Happy Now?

by S M Mala

  The first thing she thought about were her private possessions and slid the doors open to see they were still all there. Then she noticed the scarf wrapped around her box and realised it was still safe.

  ‘It looks good,’ she said, full of suspicion while her kids had gone off again. ‘Matias is up to something.’

  Going back down, she unpacked the washing and peered into the garden.

  The place was free from clutter and she let out a sigh, knowing she would be builder free.

  Then her mind wandered back to Ed Carter and she quickly threw the thought out, knowing she’d have to visit Noreen soon. She had texted Flora saying she was cancer free but they were going to remove the lump. The operation was scheduled for tomorrow.

  Again she got angry thinking how Ed spoke to her the last time and the loaded accusation.

  All she had to do was extract him out of her head and it would be fine.

  The only problem she found was he would float right back into her thoughts.

  That made her mad. So she remembered all the awful things he had done and recently said, repositioning him as a bastard.

  Very much like his friend Lee.

  Once the washing was on, Flora then checked the time. Max was playing a computer game and Lola was on her pink laptop. She walked to her study, flinging open the door and stood rooted to the spot.

  Her rough drawing of how she wanted the study to had been turned into reality. Shaking her head, she stepped closer and noticed the sketch was on her desk. There was sawdust on some of the items but plastic sheets covered a majority of her things.

  Then she heard the door being opened and quickly rushed out.

  Ed was holding a large package in his arms.

  ‘I didn’t think you’d were supposed to be coming back until later,’ he said, going bright red. ‘Matias said about midnight.’

  Flora looked away, hating the thumping in her chest but she put it down to anger.

  ‘I was just finishing up in the study. I’ll be out of your hair soon. I just need to finish this bit.’

  He walked past her, head down, and went into the study.

  She was speechless.

  ‘Who instructed the work?’ she asked quietly, seeing his back was to her and he was looking at some screws. ‘I had no idea my bedroom was going to be done and this? I didn’t-.’

  ‘Matias wanted to do the bedroom as a surprise and I saw the sketch. I had some time and did it. I hope it’s okay?’

  ‘It’s more than okay but how much do I owe you? I need to sort out transferring money.'

  ‘I had time and you don’t owe me anything,’ he replied, turning to look at her. ‘Call it an apology for standing you up and the way I spoke to you. It was pretty rude and I’m not like that.’

  ‘That’s too generous and I want to pay something towards it,’ she said quietly, now confused as she was focussing on disliking him. ‘I can’t accept a refusal on this.’

  ‘One pound,’ he said, smiling. ‘That’s the payment.’

  ‘More like one thousand pounds,’ Flora said, not sure why he was nice. ‘It’s very good and perfect! You made my sketch into something better than I planned.’

  She just looked around the room and felt guilty about not giving him any money. That wasn’t going to happen. It was an unexpected cost but worth every penny. Ed was a talented carpenter and designer, much better than Matias.

  ‘It’s what I do for a living.’ Ed turned away. ‘Did you have a nice holiday?’

  ‘It was lovely. The kids had a good time and…’ she hesitated. ‘I know your mum’s operation is scheduled for tomorrow. She texted me.’

  ‘Yeah, its good news but they have to take a bit off and reconstruct afterwards.’ Suddenly Ed became awkward and looked up. ‘I’ll be out of here soon.’

  ‘You must have been working hard.’

  ‘We still have more to do but I’ll arrange it for when you’re not in. I don’t want the guys to be in the way.’

  ‘I was angry,’ she mumbled, feeling bad. ‘Ed, you should go and see your mum. Come back when you’ve got time. I won’t bite your head off again.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Spend time with Noreen and you can finish this off later.’

  He nodded and put the things in his hands down.

  ‘I’ll come back on Thursday, if that’s okay?’

  ‘I’ll be here.’

  He did his usual nod and walked out of her house leaving Flora totally confused.

