NICK: O’Connor Brothers #3

by Kelly, A. S.

  He points to the plastic bag filled with bottles. “And something to lighten the mood.”

  “Something to loosen my inhibitions, you mean.”

  “Do you think a couple of beers would be enough?”

  “Probably not.”

  “Look, I’m not as sneaky as you think I am.”

  “You’re worse,” I say, pulling out the bottles, one-by-one.

  Nick rummages in his pocket for a bottle-opener and hands it to me.

  “You thought of everything,” I comment, before taking it from him and opening two beers. I pass him one, taking a few sips of mine. “Do you also know how this evening is going to end?”

  He sighs, smiling. “I’d love to have that power, but unfortunately no. I can’t tell you how tonight’s going to end. But I can tell you how I want it to end.”

  I place my beer on the sand and cast my gaze out to sea. “Can we just lay all of our cards out for a second?”

  “If you want, I can lay you out.”

  I shake my head. “You know what I mean. I want you to be honest.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “I want to know what you’re doing.”

  “I thought it was obvious. I want to have dinner with you, here on the beach. I want to look at your profile, illuminated by the sunset. I want to breathe you in, with the sea air, and maybe…”

  “Stop. That’s already too much.”

  “It’s only the beginning.”

  “There is no beginning, Nick.”

  Nick stretches out his legs and leans his hands back on the sand behind him.

  “You don’t believe me.”

  “It’s difficult to believe you.”

  “Because you think I haven’t changed.”

  “That’s true, though, Nick.”

  “I’m not the same little kid anymore – the one who packed his bags and left.”

  I smile sadly. “To me, you’ll always be that same little kid. The one who left me alone in that pool.”

  Nick lifts himself up and turns to me. “You’ll never forgive me. Will you?”

  “There’s nothing to forgive. In the end, you didn’t do anything wrong – nothing that was out of the ordinary for you, anyway. And besides, it was just one kiss. No big deal.”

  “No big deal?” His voice starts to rise. “Are you telling me that it was nothing? I’ve fantasized about that fucking kiss every night for the past eight years. Even thinking about it now…”

  “Then why did you leave? Why did you never try to contact me? Even one measly phone call would’ve been enough.”

  “Really, Casey? Would it have been enough?”

  His question throws me. I sit there in silence for a few moments, then lower my gaze.

  He’s right. It would never have been enough. I wanted everything – and I wanted it all with him. And Nick knew that: that’s why he never came back.

  “So you decided to just cut me out?”

  “I didn’t cut you out.”

  “That’s exactly what it seemed like.”

  “I promise you, it wasn’t like that.” Nick sighs again, looking back out over the ocean.

  “Why now? What changed?”

  “Because, now, Casey, I’m back.” He looks at me again. “And I don’t want to leave anything behind.”

  I tear my gaze away, fixing it in front of me.

  “One day, you’ll believe me. And when you do…” he says, taking a deep breath. “…God, when you do, you’ll understand what I’m talking about.”

  I close my eyes, letting his voice vibrate along my skin.

  “I can assure you that you won’t be able to help yourself.”

  “That sounds like a threat.”

  “No, Casey. It’s a promise.”

  My body suddenly understands; it trembles with desire next to his. But my heart doesn’t. My heart is still scared, hiding away, terrified that, one day, it’ll be forced out in the open.

  36

  Nick

  After two beers, a burger, and two battered sausages, Casey started to relax, letting down her guard slightly. I didn’t want to talk about the past – about that night in the pool, or the fact that I disappeared for eight years without a trace. Apart from the photos, obviously. But I can’t avoid it forever, and she’s right not to trust me.

  She always relaxes when she’s eaten: that’s something I remember about her. Whenever she was angry, worried about something, or stressed about an exam, we used to go out and spend the evening like this. It always helped her feel better and let herself go a little. So, tonight, I decided to make the most of this insider knowledge; but apart from this little trick, I don’t know what my next move should be.

  I’ve never had problems with women – obviously. When you’re an ex-rugby player posing naked on the cover of one of the world’s biggest magazines, it doesn’t take much. Just a joke, a little smile, a wink… Basically, I just have to be myself, and I’m suddenly irresistible. But I can’t play these cards with her – she knows them all too well. I have to work hard, find a way to make her realise that, even though I’m that same kid from all those years ago, I have a lot more to give. Something that no one would ever imagine of me; but something I want her to see, to understand.

  Casey stretches out on the cool sand, folding her arms behind her head. I forgot to bring a blanket – I’m not the best at organising dates like this – but she doesn’t care. She just lays there, letting the sand work its way everywhere, enjoying the peacefulness of our surroundings, the gentle hum of the waves, watching the seagulls circle in the still-clear sky.

  She knows how to enjoy the little things; and, next to her, I start to enjoy them, too. As if they could become a part of me, just like they used to be.

  “I’ve eaten way too much,” she says, out of the blue.

  “As usual,” I say, amused.

  “True. Maybe I need to go for a walk.” She turns to me. “You know, to burn off all that meat.”

  “I can think of a better way to burn it off.”

  She gets to her feet. “Come on, O’Connor. My way is much less dangerous.”

