Love, From A to Z

by Robin Alexander

  Jim Seguin smiled at Zoe as he entered the room followed by Elena and Grace. “Hello darlin’, glad to have you with us. Have you been in touch with your family?”

  “I called my mom when I found out the bridge was closing—well, before it washed away, and they’re all fine,” Zoe replied. “Thanks for putting me up for the night.”

  Grace wagged a finger at Zoe as she walked over to Alicia and tugged on her foot to wake her. “You’re gonna be here longer than one night. This flood is going to be biblical. We’ll all have to evacuate.”

  “We’re gonna be taking in more animals?” Alicia asked as she sat up and smiled acerbically at Zoe.

  “Momma, listen to me,” Jim said and held up both hands. “This isn’t gonna be a bad flood, and not even close to what happened in the sixties.”

  “I don’t see how you can say that, honey.” Elena shook her head and frowned. “A bridge has been washed out, and the school is flooding. That’s never happened before, plus, it’s still raining.”

  “That’s right, Jim. Stop treating us like children and downplaying everything,” Grace snapped. “We need to come up with an evacuation plan right now.”

  “Even with all of the rain we’ve had and are still having, the bayous and rivers are expected to crest at much lower than the flood we had a few years ago. There is no need to panic,” Jim said firmly. “We live on the water and we’re prepared for these kinds of events. As far as the bridge goes, it washed out because the town hasn’t been keeping up with cleaning debris out of the bayou. The school is taking on water, but that’s because of the new subdivision that was built behind it. That will be addressed. I promise y’all that no one in Pitre Harbor is sitting on the rooftops of their houses waiting to be rescued like before.” He met Elena’s troubled gaze. “That is not happening, nor will it, so everyone can relax.”

  “Then why is the fire department arranging search-and-rescue crews?” Elena asked as patiently as she could.

  “You know we do that every time there’s a flood.” Jim pulled Elena close and hugged her. “Oh, I volunteered us to be a part of the second help team and our shift starts at five. Everybody needs to be up and dressed by four thirty. Momma, you’re staying here with Elena.”

  No one said a word and watched as Grace cocked her head. “What did you just say?”

  “Guard yourself,” Tony whispered and handed Zoe one of the couch pillows.

  “It’ll be dangerous and you can’t swim,” Jim replied. “I told you the last time we had to do this you weren’t going to be a part of the team anymore. You abused everyone on the boat and land with your bullhorn, and it’s too hot for you to wear four life jackets at a time.”

  Alicia stood up. “If I’m finally old enough to be on the rescue team then I’m going home, but I’ll be here at four thirty.”

  “No, you’re not, Alicia!” Elena pulled away from Jim and shook her finger at him. “How dare you volunteer my babies to go out into floodwater.”

  “They’re adults—”

  “Tony can’t grow but half a beard, and Alicia still sleeps with a night-light, Jim!” Elena said, shaking with anger.

  “I do not!” Alicia glared at Zoe. “I have a lava lamp and the wax wiggling around in it soothes me to sleep. It is not a night-light.”

  “Okay,” Zoe said slowly.

  “Alicia is an experienced marine pilot. She captains a boat in our fleet, for Pete’s sakes,” Jim said. “She knows how to fight a strong current, and your son is an excellent deckhand.”

  “You’re about to find out what it’s like to fight a protective mother. We’ll finish this when we’re not in front of the babies,” Elena said coolly before she left the room.

  Jim turned to Grace. “Momma, go talk to her.”

  “Let me tell you something, Jim, I’ll be out there tomorrow whether you like it or not. No one is going to tell me they’d rather see how high the water’s gonna get before they evacuate. If I tell them to get in the boat then they will get in the boat. Now, go to your room and talk to your wife. The kids and I are gonna to eat.” Grace pointed toward the hallway. “I said go.”