  ‘She has beautiful breasts,’

  … his mother said. The medication was starting to work. Siobhan and Ed stood there looking at their mother, now starting to drift off, lying in a hospital bed. He noticed his sister raise her eyebrows and look over. ‘Beautiful. Have you seen them? Gorgeous things.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ he asked, glancing around the room. ‘Why would I have seen them?’

  ‘Flora’s got beautiful bosoms,’ she sighed and he noticed his sister start to smile as his father looked on in shock.

  ‘How would you know that?’ Ernie asked.

  ‘She showed me. The day Ed brought her round, she let me see. Gorgeous things.’

  ‘Mum, not now,’ Siobhan said, looking from the corner of her eye.

  ‘Flora took off her top?’ gasped Ed.

  ‘Mum wanted to see the scars and asked her,’ whispered his sister.

  ‘Flora, bless her, was upset but she did it. That’s what convinced me to go ahead,’ mumbled his mother, now looking like she was going to fall asleep.

  Ed wasn’t quite sure what he thought about hearing that information.

  ‘Oh, what a bastard her husband was!’ Noreen said loudly, moving her head from side to side. ‘Leaving her when she was sick and telling her she had mutilated her own body. What a man to say that to his wife! She wanted to stay alive for her children. Flora’s lovely. I always wanted you to get to know her. If I were that way inclined, I’d go for her, I certainly would.’

  ‘It’s the drugs,’ Ernie said, shaking her head.

  Siobhan started to laugh as Noreen drifted off to sleep with a silly smile on her face.

  ‘That’s how you look,’ Siobhan mumbled to Ed. ‘Every time we mention her name, that’s the same expression you have.’

  ‘Whose name?’

  ‘You think I’m stupid? Flora Almeida.’

  ‘I-.’

  ‘Listen,’ she said turning to look at him. ‘You like her and still do. Don’t punish her over what Lee said. You know it was bullshit. You should be grateful our mother is going through with this. Flora took the time to reassure her.’

  ‘Flora’s so sad!’ his mother shouted out, making all three of them jump. ‘You can see it in her eyes. And she does that panting thing to stop her from crying. It’s going to make her sick if she keeps bottling it up.’ Noreen started to fade off again. ‘Ernie? Can you get me some of these drugs? They make me feel good.’

  ‘Yes dear,’ her husband replied with a smile. ‘Anything for you.’

  He stared at this mother and watched her sleep peacefully.

  ‘Are you sure you haven’t seen Flora’s breasts?’ his sister whispered. ‘Or are you like her husband and think the idea of her scars might put you off.’

  ‘Flora’s breasts!’ laughed his father. ‘Noreen makes me laugh.’

  Ed stroked his mother’s cheek and walked out of the room. It still made him feel sick when he stepped into the hospital. Memories of his son came flooding back.

  ‘So have you seen her breasts?’ asked Siobhan, grabbing his arm as she followed him out. ‘I bet you have.’

  ‘Lee, well he…’ Ed gulped hard. ‘He tried it on with Flora in Brighton and she just left.’

  ‘Did he admit it?’

  ‘In so many words. I feel bad thinking Flora would have got together with him. I even put in some new shelving units in her study,’ he said, shaking his head and not wanting to breathe the antiseptic fumes in the air. ‘I don’
t know why it bothered me so much. Stupid.’

  His sister looked up into his eyes.

  ‘Ed, were you in love with Flora?’ she asked quietly. ‘Is that’s what this is all about? Feelings from the past?’

  He didn’t know how to answer then thought hard.

  ‘All those years ago, I made her an art box because she broke hers when trying to defend me in a fight.’

  ‘Flora defended you?’

  ‘Yeah, I didn’t need her help but she waded in. I waited a few years to give her this box. Anyway, that same night we spent together and, look, I don’t want to say too much but I liked her. I came home the following day and my life changed.’

  ‘I know,’ she quietly said. ‘But maybe the time wasn’t right then and it is now.’

  ‘Mum’s lying in a hospital waiting to get part of her breast removed and we’re lucky it’s not cancer. Flora’s been through it before and I don’t know.’ He hated admitting it. ‘But she won’t be how I remembered.’

  ‘And are you what she remembers?’

