A Beautiful Mess

by Brenda S Anderson

  “Chomper is a her.” Erin nudged Clara toward the hallway. “It’s potty time.”

  “That’s good to know.”

  “That it’s potty time or that Chomper is a girl?” Erin asked with a snide grin.

  He couldn’t stop a chuckle. “I guess both are valuable pieces of information.”

  “I thought so.”

  Holding onto Chomper, he got up and stretched and realized that, yeah, going to the bathroom was a valuable piece of information, because he suddenly needed to go too, and this house had only one restroom. After he waited outside the bathroom door for what seemed like forever, doing an adult version of the potty dance, Erin and Clara finally came out. He handed off Chomper to Clara, then rushed past, ignoring Erin’s laughter.

  “I said it’s good to know.”

  Her chuckles filtered through the door.

  Ha, ha, ha.

  When finished, he joined Erin, Clara, and Chomper in the eat-in kitchen. Clara was seated on a booster seat by the table, with a bowl of Cheerios and milk in front of her, along with sliced bananas. No surprise, Chomper was also seated on a booster seat and had a plate of Cheerios in front of her.

  “Would you like Cheerios as well?” Erin pulled open a cabinet door and took out two bowls, not waiting for the obvious answer.

  “Well, if you don’t have Lucky Charms . . . ”

  “Just ran out. Sorry.”

  “If I have to suffer.” Growing up, he, Corey, and Erin had practically lived on Cheerios. Sometimes plain, other times with milk, and other times Corey had made chocolate bars using them.

  She pulled out her chair to sit, then stopped. Her face was unreadable, which wasn’t unusual. “One more thing.” She opened her pantry door and took out a bag.

  Of Sixlets.

  “Perfect.” She always complained she didn’t comprehend things, but she understood far more than she realized.

  He filled both his and Erin’s bowls with cereal and milk, then they each added a handful of Sixlets.

  “Me too, candy!” Clara reached for the bag.

  “Of course.” Erin gave her a couple.

  “Chomper too!”

  “Well, duh!” Jon slapped his forehead then handed the girl a couple of candies for the crocodile.

  “Would you care to say grace?” Erin reached out her hand.

  He gladly grasped it as she took Clara’s hand. Clara held Chomper’s, as did Jon. He thanked God for the food and for the precious time he’d gotten to spend with Corey. He apologized for not being there for his friends and promised to do better. Then he prayed for wisdom in dealing with Corey’s estate and ended by thanking God for Erin’s steadfastness. He could always count on her, even when she couldn’t count on him or Corey.

  Then he raised a spoon filled with milk and cereal and looked at Erin.

  She just squinted. Okay, she had no clue what he was suggesting.

  “A toast.” He raised his spoon. “To Red Sixlet.”

  “Oh.” She raised hers and they clinked the spoons together. “To Red.”

  “Me, too!” Clara scooped cereal and a Sixlet onto her spoon and shoved it toward Jon. He clinked his spoon against her now empty one, then did the same with Chomper. “Now, we eat.”

  Trying to eat healthy, he hadn’t tasted a bowl of cereal this good in a long time. Well, that was going to end. God gave them food to enjoy it, right?

  He had seconds. As did Erin and Clara and Chomper.

  And he realized, as Erin organized the bowls and silverware in the dishwasher, he’d just spent an entire meal smiling and laughing. Corey had been gone for barely two hours. Shouldn’t he feel more remorse?

  Maybe, but a huge part of him was jealous. This morning, Corey had received a hug from Jesus and now they were painting together! How could Jon be sad about that?

  Truth was, he wasn’t sad for Corey, he was sad for himself, because he’d miss his friend like crazy. And he was angry at the mess Corey left behind for him and Erin to clean up. With him being executor of the will, and Erin caring for Clara, they wouldn’t even have time to grieve. And then there was angsty Michaela that Erin would have to deal with. Oh boy. Maybe it was a good thing that Erin was a deep feeler.

  But for now, he and Erin needed to—

  “We need to talk about Corey’s will.” Erin pulled back Clara’s chair, and she climbed down by herself then grabbed her crocodile.

