Sinclair and Raven Series: Books 1-3

by Wendy Vella

  “No, your full name.”

  “Max Hunter.” Another lie.

  “It suits you,” Essie said, kissing his chest, which felt way too good and right for Max’s peace of mind. They lay there in the dark, he holding her body on top of his, and he thought what a fool he had been to make love with this woman, because he had a terrible feeling that he’d never want to let her go.

  “Do you wander the earth a free man, Max? No people or buildings to tie you in one place? Will you tell me of your life? Some of the personal things.”

  “No. I do not speak of my life.”

  She rested her hands one on top of the other and looked down at him. He saw no shyness in her gaze, and no regrets over what they had done. The regret was his alone.

  “You are not like other women.”

  “If you mean why am I not horrified and cringing in maidenly modesty, then yes, I am different. I am a healer. I know the human body, be it man or woman. I was also raised with a family who are not like others. We are for the most open and honest with each other.”

  He touched a curl, wrapping the silken strands around his fingers.

  “Max, I care nothing about your past, or your possessions. I care nothing if you are a wanderer, with no fixed abode. But should you need a place to rest at any time, then I offer you this one.”

  Christ.

  “Essie—”

  She placed her hand over his mouth. “Do you believe a girl who wears wool in her hair and grubs about in the earth cares about wealth or prestige? That I care if you have nothing to your name? I care nothing for that, only what I know. You are a good man, Max Hunter.”

  He closed his eyes rather than see the emotion in hers. She was open and honest, and he... well, he was a lying bastard who would never be good enough for this woman. He needed to tell her the truth. It was the only way.

  “Tell me that you now see your beauty, Essex.” Those words came out instead of the right ones, and Max knew why. He wanted her soft and pliant in his arms for a while longer. Believing that he was a good man. Another hour, no longer, and then he would send her back to her bed and leave. It was the only way. He would hurt her if he stayed, and he could not do that, not to her, not when he owed her so much.

  Chapter Seven

  Essie braced herself to enter Dev’s bedroom and see Max. She found a smile as she imagined what she would see: him resting on the pillows, his tawny mane of hair tousled, eyes sleepy. Big body warm beneath the blankets.

  What they had shared last night had catapulted her into a world of sensual pleasure that she had never experienced before. Yesterday, Essie knew, had changed her completely. Max had changed her. His touch had ignited her, his kisses had melted her, and she wanted more.

  She’d thought Tolly had broken her, left her unable to feel anything for another man. Max had changed that last night. His lovemaking had left her reeling.

  “Does that make me a hussy?” Essie giggled. Likely it did, but then she cared nothing for that. She would take what snatched moments she could with Max. And in the time she had with him, she would try and persuade him to stay.

  He had challenged Murray Brunt, and then punched him, with a bullet hole in his side, and all because Brunt had said horrid, threatening things to her. Surely that meant he cared for her a little?

  She had finally left his side as the gray steaks of dawn filtered through the window. She had kissed his lips softly and left him slumbering peacefully, and vowed she would return to that very place again soon.

  Opening the door, she walked inside and found the bed empty. Pressing a hand to her heart as it started thudding hard inside her chest, she looked around the room but saw no sign of him. Running out, and down the hall, she checked every room, arriving in the kitchens last.

  “What is amiss, Miss Essex?” Bertie was stirring a pot on the stove.

  “Max, he is not in his bed.” Panic was filling her because even as she did not want to believe it, she knew he had gone.

  “Go to the stables, perhaps he is there seeing his horse, and I shall check upstairs,” Bertie said.

  She did as he said, and ran all the way, but all she found was Myrtle sitting outside the empty stall that had held Max’s horse. She dropped to her knees and hugged the dog, who whined softly.

  “H-he’s gone, Myrtle, and Lord, it hurts.”

  She had known him for such a short time, and yet the impact he’d had on her life was immense. Last night he had treated her as if she was the angel he professed her to be, and then after he had taken her innocence he had fled like a thief in the night.

  “How could you,” she whispered into Myrtle’s fur. Did what they had shared mean nothing to him at all—or had he left because in fact it had meant something?

  Essie made it back inside; she even appeared composed when she told the Hemple brothers Max had gone.

  “I’m going to wash up now, and will be back shortly.”

  They did not question her, and Myrtle followed as she climbed the stairs. Only when she closed her door did she let the tears flow. Silly, useless tears for a man she knew nothing of except what her heart had told her. He was kind and gentle, and protective. Was she wrong again? Had she misjudged another man?

  “No, I won’t believe that,” Essie whispered. He cared for me and Myrtle, and I will not believe differently. He’d told her he had nothing to give her, and she had accepted that. The shock was that he had left before she awoke, but she had to admit he had promised her nothing.

  “I wonder if we will ever see him again?” She hugged the dog close.

  He was alone by his own admission. Alone, with no possessions or home, and had promised her nothing. She had last night as a wonderful memory, and that would be enough. It was certainly more than she had ever believed she would have.

  “Are you in there, Essex?” The words were followed by a heavy fist banging on the wood.

  Rolling off the bed, Essie knew if she didn’t answer it, Cam would knock it down. Wiping her eyes, she forced a smile onto her face and opened the door.

