Men In Control (Smith Brothers Complete Series)

by Brenda Ford

  “Hmmm, me too.” I smile brightly at her, glad that we share something in common. “Since you spend so much of your time working, why not make it something you enjoy, huh?”

  “Exactly! Yes, I agree with that. Otherwise, it’s pretty much a loveless life, isn’t it?”

  She sips her coffee and watches me once more, seeing right into me. Only this time I don’t mind. I’m not too bothered that she can see me, because I don’t feel like I’m being judged. I feel like I’m just being acknowledged. It’s been a long time since someone acknowledged me without knowing the whole bullshit story of being me.

  I almost want to tell Freya that I’m glad she dragged me from my sorry pit of sadness towards breakfast, but I keep those words inside. I don’t want to make this weird by adding any feelings into the mix.

  Chapter Seven

  Freya

  Every so often I glance my eyes towards Alex as the tour bus takes us to our next destination, smiling to myself. Now that I have spent a little bit of time with him and I have seen that there is so much more to him, I don’t dislike him as much as I once did. I actually believe that there might be a nice person there underneath.

  He’s just a man that’s been hurt. Sure, I don’t have a damn clue what has really happened to him, just little snippets that he told me while he was drunk, but it seems that he’s had his heart broken and he did some stupid stuff for love. Okay, so I haven’t ever had feelings deep enough to do anything stupid but I’m sure that it’s possible. Isn’t that what ninety nine percent of love songs are about? Acting crazy for ‘the one’? Your behavior being justified because you’re so much in love that you just can’t help yourself? So, I can understand his guilt and pain. Sort of. I can see that there is a lot more to him than meets the eye, anyway.

  “You less nervous tonight?” Rachel asks me as she lies back on her bottom bunk bed. “Since you did so amazing last night. You must have more confidence about it, right?”

  “Yeah, I think so.” I nod and grin. “Yes, I think that I might be more confident actually.”

  It helps that I have had a million and one nice messages from Nathan about my performance last night. He has been watching my online stream and seeing the YouTube uploads, and is over the moon for me. I know that Nathan would tell me if I’d fucked up as well. He’s a great manager like that. So, the fact that the fans seem to like me, the Internet is going wild for my performance, and everyone else is being great and supportive as well, only serves to reassure me that I am doing well, and this is working for me.

  “Good.” Rachel turns and grins at me, her eyes shining with happiness. “I have been Tweeting out the link to your album and kissing your ass online, so I really hope that helps you.”

  I reach across and high five her. “Rachel, you really are a freaking legend. I hope you know that.”

  I feel eyes prickling over me and I turn to see Alex smiling at me. He looks less bleary eyed than before which suggests to me that he hasn’t been drinking… yet anyway. I really hope he doesn’t as well. He’s a much better person when he isn’t wasted. I would also much prefer to see him play sober as well. To know what he’s like when he’s fully by himself. I try my hardest to silently communicate that with him, but I don’t know if that sinks in. I’m not sure that one breakfast together means that we have that kind of bond yet. Maybe soon…

  As I leave the stage from the sound check, I notice my cell phone screen lit up. I race to it and grab it quickly, to see my mom’s name on the screen. I hit the answer button, excited to speak to her.

  “Hi, Mom! Sorry, have you been calling for long? I was just up on stage…”

  “Oh no, don’t worry. I know how busy you are. You’re traveling the country, living your dream. I just wanted to let you know that me and your father are back off the cruise now, so it’ll be easier to contact us.”

  Those words make my chest heat up with a deep happiness. I know that my parents love being out in the water, and that cruises are their dream, but I do prefer it when they are on land because it means that I can talk to them whenever I want. Nothing can get too hard for me when my mom is on the other end of the line.

  “How was your cruise? Did you have the best time? It feels like you have been gone forever…”

  I sink into the nearest seat as I listen to my mother talking about Thailand and all the incredible things that they saw there. It allows me to drag my mind out of all the dramas surrounding me for a little respite.

