“The other day, your mother made me watch this movie called P.S I Love You. She said it was based on a book like all those Nicholas Sparks movies are. But I don’t read so I don’t know who the author is. It wasn’t Sparks, but it was bloody depressing enough to be one of his ideas but then the end was kind of nice, so I’ll have to remember to look it up. Because I know it’s a book…anyway, I’m going off topic. So, in this movie, the husband dies, and he leaves all these letters for his wife as a way to say goodbye. So it’s kind of like he’s still there. I cried like a bloody baby through half of it, but it really got me thinking about how much I love you two and how devastated I’d be if I lost one of you and what would happen if you lost me. So, I thought I’d make this one video for you to find. I don’t like the idea of a whole year’s worth of letters, because I think that would really make it hard for you to grieve like it did for the girl in the movie. But anyway, I wanted to sit down and tell you how much I love you both and that if you are going through my things because I died doing one of those stupid things your mother is always telling me not to do, or if I just got sick and didn’t make it, then maybe you’re ready to see this ugly mug one more time and hear me talk about how much I love you and what I would hope for your futures. Because I’ve got to say, my biggest fear, is that both of you will stop your lives because Mad Maddie isn’t coping and Sandy wouldn’t want you to be alone. I can see that would happen because you’re both so close, and while I think that’s great, I would hate it if Sandra didn’t find her own love and life because she was too scared to lose them. And then I would hate it if Maddie stopped being the light in the world that she is every day just because I’m not there to share it with her. So, without waffling on for too long, what I wish for you both is this: live, my girls. Live without me and be happy. Know that I want you to smile, every single day. I want you to think about the moments we shared, and I want you to laugh instead of cry. I want you to love.
“For you, my beautiful Sandy, that means you’ll have to risk getting your heart broken. You think your dear old dad doesn’t know these things, but I see you. I see how you struggle to trust. But really, in the grand scheme of things, what’s a little heartache? It just means that you experienced love in the first place, and that’s really worth the risk in my opinion.
“And to you my darling, Madeline, as much as I hate to even consider this while I’m alive. If I’m not with you anymore, then I want you to find a way to open your heart again. I want you to go out in the world, and when you’re ready, fall in love again. I’ll be happy in the afterlife only if you’re happy in your life. So please, both of you. Find your happiness.”
He presses his lips together and gives a nod to the camera. “That’s all,” he says, before he reaches forward to switch it off, static crackling as the picture shakes and he grumbles, “How do you turn this bloody thing off? Oh…there.” And that’s when the disc ends.
Reaching out, I take my mother’s hand in mine as she looks at me with tears streaming down her face. “You okay?”
She nods. “Play it again,” she whispers, and I hit play, handing her the remote as we both sit together on the couch and look up at the screen as my dad tells us how much he loves us and how much he wants us to be happy. Over, and over, and over again. When we finally stop watching, I go into my room and before I can change my mind, I pull out my phone and send Jonathan a text.
Me: I want you. I need you. Above all, I love you. Red xx
Then I switch of my phone, almost as afraid of getting a response as I am of not getting one at all, and I head back out to my mother to finish cleaning up the lounge room in preparation of her new life. Of both our new lives.
Thirty-Nine
Sandra
Mum walks in with the newspaper. “Did you see they’re releasing that A Wanted Man movie in Australia first? There’ll be a big premiere in Sydney for it. The stars will all be here. You should go and see Jonathan,” she suggests, completely serious.
“What am I going to do, Mum? Show up there with all the fans?”
“Why not? It’d be tres romantic. He’d spot you in the crowds reach out and pull you onto the red carpet, kiss you passionately and—”
“Mum. Stop. He’s not going to do that.”
"How do you know?"
"I just do." Especially since it’s been two days since I sent that text and I haven’t heard a thing back. I even double checked that I sent it to the right person and made sure my phone was working. No comment.
"How? Have you spoken to him?"
"No."
"Then how do you know?"
"I sent him a text, and he didn't answer back."
"You sent him a text? When?"
"After we saw Dad’s video."
"Well, what if he didn't get it? Maybe he's travelling, or he's so busy working that he hasn't checked his phone. What if he has a new number now? It's been a year. You have to try with more than just a text, Sandra. Then, if it still doesn't work out, at least you'll know you tried everything in your power to make it right." She stands up and takes my laptop off the kitchen bench over to the table and opens it up.
“What are you doing?” I ask when she takes a seat in front of it, opening up the browser and typing into the search box. "I'm going to find out exactly what time that premiere of his is, and we’re going down there," she decides.
"To do what exactly?"
"I don't know, we’ll take a megaphone or hold up a giant sign. We’ll do something to get his attention. This has to be done."
"No mum, I really don't think this is a good idea," I say shaking my head emphatically.
"No yourself, Sandra. I'm not letting you throw your chance with him away. Love is worth the pain, sweetheart. You have to try."
I raise my hands to argue but instead, I drop them against my thighs in a slap as I let out a sigh. "Fine," I concede. “We’ll show up with signs and a megaphone.” It’s then that a soft knock sounds at the front door.
