Thoughtful

by S. C. Stephens

  Restraining myself from pummeling this man into an unrecognizable mess, I seethed, “Not a good idea.” His teeth were yellow and his breath smelled like he’d been on a three-day booze fest with no time for basic hygiene, like showering. The smell didn’t keep me out of the guy’s face though.

  From somewhere behind me, I heard Griffin say, “Yeah, this ass is ours.” I had to assume he was standing by Kiera.

  Shaking off Evan, the man shoved me back. He was strong, and I retreated a step. “Piss off, pretty boy.”

  Grabbing his shirt, I stepped right in his face again. “Try it…please…” I’d love to have an excuse to punch your lights out. Not that I don’t already have one…you touched the wrong girl.

  We stared at each other for long seconds, neither of us backing down. My adrenaline slowed while I watched him. I knew I couldn’t hit him unprovoked, not after the amount of time that had gone by. I really didn’t want anyone questioning why I was defending Kiera, so I made myself calm down. True, I would defend any of the waitresses here, but defending and completely coming unglued were two different things. I needed to be calm, reasonable, and rational.

  I released him with a warning. “I suggest you leave now. I wouldn’t come back if I were you.”

  His friend grabbed his shoulder, urging the man to do what I said. “Come on, man. She’s not worth it.”

  Wrong. Kiera was worth anything. Asshole gave me a derisive sniff, eyed me up and down, then had the audacity to wink at Kiera. I wanted to smash his teeth in, but I let that one go. He turned to leave the bar and I relaxed and looked back at Kiera. Griffin had his arm around her shoulder. Her eyes were wide as she flicked her gaze between the man and me. She looked really freaked out. I wanted to take Griffin’s place, wrap my arms around her, but we’d need to go someplace private first. Just when I was about to ask her if she was okay, her eyes opened even wider and she yelled my name in warning.

  I instantly followed her gaze and returned my attention to the man I’d thought was leaving. Turned out he wasn’t. He lunged at me, and I saw light glinting off of a knife in his hand. I managed to spin away before we collided, but a sharp pain exploding along my side let me know I hadn’t been quite quick enough. I was momentarily shocked that the fucker had a weapon. Chaos erupted around me. All at the same time, I saw Griffin pull Kiera back as she made a move for me, Matt shove the asshole’s friend aside, keeping him out of the fight, and Evan make a move for the knife in the guy’s hand. I had the better position though. Pulling my arm back, I swung just as hard as my dad would have; he might have even been proud.

  After my fist connected with his jaw, the man went to the ground and the knife skittered under a table. I went for the guy, eager to finish this, but he scrambled away from me. Without a glance back, he fled the bar; his friend quickly followed him. Pete’s was deathly quiet for a long time, then noises slowly started up again.

  Flexing my aching hand, I turned to find Kiera. “You okay?” I finally asked her.

  As I watched, the tension seemed to melt right off her. “Yeah, thank you, Kellan…guys.” She looked over all of us, then her eyes settled on Griffin, still standing at her side. “You can get your hand off my butt now, Griffin.”

  I felt a little light-headed as I laughed at my opportunistic bandmate. A playful smile on his face, he pulled his hand back and held it in the air. “Sorry. Mind of its own.” He winked at her, then drifted over to Matt. Talking about the incident, the pair walked back to our table.

  Evan stayed near Kiera and me. I kind of wanted him to leave so I could make sure Kiera was fine. He was eyeing me with concern though. “You okay, Kell? Did he get you?”

  Cringing, I turned my body toward Kiera. She seemed even more concerned than Evan was. She must not have noticed that he’d nicked me. I put my hand under my shirt, feeling the point of pain along my ribs. I felt the wetness on my fingertips, and wasn’t surprised in the slightest when there was blood on my fingers when I pulled them back.

  Kiera flipped out at the sight though. “Oh, God…” She grabbed my hand, examining the red, then lifted up my shirt to inspect the damage. I had a pretty decent-sized slice along my ribs. It was bleeding quite a bit, but I didn’t think it was very deep. It would close on its own. Kiera didn’t seem to think so. “Kellan, you should go to the hospital.”

