Thoughtful

by S. C. Stephens

  After doing a handful of push-ups and sit-ups, I dressed and headed downstairs to make coffee. Kiera must have had an ear out for me, because she joined me a few minutes later. I wasn’t too surprised that she was awake. Wondering if Anna was going to sneak into my room at any second had probably kept Kiera up all night. She looked worn, with baggy eyes and crazy hair. Even still, her natural good looks put her sister’s manicured perfection to shame.

  I gave her a cheery smile as I poured some water into the coffeepot. “Mornin’. Sleep okay?”

  Her expression was blank as she answered me. “I slept fine. You?”

  Done with the machine, I turned around and leaned against the counter. Go ahead and lie to me, Kiera, it’s okay. I already know you slept like crap. “Like a baby.” She gave me a forced smile as she sat at the table, and I suppressed a laugh. She was so cute when she was fuming. “Your sister is…interesting,” I said, intentionally leaving my sentence vague and open to interpretation.

  She frowned as she debated what I meant by that. When she finally responded, her cheeks were a beautiful shade of embarrassed pink. “Yes…she is.”

  I found it amusing that Kiera’s answer was also vague. Guess neither one of us was going to go into specifics. When the coffee was done, I prepared our cups and set hers down in front of her. I leaned back in my chair, perfectly content as I drank mine. Kiera hunched over her cup like she was freezing and it was the only source of warmth in the room. I knew her reaction wasn’t from the cold though, and knowing that made my smile even wider. Jealousy is a bitch, isn’t it, Kiera?

  I left Kiera in the kitchen not long after we finished our coffee. I thought it might be best if we didn’t talk too much. Well, I thought I could keep the jealousy going if we didn’t talk too much. I wasn’t sure why I wanted to goad her. Retribution? Proving a theory? This wouldn’t bother her so much if she didn’t have some feelings for me. She said she didn’t, but…she just had to. Please.

  I went for a long run to clear my head, but everywhere I turned, something reminded me of Kiera. Making her jealous only eased the pain so much. When I got back home, Anna and Kiera were gone, and Denny was watching TV. He seemed happy as a clam sitting in my favorite chair, watching my TV, and most likely thinking about my ex-lover. For a moment, I hated him for his happiness. But then I remembered what I’d done to him, and all of my hatred faded. Denny wasn’t the bad guy. Quite the opposite. He was a really good guy.

  Denny turned his head when he saw me. With a smirk, he jerked his thumb at the TV. “I know you’re not a big fan, but want to watch the game with me?”

  I glanced up at what was playing, and a small smile snuck onto my lips. Hockey. Denny loved sports, and he had always been watching some game or another when he’d stayed with me in high school. He’d tried in vain to get me invested in the various games, but after Dad had shut me down when I’d tried to bond with him over some of his favorite sports, I’d developed an almost spiteful feeling toward them, and intentionally never paid attention.

  Not feeling very sociable after that memory, I politely shook my head at Denny. “No thanks.” He laughed at my answer, like he wasn’t too surprised that I didn’t want to watch.

  After taking a quick shower, I stayed in my room for most of the afternoon, writing lyrics that would never make it into an actual song. The writing process helped me cope though. There was something freeing about releasing all of my problems onto the page. I could write about how lonely I was, how empty I felt, how worthless I saw myself and how much Kiera meant to me, and no one would ever see it. It was a way for me to purge my problems while still hiding them away from the world, and hiding was something I was really good at. Unfortunately.

  Anna and Kiera came back in the early evening. Even though I’d been practicing melodies on my guitar, I heard them when they walked through the door. It was like my ears went on instant alert the second Kiera was around me; they strained to hear every word, every laugh, every inhale and exhale of her breath. The constant deluge of her was wearing, but it was better than the alternative. Never hearing those sounds again would kill me, I was sure.

  As I paused to listen, the sisters’ footsteps trudged up the stairs. I didn’t need to see them to know whose was whose. Kiera’s steps were heavy, plodding. Anna’s were light and bouncy. Kiera murmured something about getting ready, and Anna giggled as she told her how excited she was. I wasn’t sure if she was excited to go out dancing, or excited to hang out with me all night, since I suppose I was sort of her date for the evening. Kiera grumbled an answer I couldn’t hear, and Anna giggled again.