  Zoe watched Jim leave the room without another word while Grace headed for the kitchen. Tony leaned close to Zoe and whispered, “Dad says his grandpa once said ‘Grace was in charge the moment she was born and I almost named her Badger, but your grandma wouldn’t let me.’ Dad swears his grandpa was dead serious. She can be a pain in the ass, but she went with me when I wanted to buy a truck. I haggled with them first, and they lowered the price five hundred bucks. When Grandma was done with them I paid three thousand less and I got an upgrade on the stereo, special floor mats, and a gift certificate to a steak house.”

  *******

  After midnight breakfast Alicia walked into the living room and noticed her father making a bed on the sofa and asked, “What’re you doing?”

  “I’m sleeping in here, because your mother wants to kill me.” Jim flashed a tight smile. “I thought it would be a good idea to give her some space and some walls between us until she stops gritting her teeth.”

  “Okay, we’ll be roommates then. I’ll take the recliner.”

  “You can’t, Buck is gonna to stay over after he wraps up taking the mayor around in his boat, and he wants the chair.” Jim lowered his voice. “As my brother grows older he overreacts almost as much as Momma. The reason everyone in town is going crazy is because your grandma and uncle are whipping them into a frenzy.”

  “So, it really isn’t that bad out there.”

  “Between you and me, all the new construction in town has done exactly what Momma said it would do,” Jim whispered. “It changed the floodplain and places that haven’t flooded before are flooding now. I don’t want to be around tomorrow when she gets on her bullhorn and starts yelling ‘I told you so, you bunch of dumbasses.’”

  “I’m going home.” Alicia began to head for the door, but her father caught her by the arm.

  “Please don’t. Yeah, your grandma’s responsible for upsetting your mom, but you know why she gets anxious when the water rises. I don’t think she’s ever gonna get over us having to climb onto our roof during the big one. She’ll be better tomorrow, but for tonight she wants her babies in her nest. Let her have that. Why aren’t you sleeping in your old—oh.” Jim smiled. “Zoe.”

  “Right, and Grandma has the guestroom. Before you suggest it I am not sharing with her. The last time we bunked together she woke me up to say she’d had a nightmare about a sheep with no lips and it was chasing her. She wasn’t afraid of the sheep, but she couldn’t stand the thought of looking at its lipless face and seeing its teeth. Guess what? When I went back to sleep a lipless sheep chased me. I would bunk with Tony, but that butthole already went into his room and locked the door.”

  “Honey, don’t you think it’s time to put the bad blood between you and Zoe behind you? What has she done to you aside from pull your hair in the third grade?” Jim asked as he resumed making his bed.

  “If I started on that list I’d still be going past our wakeup time. I’m not just talking about things that happened from third grade all the way until we graduated high school; she tells everyone I smell like shrimp.”

  “Oh, that’s horrible,” Jim said with a grin. “Are you going to claim you were totally innocent, that you never did anything to provoke her?”

  “No, I give a good stink eye, and I might’ve told a few people she smells like a wet dog. The point is, Dad, we’ve grown up hating each other and I don’t see any reason why we should change at this point.” Alicia shrugged. “I can’t sleep in the same room with her. I could wake up bald or dead.”

  “Go sleep with your mother then.”

  Alicia frowned. “She snuggles and she makes me sweat. Plus, she holds me too tight, and my eyeballs feel like they’re gonna bust through my lids.”

  “Welcome to my world,” Jim said with a sigh.

  *******

  Zoe was thankful that Grace had packed
an extra toothbrush she was willing to share. Though Grace claimed it was brand new it wasn’t in a wrapper and there was a cotton swab stuck to it. Zoe rinsed it with mouthwash anyway and brushed away all remnants of the midnight breakfast that she’d thoroughly enjoyed despite receiving a few frowns from Alicia. She planned to be a part of the search crew the following morning and was ready for sleep, so she headed to the bedroom Grace had informed her she’d be bunking. Zoe walked into the room and, froze when she saw Alicia making a pallet on the floor.

  Alicia glanced at Zoe and waved a hand at the bed. “It’s all yours.”

  “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

  “And you’ll laugh when Grandma kills me for allowing you to do that.” Alicia sat down on the small mountain of pillows and blankets she’d heaped together. “Take the bed. I’m sure Mom will be able to get the wet dog smell out of the sheets.”

