Facing The Pain

by Vera Quinn

  “Think of it as payback for what your brother and Dad took from you. You know where Duke’s child is, and he may never lay eyes on it,” Garner says with a smirk on his face. I feel a warmth in my chest. Yep, I like that idea.

  Chapter Nineteen

  EVE

  How Do I Like My Eggs?

  TWO WEEKS LATER…

  I know the cops told me my name is Eve, but I don’t feel like an Eve. Do I look like an Eve? Nope, maybe a Nicole or perhaps a Britany. I look at myself in the mirror as I brush my teeth. My face is still swollen from the wreck and my body is sore, but it gets better every day. The first day I was released from the hospital Deacon was there to pick me up. It seems he belongs to some kind of a club and they have decided to take me under their care. They helped me get a quiet house right outside of town. It seems their club owns a few rental houses and this one just happened to be open. I am close to the place they call their clubhouse. It all seems unfamiliar but yet I’m not uneasy about it or them and there are a bunch of men that wear these leather vests they call cuts and they ride motorcycles. They only come in sizes big and huge. I could see how someone might find them intimidating but they have been nothing but kind to me. I spit the last of my toothpaste in the sink and wash it clean. I rinse my mouth and dry it. I try not to keep dwelling on my situation and the men that have taken my problems on themselves. I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Isn’t that the saying? I should just count myself lucky. The question is still why are they helping me? It seems out of character. Oh well.

  When I got out of the hospital, Deacon offered the clubs help and I was a bit reluctant to take it, but then Deacon reminded me it wasn’t just me. It’s mind-blowing to me that I am carrying a child and I don’t know who it belongs to. My OB/GYN is still monitoring me weekly and says every day I don’t miscarry is a blessing. I know she is right. Did I want this child before my accident? Yes, I had to of. I didn’t have an abortion. Was I happy and planning for when the baby arrived? I guess until my memory comes back, I will never know. Heck, I don’t even know what kind of eggs I like. So like every morning since I have been home or my new home, I have tried a different kind of eggs. Who knew I could come up with so many different variations of eggs thanks to the cooking network? I am walking from the bathroom to the kitchen, riddling my head on what kind of eggs to try today when I hear a knock on my kitchen door. It must be Deacon’s morning visit. I hurry to the door and smile at the man I have come to like.

  “Good morning, beautiful.” Deacon smiles at me. I break out in a big smile myself.

  “Good morning, handsome. How are you today? Don’t you have anything better to do than hang out with me?” I have been wondering what he does about work since he spends a lot of his time with me.

  “Is that your way of telling me that you’re tired of seeing this ugly mug every morning?” He grabs where his heart is. “You wound me, darlin’.” I playfully slap his arms and back away from the door so he can enter the house.

  “As if you don’t have a mirror in your house and see how handsome you are every morning. I may not have my memory but I still know a hot ass man when I see one and I know when he knows it.” That makes Deacon laugh as he walks in the door. He and I have had this banter since the first day he came and saw me in the hospital.

  “So you’re getting tired of seeing me every morning and you think I am a jerk. Darlin’, you say the nicest things in the morning.” I walk over to my coffeemaker and make Deacon his normal pot of coffee. “What kind of eggs are you making this morning?” Deacon has been kidding me about changing my eggs every day instead of sticking to the kinds I find I like.

  “I thought I would live on the wild side and try some of the waffles I have in the freezer instead of eggs today.” I give back to the man who is getting under my skin. The one thing I know is Deacon is one sexy man and I may have a lot on my plate right now, but there is definitely a sexual attraction between the two of us. It’s the one thing that Deacon and I try to ignore but it’s getting hard.

  “Now, woman, don’t go and get wild on me. I don’t know if my heart could take the thought of you getting outside that pretty head of yours and taking a walk on the wild side. I might be tempted to ask you to dinner one night.” Deacon winks at me.