  ‘She kept the box after all this time and a few things from that evening. I think she does but I’m not sure if I’m what she wants.’

  ‘How will you ever know if you keep on standing her up?’

  ‘I’m pleased for you,’

  … Flora said, holding the signed papers in her hand. ‘Congratulations! Have you set a date?’

  She didn’t really know what to think on the announcement of Matias's engagement to Ramona. Flora had only been home two days and she couldn’t really get her head around it.

  There was a crashing sound from the study. Simon had returned to take some of the tools.

  ‘They’re just picking up their things. The work is amazing, thank you,’ she replied then looked down at the divorce documents. ‘It’s a long time coming and we need to move on.’

  Matias nodded and looked serious for a moment. She wondered what was coming next.

  ‘I hope one day you'll be as happy as I am right now,’ he said quietly. ‘I know what happened between us probably showed cracks in our marriage we were trying to cover.’

  ‘Maybe,’ she said, not believing that for a second then wondering if she had been oblivious to them in the hope she could be happy.

  ‘Your disfigurement.’

  ‘Operation,’ she said, getting defensive, knowing he was trying to wind her up.

  ‘It's now a part of you. I’ll be honest, the idea of looking at you naked did scare me for a long time. I hope a man stronger than me can look at you with love and admiration.’ Flora realised he didn’t mean that one bit as his look of disgust came back. ‘I just want to remember you as you were.’

  ‘You think I’m unattractive, is that what you’re saying?’ she asked, knowing his new found honesty was making her feel sick.

  ‘It’s a horrible thing that happened and it’s locked in my mind for life.’

  ‘I’m pleased you’re quick at recovering. Didn’t it take you a week to end up in someone else’s bed after you walked out of the hospital?’ Flora was getting upset. ‘You made me feel wonderful. That was special.’

  He nodded then looked at her, his face sad.

  ‘I love beautiful things Flora. If I no longer found you attractive what did you expect?’

  ‘Love,’ she honestly replied. ‘I expected you to love me no matter what.’

  ‘That could have been the problem. I probably didn’t love you enough.’

  It was like a silent hard punch to her insides. Flora knew he did it to maim not to hurt. She felt he was using it as a justification for being a coward when he was supposed to be a hero.

  Watching him walk out, her hand started to shake as she sat on the sofa, unable to stop a few tears.

  ‘Flora, I’ve got all the things. Uncle Ed said he’d come round and finish off the study and… are you okay?’ Flora nodded, quickly wiping her face . ‘He’s wrong. If you love somebody enough you never walk away.’

  ‘But he didn’t love me enough, that’s the problem,’ she gulped. ‘I’ve been fighting four years to get him to sign it and now he does, I’m not sure what I think.’

  ‘You might meet someone.’

  ‘No Simon,’ she said smiling at him. ‘Matias is right. It would have to be someone very unique. I don’t think there’s a man on the planet who doesn’t want perfection, in one way or another.’

  ‘I hope you don’t mind me saying but your ex-husband is a bit shallow. I’ve met Ramona and Uncle Ed’s girlfriend Emily. They’re not exactly bright and soon they’ll get old or ill or both.’

  ‘Then I feel very sorry for them as they’ll find out the hard way.’

  ‘Uncle Ed wouldn’t do that. He stuck with Auntie Diane even though he didn’t want to. When she told him she was pregnant with the twins, he was devastated, so my mum said.’

  ‘He was very young,’ she sighed, not wanting to think about Ed.

  ‘My mum said Diane trapped him because she knew he wasn’t serious. He found out a few weeks before he went to college.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘Oh, he didn’t know he was going to be a dad and Auntie Diane went round to see my grandparents. She didn’t have a family of her own but said she wanted to keep the babies. It was only when Uncle Ed came home, he found out.’

  ‘How old was he again?’

  ‘All I know it happened a few weeks before his nineteenth birthday.’

  Flora then realised that’s why he never showed up.

  He got his lover pregnant. So biting the bullet he stuck with her. Ed hadn’t even considered Flora in the scheme of it.