  “Anyway, how are things with you? You’re supporting some vampire rock band, aren’t you?”

  “Vampire?” I demand. “What on earth are you talking about? Is that because of the name?”

  “Blood something… it doesn’t exactly sound nice, does it? Not like I would expect for you.”

  “Blood Red Masters. The name makes them sound more vampire like then they are.” I laugh. “They are actually really good. Rock music, but not so heavy that you can’t understand them.”

  “And they suit you?” Mom asks, totally unsure. “They are helping you to go in the right direction.”

  “Oh, they are. There is some awesome stuff happening. The Blood Red Masters fans really like me.”

  As I fill Mom in on everything that’s going on with me right now, a strong sense of pride overcomes me. I am happy that I have gotten this far and discussing it with my mother helps to ground me like I want. It reminds me of where I once was and where I have come. A journey that I never want to forget. In the background, Blood Red Masters start doing their sound check as well, which lifts my mood even more. I really am in the best place.

  “Wow, that all sounds amazing, sweetie,” Mom coos. “I’m so glad that things are good. You will keep in touch with us, won’t you? Let us know how things are going. And if you come near home, let me know so we can come and see you. Even if it means we have to watch the vampire band at the same time.”

  I laugh loudly and say goodbye to my mom, now with another boost to get me through tonight, to make this show the best that it has ever been. I’m going to kick even more ass than before, and I can’t wait.

  “Who are those guys?” I whisper to Rachel as I wait in the green room which has become so crowded with strangers. It certainly isn’t the relaxing atmosphere before a show that I had last time.

  “Ah, the Smith brothers,” Rachel laughs. “All of them in one go, which should be a rare sight but is growing increasingly common by the moment. Did you know that Alex came from such a big family?”

  “Well, he did say something about it. His parents died and he was raised by…”

  “Brad.” Rachel points to the one who does seem quite a lot older than the rest of them. I watch him for a moment, trying to imagine what life must have been like for him raising all of his younger siblings. It couldn’t have been easy. But it seems to me like he hasn’t done a bad job. “And then next to him is Oliver, the second youngest brother, although he’s about thirteen years younger than Brad…” I want to ask how that happened, but I’m too intrigued by what Rachel is telling me to interrupt her. “Then over by the coffee machine is Nelson and Wesley. And Angelo, Alex’s twin although it’s hard to tell since they look nothing alike, is there.”

  There is a real softness to Rachel’s tone as she talks about Angelo, which really interests me. I wonder if she has a crush on him or something. Maybe they are even together, which would be nice. I can tell that they would be a nice couple. But there is a much more important question that I need to ask first…

  “Why are they all here? Haven’t they only just seen Alex before the tour started?”

  “Well, I could tell you that they are really supportive, and they just like to see the band playing, but I’m pretty sure that you have seen enough now to know that they are just worried about him.”

  Knowing that there is an issue with Alex’s drinking and seeing all of his brothers around him trying to make his life better makes it that much more real. It’s sad and reminds me that while I have seen a ni
cer side to Alex, that isn’t all of him. There is the nasty drunken side to him which is hard. But then he hasn’t always been this way, has he? This hasn’t always been him. That’s pretty much what he told me.

  “Okay, so we might see more of them.” I smile thinly at Rachel. “Sounds fun.”

  “Don’t worry. They might seem intimidating, but they are alright once you get to know them.” She pats me on the arm. “And if you stick around for long enough, you will see that.”

  She immediately heads towards Angelo and starts talking to him, causing Brad and Oliver to join in their conversation as well. Alex stands beside them, looking a little awkward as he does. I glance back to Wesley and Nelson who are now deep in a chat with Hank and Gary, leaving me by myself. Standing on the side, the stranger who no one else knows. Since I am far too intimidated to join any of those conversations, I sidle outside and step towards the nearest hallway for a little moment alone to get my head around everything. I need to get my head in the game so I can focus on my performance that’s about to come, rather than the Smith family.

