She stared into the soldier's eyes as he fell breathlessly over her. His weight was choking her, dead weight now. Mabel tried to get out from under his body, but he was a strong man before and it wouldn't be easy to push him away now. She saw when the man's body was lifted off her. Then Shai squatted down, taking her off the floor.
"Are you hurt?" He asked, pulling her up. But Mabel didn't respond him. She couldn't talk. "Alright, Mabel. The first time is like that for everybody." Shai said, affectionately. He firmed a grip on her waist, and took her away from that place.
Shai took Mabel inside and sat her down on a chair. She was paralyzed, not moving or blinking her eyes. Then, he brought her some water and made her drink, the wood glass vibrating in her shaky hands.
"I killed somebody." Mabel whispered, her voice almost unrecognizable. She needed space, but Alastair's entourage was all around her.
"Yes, you did." Shai took the glass from her hands, putting it on the table. He hunkered down urgently to Mabel trembling on the chair, his voice appellant: "I know you're terrified right now, and I understand that you have been through a horrible experience, but we need to talk."
"Can't you tell she's in a vegetative state?"
"For God sake," Gaspar muttered intolerantly to Alastair. "For someone who did that, do you really think she's the kind of girl who needs time?"
"Look, Mabel," Shai said restlessly, bringing her eyes to him. "What if you could actually help Navon? And what if you could go much further? I think that a woman on the battlefield will stimulate them, because if you can do it, they will wonder why they can't. You're going to force them to do better than you. Look at how these men are looking at you right now," He raised his hand to show her more than twenty people occupying the table and to the men huddled around them. "And they are nothing like those coward soldiers of the King's Army. These men are criminals, and they are looking at you with respect."
"Expatriates," Alastair corrected Shai, rolling his eyes.
"What are you thinking?" Gaspar asked Shai interested, bringing the chair closer.
"I'm thinking this girl can be a symbol."
"It's a good idea," Alastair said. "If we to turn into mockery."
"You say that," Mabel managed to speak, turning her body to look at Shai kneeing on her side. "But you don't know what I know. Every day, the soldiers make fun of me, making me feel stupid. How can I be a symbol if I feel like this?"
"You can't see what you are? What you can do? If you can be persistent in your ideal, they will see they can as well. They are afraid of Tzara, and if they don't have someone as a reference, they won't get to the battlefield alive."
"They have this person. Navi is a prince who could hope to win the war sitting on his throne, but he is going to fight his own battle. The heir of the throne's in front of an army, and he knows he will be the first to fall."
"No," Shai shook his head, dismissing the idea. "He's a little too perfect, and the soldiers won't feel they can reach his level. I'm talking about someone who will make them want to be part of something important. Those kids are scared, and they think that Balthasar's men are invincible."
Mabel clenched her fists. "They aren't."
"Because you're outstanding, Mabel." Shai said with a smile. "That's why you don't think like them."
"Let me see if I understand correctly." It was Alastair again. "You want this girl go to war to stimulate those baby soldiers? Do you understand how crazy this is, Shai? It seems like you don't care if this girl lives or dies!"
Jakobison placed a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder. "Are you becoming a softhearted?"
"Think what you want," Alastair replied, turning around to look at Mabel with hard eyes. "But no woman will represent me. We're the expat…"
"Please," Gaspar warned, pointing firmly at him. "Don't say this word again today."
Shai looked at Mabel immediately. "You should know that I would never include you in this if it wasn't safe. Me and my men will never let anything happen to you."
The only man who ever talked to her as if she was important was Mabel's father. He was the only man in her life who loved her enough, and suddenly this guy came around and started acting as if he felted the same, which was impossible. In a short time, it's not possible to get attached to someone like that. Shai could be deceiving her, making her feel things that didn't exist, but he could be also telling the truth. There's no way to know these things, and all that can be done is to believe in what our eyes were seeing.
She looked at him, fighting the urge to put her hand in his beautiful face and to thank him for being a good surprise. "You're the only one who said I can do that."
"Because you can."
She looked at him with her curious eyes. "Why do you care if Navon loses or wins?"
"I just want to redeem myself.'' He gave her a crooked smile. "So, are you in?"
"I'm here," Her bright eyes corresponded with a twinkle in Shai's eyes. "Am I not?"
"Great…" Gaspar began to say.
"Yes," Alastair mocked, feeling bothered. "Perfect."
"What is the next step?"
"What we came to suggest in the first place." Shai answered Gaspar, looking at all expatriates. "We're going to talk to the prince."
"I'm starting to think you must be off your head, adorable Shai." Alastair pointed the finger at Shai and Gaspar. "You two. How do you plan to get in Navon if you have a mark at the end your neck showing everyone the bastard you are? We can't get into Navon, do you remember?"
"That's why he brought the girl." Gaspar pointed at Mabel. "She will take our message."
It took a second for Mabel to remember they had a problem. How would she get close to Navi? The prince probably never hated anyone as he hated the girl, because only an inconvenient and unwanted person would have her entrance denied at the castle. Now that Navon' salvation was in her hands, she blew it, because she irritated the prince.
