The Willows and Beyond

by William Horwood

  In all these circumstances, it is little wonder that the Rat and his friends had found Toad in such a dither of worry and concern. The Mole might very well have been annoyed with himself for not remembering about Master Toad’s return, for he had been party to its planning a month previously.

  “When Master Toad goes away he always comes back changed for the worse in some way,” Toad had complained to him as they took tea together. “You see, Mole, either he won’t talk to me, or he is vain and conceited in a way that is quite unpardonable and really quite uncharacteristic of our family — I might say our noble family, which certainly has a good deal to be vain and conceited about, but normally has the politeness not to show it!”

  “Yes, Toad,” said the compliant Mole, who had shared with the Badger and the others a certain amusement in watching Toad’s battles with his ward, and enjoyed the irony of watching an arch-poacher in the department of vanity and conceit struggling to turn gamekeeper.

  “I don’t believe he’ll ever improve,” groaned Toad, “or show the slightest consideration for others. Now he is to be here till school starts again. What am I to do with him?”

  “And yet, Toad, when it comes down to it, you do like having him about the place, don’t you?”

  Toad thought for only a very few moments before, as impulsive and generous in spirit as ever, he cried, “Yes, I like him being here, I suppose — I really do! He adds life to the Hall, and has a knack of getting his way with the staff that reminds me of when I was young and without responsibility. I do not think he’s bad at heart, you know. It’s just … well, it’s that —“

  “Yes, Toad?” murmured the Mole.

  “O well, I shall say it: when he’s here I am miserable and when he is not here I am even more miserable. I miss him very much when he is away at school, and this summer all I have had from him are two postcards, from Baden-Baden and Venice respectively, depicting fat ladies and thin gentlemen uttering what he facetiously calls double entendres, and —“

  “Two postcards are better than none, Toad,” offered the Mole truthfully — and unpaid bills from Berlin, Prague, Madrid, Cannes, Biarritz, Naples and Casablanca, the nature of the last of which gave me great cause for concern!”

  The Mole had laughed gently, for if Master Toad did nothing else—though in fact he did a great deal more, and the Mole saw much in the youth that Toad ought to be thankful for — he provided them all with a good deal to think and talk about.

  “O, I know he can be reasonable sometimes,” Toad had continued. “He can be lovable, he can even be thoughtful if he puts his mind to it, but what stress and heartache he causes me! I believe I have aged ten years for every year he has been with me.”

  There was some truth in this, though the Mole told himself that Master Toad could hardly be blamed for that. Toad had put on a good deal of weight, and huffed and puffed more than he used to when he exerted himself, which was not often. He also had difficulty in reading small print these days and had had spectacles prescribed, which he occasionally used when he thought nobody was looking.

  “We are all getting older,” said the Mole companionably And there was truth in this too, for the years had come and they had gone along the River Bank, and time had taken its toll upon them all. The Water Rat, for example, was increasingly irritable these days, especially if things were not just as he liked them, and he often seemed tired and distracted, quite worryingly so, in Mole’s opinion.

  The Badger, for his part, had begun to grow deaf, and all of them had difficulty at times being understood by him, except Grandson, who lived with him now He had developed the knack of raising his voice without losing his intonation, in such a way that the Badger understood everything he said.

  Nor was the Otter quite the animal he had been, for he swam more slowly than before, and his sight under water was not at all what it had been. Why, these days, Portly — now no longer quite as tubby as he had been when he gained his nickname — was better at catching fish than his own father!

  Of them all perhaps the Mole seemed least affected by age, though he suffered aches and pains most mornings, and those injuries he had sustained some years previously at the jaws of the Lathbury Pike, when only his courage against that lethal foe had saved the Rat’s life, gave him trouble when atmospheric pressure rose and the wind veered to the north and turned chill.

  It will all work out for the best in the end, Toad,” the Mole had said at the end of their discussion.

