“There is nothing to talk about, Tahlia. Josh will pay for what he did and I’ll protect you from him.”
“Micah, please talk to me. Tequila mentioned that you made some sort of deal with rat’s rivals. You promised to bring them his head,” I blurt out.
“None of this matters right now. You need to get some rest. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”
“It’s me, right? You just can’t be in the same room with me? Do I disgust you that much?” I ask, knowing that I’ll cry if he keeps treating me like a complete stranger.
Micah shakes his head and sits next to me on the bed, finally making proper eye contact. We have never been more apart than we are now. Even when I was sitting in the prison cell, I never felt so isolated.
“Tahlia, you’re beautiful, and you will never disgust me. I just need some time to understand the past. I thought that Josh was my friend, that he always had my back,” he says, shaking his head. I grab his hand and squeeze it hard. My heart beats fast, while my skin prickles with the need of being in his arms.
“I’m sorry that I hid this for that long, but things were complicated and when I saw you back in Braxton I hated you for leaving me, for abandoning me,” I mumble, not even knowing what I’m saying. We were both screwed up, damaged, and we were both too angry to say what was on our minds then.
“No, don’t you dare be sorry. I have been the arsehole that had this all wrong from the start. I never deserved you.”
“Micah, this isn’t—”
“No, save it. You need to rest now. We can talk about this later,” he cuts me off, gets up and leaves the room. This is not how I imagined this conversation would go. Micah is holding back his anger and he is planning something. How can I lie here pretending that nothing is happening?
I want to call Tequila and ask her to keep an eye on him, but I’m suddenly exhausted, and the pain sharpens. Micah won’t come anywhere near me now, but I haven’t given up yet. I love him, but I have never really told him how I feel. When I’m better and he comes to terms with the fact that he now knows who killed Steph, he will change his mind about me.
A moment later I close my eyes, telling myself that there is still a chance for us, that there is a way for us to be together. For better or for worse.
***
I wake up in the middle of the night, hearing Micah’s snoring next to my bed. My abdomen feels sore, my head hurts and I feel sick. Someone must have put on fresh bandages when I was asleep. Micah is curled up on the floor in a blanket. The bed is huge, but I know that he won’t sleep next to me. For some reason he thinks that after everything that happened, he needs to keep his distance.
Deep down I know that he is blaming me for everything. Steph was murdered and I knew this whole time. I should have told Lee. I know that he is a scum, but there was a chance that he would have re-opened the investigation.
“Are you all right?”
Tequila is standing at the door in the darkness. She walks into the room with a glass of water and some pills. She is in her dressing robe, her black hair falling over her shoulders.
“I’m fine, still sore, but better.”
“You need to take these,” she says, handing me a couple of pills. “Stop worrying about him. Everything will work out eventually.”
“Whatever. Stop feeding me bullshit. We both know that you’re the least positive person I have ever known. Nothing is going to be okay. Micah and I are both wanted by the police. Even if they get to me before rat does, I’m dead either way,” I say, taking the pills and putting them into my mouth. I take a few sips of water to swallow.
“Hunter has a plan and for now you’re safe here. No one will be looking for you and this man here is still crazy about you, Tahlia.”
“Who are you and what the hell have you done to my friend Tequila?” I ask, wondering what the hell got into her. She frowns, checking my temperature.
“Nothing. I’m glad that you guys are here. Trust me, I have a good vibes. The worst is behind us,” she says, smiling. Something is wrong. Tequila is never positive and she never talks like that. She winks at me and leaves the room.
Then I hear Micah loud and clear.
“She is full of shit. Nothing is good, but I can promise you one thing—I’ll get to Josh before he gets to you. Then I’m going to kill him. I won’t let him rot in prison. He has to suffer. And I want him dead.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Some sort of progress
Micah
Things are difficult. Days are passing by and nothing is happening. Everyone is pretending that we are one big happy family. Tequila and Hunter are still acting like they are not into each other. I might be a guy, but I notice these things: the looks, the gestures and arguments. Yeah, when they are in each other’s faces the sparks start flying, and I wish they could just get a room, but whatever, they are not my business. They can pretend if that suits them.
