.

  ‘Oh, Flynn—of course I’m real!’ she said. ‘And now, at last, we’re going to be together.’

  ‘How?’ I gasped.

  ‘This is the night,’ said Silver.

  My heart began to beat very fast.

  ‘The night when the mirror becomes a doorway to your school?’

  Silver nodded. ‘Yes. We must both be ready. Place your hand on the glass. It will happen when the clock strikes seven.’

  I swallowed and pushed my palm against hers on the cold, hard glass as, far in the distance, the church clock began to strike.

  One… two…

  Just for a moment, I thought of Feral and the others, waiting for me down in the Amphitheatre, angry because I’d broken my promise never to let them down.

  Three… four…

  I thought about Mr Gold, and our acrobatics lessons, and how disappointed in me he would be.

  Five… six…

  And then I gazed at my beautiful twin, who was smiling at me, her bright eyes full of love and longing. She was worth it. She was.

  Seven…

  I waited, hardly daring to breathe.

  But nothing happened. The mirror stayed the same.

  ‘It won’t let me through.’

  Silver was stari
ng at me as if, like Mr Gold, she wanted to see right through my skin and into my soul.

  ‘Is there any bit of you—even the tiniest part—that is unwilling to be with me?’

  ‘No!’ I said. ‘I want to be with you. With all my heart.’

  But something niggled in my chest. Why wouldn’t the mirror let me through? Was it because I’d thought about Feral and the others, and Mr Gold? My face burned, and I was grateful for the greasepaint.

  Silver leant close towards me.

  ‘Flynn.’ Her voice was soft and slow, like the waves of the sea, lapping on the sand. ‘It’s time. Close your eyes. Wipe away everything from your mind—everything and everyone, except for me.’

  My eyelids were heavy. As I closed them, the carved wooden frame of the mirror shimmered into the shape of a doorway. And as it did so, the glass under my palm seemed to melt into liquid, and then to dissolve into air, and suddenly soft, real flesh pressed against mine.

  And at that moment, the door behind me flew open and slammed against the wall with a tremendous crash. My eyes started open and I whirled around.

  A figure stood in the doorway. It was Feral, dressed in his yellow rug.

  ‘Come,’ he said, his tawny eyes staring into mine. ‘You late. Late for show.’

  ‘I can’t!’ I cried. ‘I have to be with my twin. Look—she’s waiting for me!’

  I turned back to Silver.

  And then my heart toppled into my shoes. The doorway had disappeared. The mirror was just a mirror again, its surface dusty.

  Silver was gone.

  THE CHOICE

  I reached out, my hand shaking, and touched the surface of the mirror. It was hard and cold again.

  ‘Silver?’ I whispered. ‘Silver—please, come back. It’s only Feral.’

  There was no reply.

  My legs seemed to have lost all their strength. I shuffled down to sit on the floor by the mirror. I’d wait for Silver. Even if it took the rest of my life, I’d wait for her.

  Feral padded over and sat down beside me, his tangled mane falling around him on the floor. He’d thrown off his rug but his face was still painted as a lion.

  ‘Why did you come?’ I asked him. ‘How did you know I was here?’

  ‘Feral look in all rooms,’ he said. ‘Right to top.’

  ‘Go back,’ I said. ‘You’ve got to do the show.’

  ‘Feral stay.’

  I nodded. I knew if I said anything, I’d begin to cry.

  ‘Friend.’ Feral licked my cheek, just where my burn was, his breath warm and sweet. Then I did cry. I couldn’t help it. And words began to pour out too. About how I’d heard Silver calling and thought she was in trouble, and how I’d never meant to miss the show, and how the mirror had turned into a doorway, and how she had disappeared…

  Feral listened, his head on one side. How much he understood, I couldn’t tell, and it didn’t really matter. I had the feeling that he understood the important things, just the way Mr Gold did.

  ‘She was here,’ I ended. ‘Do you believe me?’

  ‘Twin,’ said Feral. ‘Here.’

  ‘Yes!’ I grabbed his hand. ‘She was here, in the mirror.’

  I stared up at the glass. If only I could conjure Silver back, and prove to Feral that she existed. But the reflection showed just him and me, side by side, his face painted yellow, mine gold.

  Feral got up and pulled me to my feet. ‘Come. Circus show.’

  ‘I can’t!’ I said. ‘I have to wait for her.’ How could I make him understand? ‘Silver is my most important person in the world. She’s my family.’

  ‘Mama,’ said Feral. ‘Family.’

  ‘She’s the only family I’ve got,’ I said. ‘That’s why I have to be with her.’

  Feral gave a big sigh. Then he shook his mane back. ‘Find,’ he said. ‘Find twin.’

  ‘But I don’t know how!’

  ‘How before?’

  ‘I put my hand on the mirror, like this,’ I said, placing my palm on the glass. ‘And I closed my eyes.’

  ‘Close,’ said Feral, and I did.

  I felt his hand slip into mine. It felt warm and comforting. We stood there for a long time. It was so quiet I could hear every breath we took. We breathed together, in and out, in and out… And after a while, it mattered just a little bit less that Silver wasn’t there.

  Then Feral growled—a low growl, deep in his throat. His hand, grasping mine, suddenly clenched. His long nails dug into my palm and I opened my eyes.