  “Deacon, we have dinner every night just like we have breakfast every morning. I’ll rephrase that—I eat, and you watch me and either drink a cup of coffee or a beer. I’m beginning to think that you think I need someone watching me so I will eat. I know I need to eat for the baby, so I do. I don’t need a babysitter.” We have gone from flirty to serious in a second.

  “Babe, I know you know to eat, not just for the baby but for you too. I just thought that we could go out to eat and eat together.” I smile at Deacon. I smell the coffee is done. It smells great but I hate the stuff. I reach in the cabinet and get a coffee cup out and then fill it with the steaming black liquid.

  “Is this your way of asking me out?” I look at Deacon through my lashes. I’m being shy and feel my cheeks heating. What if I read the situation wrong? Deacon steps closer and takes the cup of coffee out of my hand and sets it on the cabinet. He turns back to me and sweeps my hair out of my face and gently turns my head toward him.

  “This is me asking you to share a dinner with me that you don’t need to prepare. This is me telling you that I want to spend a lot more time with you because you are someone I enjoy spending time with. This is me telling you that I don’t care if you don’t remember where you come from, I just want to be the person that you want to stay with. This is me telling you that I don’t care you are pregnant by a man you don’t remember but I want to give you memories that I won’t let you forget. Yes, this is me saying I want to take you out and let you spend time with me and my friends when the time is right but just me for now.” Deacon bends down and softly puts his lips to mine. The kiss is soft and sweet and makes me feel like I have a connection with someone else on this earth. A connection I don’t want to let go of. I don’t know Deacon very well but right now this feels right. The kiss is over way too soon. I look into Deacon’s deep brown eyes and I feel like I am home.

  “Wow, Deacon, you know how to make a girl feel like the most cherished woman in the world,” I tell him honestly.

  “This is just the beginning. I am giving you the time you need to heal and get accustomed to the idea of their being an us. I am going to give you the world because you are going to be my world. You and this child.” Deacon’s hand goes to my stomach and unborn child.

  “This is crazy. We barely know each other. I have no idea who I am except for a name,” I whisper. I’m afraid if I speak too loudly, I will wake up from this dream. I don’t want to wake up.

  “That’s where the time comes in. We will learn all about Eve Copeland together, one day at a time. No rush. I just want to be the one that’s here for you,” Deacon tells me while looking into my eyes. “Just give me the time to show you that.”

  “Why now? Why me—a woman that doesn’t know who she is? Why today?” Deacon smiles at me and winks.

  “I wanted to take advantage of you while you were taking a walk on the wild side today. Who knows when I would get the chance again?” That has us both laughing. I look in Deacon’s eyes to try and find any sign that he is deceiving me or kidding me. There’s none.

  “Well, since I decided to live dangerously today then I might as well go all the way. I would love to go to dinner with you and I would also like to see where this journey will take us with the understanding that I never want to be a burden to you, Deacon. If I find out about my past and it’s bad, then I will walk away. I never want to hurt you or any of your brothers at the clubhouse because you have all been so good to me. I don’t know what I would have done without everyone’s help. I will never be anything but loyal to all of you.” I mean every word. Deacon pulls me closer and hugs me to him.

  “Nothing in your past will ever make you walk away. I won’t accept that. Once you accep
t me as your man then there will be no leaving. You will be mine forever, and it may take a while, but it is going to happen. You and this child. I am just letting you know my intentions but there is no pressure. Never any pressure. It will happen as it happens and only what you are comfortable with.” I pull away and look at Deacon again to make sure this is really happening.

  “I understand,” I tell him.

  “I also hope you understand that I need to get on my bike and go for a ride. Right now, all I want to do is fuck you senseless and you aren’t ready for that yet. Not physically or mentally.” I know Deacon is right, so I won’t even argue with him. I’ll miss our normal routine or what I have grown accustomed to, but I need to think this through. I don’t even know if I trust my own judgement. I have no past, but does that mean that I can’t have a future? Does my life have to be at a standstill because I had the misfortune to be in a car accident? Deacon is right, no matter how much I want him to stay, I need time to think.