  Zoe closed the door. “This is your old room judging by the faint smell of shrimp in the air.”

  “I know it was you who started that rumor.”

  “It wasn’t a rumor, it was a fact. You used to walk straight off the boat and into the bar without bothering to shower first,” Zoe said as she climbed into the bed.

  “I was a deckhand back then, and Jack’s is a shrimper’s bar. Isn’t there a vet’s bar where you can hang out and bask in the aroma of wet dog instead of bringing it to my place?”

  “It’s my civic duty to freshen the air around you.” Zoe climbed under the covers and stretched out. “I guess we’ll have to sleep with the light on since there’s no lava lamp in here.”

  “It reminds me of the waves on the water, and like I said, it soothes me to sleep,” Alicia snapped. “I’ve never had a problem with the dark even back when you were still eating glue.”

  “I never ate glue, but you told the whole class I did anyway!”

  “Yes, you did,” Alicia retorted. “I saw you squirt some on your finger and lick it off.”

  “That was a dare, and I only did it once!”

  Alicia waved a hand. “Therefore you ate glue.”

  The bedroom door swung open and Grace, sporting a red knit cap on her head, glared at Alicia and Zoe. “Will you two be kind enough to shut the hell up? I was about to fall asleep and all I could hear was you two bickering.”

  “Why’re you dressed like an elf?” Alicia asked.

  “I like the way this cap shapes my hair. If I intended to dress like an elf, I’d be wearing a pointy shoe that I’d be tempted to ram up your smart butt right now.” Grace stabbed a finger at Alicia and then at Zoe. “I don’t know what the problem is between y’all—wait, I do. The only two lesbians in this town have declared war on each other. This is why y’all are both single idiots. Shut up, go to sleep or I’ll come back in here and knock you both out.” Grace switched off the light and closed the door.

  After a moment of silence, Zoe whispered, “I can’t believe she called you an idiot.”

  “I can’t believe she called you a lesbian.”

  “She called us both lesbians. It’s obvious in your case, but how did she know about me?” Zoe said curiously.

  Alicia sat up, switched on the bedside lamp and gawked at Zoe. “It’s true? You are?”

  “Yeah, and you’re giving our club a bad reputation. No self-respecting lesbian allows herself to smell of shrimp.”

  “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize the approved scent was wet dog, and what makes you think I’m obviously a lesbian?” Alicia asked defensively but softly.

  “You’re a flirt, and you do it a lot more with women than men.” Zoe sat up and toyed with a lock of her hair as her gaze roamed over Alicia. “That’s your signature move, and when you talk to women you stand up straighter and get very close to them.”

  Alicia grinned sardonically. “Spend a lot of time watching me, do you?”

  “For the same reason people stare at car wrecks, it’s a morbid fascination.”

  “With my style,” Alicia grimaced, “or with me?”

  Zoe flopped back down. “I enjoy seeing women back away from you like crawfish.”

  “They may back away in front of everyone else, but they show up at my door later. Don’t be jealous, it heats up your skin and makes your wet dog scent stronger.”

  “Earlier I thought I was being kind of silly to carry a grudge against you for as long as I have. I was wrong, you’re still an asshole only bigger. Thanks for clearing that up for me.” Zoe grinned. “Do any of your many lovers hate having to do it with the lights on since you’re afraid of the dark?”

  “I’ll do it in the dark. I’ll do it in the park. I’ll do it in the—”

  “Oh shut up disgusting Dr. Seuss,” Zoe said with a groan.

  Alicia laughed and quieted for a moment. “Are you jerking my chain or are you really gay?”

  “I’ve known it since the third grade when you stole the first girl I’d ever fallen in baby love with. You lured her away from me every recess with candy.”

  “Angela Morris,” Alicia said with a sigh. “I can still picture her blue eyes and red hair. At the time, I didn’t know why it was an obsession to have her sit with me in the grass.”

  “But you stole her from me anyway,” Zoe said dryly.

  “So, that’s why you walked over to me and yanked my hair?”

