He looks at me, almost silently pleading for me not to back out now. He must be joking; there is nothing that could stop me.
I reach out and push his shorts and boxers down over his arse and let them fall to his ankles. The sight of him takes my breath away. He’s everything I thought he would be and more. He is seriously ripped for only an eighteen-year-old. I know he spends plenty of time working out, but I didn’t appreciate quite how much. I grab his hands and pull him down on top of me, stopping any question he might have had as to whether I want this or not.
Well, it was pretty much what I was expecting. Painful. Although I know that Fin has had some experience, it can’t have been that much, because we were mostly just a jumble of limbs rolling around. Having said that, though, he enjoyed himself, and that means more to me than actually enjoying it myself. Fin was my first. No one can take that away from me. I’m seriously hoping that this was the first time of many, and we’ll have plenty of time to master it together.
I’m lying on my side with my head on his chest and one arm and leg wrapped tightly around him. I’m fairly sure he’s fallen asleep from the slowness of his breathing. I lift my head and risk a look up at him. My heart melts when I take in his face. His blonde hair is falling down on to his forehead, his cheeks are flushed and his lips swollen from our kisses. I run my eyes down his neck and follow the lines of his chest and stomach before noticing that he’s hard again when I get down that far.
My appreciation of his spectacular body unfortunately gets cut short, though, because I’m suddenly yanked roughly from the bed. A loud growl is emitted before Fin is also pulled from the bed and practically thrown against the wall by my very angry big brother.
I quickly reach over and grab the first thing to hand, Fin’s t-shirt, to cover up as I hear the first grunt of pain when Ruben’s fist connects with Fin’s face.
* * *
Present…
“So, this isn’t the first time this has happened then?” Emma asks sadly.
“I’m so sorry. I know I should have learnt my lesson, I know I should have stayed away from him, but it’s impossible.”
She gives me a sympathetic look before saying, “I know how that feels.” I presume she’s talking about trying to stay away from Ruben, but I don’t question her. I’m too consumed with my own life at the moment to put much thought into it. “You don’t have to apologise to me though, Con. I understand, and I knew there was something between you. I just didn’t know the extent of it.”
Emma insists on feeding me before taking me to be with Fin at the hospital, although I barely eat any of it. My mum rang a few minutes ago with an update. Well, I say update, but all she said was that Fin was okay and the doctor was currently with him.
Fin
Feeling something shaking on top of me helps pull me from the fog that is clouding my brain. I try to open my eyelids, but only one of them moves, and even then I have to fight to open it more than just a crack. What the fuck?
The bright artificial light that instantly enters my one eye makes my head pound, so much so that I have to shut it again and wait for the pain to ease.
When I feel able to, I try again. This time, though, I can’t feel the shaking, just a weight and an unbelievable pain in my chest. It takes a few minutes for my eye to focus, and when it does, I’m as confused as I think I’ve ever been. There are spotlights above me, surrounded by ceiling tiles. It’s not until I look in front of me and see a curtain that it suddenly hits me as to where I am. In fucking hospital. I hate fucking hospitals.
A soft noise makes me look down and I instantly realise what the weight is. Connie has her head resting on my chest. She looks to be asleep. I stay still and take the opportunity to take her in. How I ever managed to refuse her is still beyond me. I can’t remember a time when just one look at her didn’t take my breath away. I tried my hardest to do the right thing, though. I really did. But she’s more addictive than any drug to me.
Her face is peaceful in her slumber, but I can see that before she fell asleep she was anything but. Her eyes are red, and she has black make up tracks running down her cheeks from where she has been crying. I suddenly understand what the shaking I was feeling earlier was.
She looks so much younger in her sleep, and I suddenly have a huge feeling of déjà vu.
* * *
Ten years ago…
I’ve got the best view in the world. From where I’m sat on Ruben’s bed, I have perfect sight of his little sister, Connie, laid out on a sun lounger in a tiny black bikini. Thankfully, from where he’s sitting to the left of me, he can’t see her. I know this because I checked when he went to get more drinks. The last thing I need is to be caught checking out his sister. He’d kill me. I’ve seen how he’s reacted to guys obviously wanting her before. That kid at school a couple of years ago didn’t see Ruben coming when he made a comment about wanting to tap her. Everyone in school learnt a very important lesson that day. Don’t even look at Connie Foster, let alone touch her.
It’s a real fucking shame that I can’t stop looking at her, and that I dream most days of what it would be like to touch that banging little body she’s rocking. Fuck me, little Fin is getting excited just thinking about it.
Luckily, I just finish adjusting my suddenly tight shorts as Ruben turns to me and hands me the controller. “Here, it’s your turn. I died.”
I just start a new game when Ruben’s mum, Elizabeth, knocks on his bedroom door and enters. “I’m just popping to the shop; you guys want anything?”
Ruben starts rattling off a list including toiletries, and to his mum’s utter horror, condoms. I have to really fight to hold in a laugh at the look on her face.
“Oh for goodness’ sake, Ruben. I am not getting all of that. Come with me.”
