The Sexy Jerk World

by Kim Karr

  It was a message from Coach, and as soon as I heard his voice, I jumped out of bed. The message was a summons to his office. A summons for tomorrow night at eight pm.

  Nothing else.

  Not a clue as to why.

  That was not good.

  Really not fucking good.

  The season was almost over and after the dumb play I’d made last night, and everything else that happened this season, there was a chance he was going to trade me, and it was a pretty good one.

  Shit, I didn’t want to leave Chicago.

  Talk about a turnaround from a year ago.

  I just found my footing, and I wanted to stay. To prove who I was and to prove I could do this.

  Do football.

  Do Chicago.

  I spent the day on the couch, but didn’t take any more painkillers. The physical pain wasn’t that bad. The emotional anguish was another story. Thor wasn’t around, which was good because I didn’t feel like talking. By nine, I went to bed. Unable to sleep, I woke up early, which only caused the day drag.

  Now that it was time to discover my destiny, I didn’t want to go. Still pacing the room, I wanted to call Coach and tell him to just get it over with on the phone, but he would never go for that.

  This back and forth had to stop. I had to get my shit together. Being late would only cause his temper to flare, and I’d been on the receiving end of his wrath more than my share of times.

  Since I’d stopped taking the painkillers yesterday, I knew I could drive without issue, well other than the damn sling, so I couldn’t use that as an excuse for not showing up.

  Darkness had fallen on the winter evening by the time I turned onto Lake Shore Drive. Snowflakes fell, and some seemed to be sticking to the ground. It would pile up soon. The parking lot at the stadium was deserted as I drove into Soldier Field and stopped at the guard shack.

  Hawkins, the guard on duty, let me through and slowly I headed around to Halas Hall.

  1920 Football Drive was a modern concrete building with a giant orange C on it. I used my code at the locked door on the side of the building to get in—at least I knew that still worked.

  My stomach reeled as I walked through the corridor toward his office. The idea of being traded made my heart feel even heavier. It would mean breaking with my team. It would mean not having a connection to Gillian, and I hated the thought of both.

  I still pictured her face when I walked into that hotel room. The life and joy in her eyes was gone, and that smile she always wore was nowhere to be found. I’d done that to her. Me. Every day since, the guilt had been eating me alive.

  When I’d seen her in the parking lot before the game yesterday, I knew she hadn’t seen me. As she walked into the stadium, I couldn’t believe how damn beautiful she was. She took my breath away.

  I’d gotten through the season by focusing on football and knowing she was doing what she had to do in order to make a life for herself.

  A normal life.

  It stung like a motherfucker.

  And God, I still wanted her. Every single day. I was certain I would for the rest of my life.

  Coach’s door was closed when I reached his office, and I checked my watch to make sure I wasn’t late. It was seven fifty-five. I was early, not late. Had I gotten the message wrong?

  This wasn’t like him.

  I knocked on the door. Suddenly, I realized I probably looked like shit. Pulling my baseball cap lower, I waited, but there was no answer.

  Just as I was about to pull my phone from my back pocket, the training room door opened and I heard her voice.

  I twisted and there she was. Fingering the football shaped rock in my pocket, I devoured the sight of her. Seeing her was like the brightest ray of sun after the longest rain.

  Wearing jeans, faded and worn, as if they were her favorite pair she couldn’t part with, and a tight navy sweater with the Bears logo on the right chest, she looked thinner, and I hated that. Then again, I was too.

  But when her eyes met mine, she became larger than life.

  My eager gaze slid down her body and then back up in a way it shouldn’t have. It was wrong. This was really wrong.

  But then she smiled, and I knew the only thing this was, all it could be, was right.

  “Hi,” I said.

  “Hi,” she said back.

  As she closed the distance between us, I felt my heart thunder in my chest. I had made a promise to Coach, but damn, I wasn’t sure I could keep it anymore.

  I missed her.

