Elf Puncher

by Simon Archer

  Barth rolled his teeth over his lips and sucked in a breath. “We need to get you the proper documents to prove you’re… you know.”

  “Not human,” I finished, saying what Barth didn’t.

  “Exactly,” Barth confirmed. “We were planning to go to an old buddy of ours, but Gerry is telling me that he’s not trustworthy.”

  “We weren’t planning to do anything,” Gerry corrected. He stood up straight and tall, with his shoulders pushed back far enough to look uncomfortable. “Barth was planning to do it all on his own until I caught him heading off on his own. And it was a good thing I did too.”

  “Well, if what you’re saying is true,” Barth said while he rolled his eyes.

  “It is,” Gerry interjected as he replanted his hands on his hips.

  “Then I don’t know how to get you the papers you need,” Barth said, returning his gaze to me. “We need a good forger, and there are only so many who will do it for a pretty penny.”

  “And even fewer who will keep your secret,” Gerry added, also looking up at me.

  “Well, didn’t you say you knew another guy?” I asked the gnome.

  “I do,” Gery said proudly, “but I’m not telling Barth her name.”

  “This is ridiculous, Gerry,” Barth argued. “You’re being stubborn.”

  “And you’re being secretive, and I don’t like it,” Gerry countered. “Have a little faith that someone else can actually help you, without stabbing you in the back. You can trust me. You have always been able to trust me.”

  I looked back and forth between the old friends and sensed that there was something more to the story here. Something that they weren’t going to tell me. Instead, they ignored me and continued to shoot daggers at one another with menacing glares.

  “Let Gerry go and get the papers,” I defended Gerry. “If he’s got the contact, then let him make the journey.”

  “I’ll make sure they’re good and authentic,” the gnome said in his defense.

  “As authentic as a forgery can be,” Barth muttered, trying to be clever.

  “Trust him, Barth,” I pleaded. “Let him do this. Ref my fight with Nyah. You’re good at that.”

  “Gerry could do it too,” Barth said weakly. He knew he was on the losing side of this argument.

  If he denied Gerry, the gnome would likely never trust him again. If he accepted Gerry’s offer, the elf would have to give up a little of the control and power he craved. However, we needed Gerry for his training specialty and his magic, so he could help me pretend to have a special move. The whole plan fell apart without him. Therefore, Barth had to give in.

  “I’m not the kind of ref or coach you are, and we both know it,” Gerry said as he pointed one finger between the two creatures. “I’ll go see my friend and get the proper papers.”

  “How fast do you think she can get them done?” Barth asked, his voice sharp. “Myles would have had them by the end of the week.”

  “Do you have enough incentive for her to have it done by the end of the week?” Gerry replied with a question and the same sharpness in his own tone.

  Barth grunted and pulled out a pouch from under his cloak. He threw it down at the gnome who caught the bag before it collided with the ground. Gerry pulled open the violet drawstring and stuck his nose inside. He bounced the bag in his palm, trying to measure the amount by its weight.

  “She’ll have it by the end of the week,” Gerry agreed.

  He looped the pouch around his belt by the string. He tucked the weighty bag in his little pocket. Then Gerry looked up at the pair of us and smiled.

  “Be back in a couple of days,” he said. “Rico, kick her ass, will you? Show us you’re actually worth sticking our necks out for.”

  With those pearls of wisdom, the gnome headed south towards the main road. Barth didn’t bother watching Gerry leave. He turned on his heel and headed towards the barn.

  “I hate that gnome,” Barth grumbled on his way up.

  “No, you don’t,” I called back to him.

  17

  We found Nyah and Deity in the barn. The females were in the blue corner, chatting. Deity helped Nyah pull on her second glove and tied it around her wrist tightly.

  “Deity,” I whined, “I thought you would be in my corner.”

  “I’m always in your corner, Rico,” she replied with an award-winning smile. “Just today, I think I’m going to be in Nyah’s too. She could use a little extra female power of her side, don’t you think?”

