Grow Up

by Craig Anderson

  Another drink appeared in Gargle’s hand and he chugged it while contemplating Turnip’s sage advice. If Gargle understood correctly, more money meant more freedom to do as he wished. No-one was going to tell him what to do or how to get it, but he could figure that part out for himself. This was it, this was his new top priority task. He was going to earn money. Lots of it. He could totally do it too. He could do anything he wanted. He was the smartest alien to ever land on this planet, and he was going to conquer the whole bloody thing single-handedly, just as soon as he had drunk a couple more of those delicious beers…

  ***

  The mech sailed around the simulation as Josh played with the new targeting controls. He had remapped the boosters to the B button, and holding it down made the left analogue control the boosters. That freed up the right analogue for aiming. It meant he could move at normal speed, trigger boost on a whim, and continue to point his guns in the right direction.

  After he confirmed the change the Ship’s Computer said, “I do not understand, you have changed the layout of your controls. Is that not confusing?”

  “Nope, it will just take me a while to get used to it.”

  “Why not add a third analogue stick? That would solve the issue.”

  “Nope, it would make it way worse. That’s how you guys got into this mess in the first place. Rather than changing the controller, I’ll just adapt and learn a better way of fighting.”

  “Most interesting.”

  With twenty minutes of practice Josh got used to the new controls. The blaster moved around perfectly, keeping track of the enemy mech even as Josh’s Ticket Buster boosted around the arena. Even the Computer was impressed. “That is a considerable improvement over the existing setup. I do believe we may be able to convince the Teacher that this is a change worthy of further investigation. Being able to move and aim creates a wealth of new tactical options.”

  “I can’t take all the credit, I used fairly standard game controls. Any half-capable gamer on Earth would be able to pick this control scheme up in an hour or less.”

  “Interesting. I only have one question. Why do you push up on the stick to aim down? Is that not counter-intuitive?”

  “It’s inverted. I always play with inverted aim controls.”

  “Why? Do all gamers play this way?”

  “No, most people use normal aim controls. I just learned the other way. Blame my dad. He was a big fan of retro consoles. My first FPS was Goldeneye, we’d play split screen for hours. I guess it stuck.”

  “How strange. Your species is most unusual. A variance like that would be ironed out here, and the outliers would be expected to convert. On your planet a variance like that is accommodated, maybe even celebrated.”

  Josh had never thought of it that way, but the Computer was right. Being human meant not being the same as anyone else. “Ok, let’s go show the Teacher.”

  “Negative. I calculate the chances of the Teacher accepting this change to be less than 1%, and the chances for negative repercussions to be over 83%.”

  “What? Why? This would make his life easier, and give Blurgon a fighting chance.”

  “Negative. It gives you a fighting chance, but it will take months to teach the others to learn this new style of control, and he is staunchly against using a different controller to begin with. It completely undermines his decades of experience.”

  “So he could just let me use it? I thought Blurgon was all about the greater good.”

  “You are not thinking holistically. This change makes you a better fighter, but it would decimate the rest of the class. As soon as they see this they will either need to start again, or continue with their studies knowing that they may soon be obsolete. The overall impact is negative. We must proceed carefully, and build up support gradually. I shall perform a detailed analysis of your classmates to determine the most statistically likely to support a change such as this.”

  Josh said, “Don’t bother, I know exactly where to start.”

  Level 12: Aftermath

  “I do not believe this is the correct course of action,” the Ship’s Computer said, as Josh snuck back into the law school. “You are acting too hastily and are risking repercussions. You are currently violating your active task to contact Shift before leaving her residence.”

  “We are doing top-secret undercover work, you can’t do that with a babysitter,” Josh hissed back.

  “But your task…”

  “Forget the stupid task. I’m tired of everyone telling me what to do and when to do it. I thought coming halfway across the universe would give me the freedom to do what I wanted, but it’s somehow worse than ever. Now are you going to keep going on about it, or are you going to help?”

  “I have raised my concerns with you, but I cannot compel you to act. If I contact Shift to alert her to your behaviour I believe that the potential punishment for your actions may be serious, up to and including being expelled from law school, which would result in an overall negative outcome for High Command. Doing nothing negates that risk, therefore, Alpha Protocol dictates that I must do nothing.”

  “Works for me!”

  Josh moved over to the classroom doorway. The other students were busy studying, heads down and staring at their viewers. The Teacher roamed the aisles, peering over students’ shoulders and occasionally offering stern advice. Josh scanned the desks and found his target. He waited for a gap in the Teacher’s patrol route and darted across the room, keeping low. As soon as he reached Frag he whispered, “Come with me.”

  “What? Why?” Frag said, far too loudly.

  “Keep your voice down!” Josh hissed. “I have something that will get you off the bottom of the leaderboards.” He checked the Teacher, but he was currently examining something on his desk. They had to move quickly, if the Teacher saw Josh then that would mean several more hours of mind-numbing tutorials and a definite bollocking from Shift.