  “Yeah. That was the day you gave Angela a heart-shaped eraser and a cookie, and she gave you the stuffed unicorn I gave her. You put that unicorn on the corner of your desk facing me and it was too much for my tiny broken heart to take.” Zoe sighed. “You made me resort to violence.”

  “I don’t even remember the unicorn, or having a heart-shaped eraser, all I do remember is you yanking my hair and making me cry in front of the class. I find it hard to believe that you can recall that much detail about that day.”

  “It’s burned into my memory because of how much trouble I got into. It was just a little yank, Alicia, you didn’t have to go all hysterical.”

  “You dragged me out of my chair.”

  Zoe yawned. “I don’t remember that.”

  “You violent brat. How could you have known you were gay way back then?”

  Zoe covered her eyes with her arm. “I wanted to be able to hold hands with Angela at recess like Bobby and Brittany did. I didn’t want to hold a boy’s hand and I didn’t draw hearts around their names like other girls. I just knew I was different.”

  “All I knew back then was if I went to the cafeteria and offered to help take the trash out the lunch ladies would give me a brownie,” Alicia said with disappointment.

  “I treat a lot of dogs that are food motivated too.”

  “You’re not as smart as you think you are. You didn’t notice that I’d moved past barbs and was trying to have an intelligent conversation with you. Maybe you should spend more time outside of work with humans. Roll over. Sit.” Alicia grinned when Zoe yanked her arm away from her eyes and squinted at her. “At least, you haven’t started responding to commands. There’s hope for you yet.”

  “I’m going to pull your hair again if you don’t turn off that light.”

  Alicia switched the light off and settled down on her pallet. “I had my first orgasm in that bed, and I was lying right where you are now.”

  “Would you just hit me with something heavy and put me out of my misery?” Zoe asked with a groan.

  “Goodnight,” Alicia said with a happy sigh.

  Chapter Two

  The next morning Zoe awoke alone, and her clothes, clean and folded, were at the foot of the bed. She dressed quickly, brushed her teeth and went into the kitchen where everyone was gathered for breakfast. She had a cup of coffee, a slice of toast and didn’t wave off the bacon Elena kept putting on her plate.

  Grace was wearing a pair of jeans, a white, cotton, button-down, long-sleeved shirt and her silver ponytail peeked out from beneath a straw hat. She looked as though she’d meant every word of what she’d said the night before. She was going out with the crews, and no one said
a word, not even Jim.

  When breakfast was over, Zoe took her dishes to the sink. When she turned, she was eye to eye with Alicia who whispered, “You snore.”

  “You look better without makeup, it makes you look like a deranged raccoon with those inhumanly bright eyes of yours,” Zoe said softly. “Glad you skipped it today.”

  “Your hair looks like a rat’s nest.” Alicia smiled at her mother who was watching them with a curious gaze.

  When they all walked out onto the back porch Zoe could see her car illuminated by a string of white lights hanging from the awning of the bar. She was thankful that it was still high and dry. “It’ll be fine,” Tony said and Zoe noticed he was standing beside her. “You won’t be able to take it home until they rebuild the bridge, but I’ll keep an eye on it for you.”

  “You’re very sweet. Thank—”

  Grace dragged Zoe by the arm to the top of the stairs where Alicia stood, and announced. “Boys in one boat, girls in the other.” She cocked her head when Alicia’s mouth flew open. “Are you about to say we need a man?”

  “Have I ever?” Alicia asked.

  “Momma! You are not in charge,” Jim said angrily.

  Grace gave him a look. “We’ll be taking the bigger boat. Come on, Zoe.”

  “God help you baby,” Jim said with resignation to Alicia. “That bag she has slung over her shoulder has the bullhorn in it.”

  *******

  All houses in Pitre Harbor that bordered the lake and bayous rested on tall pilings, and nearly all of them sat at least five to six feet above the floodwaters that flowed beneath them. Boats were tied off to stair railings. The residents had moved their vehicles to high ground and stowed anything in their yards that would float off, which was standard operation for anyone who lived there.