  “Are you scared of me?” I ask her, clambering to my feet as well.

  “No, Nick. You’re the one putting yourself in danger with me.”

  I watch her as she takes a few steps closer to me.

  “You couldn’t handle it.”

  I burst out laughing, shaking my head. “I could give it a go.”

  “You’re too old for some things, now. And your body…well…”

  “What’s wrong with my body?”

  Her eyes slide over me – and when they come back up to meet mine, they’re a different colour altogether. They’re misty, less clear. They’re obscured by something that I know she’s trying not to feel.

  “Come on,” she says, walking to the water’s edge. She lets the waves lap at her feet, ignoring her already-wet jeans, and looks out to the horizon. I join her, stopping when I reach her side; she turns, flashing me one of those smiles that says: Nick O’Connor, you wanted to fuck me – but I got there first.

  * * *

  We’ve been walking along the beach for almost an hour now. Our wet jeans are plastered to our calves, salt clinging to our faces and to our hair. The smell of the sea washes over us, clouding us with an intimacy and a peace that I haven’t felt for a really long time – and I know that she feels the same.

  The sun has disappeared now, the sky a deep, dark blue. It’s hard to make out where the sea ends and the sky begins; but there’s just enough light for me to trace the shape of her profile as she walks by my side.

  “You’re staring at me,” she says, stopping in her tracks without looking at me.

  “I’m enjoying the view.”

  She turns to me, one eyebrow raised.

  “I’m just being honest.”

  “Too honest.”

  “I’m actually holding back.”

  “Oh, really? What else would you like to
say?”

  I move closer to her, watching her confidence waver. I take a strand of her hair between my fingers and watch it slip through them, as her chest starts to rise and fall quickly. I step even closer, brushing my lips lightly against her nose.

  “Nick…” My name escapes her mouth, suffering. It feels like loss – physical and mental – and it’s the same thing that’s consuming me.

  “Do you know what I’d really like?” I lower my voice, and her breathing grows heavy, intertwining with my own.

  “What?” she asks, her voice barely a whisper.

  I don’t answer her; instead, I grab her waist and throw her over my shoulder.

  “Nick! What the fuck?! Put me down, right now!” she flails around on top of me.

  I step quickly into the water. As soon as it reaches my waist, I lift her up and chuck her into the icy sea.

  Her head ducks under the water, but she bursts right back up to the surface, pushing her hair back from her face and trembling from the cold.

  “Jesus, Nick!” Her teeth are chattering. “You’re such a dick!”

  “I thought you might need to cool down your thoughts a little.”

  “Cool them down?!”

  “You looked like you were burning up.”

  Casey glares at me, before pacing quickly towards me and launching herself at me. I lose my balance, falling backwards into the sea, bringing her with me – we both end up with our heads under the water.

  “Fucking hell!” I gasp, screaming. “It’s freezing!”

  “Oh, really?” she says, still hurling herself against me.

  She throws her arms around my neck, her legs wrapping around my waist. Our soaking wet clothes and the freezing water stop us from fighting, calming us both down immediately – but we stay like that, clinging to each other.

  “What the hell were you thinking?”

  I laugh, my teeth chattering. “I wanted to see you all wet.”

  Casey flares up again, trying flimsily to push me under by my shoulders – but it’s no use. I grab her waist, slowly sliding her body against mine. I can feel her skin, merging into my own.

  The night; the cold air; the water surrounding us.

  Our eyes, calling each other.

  Our breathing, growing shallower.

  Our bodies, overflowing with longing.

  The memory of that night hits me unexpectedly, quickly taking over my thoughts and all my instincts.

  I glance at her just for a second – but it’s enough time to see all my desires reflected in her, letting the flame inside me start to set her ablaze.

  Her mouth is the first to give in. Our lips push and pull at each other, starved with longing, and overwhelmed by the strength of their battle. I can taste her – my mind recognises her instantly – mixed with the salty water, with passion. With madness.

  With us.

  I can still taste us both on her lips. My tongue, desperate to taste her inside me, darts fiercely into her mouth, seeking out her own.

  My hands slide over her top, her erect nipples calling me through the layers of wet fabric. I lift it up, trying to pull it over her head – when it falls into the water, I turn my attention back to her, taking her breasts in my hands. I squeeze them; I want to feel them in my fingers, to kiss them, lick them and torture them until I can trace back my own movements across her skin. I bend down, pushing aside the material of her bra, and suck excitedly at her nipple, spurred on by the taste of salt, as her hands grip at my hair, forcing my face against her body, scratching her, biting her.

  One taste isn’t enough for her; and it’s not enough for me, either.

  I lift my gaze and search out her eyes. They’re filled with confusion, with desire; with impatience.

  “Casey…” I say, breathlessly.

  She stops me with her mouth, pushing her hips against me, preventing me from saying another word. And I let myself be eaten up by the flames of her own personal hell, giving her what little heaven I have left in me; a heaven that, years ago, she gave to me. Now, it’s time to return it to its rightful owner.

  37

  Casey

  His mouth on my breasts, his hands roaming all over me; the water lapping against our bodies, trying to pull us apart. It’s almost as if it knows that I’m making a huge mistake. But not even the force of the sea – or the cold, or the fact that we’re out in the open, in a public place – could tame my uncontrollable desire to have him; to really have him, for the first time.