He gets himself off the bed with a huff that tells me that he was seriously asking his mum to buy him condoms. I lose my fight, and by the time he turns to me, I have a wide smile on my face and I’m chuckling to myself.
“Yeah, laugh it up, prick. You coming?”
“Nah man, I always make sure I’ve got them things stock piled. No chance of me running out.”
“That’s cos you’re full of shit and you’ve never used one, let alone the box of one hundred you ordered online, you pussy.”
“What the fuck ever, dude. You know as well as I do that I’ve tapped way more pussy than you have.”
“Fuck you,” he quips as he leaves the room, but not before he turns the power off on the TV. Fucker.
I just get the TV back on and I’m starting another game, seeing as I died the minute Ruben turned the power off, when I hear someone coming up the stairs. I glance to the window to see my suspicions are correct. I continue playing and trying to ignore that fact that we are in the house alone and she is wearing that bikini. Fuck, or even less, now she’s in her room. My cock jumps and I lose my battle. My feet are carrying me towards her room before I even realise I’m moving.
Her cheesy pop music fills my ears when I’m halfway down the hall. I can’t believe my fucking luck when I come to a stop in her doorway. There in the centre of the room is Connie, wearing only her bikini bottoms and dancing around to the music. Her eyes are shut, her arms are up in the air, and her tits, fuck me, her tits are bouncing along with the beat.
I know how much shit I’m going to be in, but I can’t move. She has me completely enthralled and I can’t pull my eyes away. She’s too perfect for her own fucking good. Why has she got to be Ruben’s sister? I must have done something serious fucked up in a previous life to be punished like this.
The song comes to an end and I’m about to leave, I swear I am, when she turns and takes one step forward before locking her hazel eyes on mine.
FUCK!
I brace myself for the shouting that’s surely going to come. I mean, I was stood here watching my best friend’s little sister dance around her room basically naked; there’s going to be shouting. But to my surprise, it doesn’t come. Instead
, her hands fly up to cover her tits, and after swearing in shock, she just stares at me, her eyes visibly darkening.
I’m so surprised by her lack of reaction that my mouth runs away with itself in excitement. I begin rambling about how I’ve been watching her all afternoon. I can see the scepticism in her eyes that I’m taking the piss out of her, but I couldn’t be further from telling the truth right now. I’m surprised she can’t tell, because it must be obvious as fuck that my cock is trying to break out of my shorts.
I can’t stop myself. I move towards her. I have to touch her.
The next thirty minutes or so are a blur of kisses, caresses and, thankfully, sex. I gave her the option of backing down, but much to my sheer delight, she was with me all the way.
I hate to admit it, and I just know it’s going to haunt me forever, but I was so nervous that I was a complete fumbling idiot. Anyone would think it was my first time. But the knowledge of it being her first time and the fact it was Connie, the girl I’ve been dreaming about ever since I realised girls existed, meant it wasn’t my best performance. I’m pretty sure she never even got off - not cool. The first rule is always that you get the girl off first, even I know that, but as I said, little Fin was so excited that there wasn’t time. I tried to be as gentle as possible so not to hurt her, but I don’t think I’d needed to worry for the short few minutes I was in her before I blew.
I know I sound like an arsehole, but the look she gave me afterwards made me feel like a God. Even though she didn’t see stars, she was still acting like she’d just been shown heaven. I pulled out of her, chucked the condom over the side of the bed to sort out later, and pulled her on to my chest. She almost instantly fell asleep and I spent what felt like ages looking down at her. Strands of her mousy brown hair had fallen from its band and were curling around her face. Her eyelashes rested on her pink cheekbones, and her full, swollen, pink lips made my cock twitch in anticipation.
I think I must have fallen asleep with her at some point, because the next thing I know, her weight is off me and I’m being pulled from her bed and thrown across the room. I’m fully conscious by the time I hit the wall with a thud. I look up to see what the hell is going on, and I see Ruben snarling down at me. I glance over at Connie briefly to see that she has pulled my discarded t-shirt on to cover her nakedness.
I put my hands up in surrender to Ruben as I get up off the floor. I’m just about to say something - fuck knows what, mind you - when his fist connects with my nose.
“FUCK!” I shout, as I feel blood start to pour down into my mouth.
Ruben gets a good few punches in before the sound of Connie’s screams alerts her mum, who comes storming into the room, and the two of them just about manage to drag Ruben away from me. I’m impressed they manage it, because they are both tiny, and Ruben is seriously pumped up. Luckily for me, a bit of smooth talking from his mum calms Ruben down and he soon gets sent away. We all stand in silence as we listen to his footsteps pound down the stairs before the front door slams shut.
“I think you should put some clothes on, don’t you, Fin?” Elizabeth says, throwing my boxers and shorts at me. It’s only when she says that that I realise I’m stood there stark bollock naked. I guess I should be grateful that being beat on by Ruben meant I lost my hard on.
“I should go,” I mutter to both Connie and Elizabeth once I’m half-dressed, seeing as Connie is sat still wearing my t-shirt. I grab my wallet off the side. The used condom on the floor makes me cringe, but I leave it where it is and walk out, quickly.
