by Brenda Ford
I nod and agree with Rachel while trying to discretely slide away from her. She might be acting like she is trying to just have a conversation with me, but I can tell that isn’t her only motive. She wants to check up on me before we go on stage to check that I haven’t been drinking. For me, a couple of beers doesn’t class as drinking. There isn’t a strong alcohol content in them, and I don’t get a good buzz from it, but I don’t think that Rachel will feel the same way. Nor will Gary. I’m sure for them, any alcohol is bad. But I’m doing my best. It isn’t like I’m not trying. It’s taken every bit of my strength to stay as sober as I am. I’m sure it will take time anyway. Tapering off the booze slowly will be the best way for success anyway. I’m sure of it.
“Yes, she’s amazing. She actually fits in really well with our band, doesn’t she? I’m sure the fans of us must love her as well. I bet this has been really good for Freya and her career.”
Funny how that doesn’t affect me in the negative way that it once did. When I first thought of Freya gaining fame from us, I assumed it was her mooching. But now I’m simply happy for her, nothing more. I was wrong about Freya in so many ways, just like I have been wrong about lots of things in my life.
“Oh yes, for sure. They all love her because she’s bringing something a bit different in to the world, isn’t she? She has a fresh voice and a cool way of delivering her message. I really like her.” Rachel darts her eyes backwards. “Oh, I think that it might be time to get ready for our set. I need to get myself sorted.”
“Yeah, yeah, you go. I will just watch Freya for a little while longer.”
I can sense Rachel looking at me questioningly, but I don’t turn to see what she’s thinking. Mostly because I don’t want to know. I have had enough of the opinions of others on my life. Eventually, she seems to sense that, and she turns to go, leaving me watching the woman that I should have given a chance to. I kicked off, I yelled at Gray and Hank telling them that they had made all kinds of mistakes, and I hadn’t even seen her. I didn’t watch her play. I didn’t witness how talented she is. I just judged a book by its cover, and I fucked up.
“Just another one to add to my list,” I mutter with a shaking head. “The list that keeps on growing.”
I don’t leave where I am, even if I should get myself ready to go on stage myself, because I’m so intoxicated by Freya. I just want to watch her until the very last second. I want to see every inch of her living out her passion. I chuckle to myself, imagining her as a kid doing little shows for her family, preparing herself to be on a stage just like this one. And now she is. Living out that dream, not allowing it to be ruined by me.
“I won’t wreck it for you either,” I silently promise her. “I will be better to help you too.”
Finally, it’s time for her to leave the stage – not that the crowd want her to go – and I wait for her to exit. I am still very aware that I should check how I look to be certain that I am presentable for the stage, but I can’t move. I just want to watch her until the very last second, to drink every part of her performance in.
“Oh!” she gasps as soon as she spots me watching her from the back stage area. “What are you doing here?”
“Watching you.” I grin. “And you were absolutely incredible out there. Just wow. So cool, so talented.”
“Oh yeah?” Her hands rest on her lips and she cocks a knowing eyebrow at me. “You liked watching me out there, huh? You think that I was good? You liked all of my songs?”
Uh oh. I can sense that this is going somewhere and I’m sure I won’t like where. “Yes, I did.”
“Ah, I see Because I recall a time when you called me a talentless bubble pop bitch.”
“I said that?” I gulp the ball of anxious bile down. “I don’t remember saying that.”
I do remember being a dick, but I’m afraid to admit this and to make thigs worse when I should have apologized a long time ago. I hope that she will let me get away with this, even if it’s a crappy excuse.
“Well, you said it when I first arrived to join you on tour. Some of it directly to me. Some of it to other people but loud enough for me to overhear. I think you were pretty happy for me to know that you weren’t keen on me at all and that was funny, because you hadn’t heard me sing then. You didn’t know what I was like.”
There is a bit of anger in her words, I can tell that my behavior hurt her, but she isn’t trying to upset me with this. She doesn’t want to hurt me any more than I can hurt myself. Which is nice, actually. She is happy to tease me and treat me like I am a normal friend of hers. She’s treating me like I’m not a fucking mess.
“Well, I apologize for saying such stupid things about you. I was an asshole, obviously.”
“Yes.” She nods, acting like she’s being deadly serious. “That’s what I thought as well.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you didn’t make any immediate judgments about me?”
“Of course not!” Her answer doesn’t surprise me, and actually I believe her. I can’t imagine her being a judgmental asshole like me. “I did the sensible thing and watched some videos of you online before I came on tour with you. I wasn’t about to come on tour with a band that I hadn’t seen before.”
“Ah! Now, that’s where you’re more sensible than me.” She laughs. “But what about when you met me?”
“You were drunk,” she bites back. “You were drunk, so I couldn’t judge you on that.”
Woah. Now that makes me feel like I might throw up because I have been such a shit and she has been amazing. She didn’t even pick up on me being a dick in the first place, despite the fact that I obviously was. There are a lot of people who have been in my life for years, and I don’t feel like they have been as supportive and kind as Freya. There is something about her that draws me in, that makes me never want to let her go. I can’t even begin to think about what my life will be like when this tour is over, and this woman isn’t in my life anymore. She might have been a stranger not so long ago, but now my chest gets tight with the idea of losing her.