  “Yeah, thanks for that,” I said with a disapproving shake of my head.

  Deity bounced over to me and pressed her hands against my chest. She lifted her head and puckered her lips for a kiss. Reluctantly, I obliged with a short peck. Nevertheless, Deity beamed.

  “Good luck,” she said as she reached up and touched my cheek.

  “Thanks, Deity,” I said back, unable to hide my own smile.

  “Well, aren’t you two just as cute as pie,” Nyah called out from her corner. “Do you want to forfeit so you can bone her in the barn?”

  I knew her words were mere taunts, but they still got to me. A fierce need to protect Deity, even from silly teases, flared in my belly. I stepped in front of my girlfriend and headed for the ring. I tightened my frame and ripped off my shirt over my head.

  “I’ll bone her in celebration after I win,” I responded.

  Deity whistled approvingly behind me. It took all my self-control to stay ahead of her and keep glaring when all I wanted to do was race back to Deity and kiss her senseless.

  Barth waited in the red corner with my gloves. He tied the left one on and then the right. The elf didn’t say a word as he did this. I tried to get some advice from him.

  “What do you think, coach?” I wondered. I gestured my head towards Nyah. “How do you think she’ll play?”

  “Fast,” Barth grumbled.

  “She is lean,” I noted. “Probably limber too.”

  “Power is your friend here,” Barth said as he directed his words to my glove so Nyah couldn’t read his lips. “She doesn’t have a lot of weight on her. Land a couple of solid punches, and you will have her calling it in a heap on the floor.”

  “Too bad we don’t have Gerry here to make it all nice for us, huh?” I said as I glanced about our rundown surroundings.

  “A fight is a fight. Doesn’t matter where it is,” Barth said sagely. “You do the same moves whether there are thousands of people watching or two.”

  I nodded, thinking through my moves. When Barth looked up and caught me, the elf smacked me in the head.

  “Stop that!” Barth snapped. “Don’t think about it too much. Get in there and feel the moves. If you stand there thinking about it the whole time, she’ll get enough punches in to knock you out in the second round!”

  “Alright, alright,” I said and shook my head as if that would send the thoughts flying out my ears.

  I hopped a couple of times from foot to foot. Nyah, in the opposite corner, stood still. She cracked her neck to the left once but chose to remain motionless. Her face hardened, signaling her transformation into game mode. I rolled my shoulders back and then forward. I left them slightly hunched and bent myself a little lower.

  Barth took his place in the center between the two of us. “We’re going to have a fair fight. Standard MFL regulations, minus the special moves or use of magic of any kind. I have the ring tapped to sense any magic within this space. Use it, and I will disqualify you.”

  The elf said all of this to the female half-elf since the warnings didn’t really apply to me. Nyah merely nodded, her gray eyes never leaving mine as she agreed to the terms.

  “We will compete in five three-minute rounds,” Barth continued spelling out the ground rules. “Winner is decided by knockout or points at the end of five rounds. Alright, let’s--”

  “Hang on!” Deity interrupted from her place on an overturned pail. She rose to her feet and straightened out her shirt. “Aren’t you supposed
to introduce them?”

  “That’s usually in the beginning when they’re entering the ring,” Barth informed her. “But since they’re already here, I figured we could skip it.”

  “But this is my first fight,” Deity explained. “I want the full experience. You should introduce them.”

  Barth exhaled hard enough to flutter his lips. He emphasized his exasperation with a dramatic eye roll. He turned to Nyah.

  “What’s your title?” the elf asked blandly.

  “Nyah the Thief,” the half said. She licked her lips. “Because I’m going to take your breath away.”

  “Ooh,” Deity said as she rubbed her hands together. “I like it. It’s dramatic and a play on words too. Nice. What about you, Rico?”

  I stalled with a couple of incoherent mutters. Over the years, I contemplated many titles for myself. Nothing ever really stuck, however. It usually changed depending on what age I was. Rico the Hero to Rico the Destroyer to Rico the Rapscallion. At this moment, my brain couldn’t come up with anything. Despite this being a practice fight, it felt so permanent I couldn’t find an acceptable answer.

