Sierra Jensen Collection, Vol 2

by Robin Jones Gunn

  “I don’t know,” Randy said, glancing at Drake and Amy. “I’d be glad to drop you two off at the Jensens’, if you want.”

  “All I want is a hot shower. Would you mind taking me home?” Amy asked.

  “Sure,” Randy said.

  “I’ll come over,” Drake said, giving Sierra one of his warm looks.

  “You want a ride?” Randy asked Drake, not looking at Sierra.

  “No, I’ll go with Wes and Sierra,” he answered.

  “Hop in,” Wes said.

  Sierra watched Randy drive out of the parking lot, and she felt awful. Randy was doing exactly what he said he would. He had stopped being her friend.

  EVERYONE AT THE JENSENS’ was surprised to see Sierra, Wes, and Drake home early. Mom offered towels all around and sent them to the four corners of the house for each to take a shower before they were allowed to sit down and eat.

  Drake borrowed some of Wes’ clothes, and Sierra put on a pair of jeans and a baggy sweatshirt. It felt so different dressing this time than it had when she had gotten ready for her first date with Drake. Now she wasn’t concerned about impressing him. Had roughing it on the backpacking trip done that, or were her emotions finally calming down?

  After they ate, Sierra and Drake ended up on the front porch swing. This was one of the special summer moments she had dreamed of. Now that she was actually sitting next to Drake, though, it felt different from what she had expected. Probably because she knew what she needed to say.

  “Drake,” Sierra plunged right in, “do you have a goal for dating like Shane was talking about?”

  “Yes. My goal is to spend time with you and get to know you better. Why?”

  “Because I don’t have any goals yet. I feel like that example Shane gave of throwing the dart at the tree and then drawing a circle around it and saying I hit the mark. I’m just not ready to go out with you yet.”

  “Too late. We already went out,” Drake said, stretching his arm along the back of the swing and attempting to nudge Sierra closer to him.

  “I mean ‘go out.’ You know, be together like this. Spending time with just each other.” She felt his warm hand resting on her shoulder.

  “What’s wrong with this?” Drake asked in a low voice.

  Sierra wanted to melt into his arms and say, “Nothing. This is perfect, and so are you. Forget this nagging little voice.” But she couldn’t. Instead she pursed her lips together and did the hardest thing she had done in a long time. She slowly pulled herself away from Drake and his warm closeness.

  Leaning against the cold armrest of the porch swing she faced him and said, “I have to figure this out for myself. I need to set my own goals and draw the circle first, before I start to throw the darts. Do you know what I mean?”

  Drake gave her a look that was a blend of mild shock and teasing. “Are you breaking up with me after less than a week?”

  “I don’t know. Is that what I’m doing? All I know is that I can’t let myself get close to you like this and act as if we’re going together when I haven’t even figured out what that means.”

  She thought about her mom’s comment that it was good Sierra hadn’t been kissed yet because she needed to understand what she was giving away. It was beginning to make sense.

  “So, what are you saying?” Drake looked surprised.

  “I’m saying I want to spend time with you and get to know you this summer, but not at the exclusion of our other friends. I need to think through my goals in dating. It’s not you. You haven’t done anything wrong. Everything you’ve done has been wonderful.”

  Sierra looked up, hoping to catch the tears that were beginning to gather in the corners of her eyelids. “It’s me,” she said. “I’m too immature, I guess.”

  “There’s nothing immature about you, Sierra.”

  “Well, something about me isn’t ready yet. I have to get myself balanced. Do you know what I’m trying to say?”

  Drake pulled his arm off the back of the swing and folded his arms across his chest. “You’re saying you just want to be friends.”

  “More than friends,” Sierra said quickly. “Buddies. Good friends, but not boyfriend and girlfriend. I want us all to be able to do things together and not to be exclusive. You know?”

  “I guess.” He didn’t look mad. A little hurt maybe. From what Sierra had gathered, she was the first girl Drake had asked to go with him and he was probably startled that Sierra wanted to go in reverse after such a short time together.

