Carry My Heart

by J. S. Cooper

  “Okay, did you have a good sleep, Sage?” I asked as I watched her eyes fluttering open. She gazed up at me with such a tender smile that I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her lightly.

  “I can’t believe that I’ve had sex three times today.” She grinned. “And I didn’t realize that it would make me so tired.”

  “Well, I could have guessed you would be a sex addict,” I teased her as I gave her my T-shirt. “Here put this on.” It was getting cooler, now that the sun was setting, and I didn’t want her to catch a cold.

  “Okay,” she said as she placed her arms into the T-shirt and pulled it on. She looked so cute sitting there with her bare legs crossed. She stared at me expectantly and I ran my hands through my hair to stop myself from touching her again. I wanted to make love to her again already, but I also wanted to play her the song I’d written for her. I hadn’t come to make love to her and I wanted the day to be just perfect.

  “I’m going to play the song I wrote for you,” I said as I jumped up to take my guitar out of its case.

  “Yay.” She smiled up at me happily. “I can’t wait to hear it.”

  “Good.” I picked at the strings and started tuning the guitar for a few minutes. “Okay, well there are two parts to this.”

  “Oh?” She looked up at me with a curious expression. “Do tell.”

  “So,” I reached into the bag and pulled out a bottle that had a brown piece of paper in it and showed it to her, “I wrote this song for you and I was never sure if I’d ever get to play it for you and if you would ever hear it. So, I always wrote it on this piece of paper and put it in this bottle and I was going to throw it into the ocean one day and hope that you’d find it.”

  “Wow,” she said simply, her eyes wide. “But you never threw it in?”

  “I felt like if I threw it in, I was accepting the fact that I would never see you again. That I would never get to play it for you in person,” I said with a sigh. “So I couldn’t do it.”

  “Oh,” she said, her eyes welling up.

  “Yeah,” I said and started strumming my guitar. I sat back down on the towel and looked at her. “La da, da da,” I hummed as I worked up the courage to sing the song that had been in my heart for years. “To my dearest love, when the stars no longer burn, and the sun no longer shines, when the grass no longer grows, you will still be forever mine. A million years may come and go, and our love may never be, but I’ll carry your heart in mine for all eternity. All eternity,” I sang from the deepest darkest corners of my heart and my eyes stared into Sage’s as I sang. She didn’t look away from me once and the moment felt even more magical than I could have ever hoped. “I will love you for all eternity. You will be forever mine, forever mine, forever mine. My dearest Sage, you will be forever mine.”

  “It’s beautiful, Jacob,” she said and then she started crying large tears, and my heart contracted as she sobbed. “It’s so beautiful.” I placed my guitar down and pulled her into my arms and kissed her tears away.

  “Please don’t cry,” I said, my heart aching. I wanted to die seeing her hurting so. Why had I come back into her life? It had been selfish of me. What was I doing to her? What was I doing?

  Chapter Eighteen

  Sage

  “If you ever feel like you can’t get enough,” Jacob sang along to some song on the radio as he drove us back from the beach. I kept my eyes closed as I lay back in the passenger seat of his car. I was tired and salty and I’d never felt as alive as I did at that moment. This had been the best day of my life. The way Jacob had held me in his arms after he’d sung me that song. He’d been so concerned and worried that I was hurt and upset about us having sex. But that couldn’t have been further from the truth. It had been more amazing than I ever could have imagined and then having him sing that song, well it had melted me. It was such a special song. Everything about the afternoon had been perfect. And I felt so comforted sitting here in his car, listening to him sing as if he had no cares in the world. It had taken me a good ten minutes to stop his apologizing and to get him to understand that I’d been crying because I was happy and not because I was sad.

  “We’re home, Sage,” he said and I felt him gently shaking my shoulder. “Wakey, wakey, sleepy princess.”

  “I’m not a princess,” I said as I opened my eyes. I found him staring at me intently. “Do I have something on my face?” I said self-consciously touching my cheeks.

