I Still Hate You

by Marie Skye

  I think the fuck not. Basically, nothing has changed with them. They were all about themselves. And yet, why did the guilt slowly sink in?

  I sighed as I focused on my food as well as the podcast for later. Things at work weren’t going so great, and not just me having to be ‘more’.

  “We have one more caller for tonight’s session.” I nodded to Claire as I checked my watch, beyond grateful we would be done soon. I looked at the sheet Claire held up giving the caller’s name.

  “Hey, Macy, thanks for joining us tonight for Perrie’s Point. What was your take regarding tonight’s podcast?”

  “Hi, Perrie, thanks for taking my call. I just had a question when it comes to dating but not really dating.”

  I banged my head against the table and hoped they didn’t hear me. Before Macy even started her questions, I interrupted her. “Unfortunately, Macy, tonight’s podcast was on the Butterbox Babies. You know the hundreds of babies murdered or illegally adopted from the late twenties to late forties. By any chance did you have a question and/or thought on that?”

  It was silent. Claire looked at me and shrugged. I looked at her and shrugged. Macy finally answered, “Well kind of.”

  She was lying. Most of them did. I sighed before telling her to go ahead with her question that had absolutely nothing to do with tonight’s topic.

  I ended the night having to thank our sponsor yet once again, even though I loathed them.

  “Great show again tonight, girls.” I quickly covered myself the moment Frank came in.

  “Why do we have to wear the sponsor’s clothes, especially since no one actually sees us?”

  Frank sighed as if my asking the same question for the thousandth time was frustrating to him. It’s not my fault he’s not used to me asking the same question every night. “We’ve gone over this, Perrie. They supply the outfits, you wear them. You tell your listeners how amazing it feels to wear them, and they give us money. They’re the reason you get that extra few hundred dollars. Do you want to be grateful or find another job?” I slumped back down in my chair. I was this close to telling him I would find another job where I didn’t have to wear a negligee or lingerie while doing a podcast. “Besides, when you wear them, your answers are more confident, making you sound sexy.” He winked at me, which was disgusting in itself as he left. I looked to Claire who only shrugged.

  “I listened to tonight’s podcast.”

  I looked up at Gwen, just as she placed my order in front of me, jarring me from my thoughts.

  I cringed inside, something I always did before someone gave me feedback, whether it was good or bad. “How was it?”

  “I loved it! Definitely do more murder mysteries.”

  “Thanks, Gwen. Working there can get a bit odd, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be there.”

  She frowned as she thought for a moment. “Well if you need anything or another job, you’re always welcome here, and if you need someone taken care of, Hawkins, my husband, can help you with that.” She laughed as she walked away. The weird thing was, I honestly don’t think she was actually kidding in regard to her husband.

  I finally leaned back to relax. I looked up and scowled at the couple practically eating each other’s faces. I rolled my eyes as I focused on my work. Sometime later, my thoughts were interrupted. “I know you.” I slowly raised my head as the girl that was just making out stood above me smiling. I looked behind me in case she was talking to someone else, knowing damn well there was a brick wall behind me.

  “Sorry, I don’t think you do.” I went back to my notes and she pulled out the empty chair that was in front of me and sat. The hell? Did this woman really think we were long-lost friends or something?

  “At your apartment,” she continued. “You walked in and my boyfriend and I were—”

  “Oh!” I cut her off, looking around me to make sure no one heard. “Oh, okay, yeah. Um, I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t get a good look at your... face.”

  She laughed as she shrugged. “It’s okay, it’s a natural thing.”

  “To have sex at a random person’s house while someone watches?”

  “Okay, I guess not totally natural, but sex is natural. Besides, we’ve been seeing Ash for almost a year now. He’s one of the best if not the best.”

  Now she had me curious as my eyes widened. “He’s been watching you have sex for almost a year?”

