by Louis Sachar
The members of Pig City scrambled over each other and onto the bed against the wall. It was safe there. The water didn’t quite reach that far and the hose was stretched as far as it would go. Gabriel was the only one who got wet.
In the backyard, Monkey Town sang:
“Monkey Town! (clap-clap)
Monkey Town! (clap-clap)
We’re the greatest club around! (clap-clap)
Chicken Pigs! (clap-clap)
Chicken Pigs! (clap-clap)
They lay eggs and suck on figs!”
Gabriel set the sprinkler down just inside the clubhouse door, then jumped back, out of the spray of the water. “Let’s go!” he shouted.
The singing stopped.
Pig City were huddled together on the bed. “Somebody get that thing out of here!” shouted Laura.
She was against the wall, behind Kristin, who was behind Aaron. Nathan was on one side of her and Allison on the other. For the most part, everyone was dry. Only an occasional drop of water reached the bed, but the Dog House was being drenched.
Nobody moved.
“Help! Help!” called Allison and Aaron.
“Shut up!” said Laura. “Monkey Town might still be out there. Do you want them to hear you?”
During the stampede to the bed, someone had kicked over the coffee table, and the mustard fell to the floor. Jars broke and plastic bags opened.
Mustard water with horseradish, brown sugar, garlic, wine, dill, and whatever else oozed across the floor.
“Aaron!” Laura shouted. “You’re closest!”
“My clothes will be ruined,” he said. “I have to walk home. You live here. You can change into dry clothes.”
“I can’t move!” said Laura. “I’m stuck behind Kristin.”
“And I’m stuck behind Aaron!” said Kristin.
Drops splattered the yellow floor.
“Look out, I’m coming through!” said Laura. She pushed into Kristin.
Aaron, Kristin, and Tiffany got tangled together and all three fell into the yellow swamp as Laura jumped off the bed. She ran headfirst into the thick spray. She picked up the sprinkler and hurled it away.
Monkey Town was gone.
She walked to the back door and turned off the water.
The citizens of Pig City dripped out of the Dog House, one at a time.
Laura sadly shook her head. She felt ashamed. The clubhouse had practically been destroyed. She saw Gabriel’s shirt lying on the back stoop. She realized he must have taken it off so it wouldn’t get wet, then forgot it. She stepped on it.
“Now what are we going to do?” asked Kristin.
“We have no choice,” said Laura. “We have to surrender.” She took off her wet cap.
30
Terms of Surrender
There was no school Monday because it was Memorial Day. On Tuesday when Laura came to school, she didn’t write on the blackboard. That wasn’t the kind of thing a person who was about to surrender would do. She just walked into class along with everyone else. She held her hat in her hand.
PIGS ARE ALL WET was written on the blackboard. Mr. Doyle erased it, then put the number 15 next to the rectangle. He told the class to pass their homework forward.
Laura opened her notebook and took out several pieces of paper. She gave all but one to the girl in front of her.
She nervously looked over the page she kept. She had worked harder on it than she had on all her homework. She read it for the hundredth time.
Dear Jonathan,
This is a very difficult letter for me to write. It seems that the time has come for Pig City to surrender. It is foolish for us to fight if you’re going to win in the end. We might all get kicked out of school if we’re not careful. Meet me at the swings at the beginning of recess so we can discuss the terms of surrender. Come alone. As I’m sure you can understand, this must be kept confidential until all the terms are settled.
Bravely,
Laura Sibbie
President of Pig City
As she said, it had been a very difficult letter for her to write. She had to be careful that nothing she wrote was a lie.
Now, she had to think of a way of getting it to Jonathan. She didn’t dare let Mr. Doyle see it.
“Laura, will you come here, please,” said Mr. Doyle.
Laura smiled. That was easy, she thought. She put the note in her back pocket and walked to Mr. Doyle’s desk.
“You’re not wearing your hat,” he said to her.
“So?”