  “He barely got me. I’m fine.” I smiled and raised an eyebrow at the fact that she was still holding my shirt up. She let it drop, then grabbed my hand again.

  “Come on,” she said, pulling me away.

  She led me through the swarm of curious onlookers, then to the back room. She got some first aid supplies from there, then we headed back out to the hallway. Ordering me to stay put, she ducked into the women’s room to make sure it was empty. I was patiently leaning against the wall, waiting for her when she returned.

  “This isn’t necessary. I’m fine,” I said, as she grabbed my hand and led me into the bathroom.

  Once the door closed behind us, Kiera scowled at my stubbornness. “Shirt off.”

  I smiled. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. “Yes, ma’am.”

  I took my shirt off, then held it in my hand as I waited by the sink for her to fix me. The thought of her fingers on my bare skin gave me a chill, although I wasn’t looking forward to the pain she was about to cause me. Just the fabric of my shirt touching the cut had sucked. I could take it though. It would be worth it to have her caress me.

  She turned on the water and soaked a towel. When she brought the rag to my wound, I sucked in a sharp breath; it was cold, and it stung. Kiera actually grinned at my reaction, which I found amusing. “You’re such a sadist,” I muttered. She didn’t like that. She gave me an appealing put-out expression that she probably thought was a nasty glare. I laughed.

  Her ministrations more gentle, she asked in a disbelieving voice, “What were you thinking, going up against a guy with a knife?”

  I struggled through the searing ache at my side. I hoped she finished soon, or I might start whimpering, and that would be really embarrassing. “Well, obviously, I didn’t know he had a knife.” Kiera pressed the towel firmly into my side, trying to stanch the blood. “I wasn’t about to let him keep touching you like that.” Anger flooded through me as I remembered his hands on her. Bastard. He should be the one with his side split open. Hopefully he at least had a headache.

  Kiera and I locked gazes and all the anger left me. She was so beautiful, so caring, so warm and tender. She was amazing. She pulled the towel away, and a satisfied smile touched her lips. I looked down and saw that the bleeding had stopped. Good. I hated hospitals.

  As she opened the bandage, I couldn’t help teasing her. “He can’t touch you like that if I don’t get to. It’s against the rules.” I laughed and Kiera slapped the bandage on my side. A flash of pain seared through me, and I made a mental note to not irritate a woman when she was patching me up. Words to live by.

  Remorse crossed Kiera’s face and she gently stroked her fingers over the cover, flattening the edges. “Well, it was stupid—you could have been seriously hurt, Kellan.” She swallowed a hard lump in her throat, and I clearly saw how much the idea bothered her. She’d miss me if I was dead and gone. No, she’d mourn me. That was surprisingly comforting.

  Grabbing her fingers, I held her hand to my chest. “Better me than you, Kiera.” I couldn’t picture mourning her. I couldn’t picture her being gone. I didn’t even want to. We locked eyes again; hers were a deep, thoughtful green with specks of brown around the edges. I could easily get lost in them. “Thank you…for watching out for me.” I wished I could kiss her. That seemed the only way to truly thank her. But she didn’t want that, and I’d respect her wishes.

  Her breath caught, then she averted her eyes and her cheeks flushed with color. “You can put your shirt back on now,” she muttered.

  She stared at the ruined remains of my T-shirt after I put it on. Her eyes started to tear up, and I could tell she was thinki
ng about losing me again. Needing her close, I pulled her in for a hug. She squeezed me back, hard, and I inhaled as a sharp pain wrenched my side. Realizing she was hurting me, Kiera eased up. “Sorry. You really should get that looked at.”

  Knowing I wouldn’t go see a doctor unless I was bleeding out, I nodded and held her close again. She sighed and relaxed into my arms…and that was when the door opened. “Oops,” Jenny said. “Just checking to see how your patient was doing.”

  Kiera quickly moved away from me. The loss of her touch hurt worse than my side. “We were just…he’s fine,” she stammered.

