Through Love's Eyes

by C. A. Popovich

  “This is comfortable, and I imagine the food’s good.” Erika turned in her chair and perused the room. “It has a bar, too.”

  “Yeah. You can get a percentage off your bill if you’re staying at the Grand Hotel, also.” Brittany realized Erika wouldn’t care about that as soon as she said it. It was going to take her a while to get used to being with someone rich. That thought surprised her. Erika would be leaving for New York eventually. Maybe soon. Then what?

  “Cool.” She looked at the menu and decided. “The roasted chicken salad sounds great. And, since I get the discount, I’m buying.”

  Brittany didn’t argue. She’d spent more on food since Erika had been there than she had in the entire month prior. They ordered their meals and Erika had a glass of wine.

  As always, their conversation flowed easily. Brittany talked about some of the odd hotel guests she’d met over the years, and Erika fascinated her with tales of the foreign countries she’d been to. Brittany looked at her watch.

  “I think Sadie’s Ice Cream parlor is still open. Would you like to stop in or save it for another day?”

  “Let’s do it tomorrow.”

  “Sounds good. Let’s go relax for a while.” Brittany took her hand and led the way back to her apartment.

  * * *

  They settled on Brittany’s couch to watch the late evening news. She wrestled with her desire to ask Erika to stay overnight, but she had only one bed. She could offer to sleep on the couch, but she realized her desire to have Erika there was because she wanted to feel her next to her, and there was no way she was ready for where that might lead if they slept in the same bed. Erika stirred next to her and Brittany sat up and stretched.

  “I guess I’ll head back to the hotel. Sorry, I almost fell asleep,” Erika said.

  “Do you want me to walk you back?” Brittany stood and yawned.

  “I’ll be fine, but thanks.” Erika reached for her hand and pulled her close. She cupped her face in her hands and pressed her lips against hers.

  Brittany’s body reacted before her mind registered what was happening. She pulled her against her and followed Erika’s lead with her lips. She used the same pressure but parted her lips slightly. She whimpered and moved her hands to cradle Erika’s head. The need to feel her everywhere overwhelmed her senses. She needed something she couldn’t define, but her body throbbed, and she felt herself grow wet. It was a new feeling, and she liked it. She drew away but held on to Erika’s waist. They were both breathing hard.

  “I think I better go now.” Erika gave her a peck on the lips and left, giving her a quick, sweet smile before closing the door behind her.

  Brittany dropped back onto the couch. She was aroused and unsure what to do about it. She wanted Erika’s touch, not her own. Flashbacks of her pinned to Erika’s door and the feel of her body against hers triggered another flood of wetness. The new feelings and emotions she’d begun to experience since Erika had returned to her life began and ended with her. What would she do if Erika left? When. When Erika left. She forced aside her fears and refused to think of the future, as if she had some control over it. She plodded to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth before bed.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Erika sat back in her chair, people watching in the expansive dining area. She thanked the server when he refilled her coffee cup and cleared away her breakfast dishes. She watched a couple finish their meal and lean closer to gaze into each other’s eyes. She drank her coffee and switched her attention to a lone woman seated against the wall. Was she alone, or waiting for someone? A formally dressed man and woman stood to leave. Were they vacationing and making a stop for breakfast before heading to an opera? She chuckled at her musings. It had been many years since she’d had time to just sit and ponder nothing. She thought of it as wasting time. Her mother’s words echoed in her mind.

  Never waste your time. You must remember people will be watching you. You have to always smile, wear your makeup, and present yourself with grace and elegance. What would people think if you looked sloppy or lazy?

  She shook her head to dislodge the unwelcome reminder of life. She replaced it with gratitude for her parents’ concern and support. She knew her mother’s words came from a place of love and worry for her future, but she didn’t want to think about her future now. Her life’s focus had been perfection. To be the best, the prettiest, the top model in the world and it seemed as if it were crashing down around her. She checked her watch, paid her bill, and went to her room to wait for Peter’s call.

  She made herself a cup of coffee and settled into a chair. Her thoughts turned to Brit and she decided to test her cell reception. She sent her a text telling her she was thinking of her and wanted to buy her dinner. She finished her coffee and began to worry. No word from Peter. She fantasized he was busy reviewing new contracts from magazines. She pulled out one of the magazines she’d picked up and reviewed the articles. She checked out the latest models and scowled at their youthful faces and figures. She tossed it aside and decided to go for a walk. Her cell phone pinged before she left the room. She picked up her phone, and read the text. Dinner later sounds great. I get off work at three. Let’s make it about six. She smiled, remembering their previous evening and heated kiss. She sensed Brit’s innocence and remembered her words regarding their first kiss. The last thing she wanted to do was take advantage of her and she vowed to keep her hands, and her lips, to herself that night. She checked for a call from Peter before she slid her cell phone into her back pocket and left her room.

