Childish Dreams

by Verdant, Malorie

  As I pulled into the parking lot beside the gym, I nearly laughed. Of course it was where I took myself automatically when I was trying to avoid discussions about Billie. I’d spent every minute in that gym since I got back from LA.

  I wished it wasn’t so late. If it were only a couple hours earlier, I could have called Coach. He would have driven over and unlocked the doors for me, and I’d be able to shoot hoops, run laps, and calm down. Focus on drills and forget about the way Billie looked at some other guy when she sang to him.

  It was the same way I’d been trying to forget our conversation.

  The same way I’d been trying to forget our kiss.

  It was as if Coach knew what I was going through, because he didn’t say a word or ask any questions. As long as I called before 7:00 p.m., he would unlock the gym and let me stay as late as I needed while he did paperwork in his office.

  I sat staring at the gymnasium, trying to picture my favorite game from last season. Remembering the free throw that won the game. Billie screaming my name on the sideline. The pit in my stomach ached. Every good memory I had involved her in some way. I used to think Billie felt the same. Until now.

  My phone vibrated in my pocket. I thought about leaving it there. I’d refused to answer the calls Billie had made to me since I left LA. Yet, after the second ring, I pulled it out to stare at Billie’s name at the top of the screen and the photo that looked like her face was squished against the glass. I thought about answering. Acting like I had no problem with everything that had happened between us. But as much as I hated the rumors, I couldn’t face the truth.

  I couldn’t listen to Billie tell me that she had thought about being with me and decided that a guy she’d known for a couple of months was who she preferred.

  I trusted Michelle was right. Once Superstardom was over, Jax the rock star would cheat on Billie, and I would be here waiting for her to return. Ready to accept her apology and give her a shoulder to cry on. I’d be ready to play this season, get a scholarship to Duke, and start my journey to the NBA with Billie by my side.

  I just had to survive the next few months.

  If they were together, at least it was in Los Angeles, and as long as I stopped taking her calls and watching the show, maybe I could handle this period of her life. The idea that she would experience all the firsts with him that I thought would one day be ours killed me.

  But I’d let go of now for tomorrow.

  When my phone alerted me that I had a new voice mail, I thought about not listening to it. But I remembered who Billie was. She knew how I felt about her. She would never tell me she picked Jax Bone in a voice mail. Maybe she just wanted to tell me how much she missed me.

  I pressed Play, and as the recording started, my eyebrows furrowed at the sound of two men’s voices.

  “Whatever works, Jax. The label needs to believe the public thinks it’s real or there’s a real chance we lose the deal on the table. If they don’t, we’ve got to start thinking about how we go bigger.”

  “What’s bigger than a duet? You want me to do a home visit with her next? Change this damn show from a singing competition into one of those dating shows where I propose at the end?”

  “That’s not a bad idea. The record label would likely double their bonus.”

  When the recording stopped, I played it again. And again. And again.

  As I listened to Jax Bone tell some guy he planned to propose to Billie for some record deal, my stomach sank. I was prepared to wait. Let Billie live in the fantasy land that Hollywood offered. I figured she’d remember how important we were to each other eventually.

  I wasn’t prepared to watch him exploit Billie’s feelings for some damn business deal. Have the first time she was ever proposed to be for some television rating scam.

  She deserved better than that.

  Now and tomorrow.

  I called Coach.

  “It’s after seven,” he grumbled before sighing and reluctantly asking, “You need me to come unlock that gym for you, boy?”

  “Actually I wanted to let you know that I might miss our first game of the season.”

  “You’ve had more practice sessions than all the boys on the team combined and you tell me you’re not going to make it to the first game?” His voice was gruff over the phone.

  “Yes, sir. I’m heading to LA to see Billie Bishop.”

  “Thank Christ. You don’t come back until you’re head’s ready for the game. Also, my wife wants me to tell you that she’ll leave me if I spend another night in the office, so I guess I also have to say good timing, Montgomery.”

  “Thank you, sir,” I told him before hanging up and driving home.

  I needed to pack.

  I called the show on my way to the airport. They booked me on the first flight available to LAX. I didn’t tell them I was coming to reveal what a d*ck Jax Bone was or that I knew about the proposal; I simply dialed our original contact for the first live show and let them know that Billie had been calling me a lot and I wanted to support her through the final shows.

  They didn’t question it, offering me a room at the hotel again and a seat at the next two shows. I requested it not be a surprise this time. They agreed. All I had to do was sign a waiver in case I appeared in any of their behind-the-scenes footage.

  Billie would be rehearsing around the clock for the semifinal and grand finale shows. They told me she finished at eight most evenings these days. However, I would be able to see her after the show or during rehearsal. They said they would leave all the identification and passes I would require for access at the hotel lobby.

  Before I boarded the plane, I decided to do something I hadn’t done in a couple of weeks.

  I messaged Billie.

  Missing you, B.

  Zach, I miss you too. You can’t stay angry with me, okay? I have so much going on I need to tell you about.