  “It’s like the backpacking trip,” Sierra explained. “I’ve camped a lot, but this was your first time. Now you know what to do differently next time—what to take with you and what to leave behind. I’m the one who’s new at dating, and you’re the experienced one. You’re much more comfortable with it than I am.”

  “This feels like the backpacking trip,” Drake said, “because we’re turning around and going back too soon.”

  “Sort of,” Sierra agreed. “Is that frustrating to you?”

  “Only when I get stuck out in the cold,” Drake said, nodding toward Sierra’s distance from him across the seat. She knew he wanted to feel her warmth and closeness the way she felt drawn to him.

  “I need to figure out this whole physical affection thing for myself before I start dating, too. I mean, do you think holding hands means the same thing to you as it does to me?”

  “Probably not,” Drake said.

  “And have you kissed a lot of girls?” Sierra continued in her up-front manner.

  “Not a lot.”

  “What did it mean to you?”

  “I don’t know. It was just a kiss.” Drake laughed, a tinge of nervousness showing.

  “I think it needs to mean something more than that to me before I kiss a guy. It should be the beginning of a commitment.”

  “You think too much, Sierra.”

  “Maybe. But that’s got to be better than going totally on my feelings like I have been lately. I need to find a balance.”

  “Does all this mean you don’t want me calling or coming by?” Drake asked.

  “No, of course not! You’re always welcome. And I still want to do stuff together. But in a group instead of just the two of us.”

  “So you want to go back to where we were before we took the walk with Brutus in the park.”

  “Exactly,” Sierra said. “Is that okay with you?”

  Drake thought a minute, then pushing out his chin, he said, “Yes, I can live with that.”

  “Good,” Sierra said with a smile. She felt about fifty pounds lighter. Instead of wondering whether Drake was going to kiss her before he left, she was thinking about calling Tawni and telling her everything that had happened and asking if she had ever written out her dating goals.

  When Drake did leave, Sierra felt as if everything between them was settled. Somehow they had managed to put their relationship in reverse, and Drake could live with it.

  The last person she needed to settle things with was Randy. She considered calling him right then, but it was late, and she was exhausted. She decided to wait until the next morning.

  When Sierra called, Randy’s mom said he’d already left to mow the yard on 52nd Street. Pulling on a pair of shorts, tennis shoes, and a T-shirt, Sierra bounded down the stairs.

  “Tell Mom I’ll be back in half an hour,” she yelled to Wes in the kitchen.

  SIERRA HOPPED INTO THE CAR and headed for 52nd Street. She drove by Mama Bear’s Bakery, then on impulse decided to stop and run in as a customer. Mrs. Kraus was surprised to see her.

  “Yes, we all survived the trip,” Sierra said. “I need to buy two rolls, one with extra frosting, and three milks.”

  “Glad to see that a little time in the wilderness has made you appreciate the finer things in life,” Mrs. Kraus said, handing Sierra the white pastry bag.

  Sierra stopped counting out her change and said, “You know what, Mrs. Kraus? A little time in the wilderness has made me appreciate a lot of things.”


  She flew out the door and puttered in her old car over to 52nd Street. Randy had on the earbuds to his iPod and didn’t hear her when she drove up.

  “Randy!” Sierra yelled over the roar of the lawn mower. “Hey, Randy!”

  In that moment, Sierra realized how awful her senior year would be if Randy weren’t her buddy. She couldn’t stand to think that he might ignore her as he appeared to be right now.

  Boldly approaching the path of the lawn mower, Sierra held out the bakery bag. “Refreshments!” she hollered.

  Randy cut the motor on the mower and looked at her. He seemed cautious. Guarded. Not sure if he was happy to see her.

  “Can you take a break?” Sierra asked.

  “I guess.”

  Sierra ran to the back of her car and pulled out an old blanket her mom kept in the trunk for emergencies. They spread it in the shade of an elm and sat down.

  “What’s up?” Randy asked.

  Handing him his usual two milks, Sierra suddenly felt like Amy, bringing food to a guy because she wanted his attention. Maybe there was something to this technique.

  “I want to go back in time,” Sierra said. “Back to when we were buddies.”

