by Brenda Ford
Those words apply to me as well, but it’s harder to take my own advice. Yet Keeley nods enthusiastically as if my wisdom is something that she really needs to take on board. Even if I can’t do it myself.
“I’m going home now!” Keeley says with a happy smile. “I’m not standing around here on my own just waiting for some guy to come in. Jon doesn’t want to meet me, and even if he does then I don’t want to meet him two hours late. No way. How sad is that? Fuck him, I am out of here! I won’t sit around any longer for him.”
I laugh as she swings her bag over her shoulder, and she walks towards the door. “I will see ya, Rachel. It was good to meet you. Just to let you know, you changed my life for the better.”
As the door swings behind her, I feel exactly the same way. My random meeting with the very drunk Keeley has shifted things inside of me. Now, I know for sure that I just need to use my inner strength to get through this. I do have it in me, it isn’t an issue, I can do this, I just need to keep my head up high.
With a deep breath, I step back outside into the bar area and giggle to see Sheri really flirting with Luke like there’s no tomorrow. Good, that’s good. She deserves to meet someone nice. I hope this guy can do that for her. After seeing my friend, I scan my eyes around the bar to see if Keeley is still around but true to her word she really has gone home. I hope she wakes up tomorrow and deletes Jon’s number from her phone. Starts her process of moving on. I know that is so much easier said than done, but I want that for her. I might have only had one conversation with her, but it’s enough to give me sympathy for her.
A little bit of me wonders if I should go too. Leave like Keeley has and head home for sleep. I’m pretty certain that Sheri won’t miss me if I go. She seems very smitten with the guy that she’s wrapped around. I could be at home, lying in my bed in a moment, if I want to be. I kinda want to do all of that…
Oh my God. I must be at home already, dreaming away, living in a nightmare. That’s the only way that I can explain what’s going on in front of me right now. Nothing else makes sense. Angelo… no, he can’t be here.
When I told Keeley that I can’t escape this man, I didn’t exactly mean this! I never expected to run into him here in the middle of this random bar. He looks… I don’t know, that isn’t an expression that I have ever seen on his face before. He looks a little tortured. Isn’t he supposed to be on a date tonight with Mandy?
As if he can sense my eyes upon him, Angelo turns to look at me and his eyes light up. There’s a real happiness there, like he’s glad to see me, which is something else that I have to not cling on to. However much I want to. My pulse speeds, my knees turn to jelly, any desire to be strong simply melts away. How can I be when desire rockets through me? When I yearn for him so badly? I can’t stop a smile from creeping up through me, from my whole body lighting up as I see him too. This isn’t the way that my night is supposed to go, but it seems that I’m here now. With him. The first night of the rest of my life has ended.
Chapter Eight
Angelo
“Rachel?” I say with a smile as I spot her standing in the same bar that I have chosen to come in after my stupid date with Mandy. I certainly didn’t expect to find anyone I know here. “What are you doing?”
“Oh, I’m just here with my friend…” She points behind her at a woman who is kissing passionately with some guy. “But as you can see, my friend is busy now, so I guess I am here by myself.”
“Well, let me buy you a drink then,” I say on impulse. “I could use someone to talk to.”
“You want to talk to me? Are you sure about that?”
As she clutches her hands to her chest, I realize how strange this must be for her. Me and Rachel have known one another for a very long time, ever since she started playing in a band with Alex, but we haven’t ever been close. I guess that’s because I have always been with Mandy and she hasn’t wanted me to get close to any other women. I can see why she wouldn’t like Rachel in particular because she’s stunning in a different way than her. She’s cool and edgy, she screams danger, unlike Mandy who is polished and pruned to perfection.
I actually remember wanting to have fun with Rachel at first because she seems like such an awesome person. But I was guided away in a subtle way to make sure that me and her wouldn’t talk again. But again, Mandy didn’t want me to stay over, especially after our argument. Instead of wanting to talk things through further, she needs her space, so here I am and here Rachel is as well. Why shouldn’t we have fun?
