by Naima Simone
“How long have you...?” His voice trailed off, but she understood his question.
“Weeks. Since before the Grace Sanctuary fund-raiser. I made a deal with the devil to save you. I agreed to pretend to be in a fake relationship with him so he wouldn’t expose you. That’s why I couldn’t break things off with him. Because if I did, you would’ve been destroyed. But that’s not all,” she whispered, eliminating the small space between her and the man who wore her brother’s face, but was a stranger. “He did all this because of Olivia. You remember her, don’t you?” At his stony expression, she nodded again. “Of course you do. The woman you seduced, used to get back at her brother, impregnated, then tossed aside. All for your petty hatred and resentment. Now, who wouldn’t Dad and Mom recognize?”
“You don’t understand,” he spat, but the anger in his eyes had been overshadowed by worry. By fear. Because he understood that his greatest enemy had the dirt on him, no doubt. “You could never understand...”
“Not understand what? How hard it is to live up to our name? To live under the yoke of it for so long that sometimes you feel like your back’s going to break from the burden? Yes, Trevor, I do. The difference between you and me is that I’m choosing not to let it poison me until I make unconscionable decisions that hurt other people. I decided to help people rather than harm them. But just to get your way, you would steal that from me, too.”
For too long, she’d allowed him and the duty of being a Neal to dictate her life, her behavior, her decisions. No longer. She might have been quiet, but she’d learned from the best.
Not him. Gideon.
“I love you, Trevor. For the brother and man you were, I’m giving you a choice now. Come after Leida Investments or any of the businesses I’ve invested in, or my trust fund, and Gideon won’t have to leak any of that information to the press and SEC. I will. He gave me a copy of the file, and right now, it’s tucked away safe. But if you dare touch anything that’s mine—and when I say mine, that includes Gideon Knight and everything he loves—I’ll take you down. And I won’t lose sleep over it.”
Trevor stared at her, shocked. But she didn’t wait for his response. He couldn’t say anything that would fix what he’d broken. She would just have to accept that some men changed for the worse instead of the better, and as much as it tore her heart apart, Trevor was one of them.
* * *
“I have to admit, Gideon, I never expected you to go to these lengths.” Madison tsked, appearing at his side, her familiar scent teasing his nostrils.
At one time, he’d found the floral fragrance alluring. Now it was just cloying. She trailed fingertips down his arm and over the back of his hand. Tilting her head to the side, she offered him what she probably considered a coy smile. She didn’t pull it off. Not when he knew the real woman behind the mask.
He shifted his arm, knocking her hand away. Foolish as hell of him to think he could slip unseen into the closed-off room that reminded him of his den. He’d needed space and time to walk off the killing rage that had consumed him when Trevor had alluded to Olivia.
If not for Shay, he would’ve put that bastard through the wall, his hands around his throat, and damn the consequences. But his name in that soft voice and the fear darkening her lovely eyes had stopped him. He’d put that hated emotion in her gaze, and he detested himself for it. Still, even with rage roiling inside him like a volcano set to blow, he would’ve accompanied her to that meeting with her brother. He hadn’t wanted to leave her alone. That protective streak toward her had only widened and deepened in the time they’d spent together. Yet he also understood she needed to have it out with Trevor, to stand up to him on her own. And she couldn’t do that with his life in imminent danger from Gideon.
But right after he marched into an empty room to cool off with a glass of bourbon from the bar, Madison had appeared.
Goddamn, he didn’t have the patience to deal with her machinations right now.
“What lengths, Madison?” He lifted the tumbler to his lips, downing the last of the dark alcohol before setting the glass on the mantel. “I don’t have time for your games.”
“Time for me,” she corrected, assuming a hurt expression. “That’s what went wrong with us, you know? You spent so much time at the office or out of town at meetings, I felt neglected. I missed you and couldn’t stand the loneliness.”
He snorted. “Is this your way of trying to explain why I walked in on you sitting on Trevor’s dick? Forget it, sweetheart. This guilt trip not only isn’t going to work, but it’s months too late. I don’t give a fuck now.”
“We both know that’s not true, Gideon,” she crooned, clutching his arm. He stiffened, hating her hands on him. It felt...wrong. There’d been a time when he’d enjoyed her teasing caresses, her heated strokes. But now? Now his skin prickled and crawled as if his very body rebelled against her. These days, he welcomed the touch of only one woman. Shay.
Again he shifted away, dislodging her touch.
“If you’d answered any of my phone calls this week, you’d know—”
“I didn’t answer them because we have nothing to talk about,” he said.
“So you’re going to tell me that your love for me just died? Went away just like that?” She snapped her fingers, eyes flashing. “I don’t believe it.”
“Believe it,” he growled. “You killed it. And you don’t get a do-over. Get it through your head, sweetheart. I. Don’t. Want. You.”
Tired of this, he went to move around her, but she sidestepped, blocking him. Unless he wanted to grab her, pick her up and shift her out of the way, he couldn’t pass. And at the moment, the thought of putting his hands on her caused his stomach to curdle.