  I worried she was talking about her relationship with Jax Bone. I wasn’t sure I could read messages about how amazing he was without telling her the truth. However, I also knew she wouldn’t listen to the truth if we were still fighting. I messaged her again.

  I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring your calls. I just needed time to sort my head out.

  It’s okay. I know this singing competition business is a little overwhelming. I really want to talk to you about what’s going on. Can we chat later tonight?

  Definitely.

  I gave my boarding pass to the flight attendant and tried to work out what exactly I was going to say to my best friend before I told her all about how the guy she was spending so much time with these days was trying to manipulate her for money.

  The studio was bigger than I remembered. Last time, Michelle and I had been ushered directly to the auditorium and then Billie had led us to her dressing room. I hadn’t been able to get my bearings enough to find my way quickly to Billie’s door on my own.

  I wandered aimlessly for half an hour amongst crew and production teams before I saw anything that seemed even slightly familiar. I felt like I was in some army barrack as I passed more security guards than production crew. When I finally found a hallway I remembered, I asked the mammoth guy standing guard by the first door, “Do you know if Billie Bishop’s dressing room is close by?”

  “You have crew ID?” he grunted.

  “No, I’m a close friend,” I let him know. “I have a pass from the show for access.”

  “This way,” he muttered, then led me down the hallway and into a small room. It was empty except for a small table and chair, like an interrogation room from a cop show.

  “Should I have a lawyer with me,” I joked. “Or has Billie’s decorating style changed after spending all this time in Hollywood?”

  “Who are you?” the guy asked without a trace of humor.

  I pulled out my cell phone and showed him a photo of Billie and me together on my display screen. “Her best friend,” I replied, raking a hand through my hair.

  “This some Photosh
op sh*t?” he growled.

  “You know how to Photoshop images together?”

  “No,” he spat out.

  “Me neither.” I chuckled, trying desperately to lighten the mood. “If you want, I can wait here until you call someone to confirm that I’m her best friend. I’m a patient guy.”

  “I’ll make a call. You stay here.”

  “Yes, sir,” I muttered and leaned against the table. I didn’t want him to think I was intimidated by this mess. I thought about sitting in the seat, but I worried it might lead to more questions.

  When he left, I thought about texting Billie and letting her know I was here, but I decided against it. Surely someone on the show would let him know who I was, and then I could spend our time talking about Jax rather than the crazy security for this show.

  When the goliath man entered the room again, he said, “He said you’re fine. Her room is the first on the left.”

  “Thanks,” I replied, exiting the room.

  “My employer, Jax Bone, told me to tell you he looks forward to meeting you properly this visit,” he informed me as he followed me to Billie’s door and took his position as her guard.

  “Great,” I mumbled through gritted teeth.

  When I knocked on her door, Billie called out, “Brian, I’m nearly dressed. Two seconds.”

  “Accompany a lot of guests to her door?” I asked curiously.

  “I am Miss Bishop’s personal security,” the giant soldier replied with an edge to his voice.

  “Ready,” Billie called out, and I decided to ask why she needed personal security from the source.

  When the door opened and Billie saw me, her mouth dropped open. I thought she might be angry or start demanding I turn around and go home. However, she threw her arms around me.

  “You’re here,” she whispered against my neck. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

  When she squeezed me, I squeezed back. Damn, I missed her.

  She eventually stopped hugging me, and I used all my willpower to let her go. Thankfully she pulled me inside of her dressing room and locked the door. We were going out of earshot of Jax’s goon, and I was more than ready to tell her everything she needed to know about the recording I’d received.

  I took a quick look around her dressing room and froze. It was spotless. The makeup and brushes that had been scattered around her table the last time I visited were all sealed in bags and containers. Dresses were all neatly hung on racks with locks over each zipper. It was a museum.

  “B, how come you have your own security guard?” I asked, suddenly very tense. The guard, her enthusiasm to see me even though I’d been ignoring her calls, and the pristine room were creeping me out. None of it was making a lick of sense.

  “It’s what I’ve been trying to call you about. I wanted to talk to you first before any tabloids found out.” Billie groaned before sitting down in the middle of the floor. “There’s been a couple of incidents.”

  “What do you mean, incidents?” I asked softly as I joined her on the floor.

  “I have—” She took a deep breath. “—a stalker. First it was just notes. Harmless. I thought they were from you and Jax. They were silly single lines about being hurt or something coming to an end. Then someone tampered with my last live show outfit with poison ivy. I had a bit of a reaction and had to go to the hospital. I’m completely fine now, except for a rash on my stomach that’s being stubborn, but they still haven’t caught whoever is behind everything.”

  “Are you kidding?” I swore. “How come our moms haven’t said anything to me?”

  “I haven’t told them. I don’t want them to worry when there’s nothing they can do except try and convince me to come home. Zach, it’s only two more weeks of taping, and between the show and Jax’s security, I’m surrounded by guards. I just really wanted to talk to you about it. I’ve really needed you to tell me I can handle all of this like you usually do.”

