by Blair Young
I knew if I focused on college, I could keep pushing through the day to day drama. But, I didn’t expect to be hit with yet another blow like this one. It sucked, and I just wanted to forget.
I wasn’t sure where Damon was, and I had a feeling Abby would be looking for me, too, but I didn’t want to see either one of them, so I slipped out the side door of the school. Damon’s bike was still in the parking space, so I knew he hadn’t left, but that didn’t matter to me. I was heading home.
Dean and Susan would both be at work, and that was more than welcome. If Damon had been telling the truth, and they were the ones who were behind this, there was little doubt in my mind they would be elated to hear that he had been arrested. But, I wasn’t.
And I didn’t want to talk about it.
The truth was, I was just as angry with them as I was with Damon for making the report in the first place. They should have come to me before going to Damon, and if he was telling the truth when he told me he tried to talk them out of it, they really should have come to me before they took matters into their own hands and forced him to make the report.
Not that that made it any better. He could have come to me before he went and made the report, and I would have been more than happy to tell Dean and Susan I wasn’t going to go public with it. Then again, they might have actually made things harder for Damon. Maybe they really were threatening him.
Part of me didn’t even care. It was my life, and now I was the one who would be in the middle of the investigation. I didn’t want to talk to the cops, and I really didn’t want to give them any details about what happened that night. I had pushed so much of it out of my mind myself, I didn’t want to bother bringing it back up for my own sake.
My mind was spinning, and it was hard for me to keep up with any one train of thought. All I knew was that I wanted to escape the day, and there was one simple solution to make that happen: liquor.
I wasn’t even all the way home before I decided I was going to get into the liquor cabinet. It wasn’t locked, and though Damon and I were good about staying out of it for the most part, I didn’t give a darn now. I wanted to drink to forget, and I was going to do that very thing.
I opened the cabinet and grabbed a bottle of vodka. There were still plenty of shots to be taken, and I really didn’t care what Dean or Susan would have to say about it when they discovered it missing. I was going to forget the day, and they could ground me or call the cops on me or do anything they thought was best.
But I would be happy for the next few hours at least.
I wasted no time in taking drags off the bottle, and before I knew it, the stress of the day started to melt, and I was feeling a lot better. Then, I started to get drunk. Then really drunk. Without Damon there to cut me off, I was taking drags every time I thought I could keep more down, and I was throwing back more than I intended.
Before I knew it, the bottle was nearly gone, and I was hammered. The room was spinning, and I felt sick to my stomach, but definitely drunk. I heard the door open, but I laid my head on the counter, ready for the fight to begin. Part of me hoped it was Susan, another part of me was angry enough I felt I could finally tell Dean what I really thought of him.
But, it was neither.
Damon came rushing in.
“God, Sutton, what did you do?” he asked as he saw the state I was in. “Give me that.”
He took what was left of the bottle from me and set it on the counter, then he grabbed my hand. I could barely walk straight, I was so drunk, but he led me up the stairs and to my room.
“I’m going to be in so much trouble,” I managed. I knew I was slurring my words, but Damon shook his head.
“I’ll make sure you don’t, but you can’t do stuff like this. What the heck?” he shook his head. He helped me get into bed, though I rather fell most of the way down to get there. Nothing was graceful about me when I was drunk, but he was going to go clean up the mess I’d made in the kitchen.
I could hear him cleaning things up, and part of me thought I should go help him. On the other hand, part of me was glad he had to deal with the mess alone, and I almost hoped he would get in trouble for me drinking the liquor. I didn’t want him to take the heat for what I’d done, but at the same time, I was angry with him for telling the cops about Chad.
The room was spinning too much for me to really stand up, so I just laid on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. I wasn’t sure how long it was before Damon came back, but he had my backpack over his shoulder and dropped it inside the door.
In his other hand, he had a large glass of water filled all the way to the top. I was more than a little relieved to see that.
“You’re going to have to change clothes, and I would recommend you shower before you see either Susan or Dean,” he said.
“They’re going to find the bottle of liquor,” I said. “It’s almost gone.”
“I added more vodka to it from another bottle and topped them both off with water. I don’t think either one of them is going to notice. They never drink vodka in the beginning of a night anyway, it’s only after they’ve had a few, so I can imagine they’re not even able to taste the difference,” he said.
He sat on the bed and handed me the glass of water he’d brought with him. I guzzled it, and he left momentarily to refill it before bringing it back and setting it on the nightstand next to my bed. “You need to drink as much of that as you can, then I’m going to get you more. I’ve never seen you so hammered. What were you thinking?”
“I just wanted to forget about everything,” I muttered.
“I’m sure when you wake up with a hangover from Hell, you’re going to remember everything,” he said. “But I don’t blame you. I really am sorry.”