“You’ve worn it every day for a month. I was just wondering –”
“There’s no rule saying I have to wear my cap, is there? Nobody else has to to wear a cap to class; why do I?”
Mr. Doyle shrugged. “You don’t,” he said. “I’d gotten used to it, that’s all.” He smiled. “I liked it. I apologize.”
Laura turned and walked away, swishing her hair behind her. She was glad Mr. Doyle liked her cap. On her way back to her seat, she took the note out of her back pocket and placed it in front of Jonathan, on his desk.
He quickly covered it with his notebook.
At recess, she walked out to the swing set alone. The lower grades had recess at a different time than the upper grades, so the swings were empty.
She sat on the swing in the middle and slowly swung back and forth, dragging her feet in the dirt. Her cap was on her lap.
Jonathan walked out to meet her, tall and proud.
“Thank you for coming alone,” said Laura. “This would be a lot more difficult if everyone was here clowning around.”
“I understand,” Jonathan said very seriously. Ulysses S. Grant didn’t laugh at Robert E. Lee at Appomattox.
“May I see the note I gave you?” she asked.
He handed it to her. She looked at it quickly, then put it in her pocket.
“As I said, if we’re not careful, we might all get in trouble. Therefore, I think it’s important for both clubs that the terms of surrender be fair and reasonable.”
Jonathan smiled. He had an evil gleam in his eye. “We won’t demand too much from you,” he said. “Maybe you’ll have to be our slaves for a day.”
“That’s a possibility,” said Laura. “First, I want to make one thing clear. As president of Pig City, I have the power to agree to terms with you, and the rest of Pig City will have to do what I say. Do you have the same power?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, this works both ways,” said Laura. “Will the other members of Monkey Town automatically agree to whatever you say?”
Jonathan thought a moment. “Well, as you know, I didn’t tell anybody about this meeting. You said to keep it confidential. So we didn’t discuss what power I had.”
Laura sighed disgustedly. “Are you the president of Monkey Town or aren’t you?” she demanded.
Jonathan looked up and down and from side to side. “Well, yes, sort of. I’m not actually the president of Monkey Town,” he admitted. “But that doesn’t matter. I –”
“You’re not?” questioned Laura. “Who is?”
“Gabriel.”
“Gabriel!” Laura exploded. “Gabriel tells you what to do? Gabriel orders you around?”
“Well, he doesn’t order me … I mean, we’re all pretty equal.”
“Gabriel!” she repeated. “I just assumed …” She shook her head. “… I’m sorry, but I can only surrender to the president of Monkey Town.”
“It doesn’t really matter who the president is,” said Jonathan.
“It does to me,” said Laura. “Gabriel! What a joke!” She forced a laugh. “How did he ever get to be president over you? Was there a vote?”
“No. He started the club so –”
“You should demand a vote,” she told him. “You know you’re better than Gabriel. If they don’t make you president, you should start your own club. Lion’s Den! That’s more like you, anyway. Gabriel’s a monkey. You’re a lion!”
“Well, maybe. I d
on’t know,” said Jonathan.
“I do,” said Laura as she hopped off the swing. “I know I’m not going to surrender now, now that you’ve said Gabriel is president! What a joke!” She walked away, swishing her long hair behind her.
She hadn’t lied. She wasn’t going to surrender now. Of course she wasn’t going to surrender before, either. Her plan was the same as it had always been: Divide and Conquer!
She knew that Gabriel was president of Monkey Town. He had told her that when he had tried to trick her into agreeing to a truce. But it isn’t a lie to ask a question, even if you already know the answer.
She brushed back her hair and put on her cap.
31
Division
The citizens of Monkey Town argued with each other all during lunch. Gabriel, Sheila, Karen, and Howard were on one side. Jonathan, Yolanda, and Howard were on the other.
Howard agreed with everything anybody said.
Jonathan told them that if he was president, Pig City would have surrendered already. “They’d have to do whatever we ordered them to do,” he stated. “Laura was begging for mercy until she found out Gabriel was president.”