  Amused by her flustered response, and also not wanting Jenny to think anything of us holding each other, I laughed and walked into the hallway. Turning back, I said, “Thank you, Kiera,” then I nodded at Jenny. “I should probably get that knife from Griffin now.”

  Jenny’s pale eyes looked confused for a moment. “Griffin has it?” I raised an eyebrow in answer. Jenny knew Griffin just as well as I did. If anyone in the bar had nabbed it, it had been him. And Griffin was the type of person who should never be armed. It was safer for all mankind that way. Jenny rolled her eyes, understanding. “Griffin…yeah, you should go get it.”

  I looked back at Kiera, masked my longing with a casual laugh, then walked down the hall. I heard Jenny ask Kiera if she was coming, and heard Kiera tell her that she needed a minute. Was that because of me? How upset was she over the thought of forever losing me? Maybe this would change things for her. Or maybe not. Regardless of Kiera’s “think you’ll win” attitude, I couldn’t count on things working out my way. Hope was too painful.

  Chapter 17

  Sleeping with a Beautiful Woman

  A week went by, and Kiera and I got even closer, while Kiera and Denny drifted farther apart. I felt bad about that, I really did, but being with Kiera felt too good to try to stop it. I wanted more of her, not less. And as close as we were, it wasn’t enough.

  The passion between us simmered under the surface, slowly boiling away. We dipped into it on occasion, when a touch drifted into an off-limits area or a gaze turned smoldering. We were playing with fire. I was fully aware of that. Our “innocent” flirting was complete and utter bullshit. Nothing we were doing was innocent. Maybe it wasn’t quite so bad as a full-on affair, but it was damn close. We were both emotionally cheating on Denny. Of that, I was certain.

  Looking him in the eye was getting harder and harder to do. Sometimes I caught myself staring at him before he left for work, willing him to decide he hated it here and he was moving back home. It tore me that I wanted him to leave. He was a significant part of my childhood, the closest thing I’d ever had to a brother, and all I wanted was for him to leave me and his girlfriend alone together so we could stop sneaking around behind his back. I was one twisted son of a bitch.

  “You all right, mate?” he asked me one evening.

  Tired, I’d come home from Pete’s early. Kiera was still there working, and Denny was home alone. Usually, if Kiera was at the bar, I tended to stay until her shift was over. But I was the only D-Bag left at the bar, and the multiple yawns coming from me had Jenny asking why I was hanging around. I couldn’t tell her I was staying to watch Kiera work. No, I’d had to leave so Jenny wouldn’t catch on to the fact that Kiera was my entire world.

  Throwing on a smile, I walked into the living room and sat in my comfortable chair. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  My heart started beating a bit harder as Denny tilted his head and gave me a penetrating stare. “Well, for starters, it’s only ten o’clock. You’re usually gone a lot later than that.”

  I laughed at his statement. “Yeah, I suppose so. I was beat though, so I decided to call it a night.” Unfortunately. I wondered what Kiera was doing right at this moment…

  Denny leaned back on the misshapen couch. “Alone? Call me crazy, but I haven’t noticed any sheilas hanging around since we’ve been here. From what I remember of your…activities…that’s kind of strange. You switch sides, mate?”

  I raised an eyebrow at his question and he laughed. Shaking my head, I told him, “I’ve just been…keeping things quiet, I guess.”

  With an amused smile, Denny told me, “I hope that’s not for our sake. Kiera and I don’t care if you have girls over. It’s your house.”

  My smile felt tight to me, but I kept it plastered on my face. I wouldn’t let my expression clue him in to just how wrong he was. Kiera would care. She would care a lot.

  Denny went back to watching his TV show. Some cop drama where all the employees were dressed like they were heading out to a fashion show and not a crime scene. I was just thinking of heading upstairs to attempt to drift off to sleep with visions of Kiera in my mind when Denny let out a long sigh. Examining his face, I saw a weary haggardness that hadn’t been there when he’d first arrived. He hated the situation he was currently in, but didn’t know how to change it. I sympathized.

  “You okay?” I asked him.

