Galactic Keegan

by Scott Innes

  My hopes that Barrington12’s crimes might be pardoned fell on deaf ears, especially as the General’s obliging mood evaporated back to his usual dour form not long after.

  ‘Absolutely not,’ the General told me firmly when I spoke to him the following morning. ‘Whether he intended for any of this or not is entirely beside the point. He sold us out to the L’zuhl either way. That, Keegan, is unforgivable.’

  ‘General, how can you be so stubborn?’ I demanded, feeling emotion for the first time following twenty-four hours of numb anaesthesia. ‘How can you be so cold?’

  ‘I appreciate your depth of feeling on this, Keegan, really I do, but there can be no discussion. Even if I relented, The Oracle will see that it’s done. I’m sorry, but that’s that.’

  ‘I’ve already lost one pal,’ I said, angry with myself as I heard my voice crack. I blinked away the threat of tears. I wouldn’t give him that. ‘Don’t make me lose another.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated, nodding towards the door. ‘Unfortunately your machine did what he did and there’s no getting away from that.’

  Except he didn’t, I thought as I trudged home. Or, at least, he never meant to. And had he not hacked the L’zuhl systems during the battle to bring down their ships and give us a fighting chance? Without his intervention, Gerry might never have been in a position to do his whole thing in the first place and we’d all have perished. Could that truly count for nothing? Gillian’s place on the Council made her privy to information that she was surprisingly willing to share with me.

  ‘After all you’ve been through together, I think you have a right,’ she said one evening in Mr O’s as she treated me to a sausage and egg bap. ‘I’m with you on this one, of course.’ She squeezed my hand across the table. ‘Barrington12 didn’t know what he was doing. Take comfort in that thought. He had no idea he was responsible for all of this.’

  ‘They’re going to scrap him,’ I said disconsolately. ‘There’s no comfort to be had, Gillian. There’s no hope left in this stupid universe.’

  ‘There… might be,’ she said carefully. ‘For you, anyway. What are you doing tomorrow?’

  I shrugged. ‘I dunno. No plans, really. I feel like I’ve been in limbo these past few weeks.’

  ‘Why don’t you come on over to the stadium?’ she asked, a smile dancing on her lips. ‘The boys will need a coach, after all.’

  I stared at Gillian over my roll, unsure where she was going.

  ‘What’s this?’ I asked, taken aback.

  ‘The Council voted on it this very evening. Now that the spy has been apprehended and the L’zuhl all but defeated, funding that had been reserved for military affairs can be, in part, redirected back to essential Compound services. I called a vote on reinstating the football club with you back at the helm, in recognition of your services in helping to save the Compound. I wish I could have told them about your bravery in rescuing Rodway too, but I’m afraid that will have to remain our little secret. If word gets out that we breached the lockdown, even now that all has been resolved…’

  ‘Hang on,’ I said, trying to keep up. ‘You’re saying… the club is back? Palangonia FC lives again?’

  ‘I’ve even spoken to the secretary of Galactic League C and she has agreed that Palangonia will be restored to the league, albeit at the bottom given that we’re several matches behind everyone else. But I’m sure results will pick up very soon. I saw Rodway in the gym earlier this week; he’s the picture of health. This experience has changed him, you know – I don’t think he’ll return to his hard-drinking, party-animal ways. He’s a special talent, Kevin.’

  ‘Aye, he is that,’ I agreed.

  Then I shook my head.

  ‘No,’ I sighed. ‘I’m grateful, don’t get me wrong, but… I can’t. Not without Gerry. It’s not right.’

  Gillian considered this and looked away out of the window. I drummed my fingers quietly on the table.

  ‘Do you think this is what he’d want?’ she asked finally. I glanced up at her and frowned.

  ‘How do you mean?’ I asked.

  ‘Well, Gerry gave up everything so that life in the galaxy could continue and people could have a hope of peace. Do you think he also wanted you to mope around and lose the one thing that brought you the most joy? The most fulfilment? I mean, I didn’t know the man as well as you did, but I’m quite sure Gerry would be dismayed that he gave you the chance to resurrect the football club you built together and you turned it down.’

  She was right. Damn it all, she was right. I found myself laughing, and she reached across and patted my hand.

  ‘Can this really be happening?’ I asked disbelievingly.