"Are you expecting someone?" Mum asks.
"It's probably Lisa. She said she’d drop by this week. Which reminds me; Marcus Bailey said to tell you ‘hi’."
Her face scrunches up in confusion. "Why in the world would he want to say hi to me?"
"He's obviously into pushy old chicks," I joke, laughing at her open-mouthed expression as I head for the living room and pull open the door.
"Hey,” I say cheerily turning towards Lisa with a smile. Although my smile drops and my mouth hangs open when I realise it's not Lisa.
"Hey." A deep and soothing rumble enters my ears and makes its way through my body, igniting each and every dormant nerve ending, reminding me I’m alive.
“Jonathan,” I gasp, my knees going soft.
He's here.
Right in front of me.
In real life.
My eyes drag over every inch of him, drinking in every tiny detail, as familiar to me as before. He’s still the same beautiful man that forced his way into my life all those months go. He still makes me feel exactly the same too.
I step aside, not trusting my voice to produce any sound as I let him inside.
"I got your text," he says when I close the front door, holding up his phone as evidence. "I came running."
"You did?" I ask slowly, my heart thumping against my chest as I wait for him to give me some sort of a sign that tells me it's okay to jump into his arms, because right now it's all I want to do.
"I did. I meant it when I said I'd wait for you. I love you, Red. No amount of time apart is going to change that."
Tears well in my eyes, and I tell myself that this is it, this is my sign, but I don't move. I’m afraid it will shatter like fragile glass, exploding around us, ruining this moment.
"Oh, for crying out loud, kiss her!" Mum yells from the back of the house, breaking into that fragility like a big ole wrecking ball.
“Ignore her,” I mutter before I sigh. “Actually, don’t ignore. Do exactly what she says.”
Stepping closer, Jonathan looks down at me with a grin that shows joy and amusement and hope all at once. "Gladly.” He slides his hands around my waist and pulls me up against him as he lowers his head, positioning his mouth near mine. “Don’t push me away again, Red.”
"I promise," I whisper. "I promise to just be yours forever. If you'll still have me."
"I want nothing more," he responds, lowering his mouth to mine and taking my lips in his with a soft gentle kiss that builds until it becomes all-encompassing. The world spins as I wrap my arms around his neck, holding on for dear life as I feel myself falling even deeper for this man. Now he's returned, my heart will be lost in him forever. After missing him and regretting this past year without him, I wouldn't have it any other way.
“I love you so much, Jonathan," I whisper when we pull apart, foreheads together, bodies shaking.
"I love you too, Red," he says, brushing his lips against mine again as my mother appears beside us, holding out her phone as she smiles.
“Oh, this is just like a movie,” she sighs. But she’s not looking at us, she’s looking at the screen instead.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
Sniffing, she wipes at a tear that’s falling from her eye before she answers. "This is so beautiful. I'm recording your reunion. The world will want to see this, you know. And I'm sure it will make me a fortune. Imagine how many countries I’ll be able to see while living off the profits!"
"Oh, my God. You can't do that, Mum!" I reach out to snatch the phone from her hands.
"Stop! It's my retirement plan," she yelps, dodging my grip.
Pushing away from Jonathan I give chase to my surprisingly sprightly mother. "Give it to me!" I yell. "You can't profit off your own daughter."
“Oh yes, I can. Especially after I was in labor for twenty hours with you. I tell you, my vagina was never the same after your big head came out if it.”
“I’ll move away and never speak to you again,” I bluff when she puts the couch between us and I can’t reach her.
She gasps. “You wouldn’t.”
“Upload that video and find out.”
“Fine.” Finally seeing the logic in my argument, she stops fighting me and hands me the phone. All the while, Jonathan stands in the doorway laughing at the two of us.
"Wait. You're not going to delete that are you?" Jonathan asks as he sees me tapping at her screen.
"Of course I am," I respond, my thumb hovering over the delete button.
He holds his hand up to stop me. "Don't. Please. That's the moment the rest of our lives together began. You can't delete that."
Lowering the phone I meet his eyes. "You're right," I agree. "But you are not to post, share or sell that footage to anyone," I tell my mother as I hand her back the phone. "All right?"
Taking the phone from me and holding it against her chest she nods and smiles. "I promise." And from the cheeky look in her eyes, I wonder if she was ever planning on selling it, or if she was just trying to stir me up for being such an idiot and pushing Jonathan away in the first place.
Reaching out, Jonathan takes my hand and pulls me against him, wrapping his arm around me possessively. "Can I steal your daughter away for a while, Mrs Haegan? We have a bit of catching up to do.” He speaks to her but his eyes are on me the entire time, filled with hunger and longing. And in this moment, I’m pretty much willing to go anywhere he asks me to.
“It’s Madz, please. And sure, keep her. She’s a big stick in the mud these days, anyway.”
Turning toward her, I see the smile in her eyes as I give her a raised-browed, unimpressed look as Jonathan pulls me out of the door.
“Have fun,” she sing-songs as she closes the door behind us and Jonathan leads me to his car, opening the passenger door before capturing me in his arms and kissing me passionately in the street.