  ‘He made the right decision,’ she said, standing up, holding tightly onto the envelope.

  ‘My mum said it wasn’t in his heart. She said he changed and they sort of lost the old Ed and found this more mature, serious version. Sad really.’

  All her angst about Matias disappeared when she realised Ed’s life hadn’t been any more planned than her own.

  ‘He said that?’

  … Siobhan asked. They were at her house having dinner. Simon just nodded. ‘He called her disfigured?’

  Ed was staring at his nephew before looking down at his salad.

  ‘What did Flora say?’

  ‘I didn’t hear all of it because I was putting the tools away but she was upset. Looked really hurt,’ Simon said quietly. ‘I think he was trying to be nice but wasn’t.’

  ‘Disfigured indeed?’ said a furious Siobhan turning to look at Ed. ‘And you go on double dates with him?’

  ‘He’s not that bad,’ he replied. ‘At least she’s got the divorce. That’s what he meant by doing something nice.’

  ‘Where’s granddad?’ asked Simon, hurriedly finishing off his food. ‘I thought he’d be here.’

  ‘He’s at the hospital with grandma,’ replied Siobhan, smiling at her son. ‘She’ll be home in a few days then we can see her.’ She frowned as Simon practically swallowed his food. ‘Why the rush?’

  ‘Meeting the guys down the pub,’ he replied, standing up quickly. ‘That’s okay, isn’t it?’

  ‘On the pull?’

  ‘Just catching up. I can’t wait to go back. I’ll be saving Uncle Ed loads of cash.’

  ‘Tell me about it,’ he mumbled then received and evil glare from his sister. ‘But you’re very good with the clients and that’s all that matters.’

  His nephew had walked out of the house in a matter of seconds.

  ‘How was mum today?’ he asked, starting to squirm. ‘And her operation? Did it go well?’

  ‘She knows you won’t want to visit until she’s in better shape. It’s fine but I think she’s not recovering as well as they’d hoped. They took out a large lump and…’ Siobhan sighed, then squeezed his arm. ‘They fixed her up nicely and she’ll be in ship shape for her party. We could have a joint one as you’ll be forty-four.’

  ‘Nothing to celebrate.’

  ‘There’s plenty,’ she said, looking at him. ‘Ed, I
want you to be happy. You know, it’s only rarely I see a glimpse of my little brother, the days when you were carefree but genuinely cheerful.’

  ‘Those days are gone,’ he said, taking the plates and putting them on the kitchen counter. ‘I just want to make sure the people I love are well and, of course, Amelia. I want her to be happy and when she’s ready, find a nice guy and settle down. That’s it.’

  ‘What about you? What do you want? Going out with younger women isn’t the answer to everything.’

  ‘I’m fine, don’t worry about me.’

  ‘Ask Flora out again,’ she whispered, standing up and walking towards him. ‘I think you need to talk.’

  ‘It was a long-.’

  ‘Like I said. Every time I mention her name, something changes in your face and I see it. Please do it for me and I won’t ask again. You never know, you might have something in common.’

  Thursday morning he knocked on the door. Flora opened it and smiled.

  It threw him for a moment but he grinned back and walked in.

  ‘I saw your mum yesterday,’ she suddenly announced. ‘I was going to see a friend who had to go in for a check-up and I thought I’d pop in. Noreen looks well. She won’t have many scars.’

  ‘Yeah,’ he said, not knowing what to say. ‘I better crack on. When are the kids due back?’

  ‘I’ll leave at four to pick them up. I’ve got a few days to catch up on some application forms. I’ll be at the dining room table if you need me,’ Flora said and smiled once again. ‘I’ll keep out of your way.’

  Ed nodded and walked into the study with his tools. He had a few client meetings earlier on that afternoon but finished early.

  There was the added attraction of being alone with Flora.

  Working on the shelves and sanding them down, he then started on the wax. The oak looked beautiful and he was pleased he’d salvaged the wood years ago, her home being the perfect place for it.

  He then became engrossed on what he was doing, forgetting everything else.

  ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’

  … she asked.