  She silently laughed. “No. Ash is more of a... life coach, really. He really helped my relationship. My boyfriend had intimacy issues from being sexually abused. He wanted to enjoy sex, not fear it. So, with Ash’s help and guidance, we’re now better than ever.”

  I slowly nodded in realization. So, he wasn’t a perverted playboy after all. He helps people. Maybe he can help me. I leaned forward with the sudden urge needing to know anything and everything. “Tell me more. What else does he do?”

  16

  Ash

  “Stood up again?”

  Perrie glared at me before flipping me off and I laughed. “You’re one to talk. Aren’t you usually out screwing the first poor girl that looks at you?”

  “Slow night,” I said before taking a long drink of my beer and plopping down next to her on the couch, closer than normal but doing it because it annoyed her.

  “Pity,” she said while mindlessly flipping through the channels on the television.

  After a few moments of silence, I was bored and felt the need to mess with her a bit more. I turned to her. She was stiff, her button nose scrunched up like she was extremely pissed the couple on television would choose house three with those ‘shutters that looked like gold shit’—her words.

  “Hey,” I said, placing my hand gently on top of hers as I made sure to give her the look that said I truly did care. “I’m sorry you won’t get your three minutes of sex tonight. I know you were looking forward to satisfying yourself after he left.”

  She snatched her hand away. “You’re a real piece of shit, do you know that?”

  “You tell me every chance you get.” I smiled at her, which quickly went away when she took my beer and drained the rest of it before handing the now empty bottle back to me. I looked at her in shock.

  “That was the last one.”

  She smirked. Alright, fine. I can play this game. I got up, went to the freezer and rummaged around until I found what I was looking for. Grabbing a few more things, I went back into the living room, as she tried to see what all I was carrying.

  “Shots it is then.” Her eyes widened but I didn’t care as I placed the two shot glasses down, along with the saltshaker between both glasses and filled them both up to the brim with Jose Cuervo. I handed one to her and she looked down at it and frowned as I started to cut the lime. I gestured to her shot. “Ladies first.” She smelled it and shuddered.

  “Not my favorite,” she said as she started to put the glass down.

  “Not my problem,” I said as I stopped her. She rolled her eyes at me and reached for the salt. She started to put her shot down when I stopped her. “Use me.” She looked at me confused, before I motioned to the salt. “Use me, your hands are full.” She slowly licked her lips as she looked me over as if she was trying to decide where she wanted to lick the salt from.

  She cleared her throat. “Um, arm... I guess.” Lame. She slowly lowered her head to the inside of my wrist and her tongue gave the slightest lick as she looked at me, before jumping back. She shook damn near half of the salt on my wrist with most of it getting on the floor. She finally took a deep breath before licking the salt off, taking her shot and then quickly reaching for the lime. She burped then quickly covered her mouth before looking at me and giggling. This is going to be more fun than I thought. I moved closer to her, and I could practically feel her nervousness the closer I got. I gently tugged her shirt down to where her shoulder was exposed. Moving her hair to one side, I kissed the side of her neck, before sucking. Her breathing picked up, as I lightly bit her. Reaching for my own shot glass, I made su
re to linger a little bit longer before kissing her neck again, then taking my own shot. “You forgot the salt,” she said a little too breathlessly.

  “Damn, you’re right, I guess I have to do another one.” Pouring myself another shot, this time I grabbed the back of her head, gripping tight on her hair and she gasped. Moving over her, I lightly traced her lips, being sure to back away when she tried to kiss me. With me having control over her head, there wasn’t much she could do. Her tongue reached mine and I found myself giving in, because apparently, that’s what she did to me. Breaking away from our kiss, I finished my shot. When I leaned back, she was watching me carefully as I reached for the remote. “I never use salt.” Her eyes widened at my admission as I smirked, flipping through the channels. She cleared her throat as she tried to act unaffected. It didn’t work.

  “So, you hate me?”

  “I don’t hate you.”