“You said she gave you a note,” said Karen, peeling an orange. “Let’s see it.”
“She took the note back.”
“Without the note, you have no proof,” said Sheila.
“He doesn’t need proof,” said Yolanda.
“Jonathan wouldn’t lie,” Howard agreed.
“Why would she want the note back?” asked Sheila. “If she was going to surrender anyway?”
“I’ll tell you why,” said Gabriel. “She probably said everything Jonathan said she said, but Laura’s a stinking liar. She wants us to fight with each other, just like we’re doing. She tricked you, Jonathan, just like she once tricked me. She made a fool out of you, too.”
“You’re the fool, Gabriel, not me,” said Jonathan.
“Laura would never surrender,” said Karen.
“If Jonathan was president, she would,” said Yolanda.
“They’d be our slaves,” said Jonathan.
“Then why won’t she surrender to Gabriel?” asked Sheila.
“Because Gabriel’s a joke,” said Jonathan.
“Hey!” said Gabriel.
“That’s what Laura said,” said Jonathan. “I didn’t say it.”
“Okay,” said Gabriel.
“But it’s true,” Jonathan added.
“Gabriel started the club,” said Karen. “He led the attack on their clubhouse!”
“You’ve done a great job so far, Gabe,” Howard agreed. “That’s why Laura wants to surrender, because of what you’ve done.”
“Gabriel’s done okay,” Jonathan admitted. “I could have done better, but …” He shrugged. “The important thing is Laura won’t surrender so long as Gabriel’s president.”
“She’ll never surrender, anyway,” said Karen.
“Gabriel’s our president,” said Sheila.
“We never voted,” said Yolanda.
They voted. Gabriel won four to three. Howard voted twice.
Jonathan quit. “I don’t take orders from Gabriel!” he asserted. “I’m starting a new club – Eagle’s Nest!” He and Yolanda walked away, hand in hand.
Howard ran after them. “Let me join Eagle’s Nest, too, Jonathan? Gabriel’s a fool!”
“You voted for him, Howard,” said Yolanda.
“I voted harder for Jonathan.”
“Sorry, Howard,” said Jonathan. “You’re not good enough to be in Eagle’s Nest.”
Howard returned to Monkey Town. He stuck his thumb in his ear and wiggled his fingers. “Boy, Jonathan and Yolanda are so conceited,” he said. “We’re better off without them. I never believed Laura wrote him a note.”
“Get lost, traitor,” said Karen.
“I didn’t want to join Eagle’s Nest.” Howard tried to explain. “I was going to spy on them for you guys.”
Sheila snorted.
“’Bye, Howard,” Gabriel said coldly.
Laura folded her arms in front of her. “What do you want?” she asked.
“Can I join Pig City?” asked Howard.
It was still lunchtime. Everyone, except Aaron, had finished eating.
Howard told them all about Monkey Town’s civil war. He said he didn’t want to join either Monkey Town or Eagle’s Nest. He said he wanted to be a member of Pig City!
They questioned him until he told them everything he knew about the two clubs. He showed them the secret Monkey Town salute.
Laura thought it was the silliest thing she’d ever seen.
“So when can I join Pig City?” he asked.
Laura decided he had no more useful information. “Never,” she said.
“Kiss off,” said Debbie.
Everyone put their thumbs in their ears and wiggled their fingers at him.
He sadly walked away.
“We should’ve told him he could join,” said Tiffany. “Then we could have taken him to the clubhouse and mustardized him!”
They all laughed.
“Howard’s not worth it,” said Laura. “I’m saving my mustard for Gabriel.”
32
Nice
“Let’s cut off all her hair,” suggested Sheila.
“What?” asked Gabriel. “Are you crazy?”
“You have any better suggestions?” Sheila asked.
Gabriel sadly shook his head. There was nothing to do. He was out of ideas.
“Uh-oh, here they come,” said Karen.
“Just ignore them,” said Sheila.
They headed home. Pig City followed and sang:
“Laura Sibbie went to class,
Her hair was long and pretty.