Since we brought Tahlia in, I’m angry, constantly, with everyone and everything. I take long walks around the streets and keep my distance most of the time. I’m like a volcano ready to explode.
Tahlia is recovering slowly. Some days she insists on walking around the house, doing stuff. The atmosphere is tense, especially when I’m around. My temper is quick to show itself and I don’t want to participate in conversation.
Every day I think about ways of getting to Josh. The fact that I don’t know where to start looking for him is making me crazy. The Russians haven’t been in touch and I wish I had something to do. For years I have been working myself to the ground, and now I’m in this house all the time, just staring at the wall, thinking about the past.
“Have you thought about what I suggested yet?”
I clench my fists, wondering why I didn’t insist on going back to the old flat. Things would have been more in my control. There I wouldn’t have to explain myself to Tahlia, Tequila or Kiki.
“No, I haven’t,” I snap back at Hunter, watching the clock. In the past few nights I have been driving around the city, thinking hard about what I’m going to do. My phone calls to Rogers remain unanswered. It’s never been so long since we talked. He normally gets back to me within a few hours. Hunter has this ridiculous plan. He wants to get back into Rudolf’s ranks. Apparently my best mate, Josh, had trusted Hunter before. Tahlia keeps saying that he used to be one of his best guys. For some reason Hunter wants to help Tahlia. He doesn’t owe her anything, but they do have a connection. Nowadays she talks to him more than she talks to me. She can have him if that’s what she wants. Makes things easier. She doesn’t deserve a monster like me anyway.
“The girls agree with me. Rudolf won’t be static. We need to act before he finds us.” Hunter continues talking to me quietly. The girls are in the kitchen preparing dinner. My head is banging. Tahlia is pushing me to the edge. She keeps touching me in the night, acting like she doesn’t hate me anymore, like she wants us to be close again. I sleep next to her bed, trying to dismiss whatever is going on in her head.
Sometimes I want to just take her into my arms and forget that I hurt her, that I let her suffer.
“I have this under control. The bastard is mine, so I’d rather you not interfere,” I hiss, staring back at my phone. I need to get out of this house; otherwise these uncomfortable conversations will keep on happening. Tahlia doesn’t want me, but she’s letting her old feelings through. Maybe it’s time to remind her that I’m a coward, a bastard that was willing to seduce her just to get information out of her.
Hunter exhales sharply and grabs my elbow.
“You really want to do that to her? I get it, you want revenge, but you’re risking the life of a woman that loves you. What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asks. I’m ready to smash his face. This guy came from nowhere and now he wants to act like a hero, a savior.
“Get the fuck away. Tell them that I wasn’t hungry, arsehole,” I bark, and get up pulling away from his grip. I grab the keys and leave. Great, I’m losing my plot. My tem
per is always raging. I need to calm the fuck down. Hunter is obviously trying to help me.
Tahlia makes an effort, but I keep letting her down. The streets around the area are busy. People are oblivious to what is going on around them. I’ve been tense since that day in the hospital, since Tahlia revealed who Rudolf really is, and that guilt hangs over me.
I park somewhere in a dark alley, feeling like I’m just about to explode with frustration. The Russians are silent. Couple of days ago I showed up in their club, but his guys threw me out. Big Ollie promised to get in touch, but I haven’t heard back from him. Time is slowly running out.
I’m ready to turn the engine on and go back when I hear the buzzing. My phone rings and it’s a private number. I answer it anyway.
“Micah, I can’t talk for long,” Rogers says.
“Rogers, fuck. What’s going on? I thought that you cut me off,” I say, hearing a lot of noise in the background. The line isn’t great.