“Then what was this whole...act with Shay about? You don’t expect me, or anyone for that matter, to actually accept that you’re madly in love with her? The sister of the man who stole the woman you love? You don’t have to continue this silly pretense anymore, Gideon.” She shoved into his personal space, so her perfume clogged his nose, crawled down his throat. He grabbed her shoulders to prevent her from coming any nearer. She flattened her palms on his chest. “I love you. I made a mistake leaving you for him. It’s been you all along. And I know you still love me if you’ll go to these lengths.”
Screw this. He tightened his grip on her, prepared to move her. “Madison...” he growled.
“Yes, Gideon.” She moaned, and shooting up on her toes, wrapped her arms around his neck and crushed her mouth to his.
Shock froze him. But just for a second. Bile scorched a path to the back of his throat. Muttering a curse, he jerked his head back, circled her wrists and yanked her off him.
“Dammit,” he snapped. But any more words died on his tongue.
Shay stood in the doorway to the den, her shuttered gaze on them.
“Oh, Shay,” Madison cooed, panting lightly. “We didn’t see you there.” Perverse satisfaction threaded her tone.
“Shay,” he breathed, already leaving the unfaithful bitch he’d almost married behind, forgotten, and moving toward the woman with the wounded eyes.
“I’m ready if you are,” she said, her voice flat, hideously polite.
She turned on her heel and left, leaving a void in his gut.
Seventeen
Shay stared out the window of the Town Car, watching the landmarks that defined Chicago passing by in the distance. What she wouldn’t give to be in one of those monuments right now. Just anywhere as long as it wasn’t here, sitting in the back of this car, tension thick, her pain crushing her chest like an anvil.
Tonight had been a special hell. Between the confrontation and probable loss of her relationship with Trevor and walking in on Madison and Gideon kissing, she just wanted to hole up somewhere and wait out this pain. But how could she hide from it, when she embodied it, breathed it?
Next to her, Gideon was
silent, brooding. She’d never seen him brood. Distant, yes. Taunting, yes. Passionate, God yes. But never this dark heaviness that seemed to reach out to her, wrap around her.
Hold on, she reminded herself. Just hold on until she could get out of the car and into her temporary home, where she could break down. But not now. Not in front of Gideon.
“Shay.”
His deep, silken voice stroked over her skin even under her coat, and she flinched away from it.
“I didn’t kiss her, Shay,” he rasped.
She squeezed her eyes shut. As if she could block out the sight of Madison, her arms thrown around him, her mouth pressed to the one that she adored, needed. But that image would no doubt be branded onto her brain for all eternity. As well as the slashing pain on her heart.
Yet... “I know, Gideon.”
A pause, and then an audible exhale. “You believe me,” he stated.
She nodded. “Yes.”
“Then, baby, look at me. Please.” It was the “please” that had her turning her head and meeting that midnight gaze. “Then what’s wrong? Why haven’t you spoken to me, looked at me since leaving the party? Tell me what I’ve done and let me explain it.”
“You haven’t done anything,” she said, scanning his features. Committing them to memory. “But I can’t go through with this charade. Our agreement is over.”
His head snapped back, his eyes narrowing on her face. “Why? Did your brother convince you to leave me?”
“Leave you?” She chuckled, and it grated her throat raw. “You once accused me of being blind, Gideon. It seems to be contagious. You can’t see that I would do anything to stay with you. But not as a pretend girlfriend or a lover-for-now. I want the real thing. I deserve the real thing.”
“Shay,” he said, and her heart squeezed so hard, she placed her hand over her chest. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I love you. Desperately. Completely. Finally. There’s no going back for me. There’s no one else. And that’s a problem, because you don’t love me. You don’t want me other than as a bed partner and a means to an end.”
“That’s not fair,” he rumbled, the skin tautening over his cheekbones, anger diamond-bright in his eyes. “You mean more to me than a fuck. I’ve never treated you like that. I never would.”
“No,” she agreed. “You’ve been one of the few men in my life who saw past the socialite, the family name and money. You saw the business owner, the capable woman. When no one else respected me, you did...even as you used me to get back at my brother. And that’s the problem. Because above all, the first thing you will always see is Trevor Neal’s sister.” She hesitated, but in the end, she had nothing to lose in laying it all out there. “I know about what he did to Olivia,” she said.
Gideon transformed into living stone. Except for his eyes, which blazed with anger and another darker, more heartbreaking emotion.
“How did you find out? Surely Trevor,” he spat her brother’s name, “didn’t confess his sins to you.”
“No.” She shook her head, hurting for him, for Olivia. Shame for Trevor’s despicable actions coating her in grime even though she wasn’t responsible for him. “I didn’t tell you, but Olivia came by the morning after I moved out of my house. She broke down when she realized who I was, and she ended up revealing everything to me. She’s the reason behind the file, the blackmail, the revenge, not Madison. Your hatred goes much deeper than him cheating with her.”
“Yes,” he confirmed, still cold, still impenetrable. “You saw for yourself what he did to Olivia. She’s been emotionally fragile ever since he left her, and she lost the baby. The morning after the blackout, she’d found out about his engagement to Madison. And it sent her to the hospital. She’s recovering, but she hasn’t been the girl I remember since before your brother came along.”