  “What about Drake?” Randy asked.

  “I told him last night I just wanted to be buddies with him, too. I want all of us to go back to being good friends.”

  Randy took a bite of the roll and waited for Sierra to continue.

  “I’ve realized I need to figure out quite a few things before I start to date. This is my summer to set goals and get my thoughts together before my emotions have a chance to take over.” She motioned to Randy that he had a bit of white frosting on the side of his mouth. “So, what do you think? Can we go backward?”

  “No,” Randy said. Then he took another bite without explaining.

  Sierra took a little bite of her cinnamon roll and waited.

  “We can’t go backward, Sierra. Only forward.”

  “But I want to erase a bunch of stuff. Like the other night in your tent. I want you to forget everything I said.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I told you everything I was feeling.”

  “Sierra, you probably haven’t figured this out yet, but you can trust me with your feelings. Don’t be afraid of them. They’re part of you. I know they’re going to change. Everybody’s feelings change. Don’t be ashamed of that.”

  Randy took another bite before finishing his comforting speech. “I’m glad you spilled your guts in the tent. I understand you better now. And I meant what I said. If you want to go out with another guy, I don’t want to be in the way. I’ll step back. I need to figure out a lot in my life, too.”

  “I’m not ready for a boyfriend,” Sierra said. She took a bite of her roll. “Just buddies. I need a lot of buddies.”

  A crooked grin pulled up the corners of Randy’s mouth. “Then we’re buddies,” he agreed.

  Sierra took a long gulp of milk and savored her last bite of cinnamon roll. Over their heads, four chattering birds departed across the wide, blue sky. A squirrel ran along the telephone line before hopping to the elm and taking shelter under the thick, green leaves. Two kids across the street shrieked as they chased each other barefoot through the front yard.

  Sierra leaned back on her hands and breathed in the scent of cut grass. She noticed that the little voice in the back of her head was silent. No longer was she wondering if she was doing the right thing. Everything was beginning to feel right because it was right. In balance.

  Even Randy was right. They couldn’t go back, only ahead. And since each step she took with her friends seemed to be bringing them closer to the Lord and to each other, Sierra had no doubt this would be her best summer ever.

  WITH ONE LAST GLANCE in her bedroom mirror, Sierra Jensen slipped a silver bracelet on her arm and called out, “Mom, tell him I’ll be there in a second.”

  Sierra wondered if she should change into jeans. The short dress she now wore was a little too fancy for her. But this July night in Portland was hot, and the thought of jeans sounded uncomfortable. A dress was the way to go. But maybe not this dark, straight dress. What about a long gauze skirt?

  Sierra began to rifle through the volcano of clothes that had erupted in the middle of her bed.

  Where is that blue skirt? she wondered. I saw it a few minutes ago when I was looking for my other shoe. Oh, yeah, under the bed.

  For a few weeks after Sierra’s older sister had moved out, Sierra had kept her room neat. Then, as summer progressed and she became busier, the clutter seemed to expand to fill any empty space it could find within her bedroom. More than once Sierra had set out to clean the messy room, but the weeks of junk buildup had turned it from a one-hour cleanup to an all-day-with-a-shovel event. So she kept putting it off.

  Bending down, Sierra lifted the dust ruffle. A half-eaten graham cracker greeted her, along with two cotton balls, a pair of socks, a magazine, a ponytail holder that had turned into a dust-ball magnet, and her A+ essay on Marie Antoinette. No blue skirt.

  “Sierra!” Mrs. Jensen’s voice came from above Sierra. “What are you doing?”

  Pulling herself out from her unladylike position under the bed, Sierra faced her mom. Sierra’s wild, wavy blond hair had flopped across her face. “I didn’t hear you come in,” she said.

  Sierra’s Granna Mae stood behind her mom. Both of them were smiling. Sharon Jensen, a trim woman in her forties, looked more like an older sister than the mother of six children.

  “It’s not polite to keep a man waiting,” Granna Mae said. “Are you ready to go, Lovey?”

  “I guess,” Sierra said, straightening her dress and smoothing back her hair. “I was thinking of changing into a long skirt.”