  When I heard Anna leaving Kiera’s room, saying goodbye as she headed downstairs, I cracked open my door and looked out into the hallway. Denny passed by my field of vision. Striding to his room, he opened the door and walked inside. In the brief time that the door was open, I saw Kiera standing in the room, looking lost. Denny closed the door behind him, but didn’t latch it. Opening my own door, I quietly stepped over to theirs. I couldn’t see anything, but I could clearly hear them talking.

  “What’s wrong?” Denny asked.

  “I have nothing to wear tonight. Absolutely nothing.” She sighed, and I could easily picture the forlorn expression on her face.

  “Why don’t you wear that pink dress you have? Or the skirt? Or shorts? It will probably get hot in there.”

  Kiera didn’t answer him, and I could almost hear her annoyance in the silence. I pictured her in the skirt she’d worn when we’d caved in to lust inside the espresso stand. I pictured the shorts she sometimes wore to work. I visualized her in the jeans she wore to school. And I imagined her in the baggy lounge pants that she wore to bed. With a sad smile, I ran my fingers down her door. “It doesn’t matter what you wear…you’ll be stunning. As much as you want to, you can’t hide your beauty, Kiera.”

  I’d whispered that so quietly that even I barely heard me, but I still startled when a voice to my left exclaimed, “Kellan! There you are.”

  I spun around and held my breath. Had Anna heard me? Had she seen me practically caressing the door? Knowing distraction was the best defensive maneuver I had, I gave her a crooked smile while slowly letting my gaze sweep over her from head to toe. “You look…amazing.”

  She had on a tight dress that looked like a long tank top. It hugged every curve and barely covered her ass. If Anna was wondering what I was doing spying on Denny and her sister, she didn’t ask. Instead, she gave me a once-over and said, “So do you.” I was wearing all black, same as her. In between my melancholy lyric writing, I’d gotten dressed for tonight. The dark color had seemed fitting at the time, but now that Anna and I looked like twins, I wasn’t so sure. Anna seemed to enjoy that we matched though. With a seductive smile of approval, she sauntered my way. “I need your help.”

  Feeling my racing heart return to normal, I asked her, “With what?”

  She stepped right in front of me, so close her chest touched mine. “Well, I thought if you did me, I could do you?”

  I raised an eyebrow, wondering what she was actually suggesting under the obvious innuendo. Anna laughed at my expression. Grabbing a red lock of hair, she explained. “Hair. If you help me curl mine, I’ll help you do something funky with yours.”

  I really didn’t care what my hair looked like, but I saw an opportunity here, so I took it. “Sure. Why not?”

  I’d never curled a girl’s hair before, but Anna was a good teacher. We finished pretty quickly, but Kiera still hadn’t emerged from her room. I wanted to tell Kiera not to stress about her looks, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. That was Denny’s job, and I had to let him do it. When Anna was satisfied that her face was flawless, she grabbed a container, then my hand, and pulled me downstairs. “This will be easier if we’re sitting,” she explained, a playful gleam in her eyes.

  “Okay,” I said, not really caring.

  When we got downstairs, she sat me on the couch, then climbed around behind me. I had to smile at her agg
ressiveness. If this were any other situation, I would have twisted her around so she was straddling me, ripped off her panties, and screwed her with her dress still on…but things were different now, and the desire for meaningless sex with people I didn’t know just wasn’t in me. The connection wasn’t strong enough that way. It was paltry and pathetic compared to what it was like with Kiera.

  Anna started running her fingers through my hair. I had no idea what she was doing to me, but it seemed like she was sticking my hair straight up. Great, I was going to look like a pincushion. Oh well. Didn’t matter.

  Denny had left the TV on, and I idly watched it while Anna worked. It almost made me laugh that she was taking the opportunity to squish her breasts into my back. Kiera came down while Anna was messing with my hair. I heard Anna greet her, tell her she looked great, and I twisted my head around to look. Anna was right…she looked incredible. She had on a sexy pair of black jeans that, without looking trashy, hugged her like a second skin. Her hair was pulled up, exposing her neck and the tops of her shoulders. Her shirt was a low-cut, fiery red, thin-strapped tank top that did more to accentuate her body than Anna’s clingy outfit ever could. And from what I could tell, she wasn’t wearing a bra. Just looking at her made a surge of desire shoot through me. Jesus, did she wear that just to tease me? How the hell was I going to get through this?