“Yeah, why not.” I force out a chuckle. “I’m having a shitty night. I could use a friend.”
She nods and follows me to the bar where I put in an order of a couple of drinks. I have seen Rachel drink a few times, so I have noticed enough to get her what she wants. Then we sit beside each other.
“So, what’s going on?” she asks me. “Why is your night so shitty?”
“Urgh, you don’t want to know.” I shake my head sadly. “It’s all just a mess at the moment. Mandy and I… well, I think we might be on the verge of splitting up which really sucks. I don’t know how to cope.”
I can tell by the way that Rachel stiffens at the mention of this, this isn’t what she was expecting to talk about. I feel bad for laying all of my relationship shit on her, but since she doesn’t tell me to shut it and I really need to talk to someone, I continue, but only for a little bit. Until I get bored of it myself.
“I just think she doesn’t want me anymore, you know? And it seems like she might be cheating on me.”
“That’s… horrible.” I glance at Rachel to see a redness staining her cheeks. Yep, not only am I boring myself, but I’m upsetting her as well. “What do you think that you might do about that?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t really made up my mind yet. Something drastic though. But that’s enough about me. Why don’t we talk about you? I don’t know much about you. What’s going on?”
“With what?” Uh oh. Now, I have managed to make her more uncomfortable. “My love life? Unfortunately, that is a very boring story. I don’t have anything for you there.”
She is too beautiful for that to be the truth. I mean, just looking at her is giving me heart palpitations and I have a girlfriend. So, how many single guys must there be out there who want this woman. Even if she isn’t with anyone now, there must be someone on the scene who would intrigue her and want her. It makes no sense.
No, there must be another reason why she isn’t telling me about her love life. It’s either because she’s got this incredible love story and she doesn’t want to rub my face in it… or she’s got a past with someone I know. Alex, maybe. My twin brother. We might not look alike, but it’s strangely all the same. Perhaps Alex has treated her like shit and that’s why she doesn’t want to talk about it… or maybe she’s secretly in love with him…
No. Immediately, I shake my head no. There’s no way. She doesn’t seem the type to like Alex. They might be in a band together, but he’s a lot wilder than she is. They wouldn’t match at all.
I don’t know why, but there’s a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t think I’d like it if she was with Alex. That’s strange, I have no reason for it, but it’s there all the same. She’s a nice girl, I like her. She would be a nice sister in law… yet, I don’t like it anyway. It would just be too odd for words.
“Okay, so no love life.” I hold my hands up in a surrendering gesture. If she doesn’t want to talk about it and I don’t want to push it, then there’s no point in carrying on. “Why not talk about the band instead? How are things? You guys are doing really well, aren’t you? Which is hardly a surprise considering how good you are.”
She grinned, her whole face lighting up with beauty, as she tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Thank you. That’s really nice of you to say. I’m really proud of how well things are going.”
As she begins talking about her music, her whole body glowing as she does, I’m intrigued by her words, f
ascinated by everything she has to say. Rachel is a wonderful distraction tonight. Surprisingly, she’s exactly what I need. I’m glad we bumped into one another tonight, it’s like fate has pushed us together.
“Oh, my goodness, I am going to be so hung over tomorrow!” Rachel giggles as we walk home. To her home. I’m far too much of a gentleman to leave her by herself. But also, because I am not ready to leave her just yet. I’ve had such a good time with her. She has turned my shitty night into a good one. A really good one! “You are such a bad influence, Angelo Smith. Why did I let you keep me out so late?”
At one point, when her friend left with that guy, I thought that she might too, but she didn’t. She stayed with me which I have to say left me very pleased. There is something awesome about Rachel, she’s great.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” I chuckle back. “It was only supposed to be a little chat, wasn’t it? A moan about my terrible date. I didn’t mean to get you in a state that will affect you tomorrow.”