  I wanted her.

  I…I let that thought hang.

  She stopped right in front of me and just looked at me. Her eyes bounced from my face to my arm and back. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

  Or so I hoped I would.

  Doubt furrowed her brow, but then she gave me a slight smile and held her hand out. It was almost as if we hadn’t broken up, hadn’t been apart for more than four months, hadn’t not talked since the day I left her alone in that damn hotel room. “Take a walk with me,” she said.

  I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I heaved an unhappy sigh. “Gillian, I can’t. Not right now. I have a meeting with your father.”

  The weight of the words on my tongue felt so heavy.

  Her hand remained outstretched. “No, you don’t.”

  I looked at her in confusion.

  “He asked you to come here for me. He’s not coming.”

  I leaned closer. My gaze was fixed on her, and curiosity flowed through my veins. “I don’t understand.”

  She didn’t back away. That magnetic pull between us was stronger than ever as she reached a little further and took my hand. “Take a walk with me and you will.”

  “What’s this about?” I asked, uncertain.

  “Do you trust me?”

  I cocked one eyebrow. “I think you know I do.”

  Deep shadows under her eyes made her look like I felt—exhausted, but there was also an undeniable gleam in her green eyes. “Then just come with me,” she coaxed, “and I’ll tell you when we get there.”

  Drawing in a breath, I had a feeling this was a bad idea, but I went anyway. I couldn’t resist her. I never could. She put her jacket on and then guided me toward the tunnel. The silence stretched between us, but it wasn’t awkward. Being with her, next to her, only felt right.

  “How’s your shoulder?” she asked again, and I knew she didn’t want the canned answer.

  I rubbed it with the hand she’d let go of the minute I accepted her request, and then I glanced over at her. She was everything I ever wanted. She was all I needed. It took everything I had in me not to push her up against the wall and kiss her. I settled for honesty. “It hurts, but it’s not throbbing anymore. And at least we don’t play again for two more weeks, which should give me enough time to recover.”

  She opened the door that led to the tunnel. “Yes, it should, with the proper training and rehab.”

  Curious where we were going, I slowed my stride and shook my head at her. So Gillian.

  “Congratulations, on the win, by the way,” she said and then she stopped at the end of the tunnel where it met the field.

  The wind blew harder and the snow fell heavier on the empty field. Gillian tugged her coat tighter around herself.

  “Are you cold?” I asked, wanting to draw her closer, but knowing she wasn’t mine anymore to do that. “You can take my coat.”

  She shook her head and drew in a deep breath. “I love watching the snow fall.”

  I tilted my face toward the sky so that the soft white flakes gathered on it. “Are you going to tell me why we’re here?” I finally asked. “I’m sure it’s not to talk about the weather.”

  With a slow glance around the field, it took her a moment to speak. “Do you see those goalposts over there?” she pointed.

  I looked out at them in the pitch dark of the night. “Yeah, they look like yellow glow sticks,” I joked.

  She smile
d, but I saw a tear slide down her cheek. “Yes, they do,” she murmured, then said, “And do you see the white lines painted on the field?”

  This one-arm thing was annoying, but I pivoted and placed a hand on her shoulder to turn her in my direction. “Gillian. What’s going on?”

  She ignored my question. “Do you see them?”

  “Yes, I see them.”

  She kept talking. “Do you see all that snow-covered turf?”

  I stepped closer. “I see it.”

  “And the scoreboard?” she asked, her voice unsteady.

  Although I was uncertain what this about, I didn’t question her anymore. I could hear the importance of this conversation in her tone. Instead, I offered her comfort. My fingers slid down her arm to her hand, and I laced our fingers together. “Yes, I see that too.”

  She was still looking at Soldier Field. “Everything that is here is what makes this a football field, right?”

  I nodded, agreeing.

  “And this place, it’s a place you know you can’t live without. Right?”

  I stepped closer, still. “I never said that.”

