Rogue Rapids

by Shirleen Davies

  “You have to understand something about my family. According to my mother, my grandfather and grandmother married for love. My father and mother married for love.” Pain flashed across her face before she could conceal it. “At some point, Father changed. Family became less important than the size of our ranch and building more wealth. He enjoyed the attention paid to him by others, even those envious of what he’d accomplished. That’s when he decided it would be best for him to choose who his children married. Cruz was lucky. The girl he’d fallen in love with years ago comes from a wealthy family. They are also ranching elite, as Father would say. Dom told me tonight they plan to marry before Christmas.”

  Taking a few slow breaths, she considered her next words. “You heard what Dom said at supper. Father has been trying to pick his wife from the time he turned twenty. He’s twenty-three now.” A grim smile tilted the corners of her mouth. “Dom’s a champion at avoiding Father’s schemes. Before I made the decision to leave, my parents invited numerous eligible bachelors to their annual Christmas party.”

  For an instant, she thought Mack’s back stiffened, then assumed she’d imagined it when he continued to watch her.

  “Not one caught my interest, but Father didn’t care. He wanted a match of land and wealth, not love, and I was the inducement.” She choked out a pained laugh. “Well, the land, power, and money were the incentive. I was the sacrifice. I left soon afterward, taking a stagecoach out of Whiplash, then a train to Philadelphia and then Pettigrew’s Mail Order Bride Company.” She shrugged. “You know the rest.”

  Sylvia felt a measure of pride at the steadiness in her voice. She had no intention of showing any weakness in front of Mack. He needed the truth, which she’d given him. He didn’t need to know how much it would hurt if he chose to call off their courtship. She’d put herself in this position and would accept whatever he decided.

  Mack continued to study her another minute before patting the bench. “Sit down, Sylvia.”

  He’d watched the play of emotions cross her face as she explained her family and her reason for leaving. Determination, obstinance, frustration, and hope.

  She hesitated a moment before relenting to take a spot at the other end of the bench. Most evenings, they’d sit close, his hand entwined with hers. Before they’d leave, he would kiss her…long and deep until she felt breathless and a little unsteady when he’d help her stand. It would be his excuse to take her in his arms once more to kiss her again. Sylvia expected none of that tonight.

  So when he moved to her, settled an arm over her shoulders, and drew her to him, she shuddered. When he lifted her chin, lowering his mouth to hers, she moaned. This wasn’t the gentle kiss of other evenings. His mouth covered hers with an intensity implying he’d never get enough, deepening it until she clutched at his shoulders, heat pulsing through her.

  He felt her tremble at the same time he let out his own low groan. Tightening his hold, he splayed his hands across her back, holding her as close as possible without hauling her onto his lap.

  That came a moment later. He never broke the kiss as he settled her across his thighs, feeling her arms wrap around his neck. Her lips were warm and soft, molding to his as if they were made only for him. Her mouth was searching, persuasive in a way he didn’t expect from an inexperienced lover. The thought stopped him, his smile curving against her lips. She’d learned a lot about kissing over the last three weeks, and each lesson had been a pleasure for him to give.

  Feeling his body harden beneath her, he kissed her one more time before pulling back, resting his forehead against hers.

  “There are still things I need to say,” Mack whispered, not moving her off his lap. Rubbing soothing hands over her back, he tucked Sylvia’s head against his chest, resting his chin on top.

  She sucked in an unsteady breath to calm her racing heart and prepare herself for whatever he meant to say. No matter his decision, she’d never regret a single minute they’d spent together.

  Sylvia cleared her throat. “All right.” She swallowed, clutching her hands to her chest.

  “Thank you for telling me the entire story of why you came to Splendor. I understand why you left and your need to make your own choice about marriage. I still don’t understand why you were so clear about your family having a small spread. Are you embarrassed about their success?”

  She shook her head against his chest. “No. I’m proud of what they’ve achieved.”

  “They why not tell me the truth? Why not trust me with the truth?”

  And there it is, Sylvia thought. He believed she hadn’t trusted him enough to be honest.

