Endermen Rule!

by Zack Zombie

All the other kids keep saying it’s not fair because of my teleportation skills.

  But what can I say? I’m gifted.

  But recently, for some reason, my friends started wearing pumpkins on their heads when we play.

  Now it’s like totally impossible to find those guys.

  I don’t know. . .maybe I’m losing my touch.

  Thursday

  Today, one of my friends at school asked me what my favorite food is.

  Now my favorite food in the whole wide world is licorice.

  And my favorite kind of licorice is black licorice.

  I don’t know why, but it’s sooooooo good.

  I think somebody out there was thinking of me when they made black licorice.

  My other favorite food is cookies.

  I know, I know, I have a sweet tooth.

  What can I say?. . .I’m only eleven years old.

  My grandma makes the best cookies, though. I think she puts love in every one.

  And a ton of sugar, yeah!

  But I really like her cookies because she makes them look like me.

  Cool, right?

  The cool thing is that Endermen don’t eat vegetables, meat, or stuff like that.

  We can live on licorice and cookies for a long time.

  Only problem is the sugar does a number on our teeth, though.

  See what I mean?

  Friday

  Today we’re going to go visit my grandparents in The End.

  My mom and dad even said I could leave school early today.

  I’m glad, too.

  I’m starting to get really sick of basketball.

  Now I grew up in The End, and it was a lot of fun.

  The best part is that my village was right next to where the Ender Dragon lived.

  Now, we didn’t see the Ender Dragon most of the time. It normally just kept to itself.

  But once a month it had to do its duty.

  And like most birds, it did it in midair, right over our village.

  Now, the Ender Dragon didn’t poop Ender pearls or even gunpowder.

  Our Ender Dragon pooped black licorice, yeah!

  And the best kind of licorice is raw, warm Ender nuggets.

  Yum! Those are the best!

  Now, we moved to the Overworld when I was a little kid.

  My dad got a job in construction, and my mom got a job as a teacher at the School for Gifted Mobs.

  Yeah, I know, that’s my school.

  And it is kind of weird seeing my mom at school every day.

  But she makes up for it by bringing me warm Ender nuggets to snack on.

  Yum!

  But when I grow up I want to be in construction like my dad.

  Something about moving blocks around makes me feel like I was meant for it.

  Now, my grandpa and grandma Enderman have a candy shop in The End.

  It’s the biggest candy shop in the whole city.

  When I normally come to visit, I eat as much black licorice as I can get my hands on.

  But they don’t mind, though.

  The Ender Dragon is really busy making a lot of deposits this year.

  Saturday

  Today I had a sleep over at my friend Quentin’s house.

  Quentin’s family is really cool.

  Actually, his dad is a famous inventor.

  I think he invented the first Creeper energy drink.

  Though, I think after they started selling it, they realized that Creeper energy drinks were not a very good idea.

  When I got to Quentin’s house, we decided to play a game of throw and catch in his backyard.

  Unfortunately, the game lasted for about three seconds.

  But I really like sleepovers at Quentin’s house, though.

  The only problem is that I don’t get a lot of sleep most of the time.

  Sunday

  Today I was thinking about my all-time favorite hero in the whole wide world. . .

  . . .Jack Skellington.

  Yeah, Jack is so cool.

  I mean, I don’t know what it is but there’s just something about him that I can really relate to.

  It’s like he gets me, you know?

  My other favorite hero is guy named Chuck Norris.

  He’s mad cool.

  My dad watches his movies all the time.

  And he can do some real cool stuff with his hands and feet.

  Like I said. . .awesome.

  Monday

  Today, the teacher made us write a paragraph about “If you could change one thing in Minecraft, what would it be?”

  Now, if I could change one thing in Minecraft, I would probably make everybody taller.

  It’s really hard being the tallest Mob around.

  You always hear people say the same things whenever you walk into a room.

  Things like:

  “Wow. . .you’re tall.”

  “How’s the weather up there?”

  “Do you play basketball?”

  “Can you reach that for me?”

  “Where do you buy your clothes?”

  “How tall are you. . .really?”

  “You must hit your head, a lot.”

  “You have a booger in your nose.”

  And when you trip, somebody somewhere always yells, “Timber!!!”

  Now being taller than everybody else does have its perks.

  Like, I always get the best apples from the top of the tree.

  And when I’m tired, I can rest my elbows on people’s square heads.

  Still it would be nice to have people in Minecraft be my size.

  At least people would stop getting mad at me for looking down on them all the time.

  The nerve. . .

  Tuesday

  I was on the computer today, and I couldn’t believe all the lies that people say about Endermen.