  Finally, she turned to face me. “But you’d prefer not to, if you were given a choice, you wouldn’t?”

  I hesitated. “Yeah, I suppose that’s true.”

  Hurt, and maybe a little anger, flashed in her eyes. “Then why would you think it was okay for me to live without it? Why would you think I’d ever want to?”

  The questions caught me off-guard, and I blinked. Another tear slid down her cheek. This time I moved our hands and wiped it away. “Gillian—I don’t know what to say.”

  She shook her head. “Tell me you know me. That you know who I am.”

  The desolation in her voice hit me deep. I ran my fingers down her cheek. “I do know you. I do know who you are,” I answered quietly.

  “Then why would you ever think I’d be better off away from this place? Away from football? Away from you?” She paused, and then said again, “Why?” and her voice was broken, sad, full of sorrow.

  I stared at her for the longest time, and then finally I said, “He told you.”

  She nodded. “Everything. About my mother, the letter, and how he made you promise to let me live a normal life. How could you do that to me?”

  I flinched and let our linked hands fall. “How could I do that to you? I did it for you,” I insisted. “Do you think I wanted to end things? Hell no, I didn’t. You are the only woman I have ever been in love with, and letting you go after proclaiming that love for you was the hardest thing I have done. But I did it for you.”

  There was anger on her face, there were tears sliding down her cheeks, and there was something hard in her gaze. “You did that for me? Or for you?”

  I was angry now, and I couldn’t stop my jaw from clenching or my lips from tightening. “You’re wrong, Gillian. It wasn’t for me. Nothing about that was for me. It was all for you.”

  She closed her eyes, and tilted her head toward the sky. “For me,” she whispered and her voice was soft, gentle, as if the realization was almost too much to bear.

  I had no idea what had transpired between Coach and Gillian, and to be honest, I really didn’t give a fuck anymore. Screw my promise. I needed this woman, and I was pretty certain through that entire pissed-off attitude she was showing, she wanted me, maybe even needed me, too. I slid my one arm around her and dipped my head. “I love you so fucking much it hurts not to be near you. It physically hurts. Don’t you know that?”

  Her eyes flew open and tenderness softened her expression even more.

  “I missed you, Strawberry Fields. Every Goddamn day, I thought about you, and it killed me not to call you, not to see you, hear your voice, not to be near you.”

  Shaking, she reached her hands up and cradled my face. “You weren’t out partying with the guys?”

  I shook my head. “Not once.”

  Her thumbs brushed over my cheeks. “Were you—?” she stopped, as if she would choke on her words.

  I shook my head again. “I haven’t been with anyone since you. You are the only one I want.”

  She burst out in a sob.

  Closer. I needed to be closer. I leaned my forehead against hers. “Please, Gillian, tell me what I need to do to make things right and I’ll do it. Anything. I swear.”

  With a tilt of her head, she gave me a smile that rocked my world. “You’re already doing it.”

  What could I do but smile back at her? “Can I kiss you?”

  She let out a slight laugh. “Since when do you have to ask?”

  I kissed her then.

  Hard.

  And then harder.

  I sucked on her tongue.

  She moaned.

  I did too. She tasted so good.

  We stumbled back against the wall as we kissed each other like we were starved. And we were. I pressed against her. She pushed into me. I gripped her hip with my free hand while her fingers pressed deep into the muscles in my back.

  Remembering the security cameras, I jerked back, shaking my head. “Can we get out of here before your father somehow sees the camera footage?”

  She laughed. “He isn’t everywhere.”

  “I’m not so sure about that. So is that a yes, or is there more of Soldier Field you want me to see?”

  Her eyes were bright with lust and color was high on her cheeks. “I could show you the bleachers, smart-ass.”

  That grin I gave her felt like a thousand pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders. “Okay, Strawberry Fields, bleachers it is,” I said and then bent to toss her over my left shoulder.

