After Life

by Jacquie Underdown

  How did this make him look? She had never even contemplated that. Zoe stupidly assumed that he would remain on her side. She thought that’s what boyfriends did. Not jump ship the moment waters got a little rippled.

  Zoe cringed at the memory but kept on toward Theron until she stood in front of him. She gave the dead boy standing beside him no reason to know that she could see him.

  “Hi,” he said, holding out her backpack. “You left this behind.”

  She took it from him. “Thanks.” And waited for the onslaught. You could have told me you were crazy because I would never have let you kiss me.

  “Your iPad’s in there,” he said.

  She blinked. Nodded.

  “Are you okay?”

  She fought the tightness forming in the back of her throat and the aching in her chest. “What do you care? As long as you all got a good laugh, right?”

  He shook his head. “That’s not it at all. At least not me.” His forehead wrinkled. “You think I had something to do with that?”

  “Sure you did. You let them in on where I’d be.” Her face burned when she thought about him playing with her foot under the table and how she assumed his affections were genuine when, actually, he was trying to keep her there so the others could play out their practical joke.

  What a gullible fool. And what guts it must have taken for him to interact with the crazy girl like that in front of a library filled with students.

  “Perfect plan,” she said.

  He shook his head. “That’s not how it happened.”

  “Whatever. I’ve got class.” She pushed past him into the room. Her breaths were harsh in her throat. Anger blistered through her body.

  She didn’t want this conflict. Grade twelve was not supposed to play out like this. But the betrayal from Theron hurt worse than anything else because deep down, she genuinely did like him.

  ◆◆◆

  Zoe avoided eye contact and any interaction with other students for the rest of the day. She ignored the whispers and giggles, kept her head down and went through the necessary motions.

  After classes were over, she didn’t hang around. Walking back to the dorm, mobile in her hand, she contemplated calling her parents to come and pick her up and take her home. They wouldn’t mind.

  Maybe she should have stayed in Somerset instead of running away because no matter where she ran to, she would always be there, and so would they—the spirits, the bullies and the rumours.

  She’d learned that people were incapable of accepting anything they didn’t understand, and seeing ghosts wasn’t something people understood.

  Why did she ever think that this town, this school, and these people would be any different?

  “Zoe?”

  Theron was standing outside the girls’ dorm entrance. His green eyes were apologetic, wary. The little boy stood beside him, hands by his side, peering straight ahead.

  She sighed. “Look, I’m sorry I embarrassed you, I didn’t know that Rhianna—”

  “What?” He shook his head. “You didn’t embarrass … look, I just want to explain.”

  Girls came around the corner and walked past them into the foyer. Zoe tensed, ready to go inside herself. “I’m not interested in what you have to say.” She avoided eye contact and instead looked to the branches of a nearby tree where a crow sat.

  “That’s a bit unreasonable, don’t you think?”

  She turned to face him. “Unreasonable? Seriously? I think what you all did was unreasonable.” Anger made her voice harsh and loud.

  “It was horrible what Daniel and Rhianna did, but I think you’re overreacting. At the end of the day, it was just a joke.”

  “Maybe to you, but if you’ve lived the life I’ve had to live, then you might understand why I don’t see the funny side.”

  “Tell me then. Make me understand.”

  Zoe shook her head; she’d already said too much. She started into the building. He gripped her upper arm, not in a painful way, but firmly so she stopped.

  “I think I deserve the opportunity to explain. I’m not your enemy, Zoe.”

  He released her. She crossed her arms over her chest. “Then what should I call you?”

  “Friend, I hope. I honestly didn’t know that Daniel was going to do what he did. I had no idea. I didn’t tell them you were going to be there.”

  She drew a deep breath in and nodded. There was truth in his tone she couldn’t deny.

  “I wouldn’t get involved in something like that. That’s not me.” He looked away from her and said more quietly. “And if you knew certain things about my life, you’d know that’s the absolute truth.”