  “I hope so,” said Toad, “but meanwhile I have arranged for a motor-car manned with some reliable former constables to meet Master Toad off the boat and ensure he comes straight home without a repetition of what happened last time.”

  “You mean when he came to Toad Hall from Dover by way of a spot of motor-cycle racing on the isle of Man?”

  “There will be no repeat of that kind of thing when he comes home this time!” said Toad. “None whatsoever!”

  “No, Toad,” said the Mole.

  “And what is more he will work at his school books in my study every day till three o’clock in the afternoon, after which I shall take him out myself for some light educational exercise and then pack him off early to bed.”

  “Yes, Toad.”

  So it was that in this startling way, and in a very much shorter period than it had taken the combined efforts of the Badger, Rat, Otter and Mole, working on the same project and achieving something little better than complete failure, Master Toad’s presence on the River Bank had reformed Toad into a responsible, care-worn pater, much like any other. One, indeed, no longer capable of leaping aboard his own craft and guiding them all to the Town in the wild and irresponsible way that had always been his wont; but rather, one who must stay at home and fret and worry.

  “I rather miss the old Toad,” observed the Mole that same day as he, the Rat and Nephew left Toad’s estate behind and headed towards the Town in the motor-launch.

  “Do you know, old chap, now you mention it, I believe I do myself” confided the Rat. “I would rather like to see Toad getting up to his old tricks one last time!”

  “Just what I was trying to say!” cried the Mole, quite forgetting that Nephew was there and ought not to hear such things. “Why, in his younger days he was capable of pranks very much worse than any Master Toad has ever got up to —far worse, now I come to think of it.”

  “Do you remember that time he stole a motor-car?” The Rat might very well have continued with this oft-told tale, but they were at that part of the journey when the River ran quite close to the new road lately opened up between the Town and the River Bank, and his voice was suddenly drowned out by the rapid passage of a motor-car, horns blaring, accompanied by a loud, braying laughter that sounded dreadfully familiar.

  “Toad?” whispered the Mole, as if he had heard a ghost.

  “Toad?” gasped the Rat, as if he had seen one.

  “Master Toad,” observed Nephew matter-of-factly, “probably.”

  “But —” began the Mole, standing on tiptoe to catch a glimpse of the motor-car as it rushed by, “but Toad quite specifically arranged —“

  “Think no more of it. Say nothing more of it. Do nothing about it,” said the Rat. “We are about important business and cannot, must not, be diverted from our purpose. Nephew, stop trying to see that motor-car, the road is out of view from here and it will have reached Toad Hall by now at the speed it was going! Concentrate on … drat!”

  The diversion caused by Master Toad had quite distracted the normally masterful Rat, and but for Nephew’s liberal use of a boathook, and the Mole’s dabbling with an oar, they would certainly have hit the bank rather harder than they did.

  “Humph!” exclaimed the Rat, getting them back on course. “No more conversation amongst the crew, if you don’t mind!”

  “Uncle, did you see?” whispered Nephew a little later. The Mole nodded with resignation, and told Nephew to say no more about it, the Rat was already in a bad enough mood as it was.

  Of
course he had seen, seen all too clearly: a gentleman of large and stocky build in the front passenger seat of the motor-car, gagged and bound. And in the rear two more, clearly dealt with in the same way While in the driver’s seat, scarf flying, laughing and behaving in a manner that was entirely reprehensible, was a toad who looked very much as Toad used to look in days gone by, when he was enjoying himself at other people’s expense.

  “But, Pater,” which is what Master Toad called his guardian when he knew he had gone too far and felt that a show of respect might not go amiss, “had you only told me that the gentleman who claimed to be in your employ had been sent by you to Dover to see me safely home, and not to abduct me and demand a large ransom for my safe return, which is the impression he very soon gave, then of course I would not have treated him as I did.