  There was a long pause. “Why should I trust you? I don’t even know you. Besides, I am no longer on the bottom of the leaderboards, you are.”

  “I’m not asking you to do anything that will get you in trouble. I just need to show you something. Five minutes, and then you can decide for yourself. What do you have to lose?”

  Josh checked on the Teacher, but he was no longer at his desk. That wasn’t good. He frantically looked around, and turned to find the Teacher standing directly behind him. The spider rose up, his limbs outstretched. “So nice of you to join us. Perhaps you are not as lazy as I feared. Please return to your desk and recommence your training.”

  Josh improvised. “Actually sir, I was hoping that Frag and I could fight again, but in private. I feel like he could teach me a lot.”

  “Nonsense, if you wish to practice one-on-one combat you should fight against someone more competent, which is literally everyone else. Besides, you are not yet ready for combat, you haven’t even completed the basic training.”

  “I prefer to learn by doing, and as you said, anyone else is going to defeat me immediately. I think Frag and I can help each other…”

  The Teacher looked ready to shoot him down, but Frag said, “I agree, I think it would help. You keep telling me I need to be more offensive, and I believe that will be easier against a weaker opponent.” Josh wasn’t sure if the translator added the emphasis or if Frag did.

  “Very well, at this point I am willing to try anything that may result in even a minor improvement for either of you.” He waved four of his arms dismissively and Josh scurried away as fast as he could with Frag in tow.

  As soon as they were round the corner, Frag stopped. “What is this all about?”

  “Not here. Is there somewhere we can talk in private?”

  Frag led the way without saying another word. After several twists and turns down long gilded corridors he stopped at a small room and Josh stepped inside. A door quietly slid shut behind them and Frag said, “These are client briefing rooms. They are unmonitored by the security systems
due to the sensitive nature of what is discussed in here.”

  Josh pulled his controller out of his backpack and held it aloft for Frag to see. Frag stared at it and said, “Is that what you were trying to use earlier? You know how Teacher feels about that.”

  “Yep, but that is because he hasn’t seen what it can do.”

  “Based on the small number of buttons, I am willing to bet not a lot.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. I’ll show you. Is there a viewer in here?”

  “No, but there is in the training rooms down the hall.”

  Josh went to leave, but Frag stopped him. “I still don’t understand. Why would I care if you have a poor imitation of an official Mech Controller that you aren’t able to use in a trial? How does that help me at all?”

  “Because I’m going to teach you how to use it.”

  “I have already learned how to use the real thing. I fail to see the benefit.”

  “It is easier if you can see for yourself,” Josh said, waving the game controller.

  “Fine, one battle, but you must choose your mech first.”

  “Agreed.”

  Frag led the way to another small room, this time with a wall-sized viewer and a row of four Mech Controllers. Josh said, “Ok, just let me connect this…”

  He held down the sync button and after a few seconds it lit up and vibrated to let him know it had connected.

  Frag pushed some buttons and a mech selection screen appeared. He’d never gotten to choose for himself before. Josh realized he had never actually looked at the Ticket Buster’s stats. He pulled them up:

  Level 1 Ticket Buster

  This all-round mech is intended for beginners who do not yet know enough to specialize. It is average at all the primary functions, and is an ideal choice for those on a budget. Its low armour reduces weight, improving its movement speed but leaving it weak in lengthy encounters. It has a large booster fuel capacity, improving mobility, but making it more vulnerable to piercing attacks. Best used for unimportant tasks, such as fighting parking tickets.

  Stats:

  Attack: 4

  Defence: 2

  Armour: 1,500

  Movement Speed: 7

  Weapon Slots: 3

  Booster Fuel Capacity: 10

  CORPS: 10,000 credits

  Josh considered reviewing all the other options, agonizing over the stat differences in each one, but he already knew which mech was for him. The Ticket Buster was a perfect fit for his play style—it was versatile, quick, and could use boosters more generously, increasing his dodging options and making him far harder to hit. He locked in his choice, selecting the green colour option.

  Frag said, “Why, when you could pick from any mech, would you choose the weakest?”

  “It isn’t the weakest. You’ll see. Pick whichever mech you would like and I will show you.”

  Frag thought for a moment, before also selecting a Ticket Buster. His was a dark purple. He said, “I don’t want you blaming a loss on a mismatch. This time we shall fight on equal footing.”

  “Fine by me.”

  Josh selected the standard loadout, which consisted of Blaster, Energy Sword and Rockets. Frag, however, went into the equipment screen. Josh had never paid much attention to what was in there as it wasn’t weaponry. Frag switched the shoulder-mounted missiles for something that clipped onto his Ticket Buster’s left wrist.

  Josh raised an eyebrow. “I haven’t seen that before. What is it?”

  “It is a very effective piece of equipment in the right hands. You shall see.”

  “Why did you switch it with the missile launchers? Does it use up a weapons slot?”