  “Sorry, we’re a bit too much, aren’t we?” a friendly voice calls out to me, joining me in the hallway. “I know that every time the Smith family get together, it’s too much noise to think straight.” He steps closer to me. “I’m Angelo, by the way. Alex’s twin brother. I don’t know if he’s told you about me.”

  I nod and extend my hand to shake his. “Nice to meet you. I’m Freya.”

  “Hi, Freya. How are you enjoying the madness of the tour? I bet it’s a bit too much, isn’t it?”

  He leans on the wall next to me and smiles. I can tell that he’s a great person who is actually interested in me and what I have to say. Rachel is right, one on one, they aren’t too much at all!

  “It’s good. It’s really good actually. I’m enjoying my time with the band.”

  “Alex isn’t… you know, being too much, is he? I am sure you have seen things.”

  “He’s fine,” I reply loyally, almost completely forgetting that he was so horrible about me. “Not too bad.”

  “Right. Good.” Angelo nods slowly. “I hope that he is because I can’t stop myself from worrying about him. Knowing that he’s been so hard on himself and that self-hatred is crushing him is really hard for me. I can’t do anything, which sucks. All I want is to be able to help him get out of this hole.”

  Angelo’s honesty is overwhelming. He might think that I have seen things, but he doesn’t know how much I know and don’t know. I suck in a breath and hold it while I consider this, really thinking about Alex and what he’s going through. Whatever the hell happened to him; however he got his heart broken, it has really messed him up. It’s changed him in a way that no one should ever have to experience.

  What can I do? I immediately wonder. How can I help Alex where Angelo can’t?

  But I don’t know if I can. I’m not sure that he will let me in that much. Ever. And I also have my career to think about as well. I have spent my entire life focusing on getting to the top and I can’t let someone else derail that. Even if they are in pain…

  Chapter Eight

  Alex

  I hide my staggering as much as I can while I make my way off stage. Since my brothers are here, watching me from the audience and back stage, I need to be show my best behavior because otherwise they will kick off. I already know that they are here to check on me, I’m not some kind of an idiot, and I don’t want to ignite their worries and make it worse. I would rather have the rest of the tour by myself. To deal with this by myself. The way that’s best. I won’t be able to recover from all of this pain with my reminder here.

  “Hey, that was good.” Angelo gets me before I can fully escape. “You are awesome out there.”

  I smile and nod, but I can’t quite drag my eyes upwards to meet his. Much as he has forgiven me and moved on, I can’t forgive myself and I can’t see him watching me. It’s too hard.

  “Before you race off, because I know how busy you are…” He doesn’t need to hint that I’m going to a bar, we both know. “Can we just have a little chat? We won’t be around for too long, so I don’t want to miss out on the chance to actually talk to you… if you don’t mind, that is. I don’t want to get in the way.”

  I sigh hard and nod. Mostly because I can’t think of a decent excuse not to talk to Angelo. Perhaps if I hadn’t sunk all of that vodka before we went up on stage – in secret, of course – then maybe I would be able to.

  “Good. Now, I would suggest going for a walk. But that’s probably not for the best, is it? Not with all of these fans around wanting to mob you. And I don’t think that the hotel bar is a good idea…”

  “Why not?” I snap, unable to even begin to disguise my irritation. “I can have a beer.”

  “I… I don’t know if I want a beer, that’s all. Not with all the traveling I have to do.”

  “So, we can have a soft drink then. What the hell is wrong with you, Angelo? Why are you acting like I can’t control myself? I know that I haven’t exactly been the best person, but I’m really trying…”

  “Alright, alright.” He holds up his hands in a surrendering gesture. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to upset you or anything. I just want to have a bit of a brotherly talk. You know, like we used to.”

  Urgh, now that’s something else for me to hate myself over. The fact that I am neglecting Angelo because I can’t stand to think about what I have done. Perfect, well now there isn’t a chance in hell that I won’t be having an alcoholic drink tonight. Angelo can just keep his bullshit opinions about my drinking to himself.