He looked at me, but I just dropped my gaze. I wasn’t ready to forgive him yet, no matter how sorry he was. I couldn’t believe he had done that to me, and I wasn’t going to just act like it was nothing. I had trusted him with something big in my life, and he had shared it with people I would have never shared it with had I had the choice. I felt that he should have come to me first, and sorry wasn’t enough to take it back now.
I was too drunk to really talk, so I just closed my eyes, hoping the room would stop spinning, and hoping that I wouldn’t have a terrible hangover the next day. It was going to be hard enough going back to school, let alone feeling sick as a dog on top of it.
Damon crawled up on the bed beside me and laid down, putting his arm across me. I wanted to push him away, but I didn’t. He cared about me, and even as mad as I was at him, I was grateful that he was taking care of me. It wasn’t a good idea to get this drunk, and now all I could do was wait for it to wear off.
And maybe, just maybe, some of the anger would wear off with it.
Chapter 19
Sutton
It was either the nausea or the headache that woke me, but I certainly wasn’t feeling human when I opened my eyes. I looked around the room, hoping that the day before had been nothing more than a bad dream. But, with pounding in my head and the nausea that sent me leaping from the bed and running to the bathroom proved to me that drinking myself into oblivion the day before was one hundred percent real, and so was the reason behind it.
I was glad Damon had made me drink both glasses of water before I’d fallen asleep, and I vaguely remembered him giving me another glass sometime during the night. But, my memory for most of the night was patchy at best, and I still wasn’t entirely sure of everything that happened.
Susan’s voice seemed to play in at some point, but I also remembered Damon shutting it down. He told her something about how her and Dean forcing him to rat out Chad had led to me being depressed, and I wasn’t going to come out or speak to any of them.
Even drunk me was surprised that it worked, but it did. Perhaps Susan did feel bad for her hand in it, or maybe she just didn’t want to argue with Damon. From what he said, he had been pretty bold toward them when he told them he didn’t want to go to the co
ps in the first place, but they hadn’t listened.
Maybe they were seeing what a mistake they made in forcing his hand. Of course, it was Dean and Susan, and they really didn’t seem to know much about mistakes. Susan was far too self-absorbed most of the time to be self-aware, and I wasn’t sure Dean even knew what self-awareness even was.
But, I could deal with them later. For now, the rational side of my mind was trying to kick back in, and I was feeling anxious about everything that had gone down the day before. I hoped that it wasn’t too bad. That I hadn’t done anything too stupid besides get way too drunk on stolen alcohol.
I felt a little better after emptying all the contents of my stomach, and when I rose, I forced myself to push some water back down. I knew I was dehydrated, and water was just about the only thing that would help me now. Well, that and rest, but with the sun already blaring through the window, I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be long before I had to get up anyway.
And I was right.
When I got back to the bedroom, Damon was making the bed. He gave me a compassionate look. “You need to get ready for school.”
“I should probably shower,” I said with a sigh, but Damon shook his head.
“I tried to get you up an hour ago to shower, but you insisted that you get that extra hour of sleep. If you don’t get going now, you’re going to be late,” he said. I sighed. Now the memory came rushing back to me, and I knew I should have listened. But, there was no going back on it now. With a sigh, I turned to the closet to get something fresh to wear.
But, Damon walked up behind me and wrapped his arms gently around my body, careful not to put too much pressure on any part of my stomach. “If you’re really sick, you can probably convince Susan to let you stay home today.”
“Can you stay with me?” I asked. “I don’t really want to be here alone. I’m feeling really depressed and anxious over everything.”
“I know,” Damon said. “And I’m really, really sorry for what happened, but I’ve got to get caught up on some of the classes, and I’ve got a fight tonight. I really wish that I could stay with you all day, but I need to get some of my own school back on track so I can graduate with you and we can get out of here. You know I want to be away from this town every bit as much as you do, right?”
I nodded. He was right, and I did want him to graduate with the rest of us. I was doing fine with my classes, but, he had to stay on top of it for the rest of the year if he was going to get out with the rest of the seniors. It was going to be next to impossible for Chad now, unless he was to keep studying while he was dealing with all this legal stuff.
But, I didn’t want to think about that. I had to pull myself together and get to class myself. And that was going to be miserable with the way I was feeling. Still, it would be better than lying in bed all day and wondering what was going on at school. We were coming down to the last few months of the year, and I knew this was a bit of excitement that would have the gossip back in full force.
At first, I thought they would only have Chad to talk about. He was the one who had been arrested and who had made a scene the day before. But, I had a feeling since I was involved – or at the very least – since my name had been shouted multiple times through the halls as he was being led out, then I was going to be dragged into the gossip and speculation, too.
Of course, until there were official charges or a conviction, it was going to be just a bunch of rumors and gossip, but I was already making up my mind as I got dressed, I wasn’t going to join in with any of it. I wasn’t going to talk about what happened, and I wasn’t going to talk about what happened with the police, either.