  “No, it is equipment, so it is different, but I did not want the weight of the silo slowing me down. I would rather be able to get away quicker.”

  “Fair enough,” Josh said.

  Frag glared at him. “You really don’t know anything, do you? All of this is covered in the very first set of training modules. How do you hope to compete with experienced lawyers if you don’t understand the basics?”

  Josh smirked. “I don’t need to understand the current meta, I’m about to create a new one.”

  If Frag was impressed, he didn’t let it show.

  A countdown started on the screen. Josh still didn’t understand the symbols, but he knew enough to realize that it meant that the fight was about to start.

  Josh stayed perfectly still when the match started, while Frag slowly circled around him, waiting for the attack. When it didn’t come he inched forwards, and then without warning his purple Ticket Buster drew its blaster and started firing. It was fast, and totally intended to catch Josh off-guard for some easy hits. Josh reacted in an instant, dashing left to avoid most of the blaster fire before jumping over the stragglers. Frag stood still, trying to get a bead on the rapidly moving target, which made it much easier for Josh to aim at the purple mech while strafing. He returned blaster fire, landing several hits before Frag moved away.

  Frag frantically hit buttons on the M.C. “How did you do that? Move and fire like that? Are you cheating? Is your A.I. assisting you somehow?”

  “What? No, this is all me.”

  His controls momentarily blipped out of sync and Josh added, “But I should add that I appreciate all the help she has provided me with getting my controller to work smoothly.”

  The connection blipped back on just in time for Josh to dodge another flurry of Blaster fire. He holstered his own Blaster and moved in for some close-quarters combat. He needed to test out his sword controls, and besides, standing back and peppering Frag with Blaster fire was dull and would take forever to win. With a long press of the X button the green mech drew its energy sword, which crackled blue in the dusty arena.

  Frag did not appear fazed by the sudden charge. His mech drew its own energy sword, which was orange, and it assumed a new stance, ready to swing at the green Ticket Buster the moment it got into range.

  Josh waited until the last possible moment and double-jumped over the purple mech. He performed a spin in the air, landing facing the enemy mech’s back, and prepared for an easy combo of sword slashes.

  Frag had other ideas. His Ticket Buster had barely started to turn when the wrist-mounted device burst to life, creating a circular shield of pure orange light. The blue energy sword bounced off it without visible damage, and Frag followed up with a slash of his own. Josh caught a hit before he could boost away in time.

  “You didn’t think it would be that easy, did you?” Frag said.

  “Actually I was kind of hoping that it would. Where were these skills in our last fight?”

  “If you remember, I was forced to attack. I much prefer to let my enemy come to me.”

  Josh obliged, dashing in with a thrust. As he was about to connect Frag moved the shield to intercept, but Josh boosted and ducked at the same time, resulting in a power slide that moved his sword under the shield. It connected with the purple mech’s midriff, leaving a groove.

  “How did you do that?” Frag asked, incredulously. “You are chaining together moves that shouldn’t be possible.”

  “They aren’t possible on your controller, but as you can see, they are on mine. I’ve barely started to scratch the surface of the available combinations.”

  He did some more boosting, getting a feel for it. If he was boost strafing he could move just slightly quicker than Frag could turn. Frag tried to fire on Josh, but couldn’t get a decent line on his mech until he figured out to spin the other way. As soon as he did Josh reversed his boosting.

  Frag groaned. “Your use of boosters is unconventional but highly effective. How do you ensure you don’t run out of fuel?”

  “I don’t. I boost when I need to boost and I worry about the fuel later. No sense worrying about future problems when you are facing off against a walking tank. Not getting hit right now is the priority. I’ll just have to make sure I am beating my enemies before the fuel runs out.”

  “That
will prove difficult against the higher-rated mechs. Their armour will be hard to damage with a Ticket Buster, even with a well-considered loadout.”

  “Anyone ever tell you that you worry too much?” Josh said with a smile.

  “The Teacher reminds me every chance he gets.”

  They both laughed at that, underdogs enjoying a moment of camaraderie, and then Josh darted in for another hit. He tried his sliding attack again, but Frag was ready this time. The purple Ticket Buster ducked and blocked with its shield, hitting the green mech directly in the face. A jolt of orange light passed through Josh’s Ticket Buster and he momentarily lost control. Frag capitalized and got in a free hit with his energy sword.

  Josh raised an eyebrow. “Now it’s my turn to say what was that?”

  “Shield bash. Has a brief stun effect. You would know that if you…”

  Josh chuckled. “Yeah yeah, I know what you’re going to say, but I’m learning on the go.”

  The purple mech drew its blaster again and started taking pot shots. Josh could see Frag trying to move and aim at the same time, but his fingers were getting in each other’s way. It was awkward to watch as the purple mech stumbled forward and then the top half spun around 180 degrees.

  Josh drew his blaster and took aim, but he didn’t fire on the purple mech’s exposed back.

  Frag eventually regained control and said, “Why didn’t you fire?”