  “Yes. We do.” Erin was not going to be happy.

  * * *

  Despite herself, Erin had enjoyed the breakfast with Jon and Clara. And Chomper, of course. In those few moments, life almost felt normal, when she knew her “normal” had shifted dramatically. Oh, she hated change.

  She guided Clara to her corner of toys and hoped they would keep her occupied. She also sent up a prayer that Mik would rest well and long or she’d be grumpy for the rest of the day.

  Then she sat across from Jon at the kitchen table, where she could keep an eye on Clara, but so the child wouldn’t hear their conversation. She steeled herself for what he was going to tell her, much of which she already knew the answer to, but hoped desperately that it had changed or that she’d heard wrong.

  She folded her hands on the table, directing her nervous energy their way. “First, what do you know about the accident?”

  “Not much.” He craned his neck to look out of the kitchen and down the hallway. Looking for Mik maybe? “I just know the roads were super-icy. They’d gone as a family to watch the hockey game.”

  “Clara, too?”

  “Clara too. Corey even texted a cute picture of her at the game wearing noise-cancelling headphones. She looked like she was having fun. Probably more fun than Corey and Lilith, but they wanted to do this for Mik. They wanted to show that her passions were just as valued as theirs.”

  Corey? Putting someone else first? Again? “Well, that was a change.”

  “Agreed. But he had changed these past years. He finally stopped running from God.”

  After he ruined a family.

  Man, did every thought of him have to be negative? Shouldn’t she be happy that he’d returned to his faith and was now with Jesus?

  She shifted in her chair, hoping to shift her attitude along with it. “Okay, so they left the game, and the roads were icy . . . ”

  “Right. And he was probably going too fast. You know Corey.”

  She nodded. The guy had loved speed.

  “It sounds like they couldn’t stop at a red light and slid through the intersection. As did the SUV coming from the other direction, who veered into Corey’s lane. They hit head-on.”

  She shivered at the image painted in her brain.

  “Lilith was killed instantly, and Corey . . . ” He sniffled again.

  “And yet Mik and Clara were okay.”

  “I guess that’s not uncommon. As for Corey, he lived longer than expected. He just kept hanging on. I think he wanted to talk to you. Medical personnel said he mumbled your name.”

  “He did want to talk.” She blew out a breath, recalling some of the last words Corey ever spoke to her. “And I turned him down. Maybe if I would have said yes . . . ”

  “Uh-uh. You are not going to take the blame for this. Got that? This is on the goofy weather and Corey and . . . and God’s crazy timing.”

  “Crazy is right. When I meet Jesus face to face, we’re gonna have a talk.”

  “You and me both, Erin. You and me both.”

  “But now . . . ” She closed her eyes, trying to script her questions and concerns before speaking aloud. She was far too good at blurting out blunt thoughts that she hadn’t realized were insensitive.

  “What exactly did their will say?”

  “First, I need to let you know the will won’t be filed until Monday. As the executor, I’ll take care of it. The law can move very slowly, but I’ll do what I can to speed it along.”

  “I’m sure Corey would appreciate that.”

  He just shrugged. “I wish I didn’t have to d
o it at all.” His jaw seemed to tighten. A sign that he was holding back tears, maybe? “But know, it can take months, depending upon the courts.”

  “Does that mean I could be Clara’s temporary guardian for months? And did he provide a way to pay for her care? How am I supposed to grow a business when I have a child with me?”

  “As I told you earlier, you can have my business, and I’ll pay well.”

  “I need more than one client.”

  “Then I’ll help find you clients. I have connections.”

  “You have an answer for everything, don’t you?”

  “I just want you to know that you’re not doing this alone, okay? And once the will has gone through probate, then he’s providing for you and for the girls.”

  “For me?”

  “He’d planned to provide more anyway, but yes, once this goes through probate, you won’t have to worry about money anymore. His artwork this past year has sold very well.”

  Now that almost made her tear up. So, someday soon she wouldn’t have to count every penny? Being a bookkeeper, she was skilled at counting those pennies, but it would sure be nice to reserve that skill for work. Just the idea of that stressor being gone made her want to hug Corey.