  Her eyes slid to the boy standing next to Theron. His dead eyes found hers, and she shuddered.

  “Death isn’t a joke,” he continued. “I know that, probably better than most. And I can see that you’ve had some messed-up experiences, but you can’t just hate on everyone because of it.”

  She met his gaze. “I don’t hate on everyone. I’m angry because some idiot dressed up as a dead man and tried to choke me in a library.”

  He shrugged, then nodded. “I get that. That was a messed up thing to do. But don’t react and don’t run away. That’s what they want you to do. It keeps the ghosts on your tail.”

  If only he knew how factual that statement was. And he ought to talk; he apparently didn’t even realise he had his own ghosts to deal with.

  She looked at Theron’s face, into his eyes. Tension held his features. “Well thank you very much for the therapy session.” She’d had more than enough of those, and they were mostly useless. Zoe stopped trusting so-called mind doctors the moment they admitted her to a mental facility and fed her a medicine cup of rainbow-coloured pills each day until she lost all control and shit and pissed herself. Call that help?

  His jaw tightened, eyes narrowed. “Zoe, just drop the hostility already. Open up. I’m the good guy here.”

  She closed her eyes.

  Theron wasn’t her past. He wasn’t the doctors that let her down. He wasn’t her classmates that relentlessly teased her. She had to remember that.

  If she wanted a new life, separate from all that, she had to stop confusing the past with the present. When Zoe opened her eyes again, she was somewhat calmer. “What do you want from me?”

  “Honesty. Understanding. A chance,” he said.

  “Fine.” But not completely. She would keep her secrets.

  He lowered his gaze, appearing somewhat coy. “There’s some truth to what Rhianna is saying about you, isn’t there?”

  She suppressed the burning anger that stirred. “That depends. What exactly has she said?”

  “That you can see spirits.”

  “What does it matter if I can or can’t?”

  Sadness took hold of his features, appeared in his eyes. “For someone like me, it might matter a lot.”

  Zoe’s gaze fell on the boy again. She shouldn’t give him attention because it made spirits stronger and more alive. Already this boy’s colouring was sharpening around the edges. His green shirt was more vibrant than a moment ago.

  A thunderous blast sounded.

  Fragments of the kid’s skull exploded, splashing brain, bone and blood all over Theron. Bits and pieces splattered Zoe’s face.

  She gasped and jerked back.

  Her shaky hands rushed to her cheek, wiping the gore off.

  Images filled her mind.

  A barn.

  A shotgun.

  Theron pulling the trigger.

  When she looked at Theron again, he was peering at her with wide eyes.

  Her heart was beating hard. Her mind was dizzy. “You shot your brother,” she whispered, her voice trembling.

  She felt sick to her stomach. Again she wiped at her face, knowing there wasn’t anything really there, that it was all an illusion, but she still felt the thick slivers of skull in her hair.

  Theron stared, wide mouthed. His eyes were glossing. After a long moment, h
is lips sunk into a deep frown, but he didn’t say anything. She turned away from him, to go inside, to get away.

  He reached out, grabbed her wrist and held her close to him. “How did you know that?”

  She shook her head. “He showed me. Your brother, he showed me.”

  Theron’s hand released from her wrist, and she strode quickly into the dorm.

  Chapter 7

  “The cat’s out of the bag,” Zoe said to Asher as they sat together on the lounge after dinner. She told Asher about what happened with Theron downstairs in the foyer.

  “I shouldn’t have said anything.” But she was so pissed off with Theron, then shocked when the image stuttered through her brain and the blood and skull hit her face, the words fell out of her mouth before she could gobble them back up.

  She sighed as she pressed a finger and thumb to her forehead. “Asher, my god, the guilt and pain that rolled off Theron. I could feel it. He’s so… ”

  “Broken?” Asher suggested.

  “Exactly.”

  “Of course he would be. Can you imagine doing that? Killing your…” She stopped and narrowed her eyes. “It was an accident, wasn’t it?”

