She was startled to see Gemma sitting in the dark.
“Just feeding the little one,” she murmured. “I hate waking Teagan, so I come down here to nurse.”
“You’re a good wife and mother,” Brenna said. Would she ever have children with Fitzpatrick?
“Fitzpatrick is sitting on the porch, and if you need anything, I’m here.” Gemma’s smile was reassuring.
“Thank you.” Brenna smiled back. Then she straightened her shoulders and lifted her head before going out to talk to her husband.
He stood when she walked onto the porch. She didn’t want to meet his gaze. She wouldn’t be able to take it if she saw disappointment. He walked toward her, and fear filled her. Then he scooped her up and sat down with her on his lap.
“What?” She met his gaze now. “I’m sorry. You must think me a foolish woman—”
He cut her off with a kiss. His masculine lips were actually soft against hers. When he broke away from her lips, he smiled. She felt something between them. It was as though they’d communicated without talking. He pulled her close and lay her head on his shoulder.
Was there something she was supposed to say? All she knew was it felt right to have his arms around her.
“I’ve been so blessed. God answered my prayers as I knew He would. Even though it all came about unconventionally, He led me to you and your protection.”
“He guides us all. We just have to listen. Our marriage is a blessing and I want to do everything to make it work.” His expression softened. “I want to give you happiness, Brenna. I never want to cause you tears. You slept a long time, and I had that time to think. Our marriage is not about being happy in front of my family. It’s about us being happy. I have so many feelings for you, but I’m afraid to call them love.” He drew a deep breath. “I care for you, Brenna.”
She stared at him. “I don’t know what to say. I feel the same way. I have for a while. I care for you, Fitzpatrick. You’re right. We’ll find our own way with the Lord’s help. Maybe we’ll be blessed with children. Can we just sit here for a while? I feel serene for the first time in a very long time.”
He didn’t answer. He just pulled her closer.
Everything had happened so fast, but the calm feeling made her think her chaos was over. She no longer had to be afraid of either her father or of her feelings for her husband. It’d been a very lucky day when Fitzpatrick had found her on the road. Life had been hard, but she’d been grateful. She’d always felt God’s love in her heart but now she felt a bit of Fitzpatrick’s too. Nothing had ever prepared her to be so happy.
“Did you sleep on the sofa?” Angus asked before he laughed.
“Of course not. Why would you ask?” Fitzpatrick scowled.
“Your clothes are the same ones you had on yesterday, and you haven’t combed your hair. She kicked you, out didn’t she?” Angus grinned.
“For your information, I’m being a gentleman. I thought we’d get to know each other better before—Why am I explaining this to you? What goes on between me and my wife is none of your business.”
Brenna was wide-eyed as she entered the room. “What?”
“Let’s grab the buggy and ride out to the new house. We can see what still needs to be done.” A smile tugged at his lips. “The sooner we can have privacy the better.”
She put her hand on his arm. “It’s done. The house is finished. Dolly told me last night. We just need furniture. Our bond can survive anything, even Angus’s teasing.” She stood in front of him and smiled before she lifted onto her toes and put her arms around his neck.
Fitzpatrick obliged and leaned down. He kissed her. She made everything good again. He pulled away and laughed at Angus’s look of horror.
“Privacy is just what you need,” he announced. “I’ll help all I can to make it happen quickly.”
“Wait until it’s your turn,” Fitzpatrick teased.
Angus shook his head. “No.” He walked out the door.
“I thought the same thing until you, my sweet wife came along.”
Brenna waited on the porch while he hitched up the buggy, drove it to the front of the dwelling and jumped down to help his wife into it. Soon they had the horse taking them to their new house.
“We could have walked,” she observed. “It would have been quicker than taking the buggy with you having to hitch the mare to it.”
“We’ll probably walk for now on, but I wanted our first time to be special. You haven’t had many memorable times.” He stared as she swallowed hard before she angled her head and beamed. Her vulnerability was just one thing he loved about her.