  “When is this dinner you asked me out on happening?” I change the subject to a safe one and pull further away from Deacon.

  “Don’t be going to deep into that head of yours. I just need to calm myself down with a ride on my bike. I’ll be back around seven to pick you up and take you on your first motorcycle ride.” I don’t know what excites me more—the date or the idea of getting to ride on Deacon’s bike.

  Chapter Twenty

  EVE

  What does one wear on a date with a biker?

  I am the most nervous I have been since I woke up and didn’t remember anything. I’m going on a date. I know it’s one of those things every female and male do but I don’t remember ever doing it. Then again, I didn’t remember a kiss until Deacon kissed me. I have nothing in my memory to compare that kiss to but I am sure I would have internally combusted if it hadn’t been so darn short. That leads my mind to wander to what else my body has experienced that I can’t remember. I know I am pregnant, so I have experienced much more, but the feelings aren’t remembered. That put me in the tizzy I am in now. What if Deacon wants more? Don’t all men want more? I know I want more of those kisses. What if my body has forgotten what to do just like my memory disappeared? Will I be a disappointment? What do I wear on this date? I have my clothes that were in the duffle from my car. Deacon got those and my purse full of money. Who carries that much money with them but doesn’t have a phone that is workable? I had two of those store-bought phones, but neither was activated. My mind is a mess, and it won’t focus—one thing at a time. What to wear on a date? Deacon said we were going on his bike. Should I ride on his bike? Something way back in the back of my mind is telling me no. I know I can’t ride on his bike because I am pregnant. That is a reason, a reason I will be bringing up, but there is something else. I don’t know. I’m driving myself crazy. Clothes, that’s what I need to concentrate on. For a female, I didn’t bring many clothes, just the bare necessities. I must not be a frilly type of woman because if it’s not jeans and a t-shirt, I don’t have much. The one splurge I had in the bag was a nice vintage leather jacket and a nice pair of leather boots. Maybe I knew I was pregnant, and I would need new clothes soon, so I didn’t over pack. That makes sense to the woman with no memory so maybe it did to the regular me. The decision is made for me—jeans and the nicest t-shirt I have. I do have to say the t-shirts look vintage with old bands on them—AC/DC and Black Sabbath are a couple. I decide on a Guns ’N Roses t-shirt with the best-looking jeans I have. The one thing that it looks like I never skimped on was sexy underwear. I have some nice sets and decide on the deep purple ones. I may not have the clothes to look sexy on the outside, but I will know I have sexy underwear on anyway, even if I am the only one to see it.

  I shower quickly and get myself dressed. I blow dry my hair. I look in the mirror and something seems off to me. It seems like I should look familiar to myself, but it’s like looking at a stranger. Everything doesn’t fit. I know the bruises and small cuts are all from the wreck but when I look at myself, nothing looks familiar. I wonder if there is anyone out there that looks like me. I have blue eyes but my hair seems too dark, or maybe I have lost weight. How does that even make sense? I’m pregnant; I should be gaining weight. Maybe someday I will know, or I may just need to accept I will never know. If I had family out there missing me, wouldn’t my picture be on the news. Maybe no one out there misses me at all. Maybe I’m a bad person, and no one cares. It’s all too much to think about. I just know right now I want to look nice for Deacon on our first date. I don’t have to know who I am or where I may end up to do just that. I just want to be a woman tonight and forget all my worries. Tomorrow I will go back to worrying and making a plan for me and my baby.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  DEACON