  “No, why?” he asked with a frown.

  “You’re staring at me.”

  “I’m staring at you because you’re beautiful,” he said so softly that it made my heart skip a beat. He’d told me that he loved me and I believed him. We had a connection that was so special. I’d always known that, but it had been different when we were younger. Now, now it was sensual and sexual, and even more all-consuming. I wanted him in ways I didn’t even know were possible. When he had been inside of me, I’d felt like we were almost one person. He had felt like a part of me. I hadn’t wanted him to part from me when we were both done. I had felt like I was losing a part of myself. “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world,” he said then and he ran his finger across my eyebrows. “Every single part of you is beautiful.”

  “Don’t lie,” I said, but I could barely breathe because I was so choked up. “I’m just average. I wish I was beautiful.”

  “If you could only see yourself, Sage. You’re beautiful, inside and out. You’re everything.”

  “Thank you.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I’m not sure if I’ve ever said this before, but I was lucky to have been placed at Little Kitty’s with you. I don’t know who I’d be without you in my life.” My breath caught as I thought about the devastation I’d felt when he’d left, but I was determined to not bring it up. Not now. Today had to remain perfect. “You’ve always brought me up. You’ve always made me feel like the most special person in the world. And I want to thank you for that. When I’ve been low, you’ve always made me feel better. Always.”

  “I hope you’re not angry with me for today—” he started but I cut him off.

  “There’s no one else I would rather have taken my virginity,” I said and blushed. “God, I can’t believe I just said that. Nina is going to be shocked.”

  “Uh oh, is she going to hate me?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “She’s actually been after me to get laid for years, but she knows how conservative I am. It normally takes me three dates to even kiss a guy. She’s going to be shocked that I’ve slept with you. And that my first time was on a beach.”

  “Your first couple of times.” He grinned. “But we can change that tomorrow.”

  “What do you mean?” I looked at him innocently.

  “Tomorrow we can do it somewhere else. That’s not a beach.” He laughed.

  “Tomorrow?” I licked my lips slowly. “Don’t you mean tonight?”

  “Aren’t you tired?” He laughed and I noticed his eyes didn’t leave my mouth. “And maybe a little sore?”

  “I’m fine.” I tilted my head to the side and played with my hair. “Why? Are you tired?”

  “No,” he said so eagerly that I laughed. I watched as he unbuckled his seatbelt quickly. He opened the car door and jumped out and before I knew it he was outside my window and opening the door for me. “Your carriage awaits, milady,” he said as he stood there with a wide boyish grin.

  “Wouldn’t this have been my carriage?” I asked him as I stepped out of the car and looked toward the apartment complex. “And are you saying that this is your castle?”

  “This is my castle.” He slammed the car door behind me. “And I’d like to show you to the royal bedding chamber.”

  “The royal bedding chamber?” I started laughing. “Ha ha, oh, Jacob.” I grabbed his hand and we walked up to his apartment. “Are you trying to say that you’re my prince?”

  “Would you have me as your prince?”

  “Hmm, would you be Prince Charming or Lord Farquaad?”


  “Which one would you rather I be?” He spoke in a weird evil tone and cackled as he made menacing eyes at me. “Would you rather me be a goody-goody or would you rather I do many bad things to you?”

  “How bad, evil prince?”

  “Wouldn’t you like to know?” He raised his eyebrows and we both started giggling and running toward the door. “Shall I pick you up and carry you to the dungeon, madam?”

  “Uhm, no to the carrying and no to the dungeon?” I laughed as he opened the front door. “What part of me looks like I want to go into a dungeon, Jacob? That doesn’t sound fun.”

  “I spoke before I thought.” He shook his head. “It happens. I can’t be perfect all the time.”

  “No, you sure can’t.”

  “But you, my dear Sage, you’re perfect all the time.” He winked at me and I slapped him on the arm.

  “Jacob, sometimes you’re just asking to get beat up, you know that, right?”

  “If it’s you beating me up, then I won’t say no.”