  “It wasn’t a matter of not trusting you. Well…not really.” She opened her hands to rest her palms on his chest. “The men Father brought around weren’t interested in me. At least that wasn’t their motivation for a match. They were after the money and land, the power that came with the Lucero connection. I was the path to secure a union.”

  Understanding rushed through Mack. “A marriage without love.”

  He felt her nod against his chest before she breathed out a weak, “Yes.”

  Continuing to rub circles over her back, he closed his eyes. She’d come to Splendor to find love. Instead, she’d fallen for a cynical lawman—a man who had no use for love or a marriage based on anything more than mutual commitment and respect.

  Worse, he had no wealth to offer, not even a house. Nothing a woman from her background would want if she shared her life with a man who could never return her love. And if Mack hadn’t known before tonight, he now understood with complete certainty—the women in his arms loved him. The thought delighted and sickened him at the same time.

  Mack’s honor would never allow him to marry a woman who’d traveled hundreds of miles to find love, only to shackle herself to a man who’d never be able to offer it.

  Sylvia was too fine a woman, too much of a prize to lock herself into a union based on anything except love. His desires held no weight when compared to what she’d be sacrificing if he continued the courtship.

  Lowering his hands to her waist, he set her aside, putting a slight amount of space between them. He forced himself to look at her. What he saw made him feel as if he’d been punched in the chest. Her eyes were glassy, lips swollen, a satisfied but somewhat dazed expression on her face.

  Shoving aside the doubt clawing at his brain, he cleared his throat, taking one of her hands in his. “You know I care about you, Sylvia.”

  Something in his voice warned her she wasn’t going to like what came next. “Yes.”

  “And I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

  She nodded, allowing herself to look at him for the first time since he removed her from his lap. “Yes…”

  Restless, he stood, moving to look down at her. “You need to know I do understand why you didn’t tell me about your family’s wealth. There are men out there who would take you as their wife for what your family offers.” He paced a few feet away, sucking in a deep breath, returning to sit next to her. “I’m not that kind of man.”

  Sylvia glanced at him, sorrow already showing in her eyes. “I know.”

  “I’m also not the kind of man who would keep you from your dream of marrying for love. I now understand why it’s so important to you.” Turning his head, he watched the creek several feet away, needing to get the rest out before his courage failed. “It wouldn’t be fair of me to continue to court you knowing I’ll never be able to fulfill your dream.”

  Her gaze moved away from him, her body stilling, expression tight and strained.

  Mack reached over to take her hand in his. “I’ll never allow myself to love again. You deserve so much more. You deserve it all, including love.”

  She didn’t look at him, didn’t respond. A moment passed before she pulled her hand from his.

  Mack never expected the slice of pain ripping through him, pulsing and throbbing, as if he’d been cut in two. He stopped himself from pushing his palm against his chest to rel
ieve the intense ache. He’d gone too far to falter now.

  “Sylvia, look at me.”

  Her jaw tightened, eyes blinking to stop the tears she would not allow to fall. “I understand, Mack.” She hated the way her voice cracked. “Truly, I do.”

  He gave her a few minutes before standing, reaching out his hand. “I’ll walk you back to the boardinghouse.”

  Sylvia didn’t move, shaking her head. “I’d like to stay here a little longer.” When he dropped his hand, moving to sit back down, she shook her head. “Alone, if you don’t mind.”

  “I can’t leave you out here alone.”

  Without sparing him a glance, she nodded once. “Yes, you can. The boardinghouse isn’t far. I can certainly make it there alone. Good night, Mack.” Sylvia did her best to sound calm, accepting, even if everything inside her screamed with pain.

  “But—”

  “I’m staying here alone for a while. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t argue this any further.”

  He wanted to take her in his arms, tell her he’d find some way to love her, give her what she wanted. Instead, he took a step away.

  “Then I’ll say good night.”

  She didn’t look up or acknowledge what amounted to an unqualified goodbye. Clenching both hands in her lap, Sylvia continued to stare at the moving water, wishing it would wash away the sound of his footsteps as he left her.