  ‘It’s happening,’ Gillian laughed. ‘So buck up! This will be Gerry’s legacy, his parting gift to you – a chance to continue the great work you did together here on Palangonia. And needless to say, we will always remember Barrington12’s contribution to the club too and everything he did for us, not least over the past month or so. He will live on in our hearts and minds forever. Football is made up of comings and goings, but we’ll carry on. We must.’

  I felt myself welling up again, the daft old softie that I was. I was still exhausted from all that we had been through, but the news that I’d been given the one single thing I’d truly wished for – my football club – made me feel a flicker of life, of rejuvenation. I owed it to Gerry to pick myself up and carry on. I suddenly found that I couldn’t wait to walk back through those gates again. To do what I was born to do. For ninety minutes on a Saturday afternoon, no intergalactic war would ever dampen my spirits.

  ‘I am still sorry, you know,’ Gillian said. ‘About Gerry. For not getting to you sooner when you were pinned down. Who knows, maybe you could have reached him in time if I’d been faster.’

  I shook my head.

  ‘You can’t apologise for that. If Gerry hadn’t done what he did then… well, I’m a big enough man to admit that if I’d had my way, we’d probably not be sitting here right now. And anyway,’ I added, ‘you weren’t too slow at all.’

  ‘I wasn’t?’

  ‘No. You gave me the chance to say goodbye.’

  She smiled and looked genuinely humbled by this. After a moment’s ponderous silence, I wolfed down the last of my bap and stood up, explaining to Gillian that I would see her at work first thing the next morning. I had one more thing I needed to do.

  ‘We’re going to get promoted this season, you know,’ I said as I put on my coat and headed for the door. ‘I can feel it. Now that Rodway’s back to full fitness and Andy Gill finally knows how to take a throw-in, we’ll be unstoppable. That’ll show the General!’

  For all the thawing of the hostilities between he and I, there was no doubt he’d have been devastated to hear of the club’s reinstatement. I allowed myself a grin at the thought of his face on hearing the news.

  ‘On the contrary,’ Gillian said, turning in her seat to face me. ‘The Council were tied 2–2 on restoring Palangonia FC’s funding and it was Leigh who held the casting vote. It was against his better judgement, no doubt about that, but he did this for you. “Tell him we’re all square,” he said to me at the end.’

  I blinked, astonished. I had no idea what to say.

  ‘Go on, off you go to wherever it is you need to be,’ Gillian said. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  ‘Gillian,’ I said, halfway through the door. She looked at me expectantly. ‘Thanks. For everything. I know I can get a bit arsey about this and that but… at the end of the day, I’m proud to have you running the club from upstairs.’

  Before she could respond, I slipped out into the rain-soaked Compound streets. Kevin Keegan was back. Life could, as much as was possible in such uncertain times, return to normal at last.

  I had one final stop to make.

  LAIKA’S GIFT

  ‘This really is highly irregular,’ sniffed Lieutenant Emberley, the stuck-up guard on duty that evening. He stood irritatingly close to me in the ha
llway inside the Mark Aspinall Prison within Fort Emmeline, a place I had hoped I would never have to step into ever again. ‘Really not the done thing at all.’

  Presently, a door at the far end of the narrow corridor creaked open (I made a mental note to recommend WD-40 to the General when I next saw him) and two familiar figures entered, their disparities in height and appearance never more emphatic than under the harsh white glow of the strip lights on the ceiling.

  Barrington12 walked with his head down, clanking miserably along the steel-grated floor. Laika trotted in front of him, her face a picture of seriousness. Two guards flanked them (or rather, walked just behind them as the corridor was too cramped), their hands restless on their rifles.

  ‘Barrington12,’ I said, stepping forward. What was the appropriate thing in this sort of situation? A hug? A handshake? In the end, I did nothing but stand there like a fool as he slowly came to a halt in front of me. His wrists were manacled, as were his ankles. His usually bright blue LED eyes were faded and dull. He looked an absolute wreck.

  ‘Are you… okay, son?’ I ventured tentatively. ‘Are they treating you well?’

  ‘We’re treating him the way a spy deserves to be treated!’ Emberley interjected, the arse.

  ‘That’s enough, please,’ Laika said sternly. Emberley gave a small wave of apology and was still.

  ‘HELLO, KEVIN KEEGAN,’ Barrington12 said in a small, barely audible voice, quite unlike his regular blaring foghorn. ‘BARRINGTON12 IS PLEASED TO SEE HIS FRIEND.’

  ‘Yeah, well, make the most of it,’ sneered Emberley. ‘This afternoon it’ll be the junkyard for you!’