  “I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “We’re still working on it.”

  “Then you’ll be Rico the Clueless,” Nyah taunted, “because he doesn’t know what he’s doing in or out of the ring.”

  Deity snorted as she tried to hold back a laugh. “That works for now.”

  “I resent that, especially coming from you.” I pointed at Deity with a gloved hand. She rolled her eyes and blew me a kiss.

  “Do we want to talk titles all afternoon, or do we actually want to fight?” Barth proposed, obviously fed up with the delay.

  “Fight,” Nyah and I said at the same time.

  Our gazes narrowed on one another. My blood burned at the sight of her. It was as though she transformed in front of my very eyes. One minute she was this humorous half, a guest in my home that I was enjoying getting to know. The next, she was my immediate enemy, a threat to my ring and my title. A red ring of intensity glowed around her like an aura, and a corner of my mouth lifted in anticipation.

  “Touch gloves,” Barth instructed.

  Nyah and I did as we were told and briefly tapped our gloves together. As quickly as we touched, we lowered our arms back to our sides. We conserved our strength and our anger.

  Barth told us to go to our corners. I walked back to mine and wasted no time turning to face the half-elf. Nyah, on the other hand, took a couple of visible breaths before spinning on her heel and looking at me.

  “And… fight!” Barth announced. He dropped an arm between the two of us and then backed out of the way.

  Nyah and I took giant steps forward to meet in the middle. Wasting no time, Nyah released a few quick punches. I brought my arms up to block before dodging the final blow of her combination. She came in hot and put me on the defensive right away.

  We bobbed against one another and tried to decipher which way the other was going to go. She made a dramatic dodge to the left but then continued the movement with a surprise jab at my side. I stepped out of the way, only to be met with a punch to my face.

  Nyah was wicked fast, and I had to step out of her reach to give us both a breather. It didn’t take her long, however, to close that gap and come at me again. She attacked hard and heavy. Some of her punches got through, her slender hands finding ways to slip between my blocks.

  Her combinations were short and sharp. She bounced around me like a gnat, and I barely got a few blows to land before the end of the round. I shook my head at the recklessness of her moves. I was too busy being on the defensive to get a clear look at her footwork or her reach.

  Deity brought the half-elf a scoop of water from the well outside while I was content with swallowing my own spit for now. I knew I should have been focusing on myself, but I couldn’t help but glance over my shoulder at Nyah.

  She had her elbows on the ropes, leaning over them. Her back heaved up and down from violent breaths. The water dribbled down the corners of her mouth as Deity fed it to her.

  My mind raced as it pieced together the signs. Nyah expended a lot of energy in that first round. She did everything she wanted, landing punches and distracting me. However, if the half didn’t knock me out soon, she’d wear herself out from sheer exhaustion.

  I let that notion roll around in my thoughts for a second when Barth called out the start of round two. Once again, Nyah and I stood in the center. Our gloves faced one another, ready to connect.

  When Barth’s makeshift ding rang out, I was ready for her. Nyah jabbed with a ferocity I could barely counter. Nevertheless, I planted my feet and weaved my upper body out of her reach. She wound up a punch that flew right over my head as I ducked.

  From this new angle, I delivered a series of blows to her stomach, just above the legal beltline. She curved inward with each punch. I straightened back up and sent a final right hook at her face.

  Nyah’s head jerked and then snapped back into place. I got closer to her and aimed another smack at her head when the half-elf’s arms rose up and landed atop mine. She drew herself close to me and stalemated me. Barth let her hang there for a moment before coming over and breaking us up.

  I waited patiently, knowing Nyah couldn’t resist coming for me. She did as predicted and laid it in on me once more. I admired her speed, and if I weren’t the one across the ring from her, I would have loved to watch her go at it. But I had to dodge and pull back and block the tiring blows and combinations she released.