  Sylvia didn’t know how long she sat there, gathering what was left of her pride. She’d never felt such intense pain, making it hard to breathe or think. He’d never love her.

  Hope had been the refuge she’d flee to when life overwhelmed her. The last three weeks with Mack were the best in her life, making her hope grow out of all reason. All this time, she’d been duping herself, believing Mack cared more about her than he did.

  Twisting her cotton dress with her hands, Sylvia let out a broken breath. She’d been a fool. Unfortunately, the realization didn’t do anything to soften the pain lodged deep in her chest.

  After a good, long time, Sylvia decided she had enough of thinking about something she couldn’t change. He’d made his decision, not wanting to include her in his future.

  She’d lost the man she loved. The logical part of her insisted she’d get over him…in time. The part around her heart knew it wouldn’t be easy and might get worse before getting better.

  Standing, she steadied herself before walking toward the boardinghouse. While still under the canopy of branches, Sylvia swiped at the moisture on her face, satisfied no one would notice the silent tears—the reason she’d stayed so long on the bench.

  Straightening her back, she lifted her chin, reminding herself she was Sylvia Maria Pietro Lucero, the daughter of the largest landowner in central Texas. Sucking in a breath, she stepped to the front door, forcing herself to walk inside, the same way she intended to force herself to forget Adam Mackey.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Mack stood in the shadows across the street, leaning against the door of the telegraph office. That was as far away as he intended to go until Sylvia was safe inside the boardinghouse.

  He hadn’t anticipated the kick to his stomach when he watched her emerge from the cover of the trees. His chest squeezed when she’d brought her hand to her face, wiping away what he believed to be tears. It was the last bit of vulnerability he saw.

  It had never been his intention to hurt Sylvia. Not ever. The hurt came anyway, regardless of any intentions he held. Regret, more potent than what he’d felt at the news about his cousin and fiancée, sliced through him, confusion clouding his mind.

  He still couldn’t force himself to leave his post, even after watching Sylvia step inside the boardinghouse and close the door. Observing her through the glass, he saw her stop to speak to Cash and Allie on one of their rare nights out. Their pleasure at seeing Sylvia didn’t change as they spoke, telling Mack she hadn’t spoken of his decision to discontinue their courtship.

  Cursing himself, he stepped away from his spot, realizing what he’d forgotten to say before leaving Sylvia alone. In her mind, and probably everyone else’s, she’d been rejected, seen as not good enough for him.

  Spitting another series of curses, he tried to think of a way to fix his mistake. He cared not at all what people thought about him. What they thought about Sylvia meant everything. Mack knew the pain of being the one spurned. For her, it would be twice as bad. She loved him, and he’d rejected her love.

  “Damn it all…”

  Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he whipped around, ready to draw his gun before recognizing Caleb.

  His friend held up his hands. “Hey. I just wanted to see if you’re all right.”

  Settling fisted hands on his hips, Mack shook his head. “Hell no, I’m not all right.”

  Caleb studied his face, not liking what he saw. Then his gaze moved across the street, seeing Sylvia, Cash, and Allie inside the boardinghouse. “Did you just leave Sylvia across the street?”

  Mack winced. “In a way.” Letting out a breath, his solemn gaze met his friend’s. “I, uh, well…I called off the courtship tonight.”

  Caleb’s jaw dropped. Stepping away, he crossed his arms, his voice hard and unflinching. “You truly are an idiot.”

  Mack’s eyes widened. “What the—”

  “She’s a woman any man would give his right arm to have. Beautiful, smart, funny, and from what I’ve heard, an excellent cook.”

  Mack lifted a brow, surprised and unamused at Caleb’s ire.

  His friend’s displeasure continued, unrelenting. “As if you need reminding, she’s in love with you. What the hell were you thinking?”

  Opening his mouth to argue, Mack closed it. Caleb spoke the truth. Everything he’d said Mack had told himself over and over since he’d walked away from Sylvia.