  “Right, whatever, come on let’s go to the hotel bar then. Have a talk.”

  I feel like I’m doing the fucking walk of shame as we leave the back stage area of the gig. Or perhaps some kind of red carpet event where everyone is staring at me, slack jawed. I can only assume that all of my brothers have been talking about me and now this is some kind of intervention. Fucking perfect. I roll my eyes and shake my head, trying to block all of them out as I head towards my favorite place ever. The goddamn bar.

  As soon as we reach the hotel bar, I order myself a beer and Angelo a soft drink, mostly out of spite because I know this isn’t what he intended to happen. But if he is going to ambush me, then why the hell not? I smirk as I join Angelo at a table, and I slide his drink over to him. He parts his lips, ready to argue with me, but as I sink half of the beer in front of him leaving him with very little to say, he snaps it shut once more.

  “What’s going on then?” I demand with a shrug. “Huh? What did you want to talk about?”

  I kind of know that he’s going to say about my drinking and I brace myself for it. My spine stiffens and my muscles all tense up, there isn’t anything that I can do to stop the eruption that will happen…

  “So, Freya…” These words knock all of the wind out of my sails. Now, that isn’t what I was expecting him to say at all. Freya? Why is he mentioning her? Does he even know her? Did she say something to him?

  “Freya?” I narrow my eyes suspiciously. “What do you want to know about her?”

  “She’s nice, isn’t she? She seems like a really good person…”

  “You are joking, right? I don’t need to bring up Rachel to you…”

  “I’m not thinking her for myself!” he laughs like this idea is ridiculous. “I mean for you.”

  My blood runs ice cold. Vomit swirling in my stomach. It’s about the only thing moving inside me as he says this. Is this some kind of joke? He wants to set me up with the pop princess now? That’s crazy. I’m clearly not ready. Unless he’s trying to keep me away from going back to Mandy again because he still doesn’t trust me. And why would he? Just because he has forgiven me, it doesn’t mean I can rebuild his trust. That might never come. I could spend the rest of my life fighting for him to come fully back to me, to have things the way that they were before, and it might not ever happen. I could be lost like this forever…

  “I don’t wa
nt to talk about girls,” I snap. “I don’t think that is a safe subject at all.”

  “Why not?” Angelo tries to reach out to me, and I immediately snatch away. “Why can’t we?”

  “Because it’s weird, isn’t it? We can’t talk about women. I don’t want to anyway. Certainly not about Freya. I don’t even know her. She’s just some annoying pop chick that is on this tour. I don’t like her at all.”

  “I see.” Angelo nods and recoils in on himself as I shoot him down. I do feel bad about it, but I’m not going to pretend that I want to be with this Freya bitch just to please him. It will take time. “Sorry, I…”

  “You just want to interfere!” I growl back. “All of you, all the time. No one wants to leave me alone to just get on with my life as I see fit. Right now, I’m just trying to get my head together. This tour is all about the music, my career, and that’s what I want to focus on. It’s the only thing that I haven’t messed up yet.”

  “You haven’t messed up as much as you think, Alex. Your family is still here for you…”

  “But I don’t need you to be.” Fucking hell, if he doesn’t stop it then I am going to lose my mind and cry like crazy. I seriously can’t let that happen. I can’t crack that much because if the flood gates open then I won’t be able to shut them. “I don’t need anyone to be. I just need to sort my life out by myself.”

  “But that isn’t something that you need to do alone, Alex, please…”

  Again, Angelo wants to reach out to me, but I just can’t allow that to happen. I can’t. I’m not ready to accept his love and forgiveness. I just want him and the rest of my brothers to go now.

  “I’m fine,” I practically yell. “I am. You just need to accept it. All of you. I will be fine once I am actually given some time and space to figure my shit out. Things don’t just… go back to normal right away.”