Alastair's watchful eyes realized Mabel shrugging in the chair. "What?" He approached her. "Why did you look at Shai?"
She shook her head, denying it. "I didn't."
"Yes, you did. You looked at him as if you two know something that we don't. What is it?"
"Stop yelling at the girl." Jakobison said, at first it seemed as he was being nice to Mabel. Then, he looked at her in a threatening way. "Spit out right now what you're hiding."
"I…" How would she explain that for those men?
Shai scratched his head, his face red. "She can't get into the castle either."
"Wonderful," Alastair opened his arms, making fun of it. "You brought the girl who can't help us."
"But she can get into Navon and we don't."
"It's true, Gaspar." Shai put his hand upon his friend's shoulder, his cheek still red. "Guys, this won't really be a problem. I thought of a way to solve it."
Alastair's eyes narrowed at Mabel. "What have you done to the prince?"
Mabel closed her eyes dramatically. "Once again, I didn't do anything!"
"If the prince doesn't want to see the girl," Shai said. "We'll make sure he sees her. We will make him worried. Then, we will send him a message. The prince will hear us."
"It's not going to work." Mabel contested, rising from the chair. "We won't be able to get his attention because of me. Navi doesn't care enough, and all he wants is to stay away from me. It's a wonderful plan to waste it with me."
"Hey, calm down." Shai approached her and put his hands on Mabel face, bending his body over her. "If he didn't mind, he would have let you come with us that day, but he didn't."
"He only did it because of the king."
"Don't worry, all right? What can we lose?"
Mabel shook her head at him, touching his warm hands on her face. They may not have anything to lose, but she would have her heart broken if she found out that the prince does not care enough.
XXI
"Generals die in a hundred battles."
The Ballad of Mulan
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When the gates opened for the soldiers to return from their traveling, the children would always surpass the elderly in order to see the kingdom's heroes arriving. Mabel was always in between them, a girl surrounded by a crowd of boys. Even when she got older, she still enjoyed going to see them, even though she was already old enough to see them in a different way.
Mabel returned home on a horse, surpassing the gates with a man that was considered legendary out there. Shai was authorized by the prince get into Navon's castle. The rest of them had to wait outside of the city, though they had insisted that they should have come in to protect Shai in case of complications, which Mabel said: "It's Navi, there won't be complications." They probably wanted to take the opportunity to get in Navon, and see their families and their long gone past – or at least what was left of it. It was thinking about it that Navi told them that only one person would be enough.
For the last few weeks, Mabel had been with Shai and his men in the forest they lived, where trees and open air were their home. They would go hunting in the morning, and would come back with dinner for their community every day. Every day they ate the same food and shared the same things. They were a small group of people, consisting of their wives and children, and they always had the same kind of relationship. There wasn't more than one person in the same family who was exiled or a criminal. The band's camp was a make-believe society on which they pretended to have relationships that didn't exist and a life that wasn't real.
After a while, the small band was no longer that small. Anyone could join them, but no one would leave that place. No rules, moorings, obligations, duties or labels. Now she was back in Navon, she realized she was part of something like that.
The guards didn't check Shai's neck. He was with Mabel; it was the prince's recommendation. After some time, Navi allowed the authorized guards to let Mabel get in the castle in case that she showed up and looked for him. But no one heard from her for a while, until he got her note, informing about Mabel's whereabouts. That's how Mabel made that possible.
"You're back." It was the same guard who helped her before, giving her a slight nod. "The prince is waiting for you."
Navi was in the throne room waiting for them. Before the door opened, Mabel took a deep breath when she remembered the last time she was here, in a different circumstance. There was a long red carpet, and two guards were present, one on each side. The chandeliers suspended on the ceiling were made of copper, just like those on the floor, but the candles were not lit up. It was still daytime, proper time for agreements.
The door closed as Mabel and Shai walked up to Navi, who was sitting in the throne. Although she wasn't look at Navi, she could feel his eyes following her every step. His eyes looked surprised, relieved, and something else.
When Mabel was gone, at the request of Navi, every demoted soldier had searched for her days on end, in the city and outside, and they only gave up when they were defeated by failure. Navi thought she was dead, because it wouldn't be possible that a girl like her couldn't find her way back home.
Mabel and Shai bowed to the prince on his throne, denoting an authority that no one else in that room had. Navi's eyes weren't looking at Mabel now. Shai went forward, taking a step ahead of Mabel; he had an alliance to propose. Navi motivated him with a nod meaning ''go ahead", and Shai didn't hesitate. Not even for a moment.
"I came here because we want to have Navon as our ally. I convinced the deserters to join the King's Army, since we all need help. They are many, and if you join us, we can win this war. A few days ago, I traveled all the way over here to talk personally with Your Highness, but…" Shai turned his shoulder to Mabel, lashing her with his eyes. "Anyway, I couldn't get a meeting."
Navi lifted his eyebrows at him. "Is there a lot of them?"