She will go on with her career, supporting other bands, doing her own shows, meeting other people… better people, and I will still be missing her, I just know it. I think that I have proven to myself that I don’t let things go easily, and I can already tell that Freya is going to be that. Someone I hold on to forever.
As I gaze in to her eyes, everything that I have clung on to for such a long time melts away. There are things that I didn’t think I would ever be able to let go of, but they just don’t seem important as these piercing green eyes stare in to my soul. Nothing else matters other than her…
I don’t know what happens really. I can’t explain it. One moment I am simply looking at Freya and feeling free as other things vanish, the next moment the gap between us has closed. I don’t know if she stepped in to my personal space or I did hers, but all I can feel now is the prickles of warmth coming from her. My fingers edge towards her, I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her the rest of the way until I can’t just sense her anymore. I can really feel her. And the feel of her is something else. She sends my head spinning in to space.
“Fuck. Freya,” I whisper as I tilt my lips towards hers. “What are you doing to me?”
We have been here before with me trying to kiss her, but I was shit wasted then, a complete idiot, and she wasn’t interested. This time I’m sober, we’re alone rather than in a public place, and I can feel her lips coming back towards me as well. She wants this just as much as I do, she isn’t going to stop this…
Holy hell! The moment that our lips connect, the world around me shifts and vanishes. Me and Freya wrap ourselves in a little bubble of just me and her and it’s perfect. I have thought about kissing her before, many times, but I didn’t know that it would be like this. This is something so much more wonderful than I could ever have imagined. As the kiss deepens and her tongue darts between my lips, I realize that I haven’t ever been kissed like this before. A kiss hasn’t ever
affected me like this in the past. Even when I thought that I was in love…
Woah, this is huge. This is massive. Monumental. I don’t even know what to think…
“Right, Alex!” Me and Freya leap apart like we have been shocked by electricity as we hear Rachel’s voice. No one catches up, but as the heat creeps up through my body, matching Freya’s red cheeks, we burst into laughter. A chuckle that comes from a shared, delicious secret. “Time to go. You ready?”
I nod, although I haven’t changed. I don’t have time or desire to now. I just need to get out on stage, to give a half fucking good performance to make up for my shitty ones, and I need to do it now before I get all caught up in my head and I make even more mistakes. I smile at Freya, hoping that this doesn’t change everything between us for the worst, and I holler back to Rachel that I am ready to go.
Then it’s time for me and the rest of the band to get our sorry asses out on stage, which we do, and as the crowd cheers me I allow that sound to boost me up even further. This is a good day so far. I want to continue that late in to the night as well…
Chapter Fifteen
Freya
My heart is still pounding wildly as Alex races off the stage after giving a much better performance than he has done recently. Something that I don’t want to take credit for… but after that kiss, I don’t know what else to assume. I wrap my arms around myself, hugging myself tight and smiling as I do. There is still a strong sense of magic racing through me, even though it was ages ago that his lips were on mine.
Stop it, I try my best to warn myself. Don’t be so happy about it. It was just a kiss that shouldn’t have happened.
I don’t know why I had the strength to pull away from Alex the last time he surged at me, and I didn’t this time. It seems crazy. Although I suppose this time, he wasn’t drunk, was he? The last time he was wasted, and I didn’t want to be a mistake. This time, I could tell that he really wanted me, and I just melted. I lost myself in the fantasy of a fan girl hooking up with the famous rock star, and I loved it…
But what the hell is going to happen now? How is this something that I will come back from? How will we behave around one another now? It was obvious from the way that we both freaked out neither of us wanted to get caught, which means we don’t want anyone to know what happened. Is that because it was just a one-time thing or because we both want it to become something much more serious…?
Will you stop it? My brain screams at me as he gets clearer to me. Of course this isn’t going to be serious.
How can it be when he is in such a mess at the moment? This isn’t the time for him to start something new when he’s barely got a hold of himself. When he’s still so hung up on someone else.
I make the snap decision to mentally back away from him, to stick to my initial plan of no physical contact, because what he needs right now is a friend. Not someone to complicate things further…
But as he brushes passed me and I get tiny electrical pricks of desire racing all over me, my resolve weakens. I don’t know how to resist this sensation when I don’t think that I have ever had it before. I have been attracted to people in the past, but it hasn’t ever been as intense and overwhelming as this. I don’t know if the fact that it’s definitely wrong is making this crush more thrilling. Damn Linda. I blame her for putting the idea in my head in the first place. I might have to give her a call and verbally kick her ass.
But not right now. Right now, Alex is giving a look like he wants to eat me alive while wiggling his finger and indicating for me to follow him. I shouldn’t, I know that I definitely shouldn’t, but I seem to have lost control of my limbs because my legs are following him regardless of what I think. I know that this is the perfect time for a conversation to put an to all of this to an end, but there is something else I would rather do with my lips.