“I have band practice and you have work. It’s going to be a bad day. I’ll be cursing your name.”
The thought of Rachel thinking of me tomorrow floods me with an unexpected warmth. A heat that I haven’t felt in a very long time. Especially not with Mandy. She just leaves me cold and confused. If I really look deep inside of myself, there are butterflies as well. My stomach is flip flopping like crazy. I’m a bit of a mess.
“Well, I will be cursing yours as well. Especially when Brad starts giving me all the shit…”
I almost go to explain who Brad is to me. My boss as well as my brother. The guy who stepped in to raise me and the rest of my brothers when our parents died, while also taking on the responsibilities of the house and the business, but then I remember I don’t need to. She already knows me and my history. It’s a relief actually. I don’t like to have to explain it. It’s awkward and makes this uncomfortable. I recall the intense silence I got with Mandy when I first told her everything, But Rachel is close enough to my family to know it all.
Huh, that’s different for me. And different in a really good way.
“You might have Brad on your back, but I have Alex and you know what he’s like. Gary too!”
I haven’t really known Rachel before tonight, but we already seem to share more people in common than me and Mandy. It’s weird. I know who Gary is much more than I know some random Amber who is trying to see my girlfriend in her underwear. Those feelings circulate painfully through me, making me uncomfortable with everything that’s going on in my life right now. I don’t even know where me and Mandy stand which makes this even more painful and difficult to swallow. I’m so messed up and confused right now.
“Is this your place?” I rasp once she slows to a stop.
“Yeah, yeah. This is where I live.” She beams, unaware of the torture going on inside of me. “Time for bed. I won’t invite you in for a coffee because it’s too late for that. Plus, it might seem like I’m hitting on you…”
As soon as she says those words, the air stills around us. There is a definite change in the atmosphere. It seems to me like she’s paused because she’s scared to admit that’s actually what she wants to do. But is that what she wants? Or am I just projecting my feelings on to her? Are they even my feelings? I don’t know.
No, I warn myself desperately. No, I can’t have any feelings. This is stupid. I have a girlfriend…
Well, sort of. One who doesn’t seem to want me anymore. One who is pulling away and messaging other people about her panties. I thought I had this wonderful relationship, I assumed I was doing well in life, but the last few weeks… months, really… have told me otherwise. It seems that I don’t really have anything.
Well, nothing but these crazy feelings of lust and passion swimming through me. Sensations that are more powerful than anything I have ever experienced before. Even when I thought that I had these feelings…
Without even thinking about it, I grab Rachel’s arms and I tug her down a nearby alleyway. This is all kinds of wrong, there is no doubt about it, but I can’t stop myself now. There isn’t much room here, we’re basically pressed up against one another, every inch of us touching, and we’re staring in to one another’s eyes.
All the feelings that I have experienced before have intensified, they are almost overwhelming now, and I can tell by the way that her practically bare chest is rising and falling so fast that she feels it too. I don’t know if this is something that has been going on for a long time or if it’s brand new, but right now, it’s consumed me. It’s all of me. As a little experiment, I lean my head forwards, just to see what she will do, and she automatically rises to her tip toes to meet me. She definitely wants to kiss me too. That’s enough to turn any rationality right off.
Without allowing any more thoughts into my brain, I crash my lips to Rachel’s and I claim her. I take her for my own and as she kisses me back with as much furious passion as I’m feeling. Fireworks explode all the way through me, every fiber inside of me screams for her. This kiss only highlights just how wrong things are, just how right things could be if I allowed them, what love and lust is supposed to feel like.
My hands curl around her waist, I pull her closer to me, knowing that I’ll never be able to stop…
Chapter Nine
Rachel
This is officially the best kiss that I have ever had in my life. I can’t believe that I have Angelo Smith’s lips upon mine, that’s the first shock, but the fact that it feels so good is the second. I have obviously fantasized about this a million times, and it’s always been amazing, but this is something else. I feel him deep within me, all of me is being swallowed up whole by him. I absolutely love it. Of course, there is a part of me knowing this is all wrong and not wanting to be any part of a cheating incident… but I can’t stop myself.