  Nick is suddenly impatient, trying to unbutton my jeans and pull them away, but it’s almost impossible. They’re like a second skin by now, glued to my body by the water; there’s no way of getting them off. He growls frustratedly, lifting me up and carrying me over to the beach.

  I pant breathlessly – from desire, from the effort of trying to stay afloat, from the anxiety pressing down on my chest – as Nick paces towards the beach. But not to the same spot we were sitting at before. This time, he heads towards the rocks: a dark, secluded space. When he lays me down on the sand, his weight falling on top of me, I realise that this is really happening; this time, Nick really wants me. And this time, he won’t run away.

  His face leans slowly into mine, as if he wants to capture my reaction to every one of his movements; he stops just a breath away from my mouth. Droplets of water slide down his face, falling onto my lips; instinctively, I part them, wanting to taste the salt, but Nick licks them away, sucking at them as if they were the last drops of water in the desert.

  He starts to kiss me again. His mouth is urgent, his body domineering; it moves against mine as if controlled by some overwhelming force; a force that has to be satisfied this very moment, without considering the consequences.

  “Casey…” he moans into my lips, as his hands go back to fighting the button of my jeans. I lift my hips, helping him; he grabs the waistband and yanks down, hard. Once they’re past my butt, he starts to slide them down my thighs – I can already feel Nick’s liberated sigh, pushing my body to its limit.

  When he manages to get them off, he gruffly tosses them over his shoulder, before throwing himself back on top of me. He moves down between my legs, his hands sliding over my stomach, before reaching up to cup my breasts: he pushes aside the material of my bra, exposing my nipples once again, before leaping back up my body, taking them in his mouth.

  I move underneath him, suffocating with desire. The situation is so unlikely, so overwhelming; madness has infiltrated our bodies, clouded our judgment. By this point, I have absolutely no power over what is happening.

  “Nick,” I say, trying to grab his arm and lift him away from me; but his strength is overpowering. He can’t hear me. “Nick,” I say again.

  He pulls away slightly, looking me in the eyes. His expression tells me that he couldn’t stop now, even if he wanted to.

  “Take off those damn jeans,” I order him, confidently.

  Nick flashes me a satisfied smile and gets hurriedly to his feet. He battles with the buttons on his jeans and, after finally freeing himself of them, reveals to me that he had nothing on underneath.

  Oh, holy shit.

  Around us, it’s pitch-black – but even without any light, I recognise the lines of his body. Instinctively, I open my legs, praying that he stops wasting time and does what I’ve been waiting my whole life for him to do. Something that, against all reason and all logic, I want more than anything else in the world.

  And that something is Nick O’Connor.

  He pulls off his T-shirt and kneels down in the sand, sliding one hand behind my back to undo the clasp of my bra, before whipping it away from my body and throwing it aside. His hands grab the waistband of my panties, desperately pulling them down, and his eyes lock onto mine. They scrutinise me, full of lust, and I feel my skin tingle, before setting alight the second his body presses me down onto the wet sand.

  His knee is between my legs, pushing them apart just enough to slip between them. His hand slides along my thighs, checkin
g that I’m ready for him – but I’ve been ready for eight years, and there’s no reason to wait any longer. Nick brings his mouth back up to mine, pushing his tongue inside, taking my breath and my reasoning along with it. Before I can acknowledge what’s happening, I feel myself fill up with him; I fill up with everything I’ve desired more than anything else in the world.

  I feel him push deeply, and I nearly cry out from the sensation: from feeling so full. His thrusts are almost painful, but when he pulls out of me only to slide back in, I throw my head back and lose myself to his touch. With one hand, he lifts my hips, taking me just as he wants; penetrating me as deeply as he can, telling me that he wants this, too. He wants this moment; he needs to free himself inside me.

  “Oh, fuck,” he growls, as soon as he realises that he’s done it: I’m completely his.

  He slides into me breathlessly, his thrusts deep and forceful; he lets go of my back and traces his hand along my thigh, pushing me upwards with his knee so that he can take everything, leaving nothing behind.

  Nick moves, his sandy body writhing against mine, scratching at me, holding me hostage. With his teeth, he torments one of my nipples, which are hard and painful from his touch. I dig my nails into his back, feeling his muscles swell under my fingers, as he places a hand on the sand to steady himself, preparing to thrust even deeper inside me.

  I don’t feel the cold, the burning sand, the fear that we could get caught. I only feel my excitement growing; the smell of the sea air mixed with Nick’s scent on top of me, his cock pulsing, leading me to climax.

  Nick stops for a second and lifts himself up. He pulls his cock almost completely out of me, but I can still feel the tip, waiting to push back inside.

  He looks right at me, his eyes making love to mine. I can feel the longing, first in his gaze, then in his entire body, which trembles the moment he’s inside me again. He thrusts powerfully, almost bending me in half.

  His movements grow quicker. He dives into me without coming up for air, as I empty myself and my mind, focusing entirely on his thrusts; his desire slamming against me, pushing me into paradise.