  “But I must say that my suspicions regarding his claim to be a former policeman of considerable experience were very amply confirmed when he allowed himself to be bound with his own handcuffs and gagged with his own handkerchief I know how you detest constables, along with lawyers, churchmen and others who generally seek to curb our liberties, and I could not imagine for one moment you would employ one, let alone three. Really I cannot be blamed for anything that happened!”

  Toad did not for one moment believe a word of this nonsense, but then the ex-constable had not made his case easier by being duped by a mere youth. Toad knew perfectly well that he would have tried the same trick, and that he would have felt as smug as Master Toad now looked if he had pulled it off.

  Yet Toad was not entirely down-hearted by the nature of his ward’s arrival, for whatever the rights and wrongs of the affair it gave him an early opportunity to lay down the law regarding duties and responsibilities, much as he had outlined them to the Mole some weeks before. To his surprise and relief Master Toad did not raise any objections, rather the opposite in fact, for he claimed to be very eager to get on with some schoolwork, and overjoyed to have a timetable to follow, and strict meal times to observe.

  “I am in need of improvement,” said Master Toad piously, “for I ‘ave wasted my schooldays in laziness and foolishness and now I must work and be good.”

  Toad could scarcely believe his ears — indeed he did not believe his ears, and concluded that far from knocking some sense into the youth, the Grand Tour had encouraged him towards a high level of accomplishment in acting, which might, if all else failed, help Master Toad find ready employment upon the stage.

  “When did you come to realize the errors of your ways?” asked the suspicious Toad.

  “It was when I was in Rome at confession after ‘oly Communion in St Paul’s Cathedral. I see a light, I hear a voice saying, ‘Henri, be good, study ‘ard,’ and I confess my sins to the padre.”

  “St Paul’s you say?” said Toad evenly.

  “Exactement!” came the reply, and the over-confident embellishment gave the game away, “I ‘ave seen the name upon a board outside: ‘St Paul’s, the Pope’s Own Church.’ ‘Ave you been to Rome, Monsieur Toad?”

  “As a matter of fact, I have — my father sent me at about your age, for much the same reason, and with about the same effect. In those days the cathedral was called St Peter’s, but perhaps —“So many impressions, so many places, so easy to confuse,” said Master Toad airily, affecting not to notice that his cathedral visit had been exposed as fraudulent, but in truth considerably discomforted.

  “All the more reason to work hard at your said the ruthless Toad, who felt very pleased with himself at having so easily demonstrated who held the whip hand in the Hall. “Now you have time for at least two hours’ work before teatime!”

  Whether or not Master Toad really used the next two hours for work mattered not a bit to Toad; he was quiet and he was obedient, and up in his room he was, relatively speaking, out of harm’s way.

  Later, over tea, the two began chatting again, and very soon Toad was thoroughly enjoying an engaging account of the trials and tribulations, the triumphs and the disasters, such as any young person, journeying about the Continent, albeit first class and via the best hotels, is likely to experience.

  Finally, matters came round to the River Bank, and Toad was gratified that his young friend showed rather more interest in the doings of the Mole and the others than he had earlier in the year, and even expressed a desire to see his friend, Mole’s Nephew, at the earliest opportunity.

  “I hope there will be no objection, when my work is done, if I borrow the motor-launch —“

  “There is every objection,” said Toad, happy that he had foreseen this request and, having considered the dangers inherent in granting such permission, had decided that a total veto was the best policy. “In any case,” he added, “Ratty and Mole are themselves using it just now, so it is not even here.”

  “Aah… and what about that motor-car that gave me such a pleasing journey from Dover?”

  “Rented,” said Toad shortly, “and already on its way back to Dover. The former constable has taken it, along with his incompetent colleagues.”

  “Aah … “said the defeated youth.

  Toad rather expected some complaints at this point but Master Toad made none. Rather, he asked in a sweet and winning way what “educational exercise” Toad had in mind for the following afternoon.