  Nyah landed one nasty punch right under my left eye which started swelling almost instantly. I got her back with a left hook that sent her into the weak ropes. We had to pause there since our pathetic ring couldn’t quite keep her steady and contained.

  Regardless of that misstep, Nyah continued her assault.

  It was at the start of round three that I noticed it. Nyah breathed through her mouth. It hung open ever so slightly. I hit her there a couple of times, but it wasn’t a sign of injury, it was a clear sign of her exhaustion. Her initial combination, right at the start of this round, was a little loopy as well.

  I finally gave myself permission to take a step forward and use those signs to my advantage. I approached with a one-two punch, and she responded with a whack upside my head. I blocked it while preparing my own attack.

  My glove snuck between her elbows and knocked right into her chin. Distracted, she turned away from me, and I got her a few more times in the arm and her ribs. I pulled back only for a moment to check my own footing.

  Adrenaline coursed through me. With every punch, I smiled. Not all of them connected, but I had the upper hand as I played on Nyah’s exhaustion. Sure, one of my eyes started to swell, and I could feel the skin break on my opposite cheek. However, the thrill of my gloves connecting with her skin surged through me.

  I wanted to cackle, delighted that I unlocked her secret. Nyah was a fast and furious fighter who expected to damage and knock-out her opponent within the first few rounds, but I had an iron jaw and a hard head. My stamina from the weeks of jump rope, running, farm chores, shadow boxing, and test fights with Barth outlasted hers. The proof was in her perspiring forehead, noodly arms, and heavy breaths.

  Somehow, we made it to the fifth round. Nyah’s breathing was so loud that it sounded like the ocean’s waves rattling about in a shell. She was nearly doubled over, and her head struggled to stay up.

  I wasn’t so hot, either. The lump under my eye rose to almost an alarming size. I could still see which meant I could still fight, but my body throbbed. With each pump, it reminded me that I was alive and upright. That I could still throw a punch to win this fight.

  Round five began differently from the others. Nyah waited, and I watched. My head weaved back and forth as I contemplated where she would strike next. Nyah stalled, and if she stalled, that meant she was tired.

  I found my opening.

  I surged forward and hammered her with two left jabs and finished the combina
tion with a right hook. Nyah blocked the jabs but missed the hook and took a staggering step to the side. I bounced back for a moment and then came at her again, this time with one side jab and then another under her elbow.

  Both of those landed with satisfying smacks. Nyah wobbled and continued to hold both gloves up close to her face. Surprisingly, she didn’t strike back. She curled into defense because that was all she had the energy for. I refused to let her rest.

  The tables turned as my endurance prevailed. I let my guard down and opened myself up for an attack, but nothing came. Nyah continued to guard herself. I snarled and jabbed. A wicked left punch connected, breaking in the perfect gap between her arm and her face.

  Nyah swayed and lowered her arms. I hit her forearms with a right punch, and she lost her footing. She bent forward, and I smacked once on the side of her head. She practically leaned into it. Nyah managed to punch me a single time, just to get me off her.

  I could taste it now. My own sweat mixed with the dry stench of the barn. It fueled me forward to finish her off with a left hook just above her raised gloves.

  The vibrations from the hit radiated up my arm and make my bones quake. I knew before I saw Nyah trip over her own feet. Before Barth cut us both off and cast the shield spell to ward us off. I knew that blow landed me enough punches to warrant a win. Had we gone one more round, I might have been able to knock her out completely.

  Nyah sat against the post in her corner. Barth left her side to come to raise my arm in the air.

  “Rico the Clueless wins!” Barth announced.

  I readied myself for the applause. For the cheers and the hollers to come, even if it was only from my girlfriend. But upon declaring me the winner, the balloon of happiness in my chest burst when the announcement was met with silence.

  Deity was not sitting on the pail. Instead, she was at Nyah’s side, crouched next to her as she dabbed the half-elf’s swelling face. My girlfriend’s focus narrowed in on the injured female so much that she didn’t even take a moment to celebrate my victory with me.