Finding Lily

by Emma Shade

  After a resigned sigh, I asked, “What do you want?”

  “Can I sit?”

  I waived a hand in the general direction of the stairs, and offered, “I don’t own them. You can sit if you want.”

  Pulling a face, Ashton took a seat on the step next to me. After a moment or two of silence, he finally muttered, “Liliana, I know you’ve been through a lot, but I miss you. Please don’t push me away. You’ve got that brick fortress around your heart to keep everybody out, and while I understand that, you need to forget and forgive.”

  I grunted. “Forget? Forget that you lied to me and led me to believe that Sam was going to die? Not a chance. You had a choice to tell me the truth, but didn’t. Instead, you kept this secret from the person who you supposedly loved.”

  “Loved? I still love you. You know Sam made me promise...”

  I glared and cut him off, “Sam made you promise, yes, but I’m worth more than a lie, Ashton.”

  With a growl, he slammed his palm on the concrete step in frustration. Ashton leaned in close, almost close enough to kiss me, and his breath brushed my lips as he spoke. “Yes, you are. And if you think that I don’t regret doing that with every ounce of my being, you’re sadly mistaken. It’s haunted me the moment the words slipped out of my mouth. It was a mistake.”

  I scoffed, even though his words wounded me with the sincerity behind them. But, his lies had changed my life no matter how much he regretted them.

  Breath hot on my lips, his rapid-fire words continued, “I’d never hurt you on purpose, but on the other hand, you can’t fully blame me for Sam’s decision and his absolute determination that you didn’t know. It was part of our stipulation, and I promised him, Liliana. Are you as pissed at him as you are with me? After all, when it came to his plans, he wasn’t completely honest with you either. If I didn’t promise him, he wouldn’t have allowed me to change him if something happened. Would you rather have me let him die?

  “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that I didn’t own up to the truth when you should’ve been put above everything and everyone else.” He pulled away, cupped my chin, and ran his thumb over my lips. “I’m going to make up for this and make damn sure you know how much you mean to me. Whether you like it or not.”

  At that, Ashton removed himself from the stairs and strolled away with me watching his retreating backside with surprise.

  Once he edged out of site, I let out a shaky breath. As if my life wasn’t hard enough with people out to kill me – again – throw in Ashton’s threats of making amends and my life was going to be complicated like usual. As with all matters of the heart, the only thing in charge was the organ that beat behind your ribcage. I could try all I wanted, even tell my brain to stop loving, caring, or feeling for someone, but that pesky blood pumping vessel wasn’t going to listen.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  ASHTON

  When I had first saw Liliana, I thought my life was complete. I finally had her back in my life and my heart leapt with joy. That was, until she squashed my hopes to smithereens.

  Her stony resolve shocked me to the core and her reply to my first words sent me reeling. Being snubbed by the person I love was hard. But what had hurt the most was how she made it appear to be so easy.

  I went through all the emotions as we waited on our food to arrive. Confusion, shock, heartbreak, and finally anger. How dare her act like I meant absolutely nothing? Was all of our time together a waste of time?

  I yanked Sam away from the group, and growled, “What’s Liliana’s problem?”

  “Ashton, calm down. She’s been through a lot lately.”

  “I’m not going to calm down! We both have been waiting to find her for two months, and you don’t seem the least bit surprised that she’s reserved and distant.”

  Sam scoffed. “That’s because I’ve been around her for a while now and have already given her a chance to warm up to me.”

  Glaring at Sam, I knew he’d omitted something. “What did you say to her?”

  “Nothing, except for our arrangement that you and I had. She’s pissed, and I suggest you let her calm down before you do something stupid. Your stupid pride will get in the way if you’re not careful,” Sam warned.

  I blinked in surprise. Was he right? Would my own selfish pride push her away? Even still, my anger at everything from the Enforcers to Liliana’s cold shoulder had me on edge.

  Liliana stood talking to Carlotta and Jeffery at first. But when Blake sauntered straight up to her, and the bastard tucked hair behind her ear, I wanted to come undone. That was until she shocked him with her response.

