Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World

by Gerrard Wllson

  Chapter Fourteen

  A Magical Combination

  “When they arrived at the mine entrance, Fle removed the padlock from the gates without the need for a key. Seeing this, Alice asked, “You never locked it?”

  “Nope, said Fle, with a wink, “there’s no needs to be a doing it, a lock is enough as far as I’s concerned... Peoples tend t’make assumptions on looks, so’s a padlock is enough, whether it’s locked or not, is how I’s do sees it.” He winked at Alice again.

  “You are a funny man,” she said, giving him a hug, flushing his face with crimson.

  As soon as they were safely ensconced within the secret cavern, Fle wasted no time in offering Alice and the Mouse some refreshments. “Would yous like to be eating it a’formally or in the informality?” he asked.

  “Informally, will do just fine,” Alice replied, removing the Mouse from her apron pocket, and placing him on the table in front of her.

  “Sit yous down,” said the elf, “I’s will be just a moment. As soon as I’s got the recipe ready…”

  “The recipe?” asked Alice, in surprise that the elf was even considering cooking a meal.

  “It’s not for the cooking, though,” he explained, as if reading her mind. “That would take far too long of the time. No’s it’s a magical recipe, for producing the vittals. Yes, magicking is the way to do it.”

  This was the second time that Fle had suggested magic as a way of doing things, and Alice wondered how many other things the little man was still hiding up his sleeve.

  “There yous are,” said Fle, producing a tray heaped with fine foods, almost as fast as he had said it. “Food for the weary traveller – it wus in the informality, yous said?”

  “Yes,” Alice replied, thanking the elf for the abundance of fine food. Hearing a pitiful squeak from the Mouse, she said, “You haven’t forgotten the Mouse, have you?”

  “Oh my gorsh,” said Fle, embarrassed that he had forgotten the creature. “The poor old Mouse, I’s have forgotten all about him.” While trying to sort out the Mouse’s food, the elf ran about in ever decreasing circles, but still forgetting to actually produce any.

  “Just a small piece of cheese, will suffice,” said the Mouse. “I will be quite happy with that.”

  If these words were intended to calm the old elf, they certainly fell short of their target because, on hearing them, Fle ran about even more excited than before. It was only the calm thinking of Alice that brought Fle to his senses, when she said, “Fle, calm down. Look, I am giving the Mouse a piece of my pie’s crusty pastry. He’s fine, really, he’s all right.”

  Stopping, watching the Mouse munching contentedly upon the pastry crust, Fle regained his composure (though it has to be said that soon afterwards he produced another, smaller tray, laden down with an assortment of fine cheeses, and all of them especially for the Mouse). The Mouse was now very happy indeed.

  “That was a wonderful meal, Fle, thank you so much,” said Alice, pushing the empty tray away from her.

  “Oh, it wus nothing,” he replied, “I’m just glaad that yous were a liking to it.” Glancing across to the Mouse, Fle saw that he was still nibbling away happily on a piece of Gorgonzola, so he said, “I think we’ll leave him to his Gorgon’s Zola.” Laughing at the funny elf, Alice agreed that they should.

  The meal being over, Fle set about showing Alice how he mixed his secret ingredient with the raw fertilizer. “Come on,” he said, pushing his battered old cart ahead of him, “follow me.”

  Arriving at the far end of the cavern, Alice was surprised to see a large piece of machinery there, for she was sure nothing had been in that space earlier, when she had been searching for Fle. Deciding not to bother him with such mundane matters, Alice listened carefully as the elf began explaining. He said, “This is where I do mix the fertilizer, in this here machine.” Fle patted the piece of equipment as if it was a family pet. Then opening a small door on the top of it, he said, “And this is where I insert the fertilizer, the raw stuff, y’know?” Alice nodded. “And this here door,” Fle released a catch and opened a second, smaller door, “is where I be putting in the Arcanum.” Once again Alice nodded her understanding. “Now where’s did I put that there net?”

  “Here, it’s on your cart,” said Alice pushing it closer.

  Oh my gorsh, so it is,” he laughed, “I’d be about losing my own head if it weren’t screwed on.” Alice laughed at this. His expression changing, Fle said, seriously, quietly, “I’s be about to open the net, Alice. And I’s must be absolute careful that I don’t spill any of the stuff – the Arcanum – ‘cos that would spell the trouble.”