  ‘What did I just say, Lieutenant?’ Laika snapped angrily. Emberley once again waved and stepped back. I looked down to her.

  ‘I… really am grateful for this, Laika,’ I said.

  ‘Well, let’s get on with it,’ she said. The two guards squeezed awkwardly past Barrington12’s bulky steel frame and opened the door opposite. Inside was the interrogation room, where Leigh had attempted to keep me imprisoned before I’d persuaded my idiot lawyer that the General’s timelines didn’t hold water. The room still looked plain and dingy; I really was going to have to have a word with someone about this. A lick of paint – anything!

  Laika walked in first, then Barrington12, the guards prodding him with the barrels of their guns to prompt him. Then I followed and moved to close the door, bumping Lieutenant Emberley on the nose behind me.

  ‘Watch it!’ he snarled, holding it theatrically. I hadn’t seen play-acting like that since Robbie Savage in his pomp.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I asked him. ‘You’re not sitting in on this.’

  ‘Yes, I bloody well am!’ he insisted. ‘Move!’

  ‘Lieutenant, please wait outside in the corridor.’

  ‘But, Laika—!’

  ‘Don’t make me ask you a second time,’ she glowered at him, baring her teeth just faintly. ‘I am quite capable of supervising this meeting alone.’

  Emberley sighed and retreated, slamming the door. There was a moment’s uncomfortable silence before Laika directed Barrington12 to sit and I took a seat opposite at the table. She trotted over to the corner and lay down.

  ‘I can give you ten minutes,’ she warned me. ‘Say your piece, Kevin.’

  I nodded and looked at the robot sitting across from me. He was staring vacantly at the table, unwilling to meet my gaze.

  ‘Kid, look at me,’ I said gently. He didn’t respond. ‘It’s me – it’s old Kev. I’m here… because I want to say goodbye. Don’t stop me from doing that, son. Please.’

  After a moment’s consideration, he raised his head with a metallic squeak and saw me at last.

  ‘I’M SO SORRY, KEVIN KEEGAN,’ he said in the saddest electronic voice. ‘I DIDN’T WANT TO CAUSE ANY TROUBLE. I’M SORRY THAT I BETRAYED MANKIND. I DID NOT MEAN TO.’

  ‘Now, you stop that kind of talk right now, you hear me?’ I said firmly. ‘I won’t hear it. I don’t believe all that claptrap about how you knew what you were doing – utter rot! You can’t help the weaknesses in your system nor how the L’zuhl exploited them. You were used and chucked away, a scapehorse for powers greater than all of us. You must never apologise for being you.’

  Barrington12 continued to stare at me but said nothing.

  ‘I’ll be brutally frank with you,’ I went on. ‘When Gillian first brought you in to training and said I had to show you round the stadium and integrate you into the coaching setup, I was pigged off. We were pootling along just fine, we didn’t need any extra help. But I always do as I’m told, and I brought you into the fold. And as time progressed, I went from resenting you to tolerating you.’

  ‘THANK YOU,’ Barrington12 said, without a hint of sarcasm or reproach.

  ‘Right, but I haven’t finished yet,’ I said, smiling in spite of myself at the unfailingly sweet nature of this tangle of wires and processors sitting across from me. ‘What I was going to say is that over the past four or five weeks, I’ve grown from tolerating you to liking you. To caring about you. Bugger it all, man – to loving you. Not in a weird inter-technology-romance kind of way, you understand. You’re family – to me, to Gillian and to all the lads. And to Gerry, too, I’m sure. None of us will ever forget the contributions you made. Least of all young Rodway – without your help on our journey to Great Strombago, we would all have copped it.’

  I could see Laika twitching curiously in my peripheral vision – I kept forgetting how that mission was still supposed to be a secret. I pressed on regardless.

  ‘I’m devastated that this has happened. I’d do anything to get you out of here – you know that, don’t you?’

  ‘YES,’ Barrington12 replied quietly. ‘I KNOW.’

  ‘I tried to tell them about how you helped out during the battle but the obstinate sods just wouldn’t have it. They said it still wasn’t enough to cancel out your crime. We’re led by idiots, we really are.’

  I winced as I heard Laika growl softly. I mouthed a ‘sorry!’ and continued.

  ‘I am still a bit confused about why you took Gillian’s Keycard in the first place, mind you,’ I said delicately. ‘Was that some kind of hack job? They forced you to do that?’

  ‘NO,’ Barrington12 said in a voice so small that I had to strain to hear. ‘I… TOOK IT OF MY OWN VOLITION.’