  “You wish.”

  “Yes, I do. I want your hands all over my body.”

  “With words as romantic as that, it’s no wonder I fell for you.” I laughed and then started shrieking as he reached over to start tickling me. “Stop,” I shouted as his hands reached under my arms. “No, no.” I pushed him away and started running toward the bedroom. “Jacob, no, don’t tickle me.” I collapsed against him as he continued and my body buckled as I laughed. “Jacob,” I said and finally he stopped.

  “Let’s take a shower.”

  “A shower?” I asked him curiously. “Together?”

  “Yes, together. I need to get all those grains of sand off of you.”

  “Oh really?” I looked at him demurely. “And how do you expect to do that?”

  “How would you like me to do that?”

  “With your tongue please.” I winked at him. “I’ve heard sand tastes delicious.”

  “You do know that I’d swallow a bucket of sand if it meant my tongue got to be all over your body.” He licked his lips slowly. “Maybe even two buckets.”

  “You’re disgusting.” I rolled my eyes at him.

  “But you love it.”

  “Maybe,” I said and then I headed toward the bathroom. “Last one in the shower has to clean all the dishes from this morning.”

  “Wait,” he groaned as he followed me. “You said you were doing them?”

  “Aw, I changed my mind.” I laughed as I pulled off my clothes quickly. “You were offering this morning so I figured, why not give you what you want.”

  “I want you,” he said as he grabbed me and pulled me back. He winked at me and then I saw him jump into the shower with his clothes on and turn on the faucet. His entire outfit became soaked as the water fell on him and I just shook my head.

  “Wow, you really didn’t want to do the dishes, did you?”

  “The only thing I want to be doing right now is you.”

  “You’re so romantic,” I said as I took off the rest of my clothes and got into the shower with him. “You know that, right?”

  “I know,” he said as he immediately pulled me toward him and kissed me on the lips as his hands squeezed my ass. “I’m the most romantic man in the world.”

  “Take off your clothes, Mr. Romantic,” I said as I pulled back from him slightly and helped him pull his T-shirt off. I watched as he pulled down his shorts and I swallowed hard as I saw his erection leaping up to greet me. “Why hello there?” I said and touched it gently.

  “He says, hello, pretty lady,” Jacob spoke in a gruff voice and as I looked up at him and saw him making one of his goofy faces, my heart just melted. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, a wave of sadness passed through me. I loved this sweet gentle handsome man with all my heart, but I knew that eventually this would all come to an end. He still had his secret, and while I had vowed not to bring it up today, I still needed to know what had happened and he seemed determined not to tell me. And I couldn’t live with that. I couldn’t live with the never knowing. I took a deep breath as I realized I was close to crying. I was the happiest I’d ever been and yet waves of sadness were threatening to take over. Not tonight, Sage, a voice whispered in my ear. Not tonight. I couldn’t allow myself to think about life without Jacob. I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t lose him from my life again. I just couldn’t.

  “Turn around,” he said, not noticing that I’d completely drifted away from the moment.

  “Why?”

  “I want to wash your back,” he said softly as his hands gently spun me around. I felt his hardness against my ass and my body trembled slightly. Why was he so handsome and sexy? Why oh, why? I felt a warm washcloth moving back and forth along my torso and I closed my eyes, just enjoying the feel of his hand guiding the soft material across my skin. The water was warm and relaxing and all of a sudden I could feel tiredness hitting me. I melted back into him slightly and he chuckled.

  “You’re ready for bed, aren’t you?” he whispered in my ear as his hand reached around and caressed my breast.

  “Yes.” I nodded and turned to look up at him with a slight yawn. “I’m a bit tired.”