  “Cam, why are you roaring at such an early hour?”

  She stepped back and away, so he could not see her, but his hand stopped her. He turned her to face him, then her chin was lifted.

  Her brother’s eyes roamed her face, taking in the devastation she was sure he saw there.

  “Why are you crying?” Cam went still when he was truly worried, and his voice lost all the lightness and humor he was known for.

  “I am merely exhausted.”

  “Tell me the truth.” He shook her.

  “He... Max has gone.”

  “And this upsets you enough to have you crying?”

  She nodded, then bit her lip as more tears threatened. “H-he is injured, and I fear for him.”

  The green Sinclair eyes narrowed.

  “No, there is more to this sadness than just that. What did that man do to you?”

  She forced a laugh from her lips, but it was more a sob.

  “How can he possibly have done something to me in two days, and with a bullet hole in his side?”

  “That I do not know, but I plan to find out.”

  “I-I— He can’t mean anything to me.”

  “And yet he does?”

  “N-no.” Essie refused to weep again. “I will be fine, Cam, it was merely a s-surprise to see him gone this morning. I worry he will open the stiches and get an infection.”

  “You were always the worst liar in the Sinclair clan.” Cam opened his arms, and she walked into them simply because she wanted to be held by someone who loved her.

  “I’m all right, truly, Cam. Unstable, and not s-sound of mind, but all right.” Essie tried to make light of the situation. “Tiredness is making me weepy.”

  “Of course you are, but you’re all those things and my sister, and if someone has hurt you, I will have to hurt him.”

  “I am not hurting, it was a shock.” Essie tried again to convince her brother.

  “W
ell considering what Bertie told me about Brunt, I can understand you have had a trying time of things.

  “He is a nasty, mean man.”

  “He is at that, and I believe I now owe this Max a debt of gratitude for flattening him with a good punch.”

  She nodded into his shirt. “I fear you will not see him again to thank him.”

  “You don’t know where he has gone then?”

  She shook her head.

  “Come, let us go out to your garden. You’re always calmer there.”

  Essie let Cam lead her outside, and felt the sun on her head as he walked to her gardens. Reaching the bench seat she and Eden had built, he lowered her onto it.

  “Cry your tears, Essie, and then we shall talk, you and I.”

  “I don’t like crying, it makes my head hurt,” she said, leaning into his arm. “And really I have no reason to do s-so. I am not the weeping Sinclair, as you very well know, I am the calm Sinclair.”

  “Who wrote that rule?”

  “It is the way of things, Cam. I settle arguments and soothe ails.”

  “I had no idea you were so boring. Remind me again why I am here with you?”

  “You know what I’m saying.”

  “No, I really don’t.”

  She looked at him, and saw the look on his face was genuine.

  “I-I’m not like you, Dev, and Eden.”

  He studied her, running his eyes over her hair and face. “You certainly look like us.”

  “I just don’t have your...” Essie struggled to find the right words. “Charisma.”

  “I wouldn’t be too upset about that, as not many people do,” Cam bragged.

  Essie snuffled into his shirt.

  “Are you wiping your nose on my clothing?” Cam always knew how to make her smile even when she had no reason to.

  “I arrived downstairs this morning to find the Hemple brothers wringing their hands and murmuring about this sainted Max, he who felled Brunt with one blow. It’s enough to put a man off his food… were he any man but I, that is.”

  Essie sighed. “I am all right, Cam. It was just a shock to find him gone.”

  “I know you, and this is more than shock.”

  “I don’t want to feel things anymore.” Essie struggled to put her thoughts into words.

  “A trifle hard when you live in a family of emotive people, love.”

  “That is not my meaning. I meant I never want to feel anything for a man again. I decided this after Tolly broke my heart.”

  “You were born to love, Essie, it’s in your nature.”

  “I don’t want that. Don’t want the pain and heartache that goes with it. I have seen our siblings struggle with emotion, and while Dev and Eden are now happy, they suffered to get there.”

  Cam sighed. “It is part of the process, Essie. You cannot simply wake up one morning, meet your mate and live happily ever after. Not if it is true love, anyway. Some of those marriages in London make me shudder, all about connections and family ties. Cold and unemotional unions are not for a Sinclair.”

  She looked up at him, but his eyes were on Myrtle, who had followed them outside and was foraging about in her gardens.

  “Do you want that, Cam?”

  He was quiet for a while as they listened to the sounds around them. Essie could hear the waves crashing against the rocks some distance away, and the gulls screaming, the rustle of leaves in the trees. The smell of her herbs wafted around them. All were as familiar to her as breathing.

  “I’m not sure I have it in me to love like that, Essie. I’m not sure I want to ever feel that way about a woman either.” He looked down at her.

  “You know that when you sigh like that, you of all my sisters, it breaks my heart,” Cam said in a soft voice. “When that bastard Tolly hurt you, I wanted to raise him from the dead for the pain he inflicted on you.”

  “I know, just as I know you and Dev would do what needed to be done to protect me.”

  “How has this man who left in the middle of the night hurt you in such a short time? Can you tell me that?”