  Some of the stuff people are saying out there are just not true.

  And, honestly, some of it is just insulting.

  Like, here are a few of the rumors I’ve heard on the internet. . .

  You don’t die when you look away during a staring contest with an Enderman.

  But if you lose and don’t pay, well, that’s another story.

  You see, there’s another person saying that we took his stuff.

  We don’t take people’s stuff!

  We just move it around to a nicer spot.

  Yeah, sometimes it ends up in our house, but that’s because it looks better at our house than yours.

  Now see, that’s just wrong.

  Endermen don’t look anything like those creepy black things with long tentacles. . .

  I think your hairstylist is an alien.

  The nerve. . .

  Wednesday

  Today, I, uh. . .had a little bit of an accident.

  Like, you know how I told you that Endermen like to play practical jokes?

  Well, I really didn’t think anybody would mind. . .

  I mean, how did I know the giant spider would escape?

  And how did I know it would kidnap my entire 7th grade class?

  And how did I know that it was really hungry because it was feeding time at the zoo?

  Well, it happened like this. . .

  Today was our school field trip to the Minecraft Hostile Mob Zoo.

  And the biggest hostile Mob they had on a display was a giant spider named Kong.

  And Kong was special because he was a genetically modified mutant spider.

  I heard he was a mix between a cave spider, a silverfish, an endermite, and a guardian.

  That’s right, that mea
ns even if you fall in the water, Kong will still eat you.

  Yeah, my worst nightmare.

  And I know what you’re thinking. . .

  And the answer is no; if Kong bites you, you won’t turn into Spiderman.

  I know. A zombie friend of mine tried.

  He’s had a really hard time in school ever since.

  He said something about it being really hard getting used to walking around with eight legs.

  Anyway, a few of the kids in my class were daring each other to see who could get really close to Kong’s cage.

  It was all just fun and games until Sam opened his big mouth.

  Sam really gets on my nerves.

  If you didn’t know, Sam is a Shulker. And I grew up with him in the End.

  And, yeah, he’s my nemesis.

  “I bet Elliot can’t do it,” Sam said. “He’s too chicken.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah!”

  “Well watch me,” I said.

  This is so easy, I thought. I could just teleport to the cage, touch it, and come back. That’ll show him who’s boss.

  But then, as I was getting ready, Sam said the words that I knew would mean my total and utter destruction.

  “Oh, and you can’t use your powers.”

  “Huh?”

  “See, I told you he was a chicken,” Sam said. “Ha, ha, ha!”

  Then all the other kids started laughing at me, too.

  “Oh yeah, well, watch me,” I said, not really know what was coming out of my mouth.

  “Oooooooh!” all the kids yelled out.

  Now, you’re probably wondering where all the adults were when all this was going on.

  Yeah, I’m still wondering that.

  So then, I had a decision to make. Was I going to do the ‘Walk of Doom’ to the spider cage or the ‘Walk of Shame’ back to school?

  So, I started slowly walking to the spider cage.

  “Look! Elliot’s doing it!” the kids yelled.

  And with every step I took, I could see the spider licking its lips.

  I probably looked like one big, fat piece of licorice to him.

  At least my long arms give me an edge, I thought. I could just stay far enough away and then use my long arms to touch the cage.

  That is until. . .

  “You can’t use your arms either,” Sam said. “You’ve got to touch it with your head like the rest of us.”

  Oh, brother, I’m dead.

  Wednesday, Later That Day. . .

  Well, my luck turned around.

  As I was slowly getting closer and closer to the cage, one of my Endermites dropped out of my pocket.

  I tried not to step on it and I accidentally tripped, falling head-first toward the cage.

  “BOP!”

  “Yeaaaaaahhh!” all the kids yelled as my head hit the cage.

  It hurt like crazy, but I proved to Sam and the other kids that Endermen rule!

  Now it was my turn to bring the pain. . .

  “Your turn, Sam. Oh, what’s the matter, Sammy? You aren’t chicken, are you?”

  “Do it! Do it! Do it!” all the kids started yelling.

  I guess the pressure finally got to Sam, so he started walking toward the cage.

  Except this time, I thought a little practical joke would help scare him real good.

  “Do it! Do it! Do it!”

  So while all the kids were chanting, and Sam was walking to his utter death, I teleported behind the cage and removed some of the bars.

  I can’t wait till Sam gets real close, I thought. That spider’s tentacle is going make him jump out of his shell, ha, ha!

  At least, it seemed like a good idea at the time. . .

  Wednesday, Even Later That Day. . .

  BANG!

  BUNG!

  CRANK!

  CRUNG!

  BOOM!