We might be headed to a bar, I try to convince myself as he takes my hand away from prying eyes. It isn’t a stretch to think that he might be going for a drink because that is his usual routine, but I do hope not. It seems like he has promised everyone that he won’t do that anymore, and I want to believe him. I might have tasted the tiniest bit of beer on his lips before, but that might have been left over from before. I don’t know.
But we don’t head towards the bar, instead we walk towards the stairs and we slowly walk up them. Alex doesn’t say anything to me, but I don’t need him too. I can feel every emotion that he’s experiencing, every bit of desire racing through him, all that’s sizzling between us. I can feel it all too. We’re connected in this deep seated crazy way that has my whole body lit up like a bonfire. I’m helpless for him right now.
Alex only takes his hand off of mine to reach in to his pocket to grab out his room key. Without him touching me, I try to gather up my thoughts, to be smart, but my head continues to spin, and I see stars.
This is lust, I realize like a gut punch. This is how it’s supposed to really be.
This just makes me look at every sexual experience that I have had in the past differently. I assumed that I was always having a pretty good time, but it was never as intense as this. It didn’t affect every inch of me in the same way. Right now, there isn’t a part of my body that doesn’t want this man to take me.
The door pops open. His room is revealed to me, not that I can see anything. Only him. Standing in his door frame with that fucking gorgeous smile on his face, I can feel my knees knocking together with passion. This time, it’s me who closes the gap between us, it’s me who shuts off any remaining thoughts that this isn’t right, and it’s me who drags him to me and collides our lips back together once more.
Yep, this really is incredible. Just as good as I remember. Only this time, possibly more so because my tummy flips flops with the knowledge that this is leading somewhere. With that thought in mind, I push Alex right inside and close the door behind us. I push him up against the wall behind him and continue to kiss him with a rough and raw passion. A passion that comes from a place I didn’t even know existed.
“Fucking hell,” Alex moans, bliss rolling off his tongue. “You are something else, Freya.”
I have fantasized about being with Alex more times than I care to admit, but I never imagined him to be so masculine and powerful, which he is as he grabs me and switches places, pressing my burning hot flushed skin against the coldness of the wall. I squeal, but this does nothing to cool down my desire.
Alex’s lips move off mine and slide down over my throat, towards my breasts… he tugs my spaghetti strap top down and takes my nipple between his lips, tugging and teasing like crazy. I knot my fingers up in his hair and gasp with waves of pleasure as he creates an unexpected flurry of sensations.
Alex wants more of me, I can just tell by the way that his body is angling towards mine. So, I press my foot up against the wall, so my thighs fall further apart to allow him inside. He presses his raging bulge against my core, almost making me scream with bliss already. Even in my fantasies, I don’t think that he has ever been as big as he feels right now. What the hell am I going to do with that pulsing erection? What will it do with me?
Fuck, I can’t help myself. I really want to find out. So, I slide my hand down his body until my fingers are pressed in the middle of us and I can feel my warm, wet core, and his steel rod. Knowing where this will lead, I toss my head back and yell out, loving every moment of being with Alex.
How can it be so wrong when it feels so perfectly right? Better than anything I thought possible.
Alex is impatient, the desire is getting to him, so he pulls back just enough to unzip his trousers and pull that wonderful cock of his free. I gasp as I see it, clapping my hand to my mouth, experiencing so much glee.
“You like the look of me?” Alex asks with a playful wink. “You want to touch it?”
He pulls a condom from his pocket and gives it to me, making my pulse freak out. I don’t know if I’m ready to hold him in my hand yet, even if I really fucking want to. But as his eyes fix
on mine and I feel the deep pleasure rocketing through him, I tear the square wrapper apart with my teeth and I roll it down over him staring at him the entire time. The way that his eyes flicker and sparkle is wonderful. I want more. So much more. I want to tear him down and have him crumble and fall apart as he does the same to me. I can’t even explain to him what he’s doing to me without him even touching me, but I can make him feel it.
I stroke him a couple of times, dragging my hand up and down his length, but I can tell that he’s impatient, wanting to be buried inside of me, and fuck me I want that too. I want that so bad it hurts. So, as Alex grabs my panties and tugs them to one side, I push my legs further apart and I let him take me.
For a couple of moments, I toss my head back and bellow with pleasure as he gently traces his fingers up and down my soaking wet slit. His touch is phenomenal, just as I knew it would be, and it makes me feel insane.
“Alex, I… I want you already…” I cry out loudly. “I need you to fuck me.”
Alex doesn’t need to be asked twice. He keeps my panties to one side and angles his cock towards my entrance. Once there, just on the edge of me, begging to be let inside, Alex rests his forehead to mine, and he stares in to my eyes for a few moments. No words are exchanged, but a million and one feelings are. More feelings than I can really come to terms with right now. Feelings that are only going to make this incredibly complicated.
“Oh shit!” Luckily, I can’t get too stuck in to this line of thinking, Alex gives me everything I need and more by thrusting deeply in to me. He absolutely fills me right up in the most incredible way possible. My cervix heats up with desire and need as he plunges in deeper and deeper. “Alex, fucking hell, Alex… you are…”