  As I walked out onto the field, she kicked and squirmed. “Lucas Carrington, you only have one good arm. Put me down before you drop me.”

  “Girl,” I said, “I don’t care how many miles separate us, there’s not a chance in hell I’m ever letting go of you again.”

  She stopped her assault. “I love you.”

  We were mid-field when I let her slide down my body, and once she was steady on her feet, I slung my left arm around her. “My truck is right out there.” I pointed to the parking lot.

  “Right over there?” she asked coyly. “Aren’t there cameras out there too?”

  “Yes, but I meant to get out of here and go somewhere quiet, not to fuck, smart-ass, but if you have something else in mind, please tell me.”

  Her grin spread across her face. “We could go to my father’s apartment. It’s not that far.”

  I contemplated this. Thor’s place, my place, wasn’t exactly the best option. “Is he there?” I asked.

  She nodded. “Yes.”

  “Hell, no,” I said. “The things I want to do to you are nothing I want him to hear.”

  Her laughter was all I needed to take all my pain away. “You have a point, but don’t you have a roommate?”

  I shrugged. “Thor will just have to deal. You’re coming home with me, and not leaving for days.”

  Snow was falling all around as we walked out to the parking lot. Once we were in the Range Rover and I cranked the heat, she looked over at me. “Lucas,” she said.

  I glanced her way.

  “We should get our own place.”

  I was confused. “But Dallas told me you got the job in Minnesota.”

  “I did,” she said, “but I’m not taking it.”

  “Gillian, you wanted that job.”

  She shook her head. “No, that was the job my father wanted for me, but today I got the job I wanted. My dream job.”

  My heart fell a little. “That’s great, Gillian. Wherever you go, we’ll make this work.”

  Her grin was so wide I couldn’t figure out why she was happy about us being apart until she said, “I’m taking Liam’s position.”

  “With the Bears?” I asked in shock.

  She nodded her head. “Yes, it became official earlier today. So do you want to make a home?”

  “A home?” I asked, dumbly, as if I didn’t know what that was.<
br />
  “Yes, a home,” she grinned. “Do you want to live with me, or what?”

  “Come here,” I said. She didn’t hesitate. After she crawled over onto my lap, I took her mouth and kissed her slowly, tenderly, without hurry. “What do you think?”

  “I don’t know. You look a little dumbstruck.”

  “Dumbstruck? Did you really just say that?”

  She nodded, and grew serious. “I don’t mean where we live. I mean you and me and a place to call our own. That’s home.”

  I closed my eyes, and then opened them. “I like that definition of home.”

  She nipped my lip. “So I take it that’s a yes.”

  Kissing her harder this time, I didn’t pull back until we were both breathless. “Yes, that’s absolutely a yes.”

  Whimpering against my mouth, her body writhed against mine in need. “It won’t be easy,” she said.

  I cupped her chin. “Gillian, it doesn’t need to be easy. It just has to be right. And I promise you together we’ll make our own normal.”

  Her tongue, hot and wild, met mine in a clash. “If I have to have normal in my life, you’re the only normal I want.”

  “Me too, Strawberry Fields,” I managed to say before I sucked her tongue deep, wanting to devour her whole.

  Right here.

  Right now.

  But I wouldn’t. I’d waited way too long to have her, to have it end quickly in this small space.

  “Get in your seat and put your belt on,” I told her.

  She shivered against me. “Why?”

  “I want you in my bed.”

  “Are you even serious right now?”

  “Dead serious. I’m not taking you in my truck.”

  “Lucas.” My name came out in a needy moan that had me grinning.

  “Gillian,” I said back.

  And we both laughed.

  In that moment when I looked at her, I couldn’t help but think I was one lucky guy.

  I guess luck was on my side after all.

  32

  Recover

  Gillian

  There was a sense of unreality as Lucas threaded his fingers through mine and brought my knuckles to his lips.

  Was this actually happening?