  Zoe shrugged. “I didn’t get the finer details, but I assume it was an accident.” She shook her head and frowned. “Of course it was an accident.” Her mind drifted to what she hoped was the truth, but a small part of her wondered how much she knew about Theron.

  While deep in thought, Zoe’s phone rang. She jumped, and Asher laughed. “I’m a little jittery.”

  “Would never have known,” Asher said, grinning.

  Zoe answered her phone. Her mother was on the other end of the line. “Hi, Mum.”

  “Hi, darling. It’s so good to hear your voice. How’s everything going?”

  “Really well.” She rolled her eyes at Asher when she mouthed liar. “I fit in with the other kids. My teachers are fantastic. So far, I’m keeping up with the workload.”

  Asher made a wanking gesture; Zoe bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing.

  In the background of the call, she heard Nan’s voice. “Is that Nan?”

  “Do you want a quick talk?”

  “Yes, please.”

  The line crackled and Nan’s voice sounded, trembling with age, but with a sweetness of familiarity. “Hello, my sweetheart. How’s it all going there? You fitting in?”

  A deep longing stirred in her heart to be home with her family. It caught her by surprise, so did the crack in her voice as she said, “I’ll tell you the truth, Nan—it’s harder than I thought it would be.”

  “It always feels that way when you’re dealing with new experiences. But you know what?”

  “What?”

  “You’re a brave girl. Much stronger than you think. You’ll look back in twelve months’ time as though the last year was nothing.”

  “I hope so.”

  “I know so.”

  “I miss you.” Emotions that felt almost painful settled on her like dew on morning grass. In every facet, the reality of her short time here in Hampshire and everything that had taken place was reflected back—each event requiring different levels of courage.

  “I miss you too, sweetheart. But this will be good for you. I know it.” Another crackle sounded, followed by the voice of Mum in the background. “Your mother wants the phone again. We’ll talk soon. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Nan.”

  “What was that all about?” asked Mum, returning to the line.

  Zoe controlled her voice. “Nothing.”

  “Are you sure everything is fine there?”

  Zoe sighed. “Yes, Mum. Everything’s fine.”

  “And Asher is okay?”

  She knew that question was going to be on the list. She lifted her eyes to Asher’s and smiled. “She’s supportive and friendly. Hasn’t pulled a knife on me once.”

  “I didn’t ask that.”

  “You didn’t have to,” Zoe said with a low chuckle.

  “I was worried about you, but I think you’ve made the right decision.”

  Zoe’s stomach churned to hear her mother’s optimism. She hoped she could live up to that pressure and make it work here. “Me too.”

  A knock came at the door. “Expecting someone,” Asher mouthed.

  She shook her head.

  “Have you got a visitor?” Mum asked.

  “Yeah.”

  Asher jumped from the couch, rushed to open the door. Zoe looked at the figure standing in the doorway.

  Theron.

  How he managed to sneak in here was beyond Zoe’s comprehension.

  “Um, Mum, I’ve got to go.”

  “Who is it?”

  “Theron.”

  “Theron?” Mum asked. “A new friend?”

  “Yeah, kind of. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “All right. I’ll call again soon—”

  Zoe ended the call. She wiped her palms on her jeans as she stood and went to the door.

  Asher had already rushed Theron inside. With eyebrows arched, she faced Zoe. “I’ll leave you two to talk?”

  Zoe nodded.

  Theron’s hands were in his pockets, his shoulders slightly hunched as he stood in front of the door. The little boy still stood at his side, but Zoe didn’t look at him again in case his head exploded. Some things you don’t want to see once, let alone twice.

  Zoe led them through to the living room while Asher grabbed her laptop and took it with her into her room.

  She sat on the lounge and waited for Theron to say what he needed to say—not sure what to expect from him right now. Anger? Grief? Disbelief?