  I was unsure what happened to her over the past two months, besides my obvious mistake with not opening up about changing Sam, but she’d changed into somebody I didn’t recognize anymore.

  Once we sat and ordered lunch, I was barely able to eat a single bite of the steak sitting in front of me. I choked down what I could, and wished for a nice tall glass of blood laced with whiskey.

  The longer I contemplated everything, rage sent my blood to the boiling point. I should’ve seen it coming, though. I’d had plenty of warnings about what to expect. As I sat there seething, I focused on Liliana like my eyes could see into her soul.

  That’s when I noticed something surprising. When she took a bite of her salad, her hand trembled slightly. The woman may appear heartless and unfeeling, but cold-hearted people don’t tremble from nerves. Or cause a miniscule spark of supernatural power when touching the flatware. It was her tell, a dead giveaway that her emotions had gotten the best of her.

  Soaring at the revelation, I kept my face impassive, but my eyes on her as I awaited another indication of her anxiety. She was about as nervous as a deer on a firing range. Ready to bolt and find safety.

  “Liliana,” I asked, eyes still unwavering and fixed on her beautiful face, “how long was your training?”

  I had wanted to laugh at her vague reply, after Paige’s interruption. But as soon as our eyes met, I knew she hadn’t given up on me just yet. While our gazes held, I saw everything I wanted to know. She broke contact and I smirked.

  To make matters worse, Jamison’s vampire version of a father was a shock to her, which was understandable. She exited the restaurant in total Liliana style, just as I had anticipated.

  I trailed the sound of her clacking heels, Blake right on my tail. We rushed onto the sidewalk to spot her dashing down the sidewalk.

  “Blake, can you stay behind for once? I’d like to talk to her and see if I can make things right.”

  With a scowl, Blake replied, “Why do you think she’d even talk to you? What about me?”

  I shrugged. “We can only hope that we both can break through her hardened exterior.”

  What Blake hadn’t noticed was Liliana’s anxiety. Or at least he hadn’t led me to believe he did, but if he had, he would have smarted something off.

  “Make it quick. I’m sending Sam after you if you’re not back in ten minutes. Even I know when a woman needs to have space,” he retorted, and stormed back in to the restaurant.

  I discovered her sitting on the concrete steps of a casino courtyard about three blocks away. She stared at the fountain in front of her as though it held the answers to the universe. The sunlight reflected off her dyed hair and her normal dark locks glistened under the red. The sun warmed her cheeks, casting them in a lovely pink shade. Her hazel eyes sparkled in the light, and I was awestruck by her beauty again. Just like every other time I’d set my eyes on her. My heart caught in my throat from how much I really loved this woman. If only she saw herself through my eyes, she’d know how amazing she really was.

  Gathering up the nerve, I finally approached her as cautiously as I would a frightened animal. When her gaze turned up towards mine, mild panic reflected in their depths. “What do you want?”

  “Can I sit?”

  She waived a hand around towards the stairs. “I don’t own them. You can sit if you want.”

  I sat bes
ide her and grimaced at her reply. It shocked me, even after her surprising cold shoulder earlier. After a moment or two of silence, I muttered, “Liliana, I know you’ve been through a lot, but I miss you. Please don’t push me away. You’ve got that brick fortress around your heart to keep everybody out, and while I understand that, you need to forget and forgive.”

  She gasped. “Forget? Forget that you lied to me and led me to believe that Sam was going to die? Not a chance. You had a choice to tell me the truth, but you didn’t. Instead, you kept this secret from the person who you supposedly loved.”

  Disbelief blasted right through me as anger filtered through. “Loved? I still love you. You know Sam made me promise...”

  “Sam made you promise, yes, but I’m worth more than a lie, Ashton.”