  Toad rose from the chaise longue in which he normally took tea and paced busily about the conservatory He was rather excited about the exercise he had organized, and a trifle nervous too, for it was not something he had often engaged in if he could possibly avoid it. But just lately this particularly activity had come into fashion and Toad was not one to be left behind. More to the point, every expert lecturer and author upon the subject (he had been to several lantern slides and cinematograph lectures, and had acquired a large quantity of helpful books, which he was hoping shortly to find time to read) made the point that this pursuit was especially healthy and educational for its followers.

  “Pater, what is the exercise to be?” repeated his ward. “We shall be going hiking,” said Toad, with as much enthusiasm and confidence as he could muster.

  “‘iking?” repeated Master Toad in some considerable surprise. He thought he knew what the word meant, but he could not connect it with his guardian.

  “Hiking during the week, and cycling at weekends,” said Toad, weakening a little, for the cycling was a reserve activity for which he had little relish. The last time he had been upon a bicycle he had been pursued by His Lordship’s pack of hounds, who had caused him to crash headlong into a hedge and might have devoured him (as he recalled it) had he not fought them off with his bare hands.

  He had decided, however, that a guardian must suffer in the course of his duties, and along with the two sets of walking gear he had ordered from a prestigious department store in the Town, which prided itself on supplying anything to anybody anywhere, even in the furthest-flung part of the Empire, he had also ordered two gentleman’s cycles.

  “But hiking’s the thing,” said Toad. “The most exciting and ennobling form of exploration there is!”

  “Le ‘iking is exploring without the convenience of ‘orse, motor-car, train, omnibus, bicycle, or any other way of transporting one person or more from ‘ere to… there, non?” suggested Master Toad with very considerable distaste, gazing down with enormous sadness at the ground beneath him. “Le ‘iking is on the feet only, yes?”

  “Hiking,” said Toad, who was pleased that his ward understood at least the rudiments, and not displeased that he saw this new pastime as a challenge, for he believed that to be effective educational exercise would have in some way to be hard and strenuous, “hiking, I believe, is really the only way to get about and see things. When I was younger I foolishly thought that, say, a caravan might —“

  “O, yes, monsieur!” exclaimed Master Toad, who not five minutes before would have refused to go anywhere near a caravan.

  “And then I was seduced, that is not too strong a word for it, by motor-cars —“

&n
bsp; “Yes, they are wonderful, so perhaps —“Then I settled upon an aeronautical future for myself, and —“

  “Pater, I wished very much to ‘ave a word with you about flying lessons, because —“

  “But none of them offers the same combination of healthy exertion, freedom of choice and demands upon the character and intelligence as hiking.”

  “You ‘ave done this ‘iking before, then?” asked Master Toad softly.

  Toad had never in his life willingly hiked anywhere, to his knowledge. On those few occasions when he had found himself in wild parts without some form of conveyance, usually when a fugitive from the law, he had devoted his considerable enterprise to getting back to normality as quickly as he possibly could, and into a comfortable chair at home.

  Except… now he thought of it, there had been an occasion, lasting many weeks, when Toad had wandered free across the land, weeks which he could barely now remember, though there were remnants of them still in his fickle and errant memory, when he had woken up under hedgerows, shared meals by the fires of friendly itinerants, and gone to sleep hungry by the light of the stars.

  That episode had occurred after his release from one of his sojourns in gaol when, for reasons best forgotten, he did not feel able to show his face about the River Bank for a time. Now it was all coming back to him, and he saw it had not been all bad.

  “Yes,” said Toad simply and truthfully, “I have hiked as it happens, which I can see surprises you considerably Not much, it is true, but enough to know the truth of what I say about this excellent pursuit. Therefore, young sir, we shall hike at least five days a week, and if you refuse or resist or fail to look anything but pleased and delighted with this pastime, I shall —“

  “Yes, Monsieur?” said Master Toad with the easy insolence of one who does not believe for one moment that his pater will do anything at all to harm him.

  “— I have decided that I shall no longer pay your school fees and that you must go forthwith to work!”