  I sighed.

  ‘You don’t do that, son. That’s stealing. That’s not right.’

  ‘I KNOW. I DID NOT MEAN TO CAUSE TROUBLE. IF I MAY CONFESS TO YOU NOW, I HAD BEEN DISCREETLY BORROWING THE CARD FOR OVER SIX MONTHS FOR ONE PURPOSE ONLY. I AM SORRY THAT I FORGOT TO RETURN IT THIS LAST TIME.’

  ‘What possible use could you have for it?’ I asked, baffled.

  ‘MY FAVOURITE PLACE IN THIS COMPOUND IS THE LIBRARY. I ATTEMPTED TO JOIN, BUT WAS INFORMED THAT ROBOTS ARE NOT ELIGIBLE FOR MEMBERSHIP.’

  Poor from Caroline, that. Though this did at least explain the books that had appeared on Gillian’s borrowing history, which she was adamant she had never taken out.

  ‘But I’ve told you, you don’t need the library; your databases are chock-full of more information than the rest of us will ever know.’

  ‘I UNDERSTAND,’ he went on. ‘BUT THE SELF-DETERMINED ACQUIREMENT OF KNOWLEDGE IS MORE POTENT AND ENRICHING THAN HAVING IT AWARDED UNASKED. I WANTED TO READ THE PAGES, THE STORIES, THE PEOPLE’S LIVES FOR MYSELF. IT MAKES ME FEEL… ALMOST LIKE YOU. ALL LIFE IS THERE, KEVIN KEEGAN.’

  I felt awful. The kid had only ever wanted to better himself, to feel closer to those who had created him. And it had cost him his very existence.

  ‘I really hope that my coming here and pestering poor Laika to allow me to sit and talk to you, one final time’ — my voice choked slightly at this last part — ‘didn’t get your hopes up that I’d be able to unravel this mess you’ve gone and got yourself into. Because I can’t, son. I just can’t. I’ve tried, lord knows, but the powers-that-be are bloody stubborn. Like at that quiz night last year whe
n I accused the question master of favouring Leigh’s team – I mean, they had a round called General Knowledge, for Christ’s sake! How is that fair? He was bound to walk that. Unbelievable.’

  What was I talking about again?

  ‘Anyway, the sad fact of the matter is that I can’t get you out of this. I wish I could.’

  To my astonishment, Barrington12 reached across the desk with his two chained hands and clumsily took mine.

  ‘I UNDERSTAND, KEVIN KEEGAN. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE MORE FOR BARRINGTON12 THAN ANYONE. YOU GAVE ME THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL. FRIENDSHIP.’

  That nearly set me off again. I had to look away to compose myself and my eyes briefly met Laika’s, who was watching this tragic scene unfold in silence.

  ‘I…’ my voice stumbled again, so I took a breath. ‘I came here to tell you one thing before you… before you go. Palangonia FC is back from the dead. And without your help over this past month, assisting us in saving Rodway’s life and the General’s too, that would never have been possible. You helped save our club, Barrington12.’

  ‘I AM DELIGHTED,’ he said. ‘I WISH THAT I COULD BE THERE TO SAVOUR THE MOMENT WITH YOU. PERHAPS YOU MIGHT CONSIDER NAMING THE STADIUM AFTER ME. THAT WOULD BE QUITE AN HONOUR.’

  ‘Well, steady on,’ I said. ‘That’d be a bit of a slap in the face for John Rudge, frankly. But maybe the shed where we keep the balls and cones overnight? The Barrington12 Memorial Equipment Shed. Has a nice ring to it.’

  ‘IT DOES,’ Barrington12 said. ‘THANK YOU, KEVIN KEEGAN, FOR SHARING THIS NEWS WITH ME. IT WILL PROVIDE SUCCOUR IN THESE DARK FINAL HOURS OF MY EXISTENCE. I WISH YOU AND GILLIAN ROUTLEDGE AND RODWAY JONES AND ALL OF THE PLAYERS EVERY SUCCESS IN YOUR FUTURE ENDEAVOURS. THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING BARRINGTON12 TO BE A PART OF THIS ADVENTURE. MY ONLY WISH WAS… TO BE MORE LIKE ALL OF YOU. TO BE HUMAN, IF ONLY IN SOME SUPERFICIAL WAY. I ONLY REGRET THAT I MADE SUCH A MISTAKE IN PURSUIT OF THIS GOAL.’