* * *
Present…
Thinking back, the first time we got caught together reminds me that it should have taught me a lesson. I hurt Ruben badly by sleeping with Connie. It didn’t matter how much I liked her. She was a no go, and I just ignored that and did what I wanted. I’d promised Ruben not long before it happened that I would never do anything with her. When I promised, I totally believed it was a promise I could keep, because I didn’t in a million years think that she would be willing.
Ruben isn’t just my best friend, he’s my brother, and I hated myself for doing that to him. I was in a bad place for a long time after that day. Not only was my home life going down the pan, but I’d lost my adopted family. I owed the Fosters so much and that’s how I repaid them. Thankfully, Nigel didn’t sack me, and I was able to throw myself into work. Nigel did his best to ensure that Ruben and I were working on different sites, which I was grateful for. He knew as well as I did how angry Ruben was at me. And I couldn’t blame him.
It took the best part of a year for things between Ruben and me to get back to somewhere near normal. By that, I mean he could be in the same room as me and not want to end me. I was grateful, but I missed him and the Fosters like crazy. Okay, so it was totally my own fault. Firstly, I shouldn’t have done what I did, and secondly, in hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have tossed Connie aside like a piece of rubbish afterwards. I thought it was the right thing to do, though.
Connie’s eyelids fluttering catch my attention and bring me out of my daydream.
“You’re awake,” she says, stating the obvious when she sees me looking back down her. “I’m so sorry, Fin. He wasn’t meant to find out that way.” Her eyes start filling with tears again and it breaks my heart. This isn’t her fault. It’s all on me, and my lack of self-control.
“Don’t, Connie,” I warn. “I knew this was going to happen, but I wasn’t strong enough to let it stop me.”
“I thought he was going to kill you this time. He was like a man possessed. Nothing like last time. And you just stood there and took it. Why didn’t you fight back? You could have stopped him so you didn’t end up in this state.”
“I wasn’t going to fight back, Connie. I was in the wrong. I swore to him so many times that I wouldn’t touch you again, and yet here we are. I deserved what he gave me and then some.”
“Stop…” she sobs out. “You did not deserve this, Fin. He just doesn’t understand that this,” she says, gesturing between us, “Isn’t just a bit of fun. He doesn’t know that I love you, and that I always have.”
“He won’t accept this, Con. He’ll never accept us being together.”
“Wha…what are you saying?” she asks, and I can hear the fear in her voice. She knows what’s coming next.
“We need to end this,” I say, with as much resolve as I can muster.
“No,” she says defiantly. “I’m not going to let him ruin what we’ve got, Fin. It’s too good, and don’t you dare deny it. I know you feel the same.”
“It doesn’t matter what I feel. I won’t do this to him, he’s always been there for me and so have your parents. I won’t cause them any more problems, and us being together will cause problems and you know it. Ruben will make sure of it.”
She just sits and stares at me with tears running down her face, with a look of utter disbelief.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me again. I thought things were different this time. I thought this was it, after everything you’ve put me through.” She gets up and walks to the curtain as if going to leave.
“Do you know what, Fin? Fuck you. I’ve wasted enough of my life, love and tears on you. I won’t put myself through it anymore. This is it, though. You make this decision now and I won’t come crawling back like the pathetic little girl that I’ve been before. I deserve more than this, Fin. I deserve to be treated properly. I deserve to be loved.” With that said, she swipes the curtain aside and she’s gone.
“You’re right,” I mutter quietly to myself. “You deserve all of that and more, and it should be me giving it to you.” I stare at the curtain as it falls back into place like she was never here. The pain from my broken nose and ribs subsides in that moment, and the pain in my chest takes over.
Chapter Two
Connie
I don’t make it any further than the corridor on the way back to the relatives’ room where Mum and Emma are waiting for me, before I give in to my sobs. I
lean back against the wall and I don’t know I’m falling until my arse hits the floor. I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them as I cry.
I knew Ruben wouldn’t be happy about Fin and me, but I didn’t expect this. I thought we’d tell him how we really feel about each other and he’d get over it. But because I decided that the pregnancy test that I’d been carrying around in my handbag for weeks was burning a hole in the leather, I made the stupid decision to piss on it at Emma’s while waiting for her and Ruben to arrive for the party. I didn’t even think twice about just putting it in the bin. How fucking stupid was that?
So now my brother hates me, and he all but killed Fin because of it. I’ve been cast aside, again, and he doesn’t even know about the baby because I haven’t been brave enough to admit my stupid mistake. Well, at least I know how he really feels about me. Clearly, he was never as serious about me as I was about him, and I’d have hated for him to hang around for a baby if it wasn’t what he really wanted.
“Shit, Connie,” I hear in the distance. I haven’t got the energy to look up and see who it is, though. Seconds later, I feel someone sit down beside me and pull my sobbing body into them. I know instantly that it’s Emma, because she smells like raspberries and coconut.
She continues to hold me while I sob. I have no idea how long we’re there for, but a lot of people walk up and down the corridor past us. People must think someone has died. Well, to be honest, I kind of feel like someone has. I meant what I said: I won’t go back to him again. It hurts too much every time he decides to end it.
Falling For Fin (Falling Book 5) Page 2