  “Come on then, sleepy head,” he said as he moved me directly under the shower spout to rinse me off. He grabbed some shampoo and rubbed it into my head and through my hair, massaging my scalp as he washed my locks. I stood there feeling truly cared for and loved, and it was a feeling I knew that I’d never forget in my life. “Okay, you’re all set,” he said as he gave me a light kiss on the lips and then got out of the shower. He grabbed a large white towel and motioned for me to exit the shower. As I did, he wrapped the towel around my body and then started drying me off. It was such an intimate act, that it should have felt sexual, but instead, it felt sensual and loving instead. I stood there as he dried me off and then he tightened the towel on my torso and tucked it in. “Go and get into bed,” he said as he kissed my cheek. “I’ll be with you in ten minutes.”

  “Why in ten minutes?” I asked with a frown, not wanting to be away from him.

  “I need to shower as well.” He laughed. “I’m still quite sandy and I’m sure you don’t want to feel grains of sand rubbing against you tonight.”

  “I don’t mind,” I lied. Grains of sand rubbing against my skin didn’t feel like fun. “But,” I laughed then at the knowing look on his face, “if you feel you must.”

  “I feel I must.” He grinned and then tapped my nose. “Now get into bed and don’t put any clothes on.”

  “But what if I get cold?”

  “I’ll keep you warm. No clothes, woman.” He growled at me playfully and I stuck my tongue out at him, loving this sexy teasing side of him.

  “You’re so bossy.”

  “And you love it.” He pulled me toward him and kissed my forehead while he held me in his arms. “Now, woman, go and do as I say.”

  “You know what Jacob.” I looked up and him and batted my eyelashes. “I’m not the sort of woman you say, ‘now, woman to.’” I winked at him and then reached up and kissed him before I pulled away. “Now hurry up and shower because the bed will feel too empty without you.”

  “I’ll hurry,” he said and I watched as he hopped back into the shower before I walked back to his bedroom. I almost skipped as I made my way back to his room. I grabbed my phone from my bag as I sat on the edge of his bed and texted Nina, “Hey is everything okay?” I texted her as a formality. “You will not believe what I did?”

  “What did you do?” She texted me back immediately.

  “Guess.” I typed, feeling giddy.

  “You got a tattoo?”

  “No.”

  “You pierced your nose?”

  “No.”

  “Your nipple??”

  “Nina, hell no.”

  “Just tell me.”

  “Maybe it’s better to tell you in person.”

  “Sage, I will come over there right now and kill you if you do not tell me.”

/>   “Jacob and I made love.”

  “YOU HAD SEX! OMG!”

  “I said made love, Nina.”

  “Yeah, yeah. OMG! I’m calling you.”

  “You can’t call me right now. Want to grab lunch tomorrow?”

  “Why are you doing this to me? I am screaming right now. I need all the details.”

  “Patience, dear grasshopper.”

  “Are you joking? How am I supposed to have patience right now.”

  “:)”

  “Bitch.”

  “:)”

  “Did it hurt?”

  “Not really.”

  “Of course it didn’t. He’s perfect.”

  “He’s far from perfect.”

  “I want ALL the details tomorrow.”

  “Yes, Nina.”

  I laughed as I lay back on the bed and texted her. I knew she was most probably dying to hear more information, but I just didn’t have time to tell her all the nitty gritty dirty details.

  “Bitch you better tell me everything. 1pm at Newmans?”

  “Sounds good.”

  I put my phone down on the night table before crawling under the sheets. I reached over and grabbed the remote control and turned on the small TV on his dresser. I knew that if I didn’t have something to distract me that I was going to fall asleep. And I didn’t want to fall asleep until Jacob was here in bed with me. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms. I switched the channels absentmindedly and then stopped on the Lifetime Movie Channel. There was a new movie just about to start that I thought looked like a guilty pleasure and I sank back into the pillows with a smile on my face. I was so caught up in the movie about a young lady having an affair with her best friend’s dad that I didn’t even notice that Jacob had entered the room until he was sitting down on the bed next to me.

  “What are you watching?” he asked as he stared at the screen and then groaned. “Oh no, this looks worse than a chick flick. Lifetime Movie Channel? He fell back against me and some drops of water from his hair sprayed onto my arm. “Please, no.”