  “So the mini army barracks this has turned into is because of you, and you’ve tried to reach out to me, but I haven’t been picking up because I’m sulking over a damn kiss.” I wanted to break something. I closed my eyes, furious with myself.

  Billie must have read my facial expression, because she quickly began reassuring me. “Zach, I’m not angry at you. Please don’t be angry at yourself. I’ve been perfectly safe. Jax has barely let me out of his sight.”

  “Jax is protecting you?”

  “He’s organized the personal security you must have seen at the door,” she informed me, rolling her eyes. “And there’s another one who’s gone to get me a snack. At first it made me uncomfortable. I’m sure it must be costing him a fortune to hire two ex-Marines. But I have to admit it makes me feel safer. I’ve also been staying at his place because some of the notes I received were at the hotel. Jax’s house has this massive gate you have to get through to even reach the front door. I don’t think anyone will be able to reach me behind those doors.”

  I thought about the things I was going to tell her about Jax Bone.

  How I was going to play the recording.

  But he’s been keeping her safe for the remainder of this competition.

  F*ck.

  “I was thinking about staying in LA until this show is over. Now I’m certain I will be. You can’t get rid of me until you’re safe,” I told her, my tone unwavering. “Coach agreed. I won’t tell our moms about the stalker unless you get another note. Don’t even think of trying to change my mind.”

  “I won’t,” Billie assured me. “I’ll be selfish and even confess that I’m glad you’re here. I know we ended things awkwardly last time. And I still can’t give you—”

  “B, don’t even worry about it. You have enough going on that you need to focus on. I was wrong to try and make you choose earlier.” I squeezed her hand. “We’ll discuss my last visit when the competition is over.”

  “Are you sure?” she asked nervously.

  “Completely. Now tell me, what am I going to get to see you perform for the semifinal? Is it going to be better than the year that girl dressed like Britney Spears and carried around a snake that bit her halfway through the chorus?”

  Billie laughed. “Unfortunately I’m not nearly as creative. I was planning on singing Miranda Lambert’s ‘The House that Built Me.’ Jax convinced me that if I was going to get voted off the show, I might as well go out with one of my favorite songs.”

  “Finally singing country.” I smiled, avoiding her comment about Jax. “Is it bad of me to hope that you singing about coming home might get you closer to sitting on that airplane beside me when I go back?”

  Billie smiled softly and admitted, “I’ve practiced it a couple of times now. The song reminds me how much I’ve changed during the course of this competition. It will sure be different when I do eventually go home.”

  “Things and people don’t change that much,” I told her, gripping her hands in mine. “Your place will always be with your family.”

  “I hope that’s true.” She laughed softly. “Anyway, enough serious talk. Let me show you all the wonderful things you can get with a Superstardom backstage pass.”

  “You’re just taking me to the vending machine, aren’t you?”

  She giggled. “You know it.”

  I wasn’t sure I could win

  Jax

  I watched Billie laugh on the stage during rehearsal as Zach tried to convince her to perform some childhood dance routine. He was lounging in a front row seat with a bag of candy in his hand. He had clearly made himself at home, letting everyone on set know he wasn’t leaving any time soon. I had been staring at them for a few minutes from the shadows, and each time he made her laugh, something inside of me twisted up.

  “If it makes you feel better, I don’t think she’s ever thought of him as her boyfriend,” Faith told me softly from the side of stage.

  I didn’t know when she’d approached, and it annoyed me a little that someone caught me staring. “I didn’t want to disr
upt her rehearsal,” I muttered, offering an explanation for a question that wasn’t asked.

  Faith continued as if I wasn’t losing my mind. “Until he kissed her, I think she thought of him as a twin brother. She doesn’t get that far-off look when she talks about him like she does over you. And she doesn’t smile at her phone when he texts like when you do.”

  “They have a history. Billie told me they’ve known each other since birth, and she doesn’t have many stories without him in them.”

  “Well, then I guess you need to convince her that living with you in the future is better than living with him in the past.” Faith shrugged.

  “At least I’m better-looking right?” I grumbled as Zach raked a hand through his golden hair.

  “Umm….” Faith chuckled. “Even though you’re my judge and you could say something this evening that might inspire people not to vote for me, I’m not going to lie to you. That tall Southern gentleman is hot. He’s a Ralph Lauren advertisement, but instead of belonging on a yacht, I believe Billie said he belongs on a basketball court.”

  I groaned.

  “But remember, lots of girls turn down that small-town boy for a rock star,” she told me, winking.

  “I don’t want her to choose me because I’m a damn celebrity. I want her to choose me because she likes me more than him.”

  “Then you’re going to have to wait until she decides.” Faith shrugged. “Now you know how it feels to be on the other side of the judging table. Other people deciding your future sucks.” She patted me on the shoulder and walked away.

  Left in the shadows by myself again, I tried telling myself it wasn’t that big a deal waiting to hear Billie tell me she was in love with me and that Zach was just a friend.

  I watched Zach’s mouth move and heard Billie laugh again.

  I swore.

  Damn it, I had signed up for a new competition.