  “Is it dangerous?”

  “Hmm, that all depends on what yous think danger might be,” he whispered.

  “Where is the raw fertilizer?” Alice asked, seeing none of it anywhere.

  “That be already in this here machine,” Fle replied, patting the machine again. Scratching his head, the elf asked, “Now where was I?”

  Alice giggled, and she said, “You were telling me how dangerous Arcanum is.”

  “Not is,” the elf explained, trying to put the danger into context. “It can be, it might be, if we are not careful...” Then lightening up, he handed Alice a shiny copper ladle, saying, “Here, holds this.”

  Admiring its shiny surface, Alice took the ladle and gazed at her distorted reflection.

  Opening the net (and in complete silence), Fle revealed the Arcanum. Alice gasped when she saw it. “It’s beautiful,” she exclaimed, “it’s really, really beautiful.”

  “Beautiful, maybe,” Fle mumbled, poking a finger into it.

  “Be careful!” said Alice, afraid for the elf’s safety.

  “Shh,” we’s don’t want to be awakekening it,” he whispered, holding a finger to his lips, chastising her – and then licking it.

  “Sorry,” she whispered.

  “Now come yous here, and dip that there ladle into this stuff…”

  Alice cautiously approached the old cart.

  “Go on; dip that ladle of yours in.”

  Cautiously, slowly, Alice dipped the ladle into the Arcanum, and when she did, she was astonished at how it reacted to the utensil. For no sooner had the ladle entered the liquid, the Arcanum began moving as if it was truly alive. Afraid, Alice withdrew the ladle.

  “Puts it back in, Alice, we can’t be dillydallying, Arcanum don’t like the indecisiveness,” Fle warned.

  Reinserting the ladle into the Arcanum, Alice scooped some out, and removing it, she said, “What do I do now?”

  Pointing to the small opening on top of the machine, Fle said, “In here – and don’t be dropping any of the stuff!”

  Emptying the ladle, Alice watched as the Arcanum dripped, gurgled and oozed down into the machine. “Won’t it be dangerous, you know when the machine starts up, and begins mixing it all together?” she asked.

  “It might be, if it were powered by that electrical stuff, “ the elf replied, “but we will be doing the mixing of it by our very own selves – see this handle?”

  Up until then Alice had failed to notice the stout metal handle sticking out from the side of the machine, in fact she harboured doubts it had been there, seconds earlier. Putting it down to yet more magic, she moved on from this dilemma, asking, “Shall I take another scoop?”

  “Yes, yes,” said Fle. “Wes’ll be needin ten ladlefuls in total and after that wes’ll be able to begin mixin it all togethers.” Alice set to work, filling the ladle a second time...

  Closing the lid, Fle thanked Alice for her help in filling the machine with his secret ingredient. Pushing the cart and the net carefully to one side, he said, “Okay, Alice, do yous want to be mixing it on the first or after me?”

  “You can go first,” Alice told him, (you see, she wanted to see how he dealt with such a potentially dangerous concoction, before daring to attempt it herself).

  Taking hold of the metal handle, Fle began turning it. Alice imagined it mu
st have been quite difficult to do, because it moved so slowly at first. As it began turning, the handle (or was it the machine?) began making a sound, a humming sound that Fle must have liked, because he began smiling from ear to ear.

  “Can yous hear the music?” he asked. Alice nodded. As he continued turning the handle, it began picking up speed, and so also did the sound. Smiling and grinning even more than before, Fle shouted, “I feels like a singing…”

  Alice was surprised he said this, for she feared the mixture might explode with a bang at any moment, but there he was, the old elf, shouting in full heart, proclaiming that he wanted to sing! He began:

  “Oh I’s do love my job mixing these things,

  Mixing them together – there’s no finer thing.

  Fertilizer first, then Arcanum poured on,

  And if it’s done just rightly it won’t go bang like a bomb.

  I’s closes up the door at the top of the machine,

  Then I turns this here handle until the music rings.

  I can’t help myself; I just have to join in

  Singing my little song until I’s come to the fin.

  When I’s come to the end and it’s mixed up so fine,

  I bags it all up, in the dark of the mine.