After reining in the mare and securing the lines on the brake, he took a moment to study the house. The smell of fresh wood permeated the air and it created an ambience of anticipation.
“It looks lovely,” she said as she stood.
He rushed to her side and put his hands around her waistline and then lifted her down. His hands lingered long enough to cause her to blush. “You are beautiful.”
“You don’t have to say pleasant words to me just because we’re wed. I have looked in the mirror. I’d consider myself ordinary.”
He laughed. “Your ordinary is my beautiful.”
She gasped in astonishment when he swept her up into his arms. “Let’s go look at the interior.”
She leaned down and turned the knob and he pushed the door open with his shoulder. She felt so perfect in his arms he didn’t want to set her down. He carried her from the front area, through the kitchen and into a smaller room. Reluctantly he set her on her feet.
“It’s so lovely. It’s been an emotional couple of days and the thought of a home of our own makes me want to cry. Cry in a good way.”
He stepped behind her and drew her backward against him. “Why don’t we go from room to room and determine what furniture we’ll need?”
It was rare she’d been allowed to choose what she wanted. They had a grand time roaming each room discussing what each room was for and the furniture needed. He even let her decide on colors.
“We still need to go upstairs,” he said as he cocked his left eyebrow. He gestured for her to go first.
There were three rooms and she moved into the biggest. The view from the window left her breathless. She could see wonderful green pastures and lots of trees. She could be happy here. Would Fitzpatrick be happy too? He had received little choice also. What was he thinking as he stood beside her? Reaching, she put her hand in his and smiled as he gave her hand a quick squeeze and held it.
“Do you think it foolish to think we’ll be happy here?”
His brow furrowed. “Why wouldn’t we? We’re already friends and of course we’ll have children. The ranch is thriving. Yes, I think we’ll be happy here.”
His words melted her and her heartbeat faster. He was right they were friends.
“When do you think we’ll move in?” she inquired.
He shrugged. “Let’s go into town and get the furniture ordered and we can purchase what else we’ll need at the store.”
It had been forever since she’d been shopping. “Yes, I’d like that.” He was offering her options; he wasn’t as controlling as she suspected. Maybe he was making up for her forced wedding. She’d take matters one day at a time.
By the time they arrived back at the ranch house Dolly was busy preparing supper. Brenna instantly washed her hands and then pitched in. She told Dolly about each piece of furniture and when she glanced up, Fitzpatrick was gone. Had she pushed him away with her nonstop talking?
“There’s plenty of time to get some laundry done.” Brenna was outside before Dolly could say a word. Brenna wanted to stay busy. Now that evening approached, she grew nervous again. There was so much for a wife to know. Though educated she felt naïve. She wasn’t comfortable asking any of the women. She couldn’t shame Fitzpatrick. Everyone assumed they’d had their wedding night. Angus knew but no one else.
She scrubbed and reflected. Fitzpatrick said he
had feelings for her. She knew how a baby was conceived and he’d mentioned children at the new house. Wondering why he didn’t share a room unsettled her. It was probably the husband’s determination and she didn’t have a say. Talking about it was too embarrassing.
She hung the clothes on the line. It was all in the Lord’s hands.
“Nothing has changed as far as I can determine. She’s still the help,” Rafferty said.
Brenna closed her eyes and wished she could stop from overhearing the discussion.
“She is my bride.”
“Not according to Angus. If you don’t want her, you need to let her know. Women always dream of happiness and love. You could settle in the new home and she could remain here and do her job.”
“Rafferty, I didn’t ask for your input, did I?”
All she heard were murmurs after that. Hadn’t they just talked about being married? Had she misunderstood he wanted children? As she remained there bits of her memory came back. She’d been wondering if she’d always been so emotional. She’d mastered long ago to barricade off her heart. Her father was a cruel disciplinarian. If she’d wanted anything, he’d say no. She’d accepted her lot long ago. Looking back, it was surprising she defied her father by refusing to marry Kent.
