“You are forgiven, my lady,” the duke smiled graciously. “May I join you?”
Lady Anna’s brows shot up, and she shrugged her shoulders. “This is your home, Your Grace. You may do as you wish.”
“I do not wish to interrupt your moments of serenity and peace,” the duke answered.
Lady Anna smiled at him and nodded. “Of course you may join me.”
“If I may add this,” the duke said in defense, as he sat beside Lady Anna, “I was not lurking in the dark.”
“Then what on Earth were you doing, Your Grace?” she asked.
“I was merely taking a walk through the corridors. I do that often; it helps me clear my head,” the duke answered. “Which was most certainly the reason why you are sitting here in the dark.”
“You are correct. Also, I started to feel shut in within my bedchambers,” she explained.
“You are not allowed to participate in many activities, are you?” he asked.
Lady Anna shook her head and answered, “My mother believes that if I participate in strenuous activities, it would do me more harm than good, really.”
“Do you believe that?”
Lady Anna took a deep breath and pouted slightly. “I am not certain what I believe any longer, Your Grace. I have been told many things about my illness, how grave my future is, and how important it is for me to do everything I possibly can to extend my life.”
“But that means not truly living your best life; you’re merely preventing yourself from dying,” the duke said.
Lady Anna’s jaw dropped slightly, and she parted her lips. It truly amazed her that the duke, this very important and influential figure was now speaking to her as if he had known her for his entire life. There had never been a moment when she had been understood by someone as much as that very moment.
“My words seem to surprise you, my lady.”
“No, not at all. I am merely surprised by them, as they were uttered by me many times before, but they fell onto deaf ears by those whom I told,” Lady Anna answered.
“Then I do insist that you surround yourself with more knowledgeable people, my lady,” the duke suggested.
“Like yourself?” she asked with a raised brow.
“If you prefer,” he said with a wink.
“Why me, Your Grace?” Lady Anna asked after a brief silence and glanced at the duke.
“What do you mean, why you?”
“Why spend time with me, converse with me, take strolls with me?” she asked.
“If I recall, it was only one stroll,” the duke pointed out.
“Please answer the question, Your Grace,” she asked.
“Very well,” the duke answered. “You, my lady, are not like the other women here. You are not like any woman I have ever met and came to know. You are beautiful, not only from the outside, but your inner beauty radiates through those blue eyes of yours, and it captivates me. You are not afraid to act as you would normally. You are not afraid of anything,” the duke explained.
“That is not accurate, Your Grace, but thank you for your kind words,” she mumbled.
“Why is it not accurate?”
“Although it may not look it, I am terrified. I am terrified of giving up on life, and not being able to live the way I had dreamed I would. I am afraid of being alone, although I seek the comfort of solace,” Lady Anna said, as tears filled her eyes and she inhaled slowly. “Most of all, I am afraid that after I am gone that I will be merely a thought, a small memory in the minds of my family. That I would be known only as the sickly Annalise Trent, daughter of the mighty Lord and Lady Sheffield.”
“That is not who you are,” the duke said and reached out his hand, placing it on her hand. “You are so much more than that.”
Lady Anna’s eyes widened slightly as she felt the warmth of the duke’s skin against hers, and she smiled shyly. “Thank you, Your Grace.”
“You are most welcome. Most people I meet have the inability to have a meaningful conversation with me, but not you. Your words engage me, my lady,” he said.
“Is that why you prefer my company to any of the other beautiful young women here at your estate?” Lady Anna asked.
“Outer beauty only counts if your inner beauty matches,” the duke said. “Youth fades, but grace and strength endures.”
“I am not as strong as you think I am, Your Grace,” Lady Anna said, and the duke’s hand moved away. “I was not only cursed with illness but a broken heart as well. A few years ago I met a wonderful man, and I fell in love with him, although I was not supposed to. He was poor in my father’s opinion and not the right suitor for someone like me. My father was under the impression that wealth was the equivalency of worth and how good a person they were. The richer the man, the better, in his opinion.”
“What happened?” the duke asked.
“He was a vicar, who travelled to the West Indies for missionary work and…” Her voice trailed, as it had been the very first time she had spoken of his death to someone other than Katie.
The duke glanced at her and gave her an encouraging nod. He wished for her to continue, and although she had thought that she would not be strong enough to endure reliving that devastating time in her life, hearing of George's death, there was a strength inside her she was not even aware she had. Perhaps the duke had been right all along. She was stronger than she thought she was. “I received a letter from the other vicars who travelled along with him. He was killed, but I am uncertain of the details. My father refused to inform me of the details of his death, as he did not wish for me to have anything to do with him even before he left. I was not allowed to mourn his death or the death of our love. It was very unfair, since I had many feelings inside me, which were not allowed to see the light of day. I spent many nights crying in my sleep, and my mother was under the impression that I was merely giving up due to my illness.”
“I am truly sorry to hear this, my lady. My sincerest condolences on your loss.”
Lady Anna wiped the tears from her cheeks and nodded. “Thank you, Your Grace. You are the first person who has said that to me since his death.”
“I lost both my parents when I was a young man. I understand the feeling of loss and heartache, especially the ones you cannot speak of to anyone,” the duke said.