  She started to head toward town, but changed her mind and proceeded uphill toward the fort. At least she hoped it was the way to the fort. How long had it been since she needed to find her own way anywhere? She picked up her pace and realized the time off her workout schedule hadn’t set her back too badly. She’d never been a runner, but she loved a brisk walk, and this beautiful island was a perfect place for one. She followed the road until she reached the fort, where she stopped and took a picture with her phone. She continued along the road enjoying the adventure on her own. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had time entirely to herself, especially out in public. The lack of fans had been disconcerting, but today, it was incredibly freeing.

  She waved at a horse and rider who ambled past in the opposite direction and stopped to enjoy the view from atop a hill overlooking a wooded area. She took another picture and checked her watch. She never lost track of time. It was something she could never afford to do. She was required either to be posing for a shoot or preparing for one. She decided she rather liked this down time, but she told herself it was only temporary. Just a short vacation before her next job. She turned to head back to the hotel but continued past it once she got there in hopes of seeing Brit near the stables. She hiked to the back of the building and found George at a small picnic table having lunch. “Hi, George.”

  “Ms. James. Hello. What brings you out here?” He waved to the empty seat across from him. “I assumed you’d be heading back to New York by now.”

  “No. My agent’s in New York trying to line something up for me, so I’m kind of waiting for him.” Erika straddled the bench seat, unsure if she should stay and interrupt his lunch break.

  “Ah. I hope you’re enjoying your time here. I know it’s done wonders for Brittany.” He took a bite of his sandwich and a swallow of iced tea, but his gaze stayed on her, the little laugh lines around his eyes crinkling.

  Erika had no idea what he meant and scrambled for a way to ask without sounding nosy. “She’s been a great driver. I’ve enjoyed listening to her knowledge of the island.”

  George held her gaze for a time before speaking. “I remember when Brittany first started working at the stables. She was a shy, self-conscious kid, but with a heart of gold and a will the likes of which I’d never seen. We have a few stable hands working here, and I swear Brittany can outwork them all. I could tell she’d been hurt badly in her young life, but she refused to talk
about it.” He took another bite of his sandwich and remained quiet.

  “What did you mean by it’s done wonders for her?” Erika believed it was Brit’s choice to tell George it was her that had hurt her, so she kept that to herself.

  “I’m sure you noticed the scars on her face. Brittany was burned as a kid and spent time in a burn unit. She’s self-conscious about her scars and avoids people when she can, so I try to take over the carriage driving duty. Since she’s driven your group around, she’s come out of her shell a bit. Yesterday and today, she volunteered to drive the omnibus to the dock. She used to avoid that as often as she could. I think seeing that you didn’t make a big deal about her scars has helped heal her inside.” George finished his sandwich and stood. “I better get back to work. Are you going to be around for the Lilac Festival?”

  Erika had read the ads for one of the biggest events on the island. “It starts the seventh of June right?”

  “Yeah. It’s a lot of fun.”

  “I’ll see what my agent has to say. Thanks, George.” She hiked back to the hotel, hoping to hear from Peter soon.

  Watching George eat his sandwich had reminded her she hadn’t had lunch. She didn’t want to have to talk to Peter in a room full of other diners, so she ordered a cup of soup and a salad from room service.

  She finished her lunch and laid all the pamphlets she’d gotten from the hotel out on the bed. The Lilac Festival looked like fun, but June was a couple of weeks off. She hoped to be back in New York getting ready for photo shoots by then. Part of her hoped for that, anyway. The quieter part of her soul had enjoyed this morning’s solitude and looked forward to a simple local festival where she wasn’t the star of the show. She shook her head. That part needed to be shut down, at least until she was really ready to retire. And she wasn’t. Not yet.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  “Thanks, Barb. I feel a little silly, but I appreciate your help.” Brittany had stopped at an area with good cell phone reception to call for a bit of emotional support.

  “No problem. Just remember to protect your heart, my friend. You deserve honesty and respect. The love and the other stuff we discussed will come naturally, if it’s meant to be. Just make sure it feels right. Never go along with something because you think you should. If she cares about you, she’ll respect that.”

  “Okay. I think I’ll be okay. I don’t know what will happen or what I want to happen, but I know I want to kiss her again, so that will probably happen.” She felt like a ten-year-old searching for words to convey her feelings.

  “Take care and be careful. It might feel overwhelming, so remember, you have a right to slow things down if you need to.”

  Brittany disconnected the call and drew air deep into her lungs. Her friend Barb had experience she was willing to share. She helped Brittany define what she was feeling after Erika’s kiss.

  Brittany knew the mechanics of lesbian sex from the novels she’d read, and movies and TV were full of heterosexual sex. It was the intensity of the feelings when Erika kissed her or their bodies pressed together that she never could have imagined from any outside source. Experiencing it turned out to be so much more powerful than anything she’d ever known.

  She pointed the horses toward the stables with a sense of courage. She might be inexperienced, but at least she’d confirmed that she was having a natural reaction to being close to Erika.

  Brittany didn’t see George when she arrived back at the hotel, so she parked the coach, unhitched the horses, and put them in their stalls by herself. She left him a note before leaving to let him know she was back and hurried home to shower and change. She carefully reapplied the makeup on her scars and examined her reflection. The pigment had changed and evened out over the years but the damage remained. Whether other people saw it as clearly as she did, she’d never know. Some days it was all she could see when she looked at herself. But Erika wouldn’t have kissed a freak, right? She pushed aside her reservations, surprised at how easily she could, and dressed quickly.

