Through Love's Eyes

by C. A. Popovich

  * * *

  Erika chose the same corner table for breakfast she’d occupied the night before. A couple from Ohio stopped to ask for her autograph and chat before leaving. She enjoyed the attention from fans, though requests for autographs had become fewer over the years, and she never turned any down. All too soon, she could be just another face in the crowd, and the thought made her tremble inside.

  “Hey. Good morning, beautiful.” Peter leaned over and kissed her on the cheek before sitting across from her. “You look fantastic. The photos from the shoot at the fort are perfect. The magazine is thrilled, so far.” He thanked the server when she placed a cup of coffee on the table for him.

  “Hi, Pete. It was fun. I learned a lot about it and the island. So, did you get any leads on more work?” She moved her silverware back and forth on the table to calm her nerves.

  Peter was quiet as he cradled his cup with both hands and raised his head to meet her eyes. “Vogue’s going with a nineteen-year-old newbie this year. Smooth bronze skin, charcoal brown eyes, and perfect smile.” Peter let go of his coffee cup, took her hands in his, and squeezed gently. “I’m telling you this, not to upset you, but to keep you grounded in reality. Naturalé Mag is still hoping for you. I think you should consider it.”

  “I told you I’m not interested in a nudie magazine. What about Elle or Bazaar?” She hated sounding so desperate, but panic was creeping in.

  “Sorry. Their words were, ‘We’re going in a different direction this year.’” He let go of her hands and sat back in his chair.

  “I see.” She stared into her cup hoping answers would appear, like reading tea leaves. “Do I have work after we’re done here?” Her stomach dropped when he didn’t answer right away.

  “I’m working on it. I’m doing my best, Erika, but it’s getting more difficult. The big publications want young and fresh. I’m checking on the smaller, lesser known ones, too. New magazines might be an option, but they can’t afford the top models. I’ll keep looking. You’ll be in and around the hotel today, and I’ll get back to you either tonight or tomorrow.” He took a quick bite of croissant and then stood. “The Naturalé shoot would keep you working, at least. I’ll be in touch.” He left a fifty-dollar bill on the table and headed for the exit.

  Erika checked her watch and left for a short stroll along the porch before she was due to meet Kathy to prep for the day’s event. She ignored the butterflies in her stomach and hoped words would come to her if she ran into Brittany, but she was nowhere to be found as Erika wandered across the porch and toward the stables. She figured the magazine bosses had let whoever was in charge know the carriage wasn’t needed today, as it was parked next to another inside the barn but away from the horses’ stalls. A surreal feeling washed over her as she breathed in the scent of the horses. Standing in a barn was far removed from her city life in Manhattan and globetrotting, but wasn’t unfamiliar to the child she once was. She’d begged her parents for a horse throughout her childhood only to be told it would be irresponsible. She couldn’t take a chance of falling off a horse and messing up her skin or body in any way. She’d finally given up and concentrated on her modeling classes instead.

  She headed back to the hotel. What did Brittany do on her time off? Did she have someone special in her life? Her disappointment at not finding Brittany surprised her. She wasn’t looking forward to their conversation, but she knew it was necessary. She spent a few minutes people watching before heading back to her room to prepare for the day. She settled into the chair Kathy had set for her and pushed away concerns about her future.

  “You’re distracted this morning, Ms. James.” Kathy gently lifted her chin as she tipped her head side to side to examine her makeup.

  “Just thinking about the shoot,” she lied. “We’ll be doing more walking than usual.”

  She checked herself in the mirror and saw a maturing, though still model perfect figure and a designer outfit that fit her perfectly. She stood to her full height and followed Kathy out the door. Maybe doing the nude photos would show the other magazines what good shape she was in, and she could compete with the younger models. Maybe.

  Chapter Nine

  Brittany had never seen the burn wards so full. She joined the rest of the monthly volunteers at a round table in the nurses’ office. “Hey, Joanne, I’ve never seen so many kids.”

  “We received a huge donation from one of our donors last month, so we were able to add fifty beds to our clinic. I wish there weren’t so many who needed to be here, though.” Joanne looked sad but determined. “We’ve all been working overtime. Thanks for coming again this month. The younger patients especially appreciate your visits.”

  “It’s the least I can do to give back a little. I remember the fear and loneliness when I was here. I was in pain and frightened, and the adults who visited and shared their stories helped me believe I’d be okay.” Brittany wanted to make the most of her short time at the burn clinic so she didn’t elaborate. She couldn’t know how much emotional healing her visits gave the young patients, but her time spent with them provided her with as much healing as her therapist.

  Joanne squeezed her hand before she stood and led the group to don sterile gowns and masks.

  Brittany spent the afternoon encouraging as many youngsters as she could. Too many lay enclosed in plastic, protected from infection. She protected herself from her rising memory-induced panic with deep breaths and focused on the patients. It had lessened in severity over the years, but she forced back tears when she recognized the dread on the children’s faces. She focused on projecting positive energy and hope. She assured Joanne she’d return when she had time off again and left the clinic.