  Making Eve Mine

  I know when I leave Eve in her new home I have to get away for a while. What is it about this woman that gets under my skin? I’ve never been a saint when it comes to women. I fuck them and move on. I don’t like return performances. People get hurt that way. Since the day I walked away from my family, I’ve never had anyone special in my life. Duke and Dad killed the good inside of me when they took the woman I thought would be mine forever away from me. Why? Because they could. They were trying to teach me that there was no woman that I could trust in life. They not only jaded my outlook, but they also lost me. David “Jules” Lake was grooming me to take over his chapter of the Rival Sins MC. I am the son he put all his expectations on and just like he crushed my dreams, I crushed his by walking away from him and his club. I never looked back. Jules isn’t to be trusted and Duke is just as bad. Duke is Jules’s lap dog. It’s like the man was born without a thought of his own but he was born with plenty of cruelty running through his blood. Both men are ruthless and will destroy anything good that is put in their path. I may not be a good man and some of the things I do for my club are questionable, but we don’t hurt people for the hell of it. I take my job as the sergeant-at-arms seriously and I am damn good at it. The Sons of Wrath MC only goes after people who have fucked with us first, but women and children are off-limits. That’s what has me riding back to the clubhouse with one thing on my mind. Eve and I are going somewhere. It scares the hell out of me, but I want my brothers to know that this is no longer a job where I’m concerned, and that Eve is mine. Her and her child are mine and I will give my last breath to hide her from Duke and Jules. I know I should come clean with Eve, but I need to make sure she knows my feelings for her are strong. I can’t make myself stay away from the woman. I don’t know if it’s love, but it is something so strong that I can’t fight it. I don’t want to. I want Eve to have the same feelings for me but if she can’t ever get there, then I will be happy with her letting me be close to her. I just need this settled at the club and I don’t want to think it all to death.

  I turn into the drive of the clubhouse and it looks like a lot of the brothers are here already. No better time to get this over with.

  I park my bike and walk into the clubhouse. It still smells of stale booze, smoke, and sex from the party last night. I wasn’t here but I know how every Saturday night ends up. The brothers wouldn’t be up and around if it weren’t for our Sunday morning meetings. We all may party hard, but no one misses Sunday morning church. This wasn’t the first party I missed, but it is the first one I don’t regret missing.

  I am the second brother in my chair and Garner looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

  “I have a prospect on Eve so I wouldn’t miss this morning. I have something I need to bring up and get a vote on this morning.” That gets Garner’s attention as the brothers file in and take their seats. We don’t normally vote on anything on Sunday because everyone is too hungover. Garner bangs his gavel.

  “Sit your asses down. This meeting is happening now. Brother Deacon needs to say something, and it seems like he wants a vote on it.” Garner smiles. Is Horn smiling too? All the brothers sit down, and Garner looks at me as Kentucky shuts the door. “Ta
lk, brother. I need some food in my gut to soak up all the whiskey I drank last night.” I know I am going to catch shit for this but here goes…

  “I am claiming Eve before the club. This is no longer just a job for me. She’s mine and her child is mine.” I thought I would catch some shit for doing this, but I never guessed my brothers would laugh at me. What’s so damn funny? “What the hell is wrong with all of you? Are you all still drunk off your asses?”

  “Do you think we’re idiots?” Horn asks.

  “It’s been written all over your face since the very first day you met Eve. Don’t ever try being a poker player, you’ll lose.” Kentucky barely gets that out, he’s laughing so hard.

  “This isn’t funny. I’m damn serious.” Garner gets himself together.

  “Deacon, we have no doubt you’re serious, we’ve had a pool going on to see when you would finally see it. What does Eve have to say about it?” Garner asks, straight to the point. “We didn’t give her our protection from Duke to make her commit herself to you.”

  “I can claim Eve before the club without her accepting. I am giving her my protection. I’m working on the rest. You know I would never force myself on a woman. I just need time.”

  “Are you going to tell her everything or is it all still a secret? You know secrets always come back and bite you on the ass,” Kentucky asks.

  “I will tell her but in her time. She needs time to adjust. I want her so wrapped up in me that she won’t want to leave when she finds out. I know how that sounds and I don’t say it lightly, but I mean every word,” I answer honestly.

  “What if she gets her memory back and pulls a runner on you? Are you going to be able to let her go? What if your brother finds out she’s here?” Horn asks.