  “You hate me,” I said again, pouring both her and I another shot. She swiped it from me, not even bothering with the salt this time.

  “What can I do to make it up to you?” She slowly shook her head as if she was really thinking about it before taking the shot. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” She looked at me, and for a moment it really did look like she was going to accept that I was truly genuine in my apology. Because I was.

  “Ash, just don’t, okay?” She set the glass down before standing up. “Night.”

  I didn’t say anything as I watched her go into her room and shut the door. I fucked up, and I hurt her and that I can never undo, but I can try to at least gain her trust again.

  17

  Perrie

  The past few weeks with Ash had been strained. We did our good mornings and goodbyes but a full-on actual conversation, no not really. The girls weren’t coming around as much as before, and he was home more. It even got to where he was making breakfast for me every morning, and dinner was waiting for me when I came home late. I actually started to like it, even though it annoyed me at first.

  I had just sat down to breakfast when Ash’s bedroom door opened. I watched some girl I didn’t even know was here walk out our apartment as I sat at the table with my bowl of cereal. “There’s coffee,” I said to him not looking up from the book I was reading. He moved around the kitchen before taking the seat next to me, as usual sitting closer than he needed to be. The jealousy I tried to keep down finally simmered its way to the top.

  “Another long night for you, huh?”

  He was silent a moment before he answered, “She’s a client. She and her boyfriend are having issues and she needed to talk.”

  “Talk?”

  “She’s a client. I didn’t sleep with her if that’s what you’re getting at.”

  “I was a client.” He froze, nostrils flaring. Looks like I hit a nerve. Good. “Tell me something, Ashley. Did you have a girlfriend when you and I—”

  “Fucked?” he finished for me and I rolled my eyes and he laughed. “No. Still don’t. They’re just something to pass the time.”

  “But you had no problem having a wife when you and I first hooked up back at university right?”

  He went stiff. “Now you feel like talking about it? You didn’t want to talk about it any other time, but now you decide to?” I looked away from him but he stalked toward me and decided to be overly dramatic with the chair that was next to me. Great, now he’s abusing furniture. “Yes, I was married when I met you. Yes, I was married when I fucked you. She and I never had sex. She couldn’t get a student visa if she was here on a visitors’ visa. If she had gone back home, she wouldn’t have the funds to come back over. She asked me for help and I did. It was just a paper marriage, that’s it. I didn’t mean for you to find out the way you did.”

  If he wasn’t so tall, I would have slapped him. “Her family caught us in bed together. Her sister put up bulletins all over town announcing I was a homewrecker, when I didn’t even know of your wife’s existence!”

  Ash shut his eyes briefly before kneeling to my level. “I know,” he said quietly. “And I’m sorry. I didn’t know that by being with you meant that I was going to…” he paused and took several deep breaths before continuing, “I didn’t know I was going to enjoy us spending time together. Or care.”

  I couldn’t believe he just said that. He was lying. “Yeah, you do a great job of caring, don’t you? Do you care about the girls you bring over? Tell me, do you prefer having a different girl here almost every night?”

  “Do you prefer it if I didn’t?”

  “Why do you always answer a question with a question?”

  “Do I?”

  That son of a bitch.

  “It bothers you, doesn’t it? I’m curious, why do you think that is? The comical part is, you actually think I’m having sex with each woman that comes over here. You couldn’t be more wrong.”

  I didn’t answer as I focused on my book. Four more months, I kept repeating in my head. Out the corner of my eye, I saw him move closer to me. Meanwhile, I acted like my bowl of cereal was the most interesting thing in the world right now. He dipped a spoon in my bowl of cereal and took a bite. How dare he!

  His voice dropped. “You don’t think it bothers me when three-minute man comes over? You don’t think it bothers me knowing that he’s where I want and need to be? The only satisfaction I get is knowing he can’t and won’t make you come like I will.”

  He dipped his spoon in my bowl again and I turned and scowled at him. “You’re absolutely ridiculous!” I shouted, moving my bowl away.