  Brittany took her time walking to her car to settle her emotions. She’d never stop visiting and supporting the clinic that had saved her life. The doctors, the nurses, and her parents had all played a huge role in her recovery, and her heart filled with gratitude. She took a breath and expelled it before unlocking her car door and settling behind the wheel.

  She removed her glasses to wipe the escaping tears and rested her head on the car seat. She closed her eyes to block out the agonizing memories of her own traumatic experience and concentrated on the healing she’d achieved. Her visits unsettled her but also brought her gratitude. She had the ability to offer comfort to the suffering youths, although she knew words of empathy and compassion only touched the surface of their pain. Her presence as an adult survivor showed them the possibilities of healing, and that was what would stay with them. She replaced her glasses and took a few minutes to collect herself before concentrating on her drive.

  She guided her vehicle toward the ferry and thought of Erika. She’d enjoyed taking her on the short tour yesterday, but toward the end, she sensed Erika wanted to talk about something. She’d looked as if she wanted to speak but had turned away. Perhaps Erika had recognized her after all. She’d probably say something before she left the island, but if not, she questioned if it would make any difference. She parked her car in the long-term parking lot and boarded the ferry back to the island.

  Being off the island for the day reminded her she was due for a visit to her parents. Mackinac Island was her home now. She had a few friends, and work to support herself, but she missed her parents’ love and encouragement. She relaxed to the feel of the rolling waves and let her mind wander as she watched the wake and the view of the bridge as they passed it. Erika, a world-traveling model, had lived two blocks away in the small town where they’d grown up. They’d been close once, sharing their lives and secrets, but lived in completely different worlds now. She shook off her musings, followed the small crowd off the ferry, and began the walk to her apartment. She got halfway there and changed direction toward the stables. She missed the horses when she was away, and since the return of Erika in her life, she needed to be where she was accepted and valued.

  “Hey, Brittany. What’re you doing here? Don’t you have the day off?” George set down the harness he
was holding as he faced her.

  “I do. I’ve been at the burn unit in Community General all day. I wanted to stop and see how you were doing.”

  “Ah. Your volunteer day, huh?”

  “Yeah. It was sad and healing at the same time.” Brittany sat on a bench, grateful for George’s friendship.

  “Everything’s been quiet around here. Your famous model and her group were here for about an hour taking pictures with the horses and sitting on the carriages. I just sat back and watched. Erika James is a real beauty, for sure.” George settled next to her on the bench. “Are you getting along with the group okay?”

  “Oh yeah. It’s been fine. They do their thing, and I just concentrate on my job.” Brittany stood and stifled a yawn. “I think I’ll head home. I’m pretty tired. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” She waved as she left the barn.

  Brittany took the path past the hotel porch on her way home. If her suspicions were correct, and Erika had recognized her yesterday, she wanted to get the uncomfortable reunion over. She checked the area outside and peeked into the lobby but didn’t see Erika anywhere, so she continued home. She’d spent over twenty years filled with anger and resentment. Maybe having Erika here was a chance to deal with it and heal. They didn’t have to be friends, although she had a hard time suppressing memories of when they had been, things had gone way beyond that, but it would be good to clear the air.

  Part of her was grateful she hadn’t seen Erika. Her off-island visit had drained her, and all she wanted to do was relax with a cup of tea before going to bed.

  * * *

  Brittany waited for the magazine group in her usual spot the next morning. She wiped her palms on her jeans and shifted in her seat. She told herself there was no reason to be nervous, but her stomach knotted as she watched Erika approach with the carriage.

  “Good morning, Brittany.” Erika climbed into the carriage, and the photographer slid onto the seat next to her while the rest of the crew hopped on the back.

  “Good morning. Did you have a good time at the hotel yesterday?”

  “Yeah!” The photographer resettled her camera on her lap. “I had no idea the hotel had such a great history.” She grinned ear to ear.

  Brittany smiled. Other people’s enthusiasm was always nice to see. “Did you enjoy the day, Erika?” She turned to face her.

  “Yes. It was interesting, but I sort of missed the carriage ride and your description of things.”

  Brittany squirmed, unused to anyone holding her gaze so directly but gave in for a moment to the feeling of someone looking past her scars. “Thank you. I’m glad to hear I’m interesting.” She turned to the others who had joined them. “Are we ready to head out for today’s adventure?”

  “All set back here,” one of the three magazine representatives said.

  She guided the horses toward their destination of the day and automatically started providing information. “Mission Point is one of the most scenic sights on the island. The Mission Point Resort is a bit north of here and has a gorgeous view of the straits.” She stopped speaking, and the space was filled with chatter about clothing and fabric and light, and she zoned out, instead enjoying the beautiful morning. Before long, Brittany steered the horses to the edge of the road and secured the carriage while the group unloaded equipment.

  “This spot is breathtaking.” Erika stood at an opening in the brush along the shore. She looked mesmerized.