She’d been nothing but a doormat most of her life and shame burst through her. She’d admired every woman here and none of them allowed their husbands to control them.
Sighing loudly, she picked up the empty basket and walked to the house. Now she really didn’t know how to act. All she felt was apprehension that she’d do something wrong.
Chapter Fifteen
As soon as everyone gathered to eat, she realized they all noticed her shame; her husband didn’t want her. This time she listened and responded when necessary. She would not defer to Fitzpatrick. Angus stared at her. She didn’t belong; he realized it and now so did she. Fitzpatrick sat next to her, but she couldn’t bring herself to glance his way. Her heart hurt. She’d better build her wall around it and rapidly. She’d wither away if she didn’t.
“You look exhausted, Brenna. Why don’t you lie down?” Dolly suggested.
“I’ll go after I help you with the dishes.”
“Brenna, there are plenty of others who can give me a hand. Go upstairs and rest.”
Nodding she stood. She wished Fitzpatrick would stand up too, but he didn’t. She walked as elegantly as she could and continued up the stairs to her room.
After she changed, she sat on the bed brushing her hair. She braided it and waited. Soon she clasped her hands to keep them from shaking. Her husband would enter the room at any moment. The longer she waited the deeper her heart fell, and she remembered every name her father had ever called her. Perhaps he was right. She couldn’t do anything right and no one wanted her.
This time it was Fitzpatrick who embarrassed her. Everyone probably knew he didn’t come to her again. When they were alone, Fitzpatrick was charming, and she felt in her heart they were falling in love but that was solely when they were alone. The rest of the time he shamed her. Tears fell and she wiped them away until they fell too fast.
She rose and shuffled to the window resting her forehead against the glass. It was a long wait until dawn. After getting dressed she looked for the first sign of a new day and she went downstairs.
The cookstove needed starting and after that she put coffee on to boil. She held the big slab of bacon and sliced it. She’d learned so much since she’d been here.
Dolly bustled in and placed her hand on Brenna’s shoulder. “I’ll finish up, why don’t you get some air. I’ll save some breakfast for you.”
She struggled to summon a smile but couldn’t. “Thank you, Dolly.”
Brenna took her wrap and went outside. The sunrise was beautiful. Breathe, breathe, be calm. The words worked a bit. The garden beckoned her, and she kneeled promptly as she reached it. It was starting to flourish and would provide. She rose and weeded it as she wandered along each row.
Dolly was coming her way. The sun was up marking just how much time she’d been tending the garden. Fitzpatrick never showed up to check on her. As far as she was concerned, they were over.
Dolly opened her arms wide and Brenna stepped into the hug and cried. They remained there for quite a while. Finally, Dolly drew a step back. “Why don’t you go and see Ciara and her sister Orla. They have beautiful horses and I’m positive they’d be happy to see you.”
“You’re right, I need to get away for a bit. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend, Dolly.”
Dolly smiled. “You’re family. Now go, it’s not an overly long of a walk. You might need to catch a ride back though. That sun will doubtless be hot.”
Brenna pulled her wrap around her tighter and set off on the dusty dirt drive to the lane that would bring her to Ciara and Orla. They were friendly women. Hopefully, she’d be able to relax when she got there.
When she strolled up their drive Orla ran out of the house to welcome her. “It’s so nice to have company! You are here to visit, aren’t you? There’s nothing wrong at the ranch is there? Probably not since you didn’t ride here. Where is your horse?”
Brenna smiled at the golden-haired blue-eyed woman. “I’m here for a visit.”
“I knew it! Isn’t that what I said?” Orla took her hand and led her to the house where Brogan greeted her on his way to work with his horses.
“Come on in!” Ciara invited. She was cleaning the hands of her twin girls while her baby boy wailed.