  Denny came down the steps behind her, whispered something in her ear, then kissed her neck. Watching the affection was like having a dagger shoved into my gut. She was so intoxicating though, I couldn’t turn away. God, she’s beautiful.

  Denny stepped down to stand beside Kiera, and I instantly caught the fact that out of all of us, Denny was the only one wearing white. How appropriate. He had a mystified look on his face, and I swear I heard him ask Kiera, “She’s not going to do that to me, is she?”

  He was studying my hair as he asked, so I figured he wasn’t impressed with Anna’s handiwork. I wondered if I was going to look like a porcupine once she was through. Denny and Kiera walked into the living room. Denny sat on the chair, then patted his lap. Kiera glanced at me, but then she joined him. I swallowed the pain working its way up my throat and made my expression stay even. It doesn’t bother me, it doesn’t bother me, it doesn’t bother me…

  With forced casualness, Kiera asked her sister, “What are you doing, Anna?”

  “Doesn’t he have the best fuck-me hair! Don’t you just want to…? Uh!” Anna grabbed handfuls of my hair and pulled. The sting made me flinch, but the comment made me smile. Yeah, Kiera, don’t you want to?

  Anna’s fingers continued in my hair. It felt nice, but nowhere near as nice as Kiera’s touch. “He’s letting me clubify it. He’s going to be the hottest thing in there. No offense or anything.”

  I peeked up to see Denny laugh. “None taken, Anna.”

  Silence filled the room. While everyone watched Anna, I watched Kiera. Her face was a mixture of interest and irritation. I had a feeling she didn’t like Anna doing something so intimate to me. Well, considering the fact that I didn’t like Kiera making herself at home on Denny’s lap, I figured we were even.

  When Kiera’s cheeks turned even rosier and she looked away, I couldn’t help but ask her opinion. “What do you think?”

  Denny was the one who answered me though. “Uhhh…looks great, man,” he said with a laugh.

  Anna seemed offended that he didn’t love it. “Oh, you just don’t understand girls, Denny. They’ll go nuts for this. Right, Kiera?”

  I had to laugh at Anna dragging Kiera back into the conversation. I bet this was a question she was thrilled to answer too. Looking embarrassed and unsure what to say, she muttered, “Yeah, sure, Anna. He’ll be—”

  Unable to stop myself, I interjected with the term Kiera had used once before to describe me. “Man-candy?”

  Anna squealed and slipped her arms around me. “Oohhh…I like that!”

  Kiera didn’t. Eyes narrowed, she spat out, “Are we ready to go?”

  Nodding, I stood up. I wasn’t sure exactly how I was going to get through this, but I was definitely ready to get it over with.

  Not wanting to be stuck in a car all night with Denny and Kiera, I suggested to Denny that we take separate cars. I figured then, if it got too hard to handle, I could bail without leaving everyone else high and dry. Anna, of course, climbed in with me, while Kiera naturally rode with her boyfriend. Once we arrived at the place Griffin had suggested, a dance club comically named Spanks, I made sure we all got inside, then took off to buy everyone the first round.

  The line for drinks was thick, but as I approached, the bartender motioned me forward. Knowing Kiera was going to hate it, I ordered tequila. After the bartender eagerly filled four shot glasses, I carefully pinched them together with my fingers. Grabbing the salt and the container of limes in my other hand, I bumped and slid my way around people to get to the table. Kiera looked surprised to see me return so fast. I watched her look over at the bar, then frown. The bartender must still be staring my way then; she’d been eye-fucking me the entire time I’d placed the order. Well, sorry, Kiera, it’s not like I can help how people react to me.

  After I passed out the drinks, Kiera returned her attention to our table. Picking up her shot glass, she sniffed it. I knew my grin was childish, but I couldn’t help it. The look on her face was priceless. I could almost hear her thoughts. Tequila? Are you kidding me? No, Kiera, I’m not. We have a history, one you begged for. You cried for me, pleaded with me to stay. You’re jealous of the attention I’m giving your sister, because you care about me. Like it or not, you do care. I’m sure of it.