  So are you. Brittany hoped she hadn’t spoken aloud as she stepped next to her, the unexpected thought unwanted and quickly pushed away. “Yes, it is. The groups I bring here spend a lot of time taking pictures. I hope your photo shoot goes well.” She walked back to the carriage to wait for them to finish and to shake off the confusing feelings being close to Erika sparked.

  Chapter Ten

  “Again?” Erika slogged out of the water and nearly tripped over the rocks strewn along the shore. The photographer had positioned her against the outcropped rock with one foot in the water and the other braced on a branch of a scrub bush. She’d stumbled and slipped on the wet rocks, almost falling headfirst into the chilly water before she caught her balance and climbed out. She silently sent a prayer of thanks to her personal trainer for her physical conditioning. “Okay. Where do you want me this time?” She dried off her legs and feet below her designer Capri pant legs while the photographer waited for her.

  “There.” She pointed to a spot on the shore farther from the water. “I like the way the light will sparkle on the water behind you.”

  Erika posed for several more shots before they stopped for the day. It had been a good day, and the smile on the photographer’s face indicated she agreed. She pushed aside her anxiety and mentally rehearsed the conversation she hoped to have with Brittany soon. She removed her soggy sandals and padded barefoot back to the carriage.

  “Welcome back.” Brittany spoke from her perch on the front seat.

  “Thanks. This is a beautiful spot, but I’m pooped.” Erika shivered and wished she’d brought a sweater. She tipped her head side to side trying to stretch out the tension and pushed her intention to talk to Brittany until the next day. She needed hot chocolate and a hot shower. She shivered again.

  “Here.” Brittany hopped off the wagon and opened the door to a storage area under it. She gave her a blanket and one to her photographer, who sat hugging herself. “You two look like you could use these.”

  “Thanks.” The intense spark of desire took her unawares when Brittany passed her the blanket and their fingers brushed.

  “If you’re all ready, we’ll head back to the hotel.” Brittany smiled as she twisted to address the group.

  Erika held her gaze and caught her slight hesitation as she turned to face forward and urged the horses to begin the trip back. She wrapped herself tighter in the blanket to force away the mental image of sharing the space with Brittany. She reminded herself that they were no longer Brit and Amy. Friends sharing a kiss. She’d destroyed any chance of friendship between them twenty-three years ago. Thoughts of anything more would be ludicrous.

  The trip back to the hotel dragged on much longer than the morning trip to Mission Point. Erika reluctantly handed the blanket over to Brittany when they exited the carriage. She turned to face her and steeled herself. “I’m going to take a hot shower and put on some dry clothes, but would you meet me in the dining area for a cup of hot chocolate later? I’d like to chat.”

  She squirmed under Brittany’s scrutiny until she looked away and answered. “Sure. I’ll get the horses settled for the night and meet you there.”

  Erika watched her walk away and vowed to maintain her courage. She was positive Brittany knew who she was. Now it was time to own up to her past. Once in her room, she removed and tossed her soggy shoes into a corner and stripped quickly before getting into the hot shower.

  She took a few minutes to decide before she chose a pair of black Capris and a soft cotton polo shirt. Casual, but stylish. She checked herself in the mirror twice, unsure why she wanted to look her best for Brittany, and grabbed a sweater on her way out the door.

  The crowded dining area surprised her until she realized it was Friday and the weekend was coming up. She’d noticed quite a few more people in the halls of the hotel for the past couple of days but hadn’t taken any time to think about it. Her uneasy stomach and sweaty palms reminded her of the impending conversation. She sat at one of the few empty tables and switched her intended hot chocolate to a glass of wine. She took a sip and set the glass down when Brittany entered the room and searched for her. Their eyes met, and she suppressed the urge to run in the opposite direction. She smiled and waved. “Hey there.” Brittany slid into the seat across from her and glanced at her wine glass. “That doesn’t look like hot chocolate.”

  “I decided I needed some liquid courage tonight. May I buy you a glass?”

  “No, thank you. I think hot chocolate sounds good.” Brittany pulled her jacket tighter around her. “I’m a little chill
ed tonight. May evenings can still be nippy this far north.”

  Erika took a drink of wine to postpone the inevitable while silence stretched between them. She began to speak when Brittany interrupted by placing her hand over hers.

  “It’s okay, Amy. You look scared to death. Want to take a walk? I know a nice quiet spot with a log as a front row seat to the full moon.” Brittany ordered two cups of hot chocolate to go while Erika finished her wine in one gulp and stood to put on her sweater.

  Erika silently rehearsed what she wanted to say as they carried their cups out the door. She hadn’t missed her use of her real name. It confirmed Brittany knew who she was, and hearing her name spoken after so long was startling. But what she wanted to know was how much anguish and anger Brittany carried. Once they were seated on the same log they’d shared before, her mind went blank. How do I begin?

  “Are you warm enough?” Brittany asked.

  “Yes. Thank you.” Erika paused. “I need to talk to you, Brittany, and I think you know what I want to talk about.” She shifted on the log to face her. “I guess I want to start by apologizing.” She held her breath, anticipating a harsh response.