  I stores it away until it needed, for sure,

  Be it here, be it there or anywhere else at all.”

  Without waiting to see if Alice had enjoyed his song, or not, Fle produced another, smaller cart (Alice had no idea where it had come from). Pushing it across to the mixing machine, he carefully opened a door at its base and began draining the mixture into this cart.

  “There yous are,” he said opening a small door on the top of it, and plunging a hand into the yellow-coloured granules. Grabbing a handful, Fle lifted it up, showing it to Alice, allowing the finished product to sift through his fingers, “And all ready for the packings.”

  “The packings?” Alice asked, confused yet again by Fle’s oftentimes strange use and interpretation of the English language.

  “Watch,” he replied, pointing under the cart, asking Alice to hand him one of the cotton sacks stored there.” Alice handed him one. “Thanks,” he said. “Now holds it under that spout, and I will be a turning on this here tap (he pointed to a valve just above the spout) to drain the mixture into your sack.” Following his instructions, Alice watched the finished product drain into her sack.

  When the sack was full, Fle turned off the tap, and he said, “Now all that I’s need to be doing is to tie it all up, and yous can stores it away for me, Alice,” Fle proudly proclaimed.

  Having stored the sack of finished fertilizer with all the others, Alice felt so proud to have helped with its production, and she asked, “Can I help you some more?”

  Grinning, Fle replied, “Of course, yous can, Alice. And I’s must admit that I’s wus hoping yous would ask, ‘cos that Arcanum won’t wait, you know.” The young girl and the old elf worked long, hard and happy together, until all of the Arcanum had been mixed with the fertilizer, packed into sacks and stored away. After they were finished, Alice and Fle returned to the far side of the cavern, where they rejoined the Mouse who was still munching away happily on his piece of Gorgonzola.

  “Here you are, Alice,” said Fle, offering her a glass of ice-cold water.

  “Thank you,” she replied, taking a long gulp of the refreshing liquid. Feeling the elf’s eyes fixed rigidly upon her, Alice placed the glass on the table, and said, “Why are you staring at me?”

  “Oh, I’s wus just wondering…”

  “Wondering what?”

  “I’s wus wondering if yous’d like to hear the fertilizer song?” he said, rubbing the sandy ground, with a foot, thoughtfully.”

  “Haven’t I heard it already?”

  “Nar, that wus only the mixing song,” he replied with a grin. “The fertilizer song is much better than that.”

  Although Alice thought it an odd title for a song, and strange that Fle would want to sing one song about the stuff let alone two, she graciously accepted his offer, and she said, “I’d love to hear it.”

  Smiling from ear to ear, the old elf cleared his throat, and said, “This is the Fertilizer Song – I wrotes it myself, you knows!”

  “Fertilizer is a thing we don’t always sees,

  Though it’s used all the time, know yous this if yous please.

  It’s a spread on the ground, all around and around,

  The plants that are a needing it, by the once and the pound.

  Oh, I’s loves my business, where I’m mining the stuff,

  I’s carts it around and then I’s bags it right up.

  I’s stores it away until it’s needed, for sure,

  T’bring on the plants in a glorious rapport.

  I’m the luckiest, here, elf in charge of this mine,

  This wonderful place, the luckiest of finds.

  And I’s thank my stars that I’s can be of some help,

  T’bring on the plants into a wonderful health.

  T’end this here ditty, let me tell yous right proud,

  If yous ever come t’visit the top of the world,

  Yous’ll get a right welcome, and a tour of this mine,

  And yous’ll return home again in a new frame of mind,

  “Come on, Alice,” he said, “join in.” Fle began singing the song over again, and this time Alice and the Mouse sang it along with him. They sang…

  “Fertilizer is a thing we don’t sees,

  Though it’s used all the time, know yous this if yous please.

  It’s a spread on the ground, all around and around,

  The plants that are a needing it, by the once and the pound…”

  They really enjoyed singing this song, and so much so, Alice and the Mouse sing it again and again and again. And when they had finished singing it for the fourth time, they wanted to go on for a fifth rendition, but calling the lyrical interlude to an end, Fle, lifting his hand, said, “Alice, I think it’s about time yous were heading off, on your’s way home, finding that White Rabbit of yours!”