I mean, he did say that things were dead in the water with them, didn’t he? This could be okay…
Oh God, it feels too good for me to stop anyway. I can’t help it. He’s too amazing for words. I took my hands around his neck and deepen the kiss, massaging his tongue with my own, wondering where this could lead…
“No.” All of a sudden, Angelo calls out in shock and pulls away from me. “No, we can’t do this…”
He started this, that’s the main issue. He pulled me in to this alley way and started things going. But it seems now from the horror in his eyes that he’s regretting everything. His eyes keep darting everywhere, he’s staring at everything but me, the atmosphere couldn’t be more different if it tried. It’s cold now and bitter feeling.
“What do you mean?” I ask him quietly, my eyes falling sadly to the ground. “You want to leave?”
“I have to leave. I need to.” He rakes his fingers through his hair. “I need to get back. To go home. To…” I know that he wants to finish that sentence by mentioning Mandy, which makes my heart sink low. How can he be thinking about her when he’s with me? Clearly, he doesn’t share my obsession. “Sorry, Rachel.”
“Wait, don’t…” I grab on to his arm, but he pulls away from me almost like he can’t touch me anymore. “Don’t go.” I don’t know why I want him to stay, but I do. If he goes now, I’ll lose him forever. “Wait, I…”
“I’m sorry. Rachel. I don’t mean to be a dick, I just…” He shakes his head, sadness radiating through him.
I watch in horror as he runs away, leaving me alone. As he goes, he takes a piece of me with him. My heart burns. It aches painfully, I can barely remain standing. I know now that I like him more than anything. Kissing Angelo hasn’t gotten him out of my system, it’s shoved him further in there. It’s ignited the flame for me and dulled it for him. He didn’t want me; he has shown that more than ever before. He’s run back to her, to the woman who hurts him every single day, who is about to make the family explode. I can’t compete with Mandy ever.
What do I do now? Angelo has long gone. He isn’t coming back. I need to accept that. The best thing that I can do is acce
pt this as a drunken mistake and take my ass to bed. I’m sure Angelo will do whatever he can to block this from his mind. He won’t ever want to speak to me again. Maybe, it will be better for him to want to block me out. If he stays away from me, then it will help me to get over him.
I fold my arms protectively across my chest and I step inside. My apartment has a hollow feeling to it. An empty cold sensation that chills me to the bone. I shiver wildly, needing to get my sorry ass to bed already. As I walk towards my bedroom, my fingers brush against my tip and I get the same tingling sensation racing through me as I did when he kissed me. The same excitement building in my chest, the thought that something might happen. But it’s silly to feel that way. Of course, nothing is going to happen. He’s probably having sex with Mandy right now. Taking all of the chemistry that I feel with him and exploding with someone else.
“Argh!” I yell out as I tear my dress off, frustration crushing me as I undress. “Fucking hell!”
I grab a night dress and throw it over my body before I climb between the sheets. I want to grab my phone, to scroll through the Internet mindlessly before I go to sleep like I normally do, but I’m so scared of seeing something about Angelo and Mandy that I can’t. I can’t face the idea that all is happy now. That I meant nothing. That kiss to me was monumental, one of the best minutes of my entire life, something that I will never forget, nor will I be able to recreate it with someone else… there is no one for me but him. How the fuck can I move on now?
“You are an idiot,” I tell myself with a shaking head. “Why did you make it so much worse? Why didn’t you just say no? You knew that it was going to be a bad idea. You knew it would only end badly. You aren’t dumb.”
But as soon as he pulled me in to that alley way, I was putty in his hands. I wasn’t going to be able to resist kissing him no matter what happened. That was my one chance with him, and I knew that I couldn’t turn him down. I mean, my feelings for him are absolutely everything. I won’t ever like anyone as much as I do him.