  “I was thinking it best to allow her to find a man who could love her the way she deserves. Sylvia doesn’t need to be saddled with a cynical deputy with nothing to offer. A man who can’t love her.”

  Caleb didn’t respond, the expression on his face saying it all. Shaking his head, he settled a hand on Mack’s shoulder. “You are going to regret letting her go.” Without another word, he shook his head once more, then turned and left.

  Mack watched him walk away, afraid his friend was right.

  Awakening in slow stages, Sylvia stretched her arms, a tired grin spreading across her face. An instant later, the pain of last night returned. She could no longer look forward to suppers or long walks with Mack. Nor would she experience passionate kisses each evening, sending her to bed hot and needy. It was over.

  Staring at the ceiling, she allowed herself a few minutes to adjust to the loss. At least she had Dominic.

  She shot up. “Dom,” she gasped. Jumping out of bed, she rushed her ablutions and dressed. He’d be waiting for her downstairs. Hurrying out the door, she took the steps quickly, slowing as she reached the bottom. Her brother stood at the entrance of the restaurant, a smirk on his face.

  “Late as usual, Syl.”

  Stopping next to him, she took the arm he offered. “How late am I?”

  Pulling out his pocket watch, he counted out loud. “One, two, three…it seems you’re at least ten minutes late.”

  “No…” A small grin lifted her lips.

  “I’m afraid so. How can you hold a job with such tardiness?”

  “My smile?”

  Dominic threw back his head and laughed, drawing Suzanne’s attention.

  “I see Sylvia decided to join you, Mr. Lucero.” Suzanne studied Sylvia’s face, a frown forming. “Are you all right?”

  Sylvia’s stomach clenched. “I, uh…I’m fine. At least I will be after one of your breakfasts.” She tried to sound amused, knowing she failed.

  “You look a little pale. Are you certain you’re all right?”

  “I’m absolutely fine, Suzanne.”

  Raising a brow, Sylvia’s friend shrugged, showing them to a table. “Will Mack be joining you this morn
ing?”

  Pain flashed across her face before Sylvia shoved the hurt aside. “Not this morning. May I have coffee with eggs and toast?”

  Nodding, Suzanne looked at Dominic. “I’ll have the same, plus ham or bacon, whichever you have.”

  “How about I bring both?”

  He flashed her a charming smile. “Perfect, Mrs. Barnett.” She chuckled, walking away. He waited until Suzanne was out of earshot, turning a somber expression to Sylvia. “Now, tell me what’s bothering you. And don’t consider lying to me.”

  She’d thought of just that. Her bravado shifting, Sylvia leaned forward. “Mack decided to call off our courtship.”

  It wounded Dominic, hearing the pain in her voice. Then anger set in at the man who’d dared hurt his sister. “The rogue.”

  “Mack was always a gentleman, Dom.” She wouldn’t mention the scorching kisses.

  He snorted. “Did he give you a reason?”

  She lifted a shoulder, the color draining from her face. “He doesn’t love me.”

  He murmured a curse, then glanced around, relieved no one seemed to hear him. “The man’s a fool, Sylvia,” he ground out, her answer doing nothing to quell his anger. “Do you love him?”

  She glanced away, unable to hide the truth from a brother who knew her so well. Reaching over, Dominic covered her hand with his.

  “I’m so sorry, Syl.”

  Staring down at their joined hands, she bit her lip, voice strained. “It’s odd, isn’t it? I traveled all this way to avoid a marriage to join lands, only to fall in love with a man who only desires a union based on respect and companionship. Mack doesn’t believe in love at all.” She looked up, swallowing the ball of regret. “He’ll never love me.”

  He squeezed her hand, his compassionate eyes meeting the distress in hers. “Mack isn’t worth your sorrow, Syl. If he can’t see the wonderful treasure you are, he’s not worthy of you.”

  She worked to hold onto the tiny sliver of composure, her lower lip trembling.

  “I’m serious, love. Give yourself some time and you’ll see I’m right.” He leaned closer. “It won’t be long before he realizes his mistake and begs you to give him another chance.”