  “And you are absolutely correct, so let’s just fuck.” The next thing I knew, milk and cereal spewed from my mouth and flew all over my book. I reached for a napkin, trying to clean up my mess. I froze at those words. Clearly, I didn’t hear him right. I chanced a glance around my book, and his eyes were dead set on me. He arched a brow and that’s when I knew he wasn’t kidding. I awkwardly laughed since that was the only thing I could do.

  “You’ve gone mad,” I stated as I went back to my now ruined book, no clue where I left off at, and at this point, it didn’t matter. I was no longer reading; I was listening to him.

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s absurd!” I deadpanned as if that was the only answer needed.

  “Which ironically is exactly what makes this entire arrangement perfect. We’re fucking, not getting married. What did you say before? Ahh yes, something about familiarity. I admit I was a bit surprised when you showed up to my room in Vegas.”

  She scowled, “Um, you invited me remember?”

  I furrowed my brows. “No I didn’t. You hit reject when we were down on the casino floor, remember?”

  She slowly shook her head. “But later, we matched, you said come to room 405. I went to 405 and guess what? You were there.”

  I stared at her for a minute as I tried not to laugh. “You really don’t know, do you? I wasn’t in room 405, I was in PH 405.” I watched as realization slowly took over her face as she gasped. “Don’t be so prissy, it worked out, which means there’s no problem with us continuing what we were doing in Vegas or five years ago.”

  I studied him, as he studied me. My brain was shouting no but my mouth wasn’t, apparently. “So what you’re saying is you want it to be just us... using each other, then?” Wait, hold the hell up, was I seriously placing this under consideration? What the hell is wrong with me?

  “Precisely, unless of course you fall in love with me.”

  I blanched at his words and stood up. He did the same which only annoyed me because I barely reached his chest. “Rules, we need rules,” I said more so to myself but he agreed anyway. “Let’s get something straight. If we do this, I’m just using you for your dick.” When the hell did I decide that? “Nothing more.” The cocky smirk he was known for came on full force and I hated it, just like I hated him. But since apparently he was attached to this so-called magical cock, I guess I had to deal with him too.

  “If you say so,” he said, shrugging
indifferently as he stepped closer, the cockiness just radiating off of him.

  “Client.”

  “What?”

  “Client, I want to be your client.” That threw him off. He went from full-on cocky smirk to almost frightened.

  He blinked a few times. “What do you mean, you want to hire me?”

  “A free client,” I stressed as I tried not to cringe. He continued to stare at me waiting for me to elaborate. Screw it. “You owe me, and you know you owe me after everything that happened.” I straightened my posture as I cleared my throat. “Are you available to take me on as a client or not?”

  He slowly looked me up and down, and even though I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and sweats, I felt like he could see right through me and I had already disappointed him in my plain white cotton granny panties and nude bra.

  “That’s what you want?” I nodded. “That’s what you really want?” I sighed before nodding again. He thickly swallowed before clearing his throat. “Yes, I can.” I started to breathe a sigh of relief when he added, “I have a few stipulations.”

  “You don’t get stipulations,” I stated matter-of-factly as I rolled my eyes, because of course, he had stipulations, the ruthless bastard. I waited for him to continue, and it wouldn’t be Ash if he didn’t make me wait as he pretended to think it over. “And for the record, I’m not paying you. I know you’re used to it from your countless... charges, but I’m not one of them!”

  “You know the douche that comes over a few times a week, stays for about three minutes then leaves? I’m assuming he’s giving you that good dick, but not good enough if you have to make yourself come after he’s gone. I know how much you look forward to that.” My mouth dropped to the floor. I was mortified that not only did he know about that but felt the need to use it against me. At first, he was subtle so I thought I was imagining it, but now I know he definitely knew. I knew I wasn’t imagining him watching me that night. “I don’t like him, he’s sketchy as hell.”