  Well, you probably guessed it. . .

  Kong broke out of his cage.

  I think it was because the bars I removed. . .uh. . .were holding up the whole cage.

  Oops.

  “AAAAAAAH!!!!!”

  “Everybody run!”

  Fisk! Fisk! Fisk!

  “AAAAAAAH!!!!!”

  Fisk! Fisk! Fisk!

  Everybody at the zoo went crazy.

  Uh. . .remember I told you that it was feeding time at the Zoo?

  Well, it was a few minutes before Kong’s feeding time when he got out.

  So I think our 7th grade mob class must’ve looked like a giant bag of Skittles to him. Because next thing I know, Kong just started picking them off one by one like a kid in a candy store.

  Then he wrapped the kids up in his purple spider webs and put them on his back like a fanny pack.

  I was kind of far away, so I thought I was safe. But for some reason I couldn’t move.

  Then I looked down, and I was stuck in a spider web!

  Talk about a living nightmare.

  Kong looked at me with his eight eyes. And then he started crawling closer in my direction.

  I was sure I was going end up as his afternoon snack. I mean, who doesn’t like a nice long stick of black licorice?

  So I closed my eyes and awaited my fate.

  But after a few seconds, I opened my eyes and Kong was gone.

  I guess he didn’t like black licorice. . .

  Weirdo.

  Thursday

  They cancelled class today because of what happened at the zoo.

  So I went to go visit Quentin, and I told him everything that happened.

  “Man, I wanted to get back at Sam,” I said. “But not like this.”

  “What are you going to do now, Elliot?” Quentin asked me.

  As we were talking, the TV was on in the background. Then I heard a newsflash come on the TV.

  “Breaking news! Kong, the giant mutant spider, was spotted in the mountains of the Forest Biome. Scientist believe that Kong is trying to return to her original home where she was captured, to hatch her eggs.”

  “Whoa! Kong is a girl?!!!!!”

  “Scientist believe that the children, which she captured from a Mob school field trip, are safe until she finds her resting place and uses the captured children as food for her newborn babies. Unfortunately, the Forest Biome Troopers are finding it difficult to maneuver through the rough mountain terrain, which is delaying the rescue of the children. More news at 11.”

  “Well, at least it sounds like the kids in your class are safe,” Quentin said.

  “But not for long. As soon as Kong gets home, its dinnertime.”

  “Do you think the troopers are going to get to them in time?” Quentin asked me, looking worried.

  “I don’t know. But maybe I can.”

  “Dude! You can’t teleport that far,” Quentin said. “And even if you do, you’re like only 11 years old. How are you going to battle a ginormous genetically modified mutant spider?”

  “I have to do something; it’s all my fault.”

  “But, Eliot, can you even teleport that far?”

  “I don’t know. The farthest I’ve ever teleported was to the principal’s office and that was for a game of Teleport Tag.”

  “Yeah, that was funny. The principal never knew what hit her,” Quentin said. “Sigh. . .good times.”

  “But you know, one time I had a dream that I teleported to the moon,” I said.

  “So what happened?”

  “Well, when I woke up my feet smelled like cheese.”

  Quentin just gave me a weird look.

  I think it was because my feet always smell like cheese.

  But then Quentin remembered,
“Dude! I just remembered! My dad’s been working on a potion in his garage that can boost a Mob’s powers. He also said it will grow some serious hair on your chest. He called it the Ender-Boost.”

  So then me and Quentin snuck into his dad’s garage.

  “Whoa!”

  The garage was awesome. There were all kind of brewing stands with potions brewing.

  Then we both looked up at this dark-purple-colored potion with a big X on the front.

  “There it is!” Quentin said, grabbing the potion.

  “Are you sure this is safe?” I asked him.

  “Well, it’ll either work or you’ll grow some serious hair on your chest. So either way, you win.”

  Then he handed me the potion.

  Well. . .here goes nothing.

  Gulp!

  So, I drank it all down. It wasn’t bad. Kinda tasted like an Enderberry smoothie with a lemon twist.

  “Well, we need to test it to see if it works,” Quentin said. “Do you know where you’re going to teleport?”

  “Yeah, they said that Kong was in the mountains, in the Forest Biome.”

  “Well, let’s give it a test,” Quentin said, putting on a suit of armor and hiding behind some boxes.

  Great. Talk about inspiring confidence.

  Anyway, I clenched my butt cheeks really tight and concentrated really hard on where I wanted to go.

  Then suddenly. . .

  BAMF!

  Thursday, Later That Day. . .

  I guessed I concentrated too hard. . .

  Next thing I knew, I was in my grandma’s house, in the End.