  He looked over at me, and for a second his expression was guarded. Then he sighed again, and he looked more tired than I felt. “It’s just work. I’ve been trying to focus on the good parts, but it’s hard to do. I still hate it there, and…I know it’s wrong, but I get mad at Kiera for it sometimes.”

  I flinched when he said her name, but worked hard to keep my face neutral. “Well, that’s understandable, I suppose.” I replayed dark looks I’d seen from Denny toward Kiera, arguments behind closed doors. They weren’t outright fighting, but there was still tension in the relationship.

  Denny looked back to the TV. “No, it’s not. It’s a dick move. She didn’t ask me to quit my job and come back here. If I’d just given her time, she would have cooled down and we would have worked through it. I just…panicked. I felt like…I felt like I had to come back, or it would be too late…” He glanced back at me. “I’m not sure why I felt that way.”

  When he returned his eyes to the TV, I closed mine and swallowed a lump in my throat. He felt that way because of me. Because he had known I would fuck his girl if he left her alone and single with me. That was my dick move. And it was one I constantly kicked myself about.

  When Denny sighed again, I opened my eyes. He was luckily staring at the TV still, and hadn’t seen the guilt that had overwhelmed me. “It will all work out,” I told him, hating myself even more. My intention was a good one, but the assurance was an empty one. If they worked out, Kiera and I wouldn’t, and as much as I cared about Denny, I wanted her. More than anything. But Denny and I had a history, and I wanted him to be happier too. “Is there something I can do? Help you find a new job? Maybe stay at someone else’s place…so you and Kiera can have some time alone…” God, I hoped he didn’t take me up on that last one.

  A small smile lightened Denny’s expression, but he shook his head. “Unless you know some higher-ups in the advertising world, there’s not much you can do for me, mate.” He paused for a moment, then added, “Thank you, though. It’s nice of you to offer.”

  I schooled my expression, but the dagger of guilt in my gut was being twisted with every word he said. He shouldn’t thank me for anything.

  With a frown on his face, Denny added, “As for Kiera and me having alone time…maybe that’s a good idea, but I don’t know. She’s busy, I’m busy. Time is against us. I actually have to head out of town again tomorrow. And do you want to hear something really weird? I told Kiera I was going, and she didn’t seem bothered at all. Considering how she acted the last time I left, I think that’s strange.”

  My heart surged in my chest. He was leaving? Had my silent prayers been answered? It was almost too much to hope for. To keep up appearances, I frowned and told him a truth wrapped in a lie. “Maybe she feels guilty about what happened last time, so she’s trying to handle it better.” I was certain she did feel guilty about last time, but I wasn’t sure how she felt about him leaving again. Was she as excited as me? We could have quality alone time…maybe we could get away for a while, go so
mewhere where we didn’t have to hide anything. The possibilities were endless, and my heart started beating with adrenaline instead of fear.

  Denny shrugged as he looked me over. “Yeah…maybe.”

  Not liking how he was examining me, I asked, “How long are you gone for?”

  A sheepish look passed his face. “Just one night. But it feels like a thousand, you know?”

  I smiled, but didn’t say anything. It probably felt that long to him because he didn’t trust her. And he didn’t trust her because of me. Because I was a horrible human being.

  He didn’t say anything after that, and silence fell between us. I let it linger, because I didn’t know what to say to him anymore. There was a certain amount of dark humor to the fact that we had nothing to say. You’d think we’d have a lot to talk about now, since we were both in love with the same woman.

  Once I was away from Denny and the never-ending guilt of what I was doing to him, I began to get excited about the idea of him being far away again. So much had changed between Kiera and me since the first time he’d gone. I wanted to strengthen our connection, without completely betraying Denny. Impossible as that sounded.

  It took me a long time to fall asleep once I finally went to bed. And when I did, only one thing was on my mind. I wanted to fall asleep with Kiera in my arms. I’d never wanted anything so badly.

  The next morning, while Kiera and I held hands and sipped our morning coffees, I decided to broach the topic with her. “So, Denny’s gone tonight?”

  She was instantly suspicious of what I was about to ask. “Yes…he’s in Portland until tomorrow night. Why?”