  That was good news. Great news, in fact, but it wasn’t what she really needed to find out. “Okay. I get it. Corey and his wife were thinking of us in their will. Awesome. But what about Clara? What does the will say about custody?”

  “I can’t tell you verbatim, and I obviously don’t have the will with me, but the gist of it is that they’re granting you full custody of Clara. She—and Mik—will be well provided for.”

  “But . . . me?” She shook her head. She still couldn’t wrap her mind around the idea. “They want me to raise the—” She shot a quick look at Clara, who happily played with Chomper knocking down piled blocks, and lowered her voice. “They want me to raise the child he had due to his affair.” It wasn’t a question, but more of a dumbfounded statement. “And they thought I’m the best for Clara?”

  He dragged both hands through his hair. “Yes. They both—not just Corey—they both believed you were the right person to raise their daughter.”

  She laughed at the absurdity. “Do I have any choice in this?”

  “Of course, you do, but I don’t understand what the problem is.” He laid his hands palms up on the table. A sign that he was open to new ideas? Or that he wanted her to be open? “I’ve been watching you all morning with Clara. You’re amazing with her, and she loves you. Trusts you.”

  “But don’t you see? That’s the problem. She loves me, but there’s no way I can ever love her. When I look at her, I see that woman. That child’s a mirror image of her mother, so when I look at her, I see lies and betrayal, broken vows and abandonment. I can babysit her, but that doesn’t involve losing a piece of my heart.”

  “I think you’re selling yourself short. You have an amazing capacity to love.”

  She snorted. “Um, remember who you’re talking to. The Ice Queen, as Corey put it bluntly when he told me he was filing for a divorce.”

  “He was an idiot. The thing I’ve always admired about you is how fiercely you love. No, you don’t wear your emotions on your sleeve, but that’s not bad. It’s just different. A good different, in my opinion. You don’t usually overreact. Like you’re doing now.”

  “I’m overreacting?” She slapped a hand to her heart. “You and Sophie said that the goal for Clara was to do what’s best for her, and that’s not me. Unlike me, children are intuitive, especially that child.” She gestured toward the living room. “She will know the truth in here—” she jabbed a finger at her heart “—no matter how I try to fake it. I assure you, I am not the best for her.”

  “And I disagree.”

  “Disagree all you want, but I know someone who would be much better.”

  “I’m sure you do.” He crossed his arms, and his mouth formed a line straighter than a ruler. Even she could read that expression. “But let me rule out a few names for you that Corey explicitly said weren’t an option.”

  “Be my guest.”

  “Obviously not Henry and Joyce.” He held up a hand with one finger raised. “They’re planning their retirement, and that doesn’t include raising another child. Corey was also afraid that they would raise her to take over their business, and he didn’t want his artistic child to be stuck in a job she hates.”

  “I wasn’t going to suggest them.”

  “Well, good. At least we can agree on that.”

  “It’s a miracle,” she said drily.

  He held up a second finger. “You can also cross Lilith’s parents off the list. Both Corey and Lilith said, and I quote, ‘No way in blankety-blank will they get custody of Clara!’”

  “Oh . . . ” Well, there went that idea. Although they didn’t top Erin’s list, they’d still been an option. She drummed her fingers on the tabletop. “They’re that bad?”

  “According to Corey and Lilith.”

  “And Corey actually used the words ‘blankety-blank’?” She grinned, hoping to lighten up Jon, prepare him for her suggestion.

  And it worked, as his lips lifted into a slow grin. He nodded toward the living room. “Modified for little ears.”

  “Okay, then.” She nodded to his hand. “Who else should I scratch off my list?”

  Jon flicked up a third finger. “Zax, of course.”

  “Agreed.” Corey’s older brother would hate being tied down with a child, but he made a fantastic uncle.

  “Then who do you think would be a better guardian than you?” His raised fingers clenched into a fist. “That’s it for family. And you were Clara’s main babysitter. You’re the obvious, and only, choice, unless you want her to wind up in foster care.”

  No way was Clara going to foster care. Erin would see to that. The trick was convincing him. Erin raised her pointer finger. “You’re forgetting one person.”