"So many you can't even count."
Navi stiffened his body on the throne. "I imagine that after a while we can lose track of the many offenders we had to kick out. They have become proper criminals to us. How can I deal with men who had let us down once?"
"That's different. Their homes weren't threatened before. Out there, they are threatened as much as here, and they want to protect it. You need men as much as those men need you, so why would you be reluctant to accept them?"
"Why am I reluctant to accept them?" Navi smiled bitterly. "Well, I suppose you're responsible for those men, as you defend them so readily."
"Yes," Shai said, aware of it for the first time. "Somehow I am."
"It will be difficult to keep your word when they get out of control."
"That's not going to happen."
"Even if I wanted to do that," Navi said, throwing his back on the throne. "I don't think the ministers and my counselor would agree. You know, that's something that has never happened before. So I need time to talk to them until I deliver my final answer."
Mabel looked at the prince, surprised. She didn't expect that he would agree about that, she expected reluctance, denial. Not this. An individual wasn't the sum of their general actions, they were the sum of their singular actions, and that seemed to be so true now. Navi acted like a prince and he lived like a prince, but he didn't have the irreverence of a prince. He was the best version of a prince, except for his mistakes. However, there was no better test than a man's action after he had made a mistake.
"We need soldiers," Navi looked at Mabel and found her looking back at him. "And I think that fifty men in the army can make a difference."
"Together we are more than fifty men."
Navi looked at Shai. "That's something that me and Mabel talked about the other day."
"Right," Shai nodded, understanding. He looked at Mabel, who was looking at Navi and who has been looking at her, and it made more sense than the prince's previous explanation.
"What are their conditions?" Navi asked to Shai, scratching his eyebrow. "How much do they want, because I imagine they will want money for it."
"Nothing. They aren't doing it for money."
"What about you? Mabel told me…"
Shai laughed. "It was a joke. Actually, I was distracting her and buying time, so she wouldn't go out looking for her brother." He turned to Mabel, smiling in apology. "Sorry about that."
"It's fine." She couldn't be angry with Shai about it, she felt grateful instead. No one out there knew about her brother and no one had seen him. She could have followed a trail that never existed and ended up with nothing.
"So," The outlaw said, turning his head to Navi. "What do I say to the deserters?"
"I have to convince some people first. We will have a vote…"
"You already have my vote." The king said, coming out of a passage that connected the throne room. His eyes were fixed on Shai, not on Mabel, whom he had been worried about lately. "Especially if you are in charge of those men who will fight with my army. Are you?"
"Yes," Shai said, visibly abashed. "Excuse me, do you know me?" It wasn't his fault that he didn't recognize the Majesty when the king wouldn't wear his appropriate attire.
"Of course!" Dareh walked towards Shai, stopping in front of him. "You don't recognize me, do you?"
"I don't think so."
"I don't expect you to remember an old man like me. The last time we saw each other you were too young, that is why you can't remember me. But I know you very well. I want to talk to you for a minute." The king put his arm around Shai's neck, taking him away.
Mabel gasped in surprise in the huge hall. Navi had become used to the king's impulses; he wasn't surprised. Unlike Mabel, who was looking at the direction where the king left while she wondering to herself "is that it?" They went there ready to argue, but it wasn't necessary, because it was being too easy. Almost magical.
When Mabel looked at Navi, he was staring at her. She assumed that he had some questions.
She tried to pull herself together. "What happened? I was expecting that we would have to argue with you, persuade you, but you just said yes!"
"I'm tired. I'm giving
up on so many things and I'm not getting anything in return." He sighed. "I'm trapped, and unfortunately Shai and his men are the only solution that has appeared so far."
"Maybe they're the army you need."
Navi looked exactly as she remembered. He wore a red jacket closed to his neck, with silver pins at the top and leather fillets, and underneath it, you could see an unadorned linen shirt. He was dressed for battle in an inconsiderable day. But Mabel wasn't as he remembered. Wherever she has been, she looked thinner, careless and a mess. Whatever she was doing, she was not ok.
"You were with him this whole time?"
"Yes," She said. "But before that, we were with the expatriates."
"Who?"
"It does not matter; I didn't even know they existed. All this time, I've been with Shai and his bunch. They have a town, a village! At night, their women dance in the firelight, making music with their feet and drums play. They all dance to the same song, and they eat the same food. They are a small society living in harmony... not completely in harmony, you know better than I do how men can be difficult when they living together sometimes."
He blinked in annoyance. "Were you having fun?"
"Not necessarily having fun." She replied, oblivious to his tease. "The fun was only a consequence, since you love using that word."
Navi's face was serious. "Well, you should have warned me before you went on an adventure. I would not have moved troops across the roads and forests to look for you; I would not have been worried about you. You were irresponsible."
Mabel's eyes widened at the realization of what he was saying. "How can you call me irresponsible when you forbade me to have any contact with you? You were so…" Childish was the word she meant. Mabel looked away from him, turning her face to the side. "I had to make the decision on my own since you were not around."
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