  While she stared at me with disbelieving eyes, I set down the limes and salt. Anna and Denny started preparing their drinks, but Kiera seemed like she was going to outright refuse to do it. When she set her jaw and stubbornly started prepping her shot, a laugh escaped me. Teasing her was almost as much fun as making her jealous.

  When I started making my drink, Kiera closed her eyes. I wondered if she was being flooded with memories…just like me. Please, Kellan…take me to your room…It was almost too much for me to take, and I almost stopped this charade right now, but Denny leaned over and said something to Kiera that broke me out of the sadness of the past. I wasn’t sure what he asked her, but her answer was directed at me. With icy eyes, she said, “Yeah…I’m just not a big fan of tequila.”

  Considering what I’d just been reminiscing about, I found that amusing. “Really? You struck me as the type that would…love it.”

  While Kiera frowned, I laughed and Anna offered up her opinion of the drink. “Well, I love it…Cheers!”

  I raised my glass to hers and Anna and I did our shots together. It burned going down, and I thought that was appropriate too. Everything with Kiera burned a little, sometimes in a good way, sometimes not so much.

  Denny raised his glass to Kiera, and the two of them copied Anna and me. Except for the last step. With a barely noticeable peek at me, Kiera took Denny’s lime from his mouth, then she stayed there in a long, lingering, fuck-you-and-your-tequila kiss. My sudden humor about the situation vanished.

  While Denny kissed the woman I loved, Anna shouted her approval. “Wooo…there’s my girl!” I felt ill watching them make out. But when they pulled apart and Kiera shot me a glance, I felt even worse. So, she wanted to play mean, huh? Well, I could do mean.

  Focusing my attention on Anna, I extended my hand and nodded toward the dance floor. “Want to?” I asked her. Anna enthusiastically agreed. After she practically leaped into my arms, I escorted her toward the floor with my hand almost on her ass. I glanced at Kiera before Anna and I were swallowed up by the crowd; she looked furious, and I was glad about it. I was a little upset myself. Yes, I’m taking off with your sister. Yes, my hands will be all over her body. And yes…every second that goes by, I’ll wish she were you.

  Anna and I melted onto the dance floor, near the back corner of the room. Her arms instantly slipped around my neck, pulling
me tight to her. She ground her body against mine, clearly trying to rev me up. I was already churning with emotions, but none of them were what Anna wanted from me. In my mind, as I looked down on Anna, all I saw was Kiera. Her full lips, her colorful eyes, her soulful smile. I couldn’t escape her. The music was rattling my chest, but I didn’t hear a word of it. Kiera filled my mind.

  I could feel Anna pulling on my neck, trying to get my mouth closer to hers. I kept a rigid, unyielding posture that gave her no leeway though. With a small frown, she switched tactics. She ran her hands down my chest, then down my arms. My hands were resting on her sides, like how self-conscious preteens danced. Anna clearly wanted more. Grabbing my hands, she shifted them behind her, to her ass. “You can touch me,” she yelled above the music.

  Flashing her a quick smile, I shifted my hands to her upper back. I know exactly what I can do to you. You’re just not the one I want.

  Anna seemed perturbed by my refusal to ravish her. She turned around and started rubbing her ass into my lap. I took a step back, but she followed me. Eventually, I ran into a speaker. Anna shot me a victorious smile as she trapped me against it with her voluptuous body. Unless I was going to push her away, I was stuck with her grinding against me.

  Knowing I needed to take control of the situation, I spun her around and pulled her to me. If we were facing each other, I could at least keep some space between us. I ran my hand over her hip, urging her to straddle my leg. She did, and I moved against her in time to the music. I looked down on her, staring intensely into her eyes, and she held my gaze like she was captivated by me. Her mouth dropped open, and she adjusted her shoulders so more of her chest was exposed to me. Knowing I needed to give her something, I teasingly ran my hand up her side, my thumb brushing the edge of her breast. She closed her eyes and melted against me.

  I urged her head onto my shoulder, rubbing my hands along her back as I did. It was as much innocent seduction as I could do with her. With Anna’s face no longer near mine, I looked out over the crowds. Like she was a magnet, I spotted Kiera instantly. She was with Denny, near the center of the crowd. They were laughing as they danced, and even though Kiera’s arms were around his neck, and his were around her waist, I couldn’t help thinking that they danced like friends would.