  “You look fine,” her mother said. “He’s taking you to a nice restaurant, you know. You wouldn’t want to dress too casually.”

  “I know. But I feel so silly about this,” Sierra confessed. “I don’t know why he asked me to go out to dinner with him.”

  “You don’t have any idea?” her mom asked.

  “No, but I suppose you do.”

  “Maybe,” her mom said with a smile in her eyes.

  “Okay, I’m ready. I just wish you guys weren’t all making such a big deal out of this.”

  “You’ve become quite the young lady,” Granna Mae said. “You’ll certainly turn his head tonight.”

  Sierra impulsively gave her grandma a peck on the cheek as Sierra swished past her and headed down the stairs of their large Victorian home.

  “I think you two are enjoying this milestone in my dating life more than I am.”

  She felt her cheeks beginning to blush when she noticed her date standing in the hallway by the front door.

  He had on a sports jacket and dress slacks. The faint scent of his evergreen aftershave rose to meet her. He turned to watch her coming down the stairs, and Sierra could see he held a clear plastic box tied with a purple ribbon.

  I can’t believe he bought me a corsage! This is getting way too corny. What if I tell him I’ve changed my mind and don’t want to go after all?

  “You look beautiful.” His deep voice was soothing. Sierra looked up into his familiar, clean-shaven face, framed by short brown hair with a receding hairline. The corners of his eyes crinkled up the way they always did when he was trying not to cry.

  “Dad,” Sierra said softly, “I know this is supposed to be some kind of special father-daughter event, but I really feel lame dressing up and going out to dinner. If you want to tell me something, can’t we just go in the study or out to your workshop?”

  “This is for you,” her dad said, unaffected by her attempt to squelch their plans. “I had them make it into a wrist corsage because I didn’t know if you would want to wear it on your dress.”

  Sierra looked down at the small corsage of delicate pink baby rosebuds. She recognized the name of the flower shop on the gold sticker. ZuZu’s Petals. It was just down the street from Mama Be
ar’s Bakery, where Sierra worked. She had applied for a job once at ZuZu’s Petals and found that the owner knew Granna Mae. Now they probably knew her father. Did he tell them why he was buying the corsage?

  “Maybe I should leave this here in the refrigerator,” Sierra said cautiously as she took the box from him. “They’re so pretty. I’d hate to squash them.”

  Her dad looked disappointed. Then he said, “Well, it’s up to you. They’re yours.”

  A tiny card peeped out from the top of the box. Sierra flipped it open with her thumb and read her dad’s message. “You will always be my daughter, and I will always love you. Dad.”

  Sierra bit her lower lip and tasted the lip gloss she had put on fifteen minutes earlier. How could she reject the flowers? Even though she didn’t understand what this father-daughter bonding night was about, Sierra knew she couldn’t leave his corsage in the refrigerator.

  “It’s really beautiful,” she said with a catch in her throat. “Thanks, Dad. I’ll take it with us.”

  “Good. You all ready then?”

  Mrs. Jensen, who had been hanging back at the top of the stairs, called down, “Wait a minute, you two! I need to take a picture.”

  Sierra forced a smile as her mom scurried down the stairs.

  This is going to be a long night! she thought. I hope we don’t see anyone I know.

  “Okay,” Mrs. Jensen said, squeezing one eye shut and holding the camera steady. “Put your arms around each other. That’s good. Come on, Sierra, smile. Okay, hold that!”

  The camera clicked, and immediately Sierra’s mom said, “Wait! I want to get a close-up now.”

  Tucking her short blond hair behind her ears, Sharon Jensen coerced them into posing again.

  “Bye now,” she said after the camera clicked once more. “Have a great time, and remember, Howard, my daughter needs to be back by her curfew.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said, opening the door for Sierra.

  They headed for her brother Wesley’s new sports car. It was actually an old sports car, a 1969 Triumph, that Wes had bought almost a month ago. He and Mr. Jensen had spent hours fixing it up, and now, according to them, the little baby “hummed.” Sierra was glad her brother was working tonight and hadn’t been there to tease her.