  She slowed her pace on her way back to Erika’s room to give herself time to think. Maybe they needed to talk more about the past. She could tell her feelings for Erika were growing, and if they were going to spend more time together, she needed to make sure she kept her emotions in check. Barb’s encouragement and gentle warning echoed in her mind. Did she need to protect her heart? Erika was waiting for Peter to find her more work, but he’d encouraged her to take the nude photos job. What if she left for New York and never looked back? What if she considered their reunion just a short stop along the expressway of her high-speed life? Her insecurity grew the closer she got to the hotel, and she took a series of deep, settling breaths before she knocked on the door.

  Erika opened the door on the first knock. “Come on in.”

  She stepped aside and her warm smile chased away Brittany’s reservations. “Did you think about where you wanted to eat?”

  “I took the liberty of ordering the prime rib. Then I decided on hazelnut cake for dessert. It should be here in about fifteen minutes. Okay with you?”

  “Sounds good to me.” Brittany sat across from Erika in what she now considered her chair. “I’d like us to talk tonight, if it’s okay with you.”

  “Sure.” Erika turned to face her, looking concerned.

  “I guess first of all, do you know how much longer you’ll be here?” She tried not to fidget.

  “That’s a good question. I’m waiting to hear from Peter. I’d hoped it would be today, but he hasn’t called yet. He’s trying to get me work besides the Naturalé one I told you about. I guess I’m not sure how long I’ll be here.” She sighed. “I have this hotel suite for another week and a half, so I think I’ll stay that long unless Peter finds a magazine that needs me right away.”

  “I guess that answers my question.” She swallowed hard. Could she make the most of their time together and ignore the possible loss? What choice did she have? “I think Ben will let me have a few days off before the Memorial Day rush, so let’s plan some excursions. I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I’d love to take you to a place I visit off the island.” Brittany decided not to obsess about how long Erika would be back in her life. One thing she’d learned in therapy was to take things a day at a time, and this situation was no different.

  Their conversation was interrupted by the food delivery, and Brittany realized she was hungry now that the knot in her stomach had unraveled. There were still plenty of questions, but she wondered what the point of asking them was. Erika didn’t have any real answers. She hoped she could count on Erika staying another week and a half and she’d see where things stood then. She’d protect her heart one day at a time.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Erika finished her coffee and watched the rain fall. Raindrops hit the window and created individual streams against the backdrop of the distant water. It was like a painting, beautiful and sad. She rose from her window seat to refill her coffee cup and check her watch. The rain might be affecting Brit’s work schedule. They had plans to rent bikes that afternoon, but the longer the rain fell, the more likely she figured their plans would change.

  She struggled to push aside her growing distress about Peter’s lack of communication. He’d promised a call with information good or bad, but she hadn’t heard a word from him since he’d left. She sent him texts and hoped they’d gone through. She considered flying back to New York to hunt him down but she was enjoying her time with Brit and when she did go back to work, she’d miss her more than she wanted to admit. She had to get back to work. Who would she be if she couldn’t work? Another question unsettled her nearly as much. The thought of leaving Brittany behind made her ache inside. But what could they really have, beyond these few special weeks? She paced the length of the room a few times before she sat on the end of her bed. She closed her eyes and meditated for a few minutes to settle her angst. She concentrated on her breath and finally reached a place of calm when a knock at the door intruded on her s
erenity.

  “Come on in, Brit.” Erika called out from the bedroom. She wasn’t expecting anyone other than Brit, so she took a moment to stretch and fully center herself before going into the other room. She smiled when she turned the corner.

  Brit stood holding two bags in front of her. One from Ryba’s fudge and the other from a pasty store. “Since it’s so icky outside, we can have lunch here. Do you like pasties?”

  She looked adorable in her jeans and new T-shirt, holding the bags up in front of her before setting them on the table. “I do. It sounds great.” She gave in to her desire to kiss her, which happened every time they were together lately. She cupped her chin with one hand and slid her lips across hers, but didn’t anticipate the intensity of her body’s response when Brit pulled her close so the front of their bodies met. She stood two inches taller, but Brit had no trouble holding her up when her knees buckled.

  “Are you, okay?” Brit sounded out of breath. “I’m sorry. Did I squeeze too hard?” She held her at arm’s length.

  “No, no. Not at all.” She stroked her cheek to give herself a moment to collect herself. “I just wasn’t expecting my reaction.”

  Brit grinned and looked pleased as she took her hands and kissed her knuckles. “I needed to feel you against me. It’s an incredible feeling.”

  “I agree. Shall we eat while the food’s warm?” She pulled the plastic silverware out of the bag and set the pasties on the table and tried to ignore her shaky hands. “It’s been years since I had one of these. I don’t even remember where it was.” She retrieved two bottles of water and sat next to Brit.

  “It was probably in England. The pasty is associated with the Cornish people in the United Kingdom.”

  “It was in England, now that you mention it. Where did you learn that?”