Stuck a feather in her cap,
And called it Pig City!
Pig City is the best!
Monkey Town is mustard!
They’re uglier than Mr. West,
And mushier than custard!”
“One more time!” shouted Kristin.
After having to listen to the song three more times, Gabriel, Karen, and Sheila finally were left alone.
“I have a plan so we’d never get caught,” said Sheila.
“Who’s Mr. West?” asked Karen.
“What? Who?” asked Gabriel.
Karen sang: “‘They’re ug-li-er than Mr. West.’” She spoke: “So, who’s Mr. West?”
“I don’t know,” said Gabriel, “and I don’t care.”
“Don’t you two know anything?” asked Sheila. “Mr. West owns the computer store in the mall. He sold us our home computer.”
“Is he ugly?” asked Karen.
“Ughh, he’s gross,” said Sheila.
“Let’s go to the mall!” urged Karen. “I want to see him.”
“Look, do you want to hear my plan or not?” asked Sheila.
“What plan?” asked Gabriel.
“Okay, Laura has to walk to school alone, so she can get there early to write on the board, right? On her way, she walks past the Hollow Creek apartment complex. There’s a short brick wall that separates the apartment complex from the sidewalk. We can hide behind that. Then when Laura walks by, we can reach over the wall and cut off her hair. She won’t even feel it. She’ll just keep on walking to school while her hair remains in a lump on the sidewalk behind her.”
Gabriel and Karen stared at her, eyes wide.
Sheila continued. “She won’t know anything is wrong until she sees herself in a mirror! And she’ll never know how it happened. She’ll wonder about it her whole life, until she’s old and gray. ‘Her hair was long and pretty,’” she said snidely. “You know Laura wrote that song. She’s so vain. I know I wouldn’t want hair like hers. I’d have to wash it every day. Laura never washes it. That’s why it’s so smelly and matted.”
“You’re bonkers!” said Karen.
“No, wait! I got a better idea!” Sheila exclaimed. “After she walks away, we can pick up her hair a
nd then put it in Jonathan’s desk. He’ll get blamed for it. We’ll get Pig City and Eagle’s Nest at the same time! It’s perfect.”
Gabriel didn’t think so.
“What’s wrong with it?” Sheila demanded.
“It isn’t …” said Gabriel. He tried to find the right word. “It’s not … nice.”
“Nice?” asked Sheila. “Nice? You’re sick!”
“I mean,” Gabriel tried to explain. “You know, breaking pencils is one thing, but cutting off her hair? That’s cruel. We’re all going to graduate in two weeks. Why be mean?”
“I should have voted for Jonathan,” said Sheila. “‘It’s not nice,’” she said mockingly. She snorted, then stormed away.
Gabriel and Karen took turns kicking a rock as they continued walking.
“Thanks for voting for me,” said Gabriel. “I know you and Yolanda are best friends.”
“You started the club,” said Karen. “And you were the one who led the attack against Pig City. And,” she smiled, “you’re nice.”
“‘Yankee Doodle’ used to be my favorite song,” Gabriel said sadly.
33
Conquer!
Laura and her friends helped her mother carry nine bags of groceries in from the car. They set them down on the kitchen counter.
“Did you buy any mustard?” Laura asked.
“As a matter of fact I did,” said her mother. “I know how much you and your friends all like it, so I bought two big jars. That ought to last you a –”
“Thanks!” said Laura. She found the sack with the mustard and handed one jar to Tiffany and one to Kristin.
“Yeah, thanks, Mrs. Sibbie,” said Tiffany.
They all thanked her. Allison took several spoons out of the silverware drawer.
Laura told everybody to wait for her out front, then she went into her room. She got Gabriel’s shirt with her footprint on it out from the bottom of her sweater drawer. She got something else, too. It was the note he had put in her desk a long, long, long time ago.
Hey Laura,
I know all about Pig City. If you don’t kiss me I will tell the whole school. You have ugly hair.