  Dammit! Why can’t she get that I had made a mistake. I didn’t mean to cause this much pain and anguish in her life. I leaned in close, tempted to kiss her, and holding back just far enough away to distract her. “Yes, you are. And if you think that I don’t regret doing that with every ounce of my being, you’re sadly mistaken. It’s haunted me the moment the words slipped out of my mouth. It was a mistake. I’d never hurt you on purpose, but on the other hand, you can’t fully blame me for Sam’s decision and his absolute determination that you didn’t know. It was part of our stipulation, and I promised him, Liliana.

  “Nonetheless, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry that I didn’t own up to the truth when you should’ve been put above everything and everyone else.” I pulled away, held her face with my fingers, and ran my thumb over those soft, full lips. “I’m going to make up for this and make damn sure you know how much you mean to me. Whether you like it or not”

  Abruptly standing, I strolled off before I said something I’d regret. Again. I hadn’t known how to break through to her without getting frustrated.

  Liliana’s emotions said one thing, while her words said another. Confusing was an understatement. I swore women needed to come with an instruction manual. Now, when I’d never wanted the ability in the past, I wished I could read minds. Just so I was able to tell what she’d been thinking and if I even had a chance.

  *****

  BLAKE

  Sitting in this stuffy restaurant was going to be the absolute end of me. My leg bounced repeatedly under the table and I swore that if I had gritted my teeth any harder they would crack. Taking a deep breath, I reminded myself to relax.

  Relax. That’s a great idea, but unlikely to happen. Between Leslie’s persistent calls and Lily’s frosty reaction, I hadn’t been this unsure of myself in a long time.

  Now Ashton was having a cozy conversation with her as I sat here fuming. What if I fought to win Lily over and ended up hurting her instead? What if Ashton was her soul mate instead of me? Was this all just a big waste of time?

  Ordering another whiskey, I noticed Paige watching me closely. I scowled at her, and asked, “What’s with you?”

  “Me? What’s with you? You’re a bundle of nerves right now. Is it Lily?”

  I snorted. “Why would you think that?”

  Sam piped in from beside me, “Because if you bounce your leg anymore, I’m going to bite it. You’re driving me crazy!”

  I inhaled a sharp breath and held it, counting to ten. Slowly releasing the breath, I grabbed the tumbler from the waitress. Taking a sip, I set the glass down before I said, “Yes, it’s Lily if you must know. Her icy exterior is very unlike the person I’d grown attached to. I don’t know how to take her new attitude. Sure, she’ll come around in time, but will she ever be the same?”

  “Attached to? Please. You love that girl. Admit it,” Sam teased.

  “Yes, I do. But that doesn’t mean she loves me back. Hell, I’m not sure if Ashton even stands a chance at this point.”

  “Blake, you don’t know how heartbroken she was when training started. She didn’t talk for almost a week. Just stayed holed up in her room until it was time for exercises,” Paige confessed. “Then she went right back to her room.”

  It hadn’t went unnoticed by me that the rest of our group listened to our conversation. They’d remained quiet, but soaked up the words like a sponge.

  I absorbed Paige’s words as well, mulling them over and sipping on my whiskey. Sure, I wasn’t there when Lily needed it the most. I was a dick, and a shell of a man for that reason among others.

  Now, all I had to do was make sure she knew I wanted her no matter what. Screw the consequences.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  LILY

  I stared at the goddess of war for an eternity before mustering up the courage to head back to the restaurant. My walk back was spent in a daze as a million scattered thoughts rocketed through my mind.

  Was I happy living in secrecy? If I was honest, no. I missed being surrounded by friends. What would happen with Ashton and Blake? Hell, I didn’t know. Sure, I longed to be loved as much as the next person. But was I able to forgive and forget?

  Nevertheless, this hard-hearted act wasn’t going to last for very long. I was bound to be made, if I hadn’t already. Why Sam asked me to do this was beyond me. I thought I understood this whole act was for Ashton and Blake, but the more I thought about it, maybe it was more for myself. Hell, all it accomplished was more confusion. What did Sam know anyway? I’d never doubted him before.

  “Are you okay, Lily?” Sam asked.