  He sat back in the chair, his lips scrunched, and his gaze toward the ceiling. “I give up. Please enlighten me.”

  “Well, it’s someone who knew Corey and his wife very well. Clara really likes him. He’s well off, so he’d be able to support her now and through college. And he definitely wants the best for Clara.”

  He raised his hands, palms up. “You’ve got me stumped.”

  “That’s because you’re not looking in the mirror.”

  “What?”

  “It’s you, Jon. You’d make the perfect guardian for Clara.”

  Chapter Seven

  Good thing he wasn’t drinking or eating anything, or it would all have spewed out at Erin. “You’ve got to be kidding. Me? Raise Clara? I didn’t realize you were a comedienne.”

  “Not joking.” She held up a hand and displayed her pointer finger, clearly mimicking—or mocking—him. “You love her, which is more than I can say for myself.” The second finger flew up. “You’re far better with children than you give yourself credit for. And judging by that pretty black Mercedes you’re driving around, money isn’t an issue for you.”

  “That’s only three.”

  “That’s all I need.”

  The woman was going to drive him to drink. “Got a beverage? Preferably something stronger than water.”

  “Sorry. No alcohol allowed in my house.”

  “Another reason you should take custody.” Not that he drank either, although sometimes his job made losing himself in a drunken stupor sound enticing. But he refused to become his father.

  She got up and took two bottles of Pepsi from the fridge. “Strong enough for you?”

  “Perfect.” He unscrewed the cap and swigged down half the bottle. The caffeine rush should help him get through this ridiculous debate. He recapped the drink then laid out his next point. “You’re forgetting, I’m not mentioned in the will.”

  “You’re an attorney. Change it.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “But not impossible.”

  Dang, the w
oman had an answer for everything. “Listen, Pearl.” He used her nickname to soften her up. Hopefully. “I’m not father material.”

  “I disagree. You’re great with kids.”

  “Yeah, like an uncle. Like Zax.”

  “Nope.” She shook her head. “Zax buys them spendy gifts then flits around the world. You play with them, read to them, hug and care for them. Like a father.”

  “A child needs a mother.”

  “Oh, I agree. Which is why you and Sophie—or whoever you’re dating—need to get serious. I like Sophie. She’d be good for you and Clara.”

  “Nothing’s ever going to happen between me and Sophie, so don’t go there.” He took another long swig of pop.

  “Why? Are you gay?”

  Pop sprayed from his mouth, dousing Erin. “Oh, man, I’m sorry.”

  She dabbed a napkin at her shirt and started laughing.

  He joined in until tears streamed down his face. “You can’t be serious.”

  “I’m dead serious. Listen to this evidence. You never dated in high school. Never had a girlfriend in college, that you mentioned. You just hung around with me and Corey. Maybe I didn’t comprehend that you were attracted to him. Now, you go on non-committal dates with an amazing woman like Sophie and tell me nothing will ever happen between you. I’m not stupid, Jon Boy.”

  Wow. Sometimes he was truly amazed at how poorly she read people. “Are you finished?”

  “I think I made my case.” She licked a finger and drew an imaginary line on an invisible chalkboard. “I’d gladly take it before a judge.”

  “Oh, now you’ve stepped into my territory.” He rubbed his hands together and stood up, intentionally hovering over her. He glared down at her hard enough to make her flinch. “There’s an important piece of evidence you missed, Counselor.”

  She sat up straight, and fire sparked in her eyes. “Oh, yeah? Let’s hear it.”

  He leaned closer to her, but this time she didn’t back away. “Miss Sophie Gardner is the one who’s gay.” He licked his finger and drew on the chalkboard.

  “Oh.” Erin seemed to wilt. “Rats. And here I thought I’d made some good points.”

  “Good surface points but lacking proper evidence. Sophie’s been dating the same woman for the past four years. Believe me, I tried convincing her that she’d rather date a man, but no go. Besides, I’ve had my eye on a particular woman for some time now, but I’m pretty much invisible to her.” He returned to his seat and threw a satisfied smirk at Erin. “Case closed.”