“God, I’ve missed you so much,” he murmurs against my lips, kissing me again, and again.
“I’m missed you too. I should never have told you to go. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”
“I was always going to wait for you, Red, for as long as it took I would wait. I knew I couldn’t push you, so I did what you said, I went and played that role. I did the best I could, and I waited until you reached out to me. And finally,” he pauses, brushing his fingers down the length of my hair. “You did, and I got here as soon as I could.”
“You came home because of the text?” I ask, a smile crossing my lips as I realise he probably walked out of a bunch of promo obligations to get here so soon.
“I made it clear when I signed the contract that the moment you called me, I’d be dropping whatever I was doing and coming back to you.”
“And they agreed to that?”
He shrugs and smiles. “Sure they did. I’m a bit of a something you know?”
“So, I hear. But you’re everything to me.”
“And you’re everything to me.” He kisses me again then lets me in the car when he tears his mouth away. “Let’s go home,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to mine before he closes the door then rounds the car to his side. As we drive towards his Pyrmont apartment, I can’t stop grinning. He came back for me.
Forty
Jonathan
"I want you to come to the premier with me next week," I murmur in Sandra’s ear as I pull her through the front door of my apartment. This feels like a dream I’ve been dreaming over and over for the last year. It’s hard to believe it’s reality.
“Walk the red carpet?” I waste no time in pulling her shirt over her head, pushing her up against the door, my hands cupping her breasts as I nip and suck on her neck, grinding my rock hard cock against her.
"Yes." I knead her breasts and tweak her nipples, causing her to whimper and moan beneath my touch. “I want the world to understand who we both belong to.” In the time we spent apart, all I could do was think about this moment where we’d be together again. Interviews and gossip columns questioned my relationship status, but I refused to say anything. What Sandra and I have is special, and I refused to have them poking and prodding something that needed time and patience to flourish again.
“I want that,” she whimpers. “I want to belong to you.”
"And I don't want to be apart from you again. I need you with me every night, Red. You need to stay with me.” I drag her pants down her legs, needing her naked, needing to reclaim this body as mine. Two nights is all we’ve ever had. I need her to be my forever. I’ve given her the time she needed, now it’s time to claim her as my own and keep her this time.
“I want that too.”
"And I need to be inside you. It’s been torture dreaming about your sweet wet entrance just waiting for me to come inside. I need you, Red,” I say, freeing my cock from my pants. “I need you right now." I push myself inside her with one swift movement, causing her to gasp and dig her fingers into my shoulders.
“Oh, yes,” she moans, her head dropping back against the door when I swivel my hips and shudder at the tight warmth as I drive myself back into her depths. This is where I belong.
“Red,” I gasp, closing my mouth over hers as I worship her insides with every fluid stroke. I’m so keyed up that I’m not going to last long, but damned if I’m not going to draw it out as long as I can. Being inside her again is absolute heaven. Having her taste in my mouth is bliss. And having her arms clinging to me while I hold her against the door is perfection.
“I’m coming.” Her grip tightens, fingers clenching into the fabric of my shirt. “Jonathan. Oh god.” Her body erupts, her insides tightening as I growl and spill out my own release, a whole year of desperate longing fills her up.
"I've missed you so much," I murmur, my kisses softer in the afterglow. "So. fucking. much."
She looks up with emotion-filled eyes that make my heart feel enormous in my chest. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am, Jonathan. I’ve been so miserable without you.”
“Don’t apologise, beautiful. You needed tim
e to heal and be with your mum. I understand. I’m just glad we’re together again now.”
“Me too,” she whispers, blinking her tears away as I wrap my arms around her and walk her into my bedroom, lying us both on the bed and slowly moving inside her again. I’m still hard, still ready and desperate for more.
"I promise to make up for every moment we missed,” I say, loving the sight of her beneath me on my bed. “We won't be leaving this bed for a while.”
"I don't want to leave. I promise I’m exactly where I want to be. You are my home and wherever you are is where I belong. As long as we’re together, the rest will work itself out." That sounds perfect. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
I brush my fingers against her cheek, causing her eyes to close while a surge of pure joy floods my body. She is my home.
“No matter what happens in life, we go through it together from now on. Deal?”
“Deal,” she agrees, sliding her fingers through my hair then pulling me close so our mouths are locked again. Bodies, mouths and minds, moving as one while we lose ourselves the intensity of what we have.
Over the years I’ve been called a lot of things when it came to my relationships with women, but devoted was never one of them. Now, it’s the only thing I am. With Sandra, I want it all—the relationship, the house, the kids, the life. She’s my favourite person in the world, my best friend, my lover, my everything. I would wait a century for her if I had to. She’s more than worth it.
Epilogue
Sandra
Six months later and my life has gone from sad and lonely to filled with hope and joy. First of all, I’m working again. Both Naomi and Lisa were kind enough to insist on exclusive stories that were told only to me, and in turn, they recommended me to acquaintances and once word got out that I was Jonathan Masters’s partner, suddenly I had access to stars who were usually media shy but wanted to tell their story to someone who would report the facts.
Star (Beautiful Book 5) Page 24