  Theron moved restlessly around the small room, looking at the shelves stocked with books on the occult, strange little ornaments and ghostly figurines belonging to Asher. He eyed the morbid prints on the wall, the dark furnishings, the dim lighting.

  “Asher has very particular taste.”

  Zoe smiled. She certainly did. “You should’ve seen my parents when they saw all this. They didn’t want to leave me here.”

  He nodded but didn’t smile, just sat stiffly on the lounge next to her. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands tightly together.

  Looking at the floor, he whispered with a gravelly voice, “It was an accident.” He lifted his gaze to meet hers and repeated, “It was an accident. We were playing … I didn’t know the gun was loaded. It was a game and I…” His voice wavered, and he blinked quickly to dissolve this gloss to his eyes. This emotion seemed in contrast to his enormous frame and masculine bulk.

  She placed her hand on his knee. Now was not the moment to notice the tingles of heat that rose from her fingers and up her arm. “Of course it was an accident.”

  The little boy moved closer to Theron, wrapped an arm around his back and rested his face against his.

  Zoe removed her hand from Theron's thigh and slid further away.

  “I feel him, Zoe. I still feel him around me. At first I thought I wasn’t letting go of his memory, but I feel things and see things, and the dreams I have are so vivid.” When he looked at her, all his pain and the fear of everything he couldn’t explain was reflecting in his eyes. “You can see him too.” Not a question but a statement.

  Zoe sighed. “Yes.”

  “Now?”

  “Yes.”

  Theron exhaled in a long rush. “Why is he here?”

  Zoe shook her head. “I don’t know the answer to that.”

  “Please. Can you find out? Can you talk to him and see?”

  Zoe stood and wrung her hands together. “I don’t talk to … I don’t do that—”

  “Please,” he said. “It’s killing me knowing he’s lingering.” He pressed a hand to his chest as though he were in pain. Zoe had read somewhere that emotional pain was just as excruciating as physical. Theron was demonstrating the truth of that now. His shoulders hunched. “It crushes me.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I do
n’t interact. It’s too hard.” Because they linger longer. They get stronger. They haunt me and never leave. And then I go crazy.

  A flash of anger filled his narrowed eyes. “It’s too hard? Think about it from my perspective.”

  “I can see it from your side. But I won’t do what you ask.” Her gaze flickered to the boy’s. He was staring at her with his face still pressed to Theron’s.

  Theron followed her line of sight and looked to the boy beside him. “Is he here?”

  This situation had gone much too far. The last time she spoke so openly about the presence of a ghost in front of another, she ended up in a psychiatric hospital with significant chunks of time lost to psychotropics.

  “I think you need to leave. This has gone far enough.”

  Theron stood. His hands were shaking. She wasn’t sure if it was from anger or shock. “Please. You need to help me, Zoe.”

  Zoe covered her ears with her hands and closed her eyes. He sounded like so many of the dead: the girl hanging from her ceiling when she was fifteen, begging for help as though Zoe was the only one who could.

  She couldn’t do this. Theron and his brother had to leave.

  When she opened her eyes to tell him to go, Theron was looking at her. His lips twisted in disbelief. His eyes widened.

  Zoe knew then that Theron believed she was crazy. She’d seen that expression a hundred times before. It cut deep. She didn’t want him to see her that way.

  Why did she have to say what she had said to him earlier?

  Why did he have to come here and ruin it all?

  “You have to leave. I’m sorry, but I can’t help.” Her voice was breathless.

  He was shaking his head, wanting to say something, but his mouth flapped open and shut. He threw his hands up. “Fine. I just don’t know why you can’t help?”

  The child was talking too, asking Zoe to help him in a whiny boy’s voice. It vibrated through her body, made her bones quiver and set her teeth on edge.

  She hadn’t heard a spirit talk for so long. She’d been careful to ignore them and make them disappear until now.

  Damn Theron. Damn Daniel and Rhianna. It was all their fault.

  Zoe pointed to the door. “Go. Just Go!” She was shouting over the din of the whining boy.