“New evidence came to light, and we have a lot of people in custody. Rudolf’s people, Micah. I made T talk, and the little shit agreed to sell some of his people. He is willing to testify,” Rogers talks fast. My mind is completely fried as I’m processing everything he is saying.
“Is he okay? Fuck, T is a good kid,” I manage to choke out.
“Don’t worry, I made a deal with him. He will get protective custody. The only problem is that Rudolf vanished. He got out before we got there. None of his people are admitting that it’s him, but we have new evidence that helps your girl, Micah. The knife with blood that has Suranne’s evidence all over it. We have photos of Tahlia with you around campus; I think Rudolf was spying on you two. Shit, man, I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you, but this is good.”
Josh managed to get away again. I’m not surprised. Tahlia is no longer in Braxton and if he had photos then he must know about me.
“So they will clear her of the murder charges?” I ask.
“They might. They’re considering the possibility that she might have been set up. Maybe you should turn yourselves in. You might even get your badge back.”
“Fuck the badge. I’m done being a cop and Tahlia isn’t going anywhere, Rogers, not until I kill that son of a bitch,” I say, and then cut the line. I roar the engine back to life and throw out the sim card from the phone.
My whole body is shaking. I should be glad that T got away, that Tahlia might be cleared, but deep down I know why Josh left. He is back in the city, back to the place where everything began—and he is hunting Tahlia.
Maybe he doesn’t care about his people anymore, about his drug empire. He knows that I’m helping her, but does he know who I am?
There are so many questions, but one thing is important. There is a high chance for Tahlia to get her justice, whereas for me I don’t give a flying fuck. I have gone too far already and there is no way that I can come back.
The news is good, great even, so why am I not happy about it?
My girl is trying to talk to me and I’m pushing her away. There is a chance that she has forgiven me, crashed that wall that was between us.
Instead of driving around, I get it together and take a sharp left. It’s time to reveal to the girl that is willing to give me a second chance what kind of man I’ve become.
Tahlia
I stare at the plate of spaghetti Bolognese that Tequila and Kiki made earlier on. The girls are serving food, and everything smells delicious, but for some reason I lost my appetite. Micah has this new tendency of disappearing before dinner and now he has done it again.
It hurts like hell to think that he can’t stand to be alone with me. I keep telling myself that he is trying to deal with the heavy load that I dumped on him a week ago, the truth. Hunter stayed, and for some reason I’m used to having him around. I didn’t ask for his help, but he quit his job in the club and told me that he needs to be here. Tequila has been on his case almost every day, trying to find out why he is sticking around. She doesn’t trust him for some reason. This whole situation is bizarre, but I feel that finally I have people that I can rely on, people that care about me. I have a feeling that Micah has been going back to the old flat just to be alone. He knows it’s not safe, but we barely talk as it is, and I bet he wouldn’t listen even if I forced my company on him.
“So I guess there is only going to be four of us?” I ask. Hunter shifts his weight to the side.
“I tried to talk to him, but he dismissed me,” Hunter says, glancing back at Tequila, who is sorting some stuff in the cupboard. I have a feeling that he fancies her, but Tequila can be scary at times, acting distant and detached.
“Maybe you should follow him, see where he’s been going,” Kiki suggests, walking into the kitchen.
“No, I think I should have a chat with him,” Tequila suggests, and I start shaking my head, knowing that she might only aggravate him further.
“No, no one talks to anyone. He just needs time,” I say and take my plate with me to the living room. The guys follow me when I start picking at my food. I need to eat, gain strength. I’m healing, but I have bad headaches, especially in the evenings when Micah is not around. A moment later we all hear the door and then Micah strolls into the living room.
“Have you guys left me anything or did Kiki polish off the whole thing?” he asks, dragging his hand through his hair, looking slightly apprehensive. Eight pairs of eyes dart at me. Something must have happened that he came back so soon.