  “He did not hurt me,” Essie denied.

  Cam snorted. “I know you well enough to see the hurt, sister.”

  “Brunt hurt me with his words, and I hurt for Beth, and yes, perhaps I did feel a little something for Max, but he was nothing but a gentleman to me.”

  “Then why are you hurting? It makes no sense.”

  “Because he made me feel something. An awareness that I had hoped to never feel again,” Essie said. And when he made love to me, I was sure he touched my soul.

  “I understand what you mean. Women have come and gone in my life who have made me aware of them. A touch or look shared. It’s disconcerting,” Cam said.

  “Is there a particular woman in your life now who makes you feel like that?”

  He shook his head. “Oh no, no, no, we are not discussing me, sister, but you.”

  Essie sighed again. “Every man who has come into my life, I compare to you and Dev. Every one usually fails, but yesterday I realized that Max is like you both. He is a protector, for all he appears the opposite. He was kind to Myrtle, and she in turn loved him, and h-he punched Murray Brunt when he dared to call me a witch.”

  “Now that I wish I had seen,” Cam said.

  “Brunt called me a witch, Cam.”

  Her brother got to his feet and stalked away from her. She watched as he plucked several heads off flowers and shredded them. Myrtle came to his side and pressed herself against his leg. Cam being Cam, he bent to pat her head. Even in anger, her brothers would never turn from those that loved them.

  How had she known in such a short space of time that Max was the same?

  “And you say you felt something for this Max?” Cam stalked back to stand before her.

  “I-I— Yes,” she said honestly. “But more an attraction, I think you could say,” Essie lied. It would do no good to let Cam believe any different. “And as I know you have felt the same many times, I’m sure you understand.”

  “Of course, I feel attractions to women all the time, but they do not upset me as much as you are upset.”

  “I told you why I feel upset, Cam. Beth and then her husband, and then finding Max gone. I have had very little sleep also.” No good would come of him becoming aware of just how much she and Max had shared. “Truly, Cam. I was just being pathetic this morning because I was weary.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “You are one of the strongest women I know. Never be ashamed of your emotions, or sharing them with me, no matter how uncomfortable they make me feel.”

  She found another laugh.

  “It will pass, Cam. As you have said, I knew him two days; a person cannot form an attachment in such a short amount of time. We will go to London and I shall forget all about him and the Brunts.”

  “You give so much of yourself to others, Essie. Everything you do, you do with your heart on your sleeve, and we love you because of that. If some man can’t see what you are, then he is not worth your heartache, sister. Although this seems an odd conversation to be having, considering the circumstances.”

  She regained her feet and took the hand he held out to her.

  “Why can’t I find someone like you or Dev, or even James?”

  “Well of course there is only one of me,” Cam said, smiling as she scoffed. “Dev and James are far too uptight for you, love. Not to mention they are family. I worry about you, Essie. You are vulnerable around men.”

  “One man does not make me vulnerable. Yes, I was a fool with Tolly, but then he was the first man I had cared for. Perhaps in light of that I was blinded to his true self.”

  “Two men now.”

  “No. I did not love Max. How could I after two days? So you see, there is no need to worry for me.” Did all her family feel like this about her? “I am no fool, Cam.”

  “Fool, no. Innocent, and generous of spirit, yes. If I may suggest, when you find your heart weakening again, as surely it wi
ll, you come to me and I shall check the man over thoroughly. If he passes, you may proceed.”

  “Idiot.”

  “And now we must prepare ourselves to once again walk in society. You must throw off those hideous dresses and actually tie your hair with a ribbon, or have your maid style it with flowers.”

  Essie looked into her brother’s eyes. “Thank you for caring, Cam.”

  “Always,” he said, placing a kiss on her forehead.

  And this, Essie thought, should be enough. It had to be, as once again she had made a fool of herself over a man. She vowed to never do so again.

  Chapter Eight

  “You received a letter from Dev today, Cam? What did it say? And furthermore, why did you not tell me?”

  He and Essie were taking their evening meal. The night was warm, so they forwent a fire, but sipped from mugs of tea.

  “I was giving you time to compose yourself.”

  She waved a hand about. “I am now composed, so tell me what Dev said.”

  “Woman are such fickle creatures. One minute you are heartbroken, and then next it is forgotten.”

  “I was not heartbroken, and after a good sleep I am once again hearty.” She did not tell him that thoughts of Max had plagued her all day. “Now, tell me what our brother said.”

  “That our presence is required in London.”

  Tea sloshed over the brim of her mug as she quickly sat upright. “But we are returning soon anyway. What has happened to want us earlier?”

  “Nothing bad, I assure you.” He waved her back into her seat. “It is merely that you are to be an aunt, and James and Dev want you to come to London to watch over their wives until they are ready to leave and travel to their estates.”

  “I’m to be an aunt!” Essie leapt to her feet. “Both are expecting?”

  Cam nodded, his smile telling her he was pleased with her reaction. “And let me tell you that I am not entirely sure I wish to spend the next six months in the company of either man. They are already protective, they will now be insufferable.” He looked disgusted. “It is decidedly off-putting to see such powerful men brought to their knees.”