Lady Anna glanced at him and sighed. “My sincerest condolences to you as well on the loss of your parents, Your Grace.”
“Thank you, my lady.”
There was once again a brief moment of silence between them, but it was not at all uncomfortable. They simply sat beside one another in the dark, completely silent and gazed at the stars, and the impending storm in the distance.
Lady Anna inhaled through her nose and glanced at the duke. “Your Grace, forgive me, but ever since I met you, I wondered something.”
“And what would that be?”
“I often heard her speak of you, before we arrived here, that you are such a sought-after man, and that every woman in the county wishes for you to be their husband, but it seems rather strange to me that you still remain unmarried. Why is that?” Lady Anna asked.
“That is a very good question, my lady,” the duke answered with a pout.
Lady Anna’s shoulders slumped slightly, and she said, “It is a rather personal question, and if Your Grace does not wish to answer, I would not hold it against you.”
“That is very gracious of you, but we have been sharing rather personal details of our lives with one another. What harm could another do?” the duke said with a coy smile.
“Very well, but I did say you did not need to answer,” Lady Anna warned.
“I am a grown man, I can certainly answer your question, my lady,” the duke said. “I was betrothed to a young woman who shall remain nameless at this time. Her parents and I made an agreement, and the date was set. She walked into the cathedral, told me that she was not ready to give up her life as an unmarried woman, and she left.”
“She left you at the altar?�
� Lady Anna gasped.
“Indeed, she did.”
“That is the most terrible thing I have ever heard in my life,” Lady Anna said. “Are you alright?”
“Although there were no feelings involved, and I was not in love with her, the embarrassment and humiliation were rather unbearable at that time. I could constantly see the glances of pity from people who I was in contact with, even people who passed me in town. The whispers and the rumors were the absolute worst. It was as if those people had no discretion whatsoever. I simply decided to keep to myself, isolate myself from those people, and I knew the rumors would soon disappear when they tired from my sad tale. This had been the very first time I have had guests in my home since that day,” the duke answered.
Lady Anna glanced at him, uncertain of exactly what she felt inside her. She did not wish to show pity or apathy, and simply nodded. “I understand your need to be alone, Your Grace.”
The duke glanced at her and a small smiled graced his lips. “Perhaps we can be alone, together, my lady.”
“I would like that very much, Your Grace,” she whispered.
The encounter with the duke on the terrace led to a series of events that Lady Anna did not anticipate. Even though Lady Anna knew there were ladies in the party who were of higher rank than she, and there were also women who were considered beauties, none of these women mattered, as she noticed the duke seeking her company in the drawing room. On more than one occasion he invited her to stroll along the lake, taking care that she was not overly exerted or cold for very long.
In his company, she found the kind of amity and trust that she imagined she would have with an old acquaintance. She spoke freely in his presence sometimes forgetting herself altogether as she laughed one moment or said something ridiculous. He asked for her opinion, something that she was unaccustomed to, as women, she noted, were often judged for their accomplishments and not for what they thought. There existed among them, a kind of solidarity that sprang from their mutual desire to be quiet and reflective. Lady Anna knew her own condition was shyness and despair, but the duke was of a similar mind, preferring a good book and his own company.
Lady Anna also soon discovered that her host was unusual for a duke and for a gentleman. The duke did prefer his solitude to society, but he made a gracious host, taking great care to ensure that his guests had all manner of food, drink, and any comfort they required. He hosted the hunting party, but he himself did not take part in the hunting. A local gentleman, a knight of the realm, led the hunts, as he had since Edward Gray became the Duke of Richmond.
In that way, he explained to Lady Anna, he was continuing with the storied social events of the house. He enjoyed riding alone, he said to her as he invited her to join him if she was so inclined. In the moments of quiet, as they walked under the oaks on the grounds, he confided in her as he would a friend. The duke was alone in the world, his mother and father were dead. Solitude had been his constant companion for some time, and he liked it better than almost anything else.
All these thoughts resonated through her mind as she sauntered along the bookcases of the old library of the estate. She had been in quite a few wonderful libraries in various estates, but nothing compared to the oaken scent blended with the fresh smell of leather and paper – her most adored combination of aromas. She ran her fingers along the smooth spines of the books and wondered how many maidservants were assigned to dust the books every single morning. There was not even a trace of dust in the immaculate library, and it warmed Lady Anna’s heart to know that the duke spent an inordinate amount of time there. Lady Anna could even detect the smell of the duke as she walked along the bookcases. She scanned through the books and eventually picked a book of sonnets by an Irish poet and approached an armchair set right beside a large window. Sunlight streamed through it into the open space between the bookcases. The library was warm and welcoming, and it felt to Lady Anna as if she were in an entirely different place. It made her truly happy, and deep in her heart, she did not wish to leave.
Lady Anna sunk into the soft leather of the armchair and was rather surprised at how comfortable she was. She opened the book of sonnets and immersed herself for a short while, occasionally glancing out the window at the surprising amount of sunlight which radiated in and onto the floor. It had been a rather gloomy week, but it was lovely and delightful to see the sky clearing up, revealing the bright blue hue which once resembled her eyes.