“And you’ll never be able to get past that. Not that I blame you. He crossed an unforgivable line, and there’s nothing that could justify it. But even realizing this, I can’t waste one more day hoping you will let it go. Not one more day living a lie. It’s time for me to live for me, to determine and shape my own future, and I can’t do that with a man who insists on remaining in the past. A man for whom revenge is more important than love...than me.”
“I didn’t ask for your love,” he snapped, and the tone, razor sharp, flayed her already wounded and bleeding heart. “I told you not to let me break you, Shay. I warned you.”
“And I didn’t ask for your permission to love you,” she countered softly. “Don’t feel guilty, Gideon. I’m used to not being enough for the men in my life. But the difference—what you’ve taught me—is I no longer give a damn. I’m enough for me.”
At that moment, the car stopped in front of Bridgette’s house. Shay didn’t wait for the driver to come around and open her door. She unlocked it and did the honors herself. It was like a metaphor for her new life. She was tired of waiting on others. She was in control of her own fate; she could open her own doors.
And she would.
Starting now.
“Shay.” Gideon’s strong fingers grasped her wrist. “Please.”
“Goodbye, Gideon,” she whispered.
Then, pulling free, she stepped out of the car.
And didn’t look back.
Eighteen
Gideon entered the numbers into the spreadsheet, then several seconds later swore under his breath and deleted them. Dammit. He’d been doing a repeat of this same thing for hours now.
Hours, hell. His fingers fisted on top of the keyboard. Days.
His concentration had been shot for five nights and six days. Since the five nights and six days ago when Shay got out of his car. When she’d announced she loved him, then walked away without looking back. As an image of her leaving him, spine ramrod straight, glide elegant and proud, wavered in his head, he squeezed his eyes shut. Bowing his head, he didn’t will the mental picture away. No, he conjured it up over and over, punishing himself with the memory of the pain and soul-deep sadness that had darkened her eyes, of the words that had driven daggers into his chest.
Of the resolve and strength radiating from her that let him know if he didn’t say something, do something to prevent her from exiting the car, he would never see her again. Never inhale her rain-and-roses scent. Never hear her husky voice. Never have her body pressed to his, fitting like a missing puzzle piece.
But he’d done nothing.
That grab at her wrist had been weak, and they’d both known it.
“Damn you, Shay,” he whispered harshly. “Damn you.”
Like he’d told her that night, he hadn’t asked for her love. Didn’t want it. He’d earned a PhD in how faithless love was. People threw that word around to abuse, betray and abandon others. Madison had claimed to love him. Trevor had vowed the same to his sister.
Love deceived, used and...died. It left pain and disillusionment and loss behind. It changed people for the worse, not the better. Intuition had warned him that if he allowed Shay in, if he risked opening to her, when she left—because experience had taught him the leaving was inevitable—the wreckage would be much worse than the damage Madison had inflicted. Shay would level him.
He refused to be played for the fool by love again. Ever.
With that “ever” ricocheting off his skull, he turned back to his computer screen and the report he’d been trying to finish for the past two hours.
His desk phone buzzed. “Mr. Knight, there’s a Mr. Trevor Neal here to see you. He doesn’t have an appointment—”
“Send him in,” Gideon snapped.
What the hell was Trevor doing here? Scratch that. He didn’t give a damn.
For the first two days after dropping Shay off, Gideon had tried to drown her out with alcohol. When that had failed, work had been his next attempt to erase her from his mind. Apparently, that
wasn’t succeeding, either. While meeting with Trevor was most likely a terrible idea, he was also spoiling for a fight. A grim smile stretched across his mouth. For the first time in days—six days and five nights, to be exact—he looked forward to something.
Seconds later, his office door opened, and the man he’d resented for thirteen years and actively hated since he’d harmed Olivia stalked inside. Harsh lines etched his forehead and bracketed his mouth, and his eyes, so like his sister’s, blazed with anger. His hands curled into fists at his sides. Seemed like Gideon wasn’t the only one looking for a fight.
His smile widened.
“Good afternoon, Trevor. I’d say it was nice to see you again, but we both know that would be bullshit. So we’ll skip the pleasantries and get to what are you doing here.” Gideon leaned back in his desk chair and templed his fingers beneath his chin.
“You son of a bitch,” Trevor snarled.
“Well, that didn’t take long,” Gideon drawled with a sigh, his voice heavy with mock disappointment. Rising, he flattened his palms on the top of his desk. “What the fuck do you want?”
“Where’s my sister?” Trevor demanded. “I checked with Bridgette. She’s no longer staying there. So where is she?”
“I don’t know,” Gideon replied calmly. Though inside, alarm clanged in his head, his chest. As far as he’d known, she’d still been with her best friend. Was she okay? Was she safe? The questions barraged him, but he forced his focus back to the man across from him. “Why do you care? You let her leave the only home she ever knew because she wouldn’t bend to your demands. Are you suddenly having an attack of conscience?”