  I jerked my head up and realized I’d made it back to Indigo. I wasn’t sure how long I stood outside the entrance and stared off into space. “Yeah. I must have been in my own little world.”

  He smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “You usually are.”

  “Can I ask you something before we go back in?”

  “You know you can ask me anything.”

  I bit my lip as I thought about the words. Finally, I blurted out, “Why are you wanting me to be a coldhearted bitch again?”

  “Because I feel that certain people need to learn from their mistakes. I could be wrong, but there are things that need to change for you to be happy. You know that, right?”

  “Sam, do I need to learn from my mistakes or do Ashton and Blake need to learn from theirs?”

  He just winked in response and ushered me back into the restaurant.

  As we entered the doors, I wondered if Sam nosed around inside several minds before coming up with this plan. Based on my suspicions of his vampiric powers, he could root around inside someone’s head easily. And most likely unnoticed because nobody suspected him. I wouldn’t have.

  Several feet away from the table, Sam whispered, “Who do you think needs to learn more from their choices in the past? It’s all relative really.”

  Rolling my eyes, I sighed at Sam and shook my head. He laughed and kissed me on the cheek before taking his seat next to Blake.

  I propped myself back into the chair, Paige to my right and Sam to my left. Ashton sipped his beverage and watched me in silence.

  I cleared my throat, and questioned, “So...what’s this about a letter?”

  Jamison sat down his beer and said, “Well, from what I understand, Conrad Steele instructed someone to mail a letter if he ever kicked the bucket. Who or how, I ain’t gotta clue. It’s here nor there, but he sent the dang thing to the vampire version of a king. That’s how everyone knows. Like they say, the rest is history.”

  “And what happens now?” I swallowed, petrified of the unknown. “I thought Ashton was the ruler of the United States.”

  Ashton sipped his drink and set it down with a clunk. “I am. But there is one man above us all. They like to pretend vampires have democracy, but it’s really a crock of shit. And about what happens now? Well, we all go...”

  Paige interrupted whatever he was going to say by butting in. “We try to figure out their angle and why they want you so bad,” Paige said with a shrug. “That’s the only thing I’ve got right now. For fuck’s sake, we barely have a chance in hell if the vampire assassins get involved too.”

  Asht
on frowned at Paige and picked his glass back up, guzzling the contents. Silent and broody once again.

  Glaring at Paige, Alistair piped up for the first time, “So you don’t know everything, Paige? That’s not what I thought when you decided to ignore the rules and snub orders passed down from a superior.”

  “Pfft. When have I ever followed the rules, Alistair?” Paige derided, using her hand to whip her hair back. “You, of all people, know it’s nothing new. Besides, continuing to scream at me about it won’t change a fucking thing. ”

  “You put innocent lives at risk!” Alistair argued, beating his fist on the table with each word.

  “I handled it!” She screamed back.

  Alistair sneered, “I wouldn’t call getting thrown into the air and whacking your head on the floor ‘handling it’, Paige.”

  “I’m fine, thanks to Jamison. Not that you care!”

  Alistair’s face contorted in either confusion or fury, I wasn’t sure. His eyes roamed between Jamison and Paige before he asked, “What exactly did Jamison do to help you?”

  “Nothing a little blood couldn’t fix,” Paige answered and crossed her arms, staring back at Alistair facing him head on.

  The silence in the room was deafening. Jamison shifted uncomfortably, Ashton leaned back in his chair, Blake chugged back another shot of whiskey, and Carlotta and Jeffery remained seated as though they were statues. Sam, on the other hand, leaned forward enjoying the showdown.

  Heck, I was clueless about vampire politics or what was exactly involved with blood healing. Then again, I had known that it’s a big no-no if another vampire laid claim on somebody they loved. However, this hadn’t been the case between Alistair and Paige. Neither party admitted anything between them nor had Jamison broken any rules. Still, I knew a hurricane was developing before the silence broke.

  Like a gunshot, Alistair’s voice boomed through the room. “WHAT?!”

  Paige flinched and astonishment crossed her face. “He healed me. It’s not a big deal.”