  There, in the glass, was Silver, standing between our two reflections.

  Feral growled again.

  ‘It’s all right,’ I whispered. ‘This is her. My twin!’

  Silver was staring at Feral.

  ‘What is this?’ she asked.

  ‘He’s Feral,’ I said. ‘He’s my friend.’

  Feral went on growling.

  ‘He doesn’t sound friendly!’ said Silver, with a smile, but somehow it felt like she wasn’t really smiling. Then she looked at me, deep into my eyes. ‘I was saying, Flynn, before we were interrupted, that it’s time.’

  ‘Time to join you?’ I whispered, placing my hand on the glass.

  Silver shook her head. ‘Time for your final test.’

  ‘But I’m here! I’m ready! What else must I do?’

  ‘Who is most important to you in all the world?’

  ‘You are!’ I cried.

  ‘Am I, Flynn? Am I really? Then prove it.’

  ‘How? How do I prove it?’

  ‘Choose,’ said Silver. She pointed at Feral. ‘Choose between me and… him.’

  ‘I-I don’t understand—’

  ‘Tell him to go.’

  I turned to Feral, who was still holding my hand. His tawny eyes seemed to stare right into my heart. I gently pulled my hand from his.

  ‘Feral, I have to be with Silver. Do you understand?’

  Feral shook his head stubbornly. ‘Friend,’ he said.

  ‘Yes—yes, you are my friend,’ I said. ‘But Silver is my family.’

  ‘You Feral family,’ said Feral. And a single tear ran from the corner of his eye down over his cheek.

  ‘Make him go—now!’ said Silver. She sounded frightened.

  I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Feral grabbed my hand again.

  ‘Feral stay,’ he said.

  I turned from him to Silver. My legs were shaking.

  ‘Can Feral come too? Can he come through the mirror with me?’

  A strange expression crept over Silver’s face. I blinked. Just for a second, she didn’t look so beautiful. Then she smiled again.

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘He can.’

  My heart leapt with joy, and I squeezed Feral’s hand. Another low growl shook his body.

  ‘It’s all right,’ I whispered to him. ‘She says you can come too!’

  Silver reached into her pocket and pulled out a pair of silver scissors, exquisitely made and studded with diamonds and pearls. She held them up to the glass.

  ‘Take these.’

  Just as before, the glass seemed to melt and our hands touched as I took the scissors.

  ‘If he wants to come through the mirror with you, then you must both pass the final test.’

  ‘Anything!’ I said.

  Feral said nothing.

  ‘A proper friend,’ said Silver, smiling at Feral, ‘will sacrifice anything—anything in the world—to be with you. Isn’t that right… Feral?’

  Feral looked at Silver and growled.

  ‘Let’s see if he’s really your friend,’ whispered Silver, ‘when you cut off his hair.’

  FERAL’S SACRIFICE

  When Silver said these words, Feral dropped my hand. He opened his mouth and a terrible sound came out of it—like the sound he’d made in the forest when he was trapped in the tree, or when he’d cried for his lost mother, or when Miss Cruet had tried to cut his hair. A sound of hurt and pain and fear.

  Silver lowered her voice and whispe
red to him, ‘I understand, Feral. Your mama is gone, and all you have left is your mane. You can’t lose that as well, can you? Say goodbye to Flynn now, and go back to your show.’

  ‘Go back, Feral. Please,’ I whispered. ‘You are my friend, and I will always remember you.’

  Feral looked straight at me with his tawny eyes. They were bright with terror, and with something else.

  ‘Feral stay,’ he said. ‘You cut mane.’

  ‘W-what?’ I gasped. ‘You mean you’d give up your mane… just to be with me?’

  Feral nodded. He didn’t seem able to say anything else. I swallowed. Feral had fought to keep his mane since we arrived at Nobodies. It was his most precious possession.

  I turned to Silver.

  ‘Silver—oh, Silver! Feral’s proved how much he wants to come. You must let us join you now!’

  ‘Must?’ said Silver in a voice I’d never heard her use before. ‘Words alone mean nothing! Only actions prove them true. Use the scissors on his mane, and watch your friend run away.’

  I looked from Silver to Feral, who stood, his head hanging.

  ‘I can’t do it. I can’t!’ I dropped the silver scissors to the floor.

  ‘You can,’ said Silver, her voice as cold as ice. ‘But you won’t.’ Her face was sad, sadder than I’d ever seen it. ‘You choose him over me.’ She turned away. ‘My heart will break if I lose you. But lose you I must. Goodbye.’

  ‘No!’ I shouted. ‘Why must I choose?’

  The faintest traces of mist began to appear on the mirror, or maybe my tears were making it go blurry. I’d failed the final test. I was losing my twin—the only family I had—forever.

  Then, something cold and hard was pushed into my hand. The scissors.

  ‘Cut,’ said Feral.

  ‘But—’

  ‘Cut. Now.’ And he turned his back to me so that all I could see was his long mane, hanging to his knees.

  And I knew this was my last and only chance—to be with Silver, and to take Feral with me.

  The scissors sliced through Feral’s mane as if it was a cobweb. At the first cut, a shiver ran right through his body and he gave a little yelp.