A deep hunger inside her rose up, as she wished that life was simpler than it currently was for her. Her illness started to eat away at her livelihood long ago. It darkened all that she could remember, and she was rather sick of it.
Footsteps approached from outside the library doors, and they opened in one swift motion, which caused Lady Anna to sit upright in the chair and glance in the direction of the doors. Resembling a fearless hero who had come to save her, the duke stood confidently and victoriously in the doorway and smiled at Lady Anna.
“Your Grace, what a pleasant surprised,” she greeted him breathlessly. “How did Your Grace know where I was hiding from your silly guests?”
“My silly guests?” he chuckled as he approached her. “Does this include your dear mother?”
“It most certainly does.”
The duke laughed with amusement and glanced at her, his green eyes sparkling in delight. “After our conversation on the terrace, the library seemed the most logical place to find you.”
“I applaud you, Your Grace, but why would you be searching for me in the first place?” Lady Anna asked with a brow raised in intrigue.
“I wish for you to join me today.”
“Join you in what, Your Grace?” she asked.
“Not what, where,” he answered vaguely. “Are you interested?”
Lady Anna closed the book, placed it on the armrest, and smiled at the duke. “Indeed, I am.”
The duke felt Lady Anna’s body shiver behind him as she held onto him while the duke’s stallion, Midnight, galloped along the rolling hills beyond the Keep, but her skin was warm against his.
“Are you alright, my lady?” he called out.
“I am perfectly fine, Your Grace!” was her answer, as she wrapped her arms even tighter around his waist. A warm feeling filled the duke to the brim, and his heart pounded in his chest. Being as close to Lady Anna as he was at that very moment was the best feeling in the entire world, and nothing could possibly happen that would ruin this afternoon.
Lady Anna was rather apprehensive when the duke had taken her to the stables, but even more so when he introduced her to Midnight and informed her that he would care to take her on a tour of the hills.
Lady Anna only had to ponder it over in her mind for a short while before she agreed, and he was grateful for that. He had thought of the words she had said to him on a prior occasion, how she had been so busy keeping herself from dying, that she had forgotten how to live. He hoped that by joining him on horseback this afternoon, she would regain her joy for life and start to feel alive once more. The duke wanted her to feel the same as she had made him feel.
Alive.
As soon as they reached one of his most adored stretches of grass with a large oak tree overlooking the lake, the duke tightened the stallion’s reigns and Midnight slowed down immediately. He dismounted from the horse and assisted Lady Anna to dismount as well. He removed a blanket from the large storage pouch attached to the horse’s saddle and sprawled it onto the grass.
“This is wonderful, Your Grace,” Lady Anna beamed, as she sat on the blanket. “But what made you think I was going to agree to this insanity?”
The duke smiled at Lady Anna’s beautiful face, her cheeks colored from the sheer exhilaration of the ride. “I had been pondering to myself about a few things you had said to me, my lady.”
“No one ever takes anything I say to heart, Your Grace. Perhaps they are under the impression that my words are merely the ramblings of an ill woman who is too close to death,” Lady Anna said.
“Your words are not amusing,” the duke muttered in disapproval.
“They are not lies either, Your Grace. I am ill, and I am aware of it. I have also accepted it. It is what it is, not true?”
“What illness is this? I have heard you speak of it quite often, but my lady has never given it a formal name,” the duke said.
“I am not quite certain, as I keep forgetting the words our family physician uses, but it has something to do with my blood. It makes me weak and ill. I faint regularly, and I am constantly exhausted,” Lady Anna explained.
“That is certainly no way to live,” he muttered and glanced at her. “What I meant by that was not knowing what precisely is happening inside your body.”
“Do we ever know what is happening inside us, Your Grace?” Lady Anna asked and cocked her head.
The duke glanced at her for a moment, or perhaps more, and could not seem to tear his eyes away from her. Her eyes were bright, accentuated by the blue sky overhead, and her flaxen hair flowed like gold down her shoulders. The duke had not imagined she could be any more beautiful, but having her seated opposite him, drenched in sunlight and smiles, his heart was aflutter from the feelings Lady Anna stirred up inside him.
“We should,” the duke answered after a brief pause, after Lady Anna had given him a rather impatient and expectant look. He lowered his gaze to compose himself from her stare, as he was terrified of drowning in her eyes, deep and captivating pools leading straight to her soul.
“Your Grace, you mentioned that you pondered over something I had said to you,” Lady Anna said, changing the subject quickly—for which the duke was very grateful.
“Indeed,” the duke nodded and inhaled deeply through his nose as he tinkered with a blade of grass. “My lady, you mentioned that you had focused so prominently on not dying that you had forgotten how to live. This was one of the reasons why I wished to have you here with me today.”
“Is that so, Your Grace?”
“Indeed,” the duke answered and glanced at her. “I awoke this morning from a frightening dream, a dream which made me realize that we purely exist in this world, and we only do so to please others. Our family, our acquaintances, the people who we are in contact with daily. We do everything to please them, and ultimately lose ourselves in the process.”
Regency Engagements Box Set Page 5