This was my life, and it was no one else’s business what had gone down.
Damon helped me with my hair, and I managed to put on some light makeup. By the time I was ready to head out the door, I looked a lot more human. Though, I had to admit, I didn’t really feel much more human. Perhaps it was the lingering hangover, perhaps it was the day ahead, but either way, all I wanted was to go back to bed and forget about ever going back to school again in my life.
“You okay?” Damon asked as we walked out the door. I was glad Susan and Dean were already gone. They clearly knew I didn’t want to talk to either of them, and I was sure Damon had given them both a piece of his mind after what happened at school.
But, I was relieved that there wasn’t any sign of them finding out about the liquor. Damon had told me the night before how he had managed to hide it, and I could see now that he had done a good job. Unless they were really paying attention, Damon was likely right – there was little to no way they would notice that the vodka had been diluted with water.
“I’m okay,” I said with a nod. “Thanks again for taking care of that. At the time, it seemed like the best way to get out of my own head, but I guess stealing Dean’s liquor really wasn’t the best way to do that.”
Damon pulled me close and gave me a tight squeeze. Although I was still feeing incredibly nauseous, I let him hug me tight. “It’s my fault. You wouldn’t have felt that way if I hadn’t listened to them in the first place and made that report. I’m sorry. For everything.”
I looked up into his eyes and kissed him tenderly. “I know you didn’t want to. They can make things really black and white when it comes down to it, and I know you were just doing what you thought was the right thing. I would rather deal with this than deal with you having to move out or something.”
Damon gave me another tight squeeze before letting me go, and we headed over to his bike. I climbed on the back, trying to focus on my school and what I wanted to do that day. I had to talk to the counselors about getting into Harvard. That was at the top of my list.
After that, I was just going to focus on the schoolwork itself and ignore the gossip I knew was bound to be floating all over the halls. I didn’t care what the other students had to say, and the fact of the matter was that I had been through all of this before. I was used to being the center of the gossip, and though Chad was part of it this time, I also knew that most of the students would still be talking about me.
No matter what I did, I was always going to be that girl who had the crazy stories – the one who was always stirring up some sort of drama in the school and who everyone wanted to talk about. Sure, the day may come when they forgot about me, and I was nothing more to any of them than just another student they went to school with, but today, it was going to be rough.
I knew Damon would do his best to quell as much of the gossip as he could, and I knew Abby would do her best to make me feel better, though there was little either one of them could really do to make this situation better. Like most of het other things that I’d gone through, we were just going to have to let it blow over, or wait for something else to happen that would take over the attention of all the other kids.
Until then, it was just going to be another topic that ran through the halls. The teachers would pretend they didn’t hear the kids talking about it, and the rest of the school would watch me behind my back and wait for their chance to get in another jab of some nature.
But, I would do my best to rise above, and I would just focus on the end goal. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, and all I had to do was hold my head high and reach it. I would be out of school in just a couple months, then I would be on to bigger and better things.
I would leave all these people behind, and Damon and I could move far away from here and forget about everything.
Though it seemed insurmountable now, I knew that day was coming, and I was eager to see it happen. And it all came down to just getting through the next few months. I could do it. God knew I’d already been through a lot worse things in life, this should be nothing.
This would be nothing if I kept my head held high and went at it with the right attitude. Nothing had been able to stop me before, and nothing would stand in the way now. I had a goal to reach, and I was going to reach it.
Nothing could hold me back.
I, on the other hand, didn’t get the same respect from any of the students, and it wasn’t long before I heard what the gossip was actually about. The news of the assault had spread like a wildfire, but what they kids were gossiping about was whether or not it was really an assault, or if I had slept with Chad and then regretted it, then told the whole world that he forced himself on me.
At first, I was angry at the kids to come up with such an absurd story. Why on earth would I sleep with someone then regret it? I wouldn’t sleep with them in the first place if I thought there was a chance I would regret it afterward. And, even if that did happen, I wasn’t about to go around and spread such a lie about them.
Even going to the police about it! That would be absurd.
But, Molly evidently bought into the gossip, and she was more than happy to come over and let me know what she really thought.
“How can you live with yourself after doing that to Chad?” she asked.
“I didn’t do anything to Chad,” I said coolly.
“Come on, I know the two of you went out the first of the year, and you got all bratty with him because you couldn’t have Damon. He told me the whole thing,” Molly said as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. “So you wait until we are just about ready to graduate, and you go to the cops? That’s low, Sutton, even for you.”
“That’s not what happened, Molly, and if he told you it was, then he’s a liar and you’re an idiot for believing him,” I said with a shake of my head. “Sorry.”
“No you aren’t. You aren’t any sorrier to me than you are for ruining Chad’s life!” she snapped.