“Of course, let me get something for you,” I say and walk to the kitchen with my plate. My skin shudders when I feel him approaching. He doesn’t give me an explanation, but I feel his eyes on me. I put the spaghetti on the plate and add the sauce.
“Why did you decide to come back?” I finally ask.
“It was time; there was no point being away from you. I was trying to find him or get some info on his location, but now things have changed,” he admits, taking the plate from me. Our fingers brush and the heat scorches over my skin. I should have waited for a more appropriate moment to tell him the whole truth. I hate that distance that the truth has put between us. I never believed that I could ever explain everything that happened in the past, that he would understand.
“Micah, we are a team now. I think you should consider Hunter’s idea,” I say.
“We should talk after we eat. I have a few things to tell you,” he says, pushing the conversation about Hunter away, as usual. I just nod, not wanting to make this even more complicated. At least he wants to talk, and maybe that’s small progress.
When the two of us come back to the room, Kiki puts on a programme on the TV. I keep watching Micah, wondering what he meant earlier in the kitchen, what suddenly changed. Kiki starts laughing, and I’m back in the room. The atmosphere is less tense, and for the first time we all have a normal dinner and we talk, all of us. Hunter is telling us some funny story from the club. Micah laughs, and when we are all done with food, Tequila brings ice cream.
“There is a market in the area tomorrow. I think I’ll go to get some groceries,” Tequila announces to break the awkward silence.
“Cool, I’ll go with you then,” Hunter adds with a smile. Tequila frowns, obviously not happy with his suggestion. Those two are definitely into each other, but they are too stubborn to admit it. Maybe that’s the reason why Hunter has been staying here instead of sleeping in his own house.
“I don’t need a babysitter,” Tequila snaps at him, but Hunter ignores her. I have no idea how her life was before she decided to get involved in my shit, but as far as I remember she had never mentioned any dates or guys.
“He wants to help, so let him. Groceries can be heavy,” I say, winking at her. She shoots me a murderous look. Micah stands up and holds his hand next to me when he has finished his dessert. He doesn’t need to say anything. We are going to talk, finally. Kiki is watching us with interest. He helps me get up. My ribs are still sore.
I feel slightly nervous when we head upstairs. I swore to him when
he got me out of that hospital with Kiki that I would never look at him the way I had back in Braxton. Now things are complicated, and I don’t think like that anymore.
Upstairs in the bedroom, he stares out the window, and unexpected tension fills the room. I do love him and I don’t want to play games. After what we both have been through, maybe we’re meant to end up together, after a long eight years.
“Tahlia, I’m a monster, no different than Josh,” he says, finally turning around to look at me. From that moment on I know that he hasn’t changed his mind. He doesn’t want me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The issues
I hate when he talks like I don’t know him. London has changed him.
“I know about that deal that you made with Russians, Micah,” I say, knowing that he had to break his own rules and values to find me. A month ago he was a highly ranked detective, the youngest in the UK. Now he is no one, just a man that faces a prison sentence. I never truly realised how much he gave up just to keep me away from prison.
“Yeah, I assumed that she would tell you. They called in the middle of the night and asked me to be at certain place. It was some sort of abandoned warehouse or a factory. Some other Russian showed up and dragged me inside,” he explains, with heavy voice, looking away. I swallow hard, guessing where this story might be going. No one in their right mind would screw around with one of the Russian Mafia families.
“That doesn’t mean that you’re like him, Micah. We both know that you care for people. He never did.”
“Well, you don’t know what I’ve done. Inside that warehouse, one of Josh’s men was tide up to a pillar. That guy had no idea what was just about to happen, Tahlia … God, I’ll never forget that noise,” he says, covering his face with his palms. I get off the bed and walk to him. I’m afraid to touch him. Maybe he won’t like it.
“If it weren’t for you and Hunter, I would be dead already, Micah. Whatever happened, it doesn’t matter. We have to move past that,” I whisper.
Love & Hate Series Box Set 2 (3-4) - In Too Deep - Skimming the Surface Page 42