Brenna picked up baby Ben and rocked him in her arms. She’d met all the children at one time or other but seldom had a chance to interact. Amid the chaos Ciara glowed with happiness.
Orla led the girls to a place on the floor where blocks were stacked. Each girl picked up their rag doll before joining their aunt.
“Brenna, would you like some coffee?”
“I certainly would, Ciara, thank you.”
Ciara took baby Ben and placed him in his cradle. Then she put a cup of coffee in front of Brenna. Finally, she poured herself a cup and sat down. “Whew! It feels good to get off my feet for a few minutes. What brings you by?”
“I just needed time away from the ranch. Things aren’t going so smoothly, and I needed a break.” Brenna swallowed hard willing herself not to cry.
“I expect most of us have been there a time or two. I heard they finished your house. I bet it’s just lovely.”
Brenna nodded. “Fitzpatrick and I spent a good deal of time deciding what furniture we’d need. We even ordered it all. I hoped we were on our way to having a splendid marriage.”
“But?” Ciara said.
“Is it true that a marriage isn’t legal unless there is a wedding night?” Heat spread across Brenna’s face.
“What has Fitzpatrick said about it?”
“When we talk, we talk about how we have feelings for the other. We even discussed having children someday. But the last two nights I stayed up waiting for him. He never came. The first night I know we were tired, and it upset him I didn’t pay attention to what people were talking about at supper. But I was so confident he’d come to his own room last night. I’m afraid he genuinely doesn’t want me. Maybe he plans to annul the marriage.”
Ciara reached over and patted Brenna’s hand. “I don’t think you need to worry about that. The Kavanaghs believe in keeping their word. I’ve noticed how Fitzpatrick gazes at you. He’s smitten.”
“I’ve overheard him saying you don’t marry the help. I’m afraid he doesn’t consider I’m worthy of being a wife. I’m not so sure he is smitten.” The tears she tried so hard to keep back started trailing down her face.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Hey Brenna, want to come look at the horses with me?” Orla asked eagerly.
“Go, Orla loves to show people the horses. I’ll be here when you finish.”
“Come, you’ll love them.”
Brenna followed Orla outside.
“If you have quest
ions, ask. I know all about the horses. I’ll introduce you.”
Orla led her into a pasture full of all types of horses. “This one is Sourpuss. She’s become my favorite. The problem I have is that Brogan keeps selling the horses and then getting new ones and it’s hard to think up new names all the time. Sourpuss has been here the whole time. This is Sparky and Pistol.” She led Brenna into the herd.
“Here is Matilda, Agatha and Star. They think they are in charge. Oh along with Bossy over there. We also have Poncho, Buck, Antsy and Hurry Up.”
“How many horses are there?”
“Right now, we have fifty-three. The number changes daily with sales and births and Brogan scours the hills for more wild horses. Brogan pays me for my hard work. He says he couldn’t manage it without me. At first, I thought he was just being nice, but it’s true, he needs me.” Orla gave her a bright smile.
She kept walking and introducing the horses to Brenna then she stopped. “Oh, I bet you feel like a princess! Having Fitzpatrick rescue you from the evil man must have been so romantic!”
Brenna nodded. “It certainly was.”
“Crying? Fitzpatrick what’s going on?” Angus asked. His arms were crossed as he leaned against a stall door.
“I, well I’ve been sleeping in the small room on the first floor and she’d sleeping in my bedroom.”
Angus nodded. “Scared, are you?”
Fitzpatrick gave him a glower. “No, it’s not that. The house is full of people and I realized the privacy of our own house would be best.”
“What did she say when you told her?”
“You know you look like a mother hen trying to catch her chick in a lie? I forgot to mention it to her.” Fitzpatrick glanced away. He should have talked to her about it.
“She apparently thinks you consider her ugly or smelly. That’s no way to treat your wife.” Angus shook his head.
Fitzpatrick: Cowboy Reluctant: Christian Historical Western (The Kavanagh Brothers Book 7) Page 9
