Healing Chay

by Donna Fasano

  Idiot man.

  Inhaling a steady breath, Tori said to Brenda, “I didn’t miss out on anything. And I don’t want you thinking I did.”

  “Well, somebody’s losing out on something.”

  Tori’s forehead creased.

  Brenda said, “I peeked out the window when the two of you were talking out back by the building. And again the morning you were walking down the front lane. That man about ate you up with his eyes.”

  “Oh, stop.” Tori stood up. She didn’t want to talk about this. But pride alone had her stating, “You can’t miss out on something that was never meant to be in the first place.”

  She made some inane excuse that allowed her to leave the room, but not before she saw the dubious reflection in Brenda’s eyes… and not before she identified the emotion that rolled through her as she voiced those words.

  Desolation.

  ~oOo~

  Tori scanned the rack in the small pharmacy and chose a bottle of shampoo, one of conditioner, a tube of toothpaste, an unscented deodorant and a bar of soap, all in small, travel-sized containers. She usually frequented the large grocery store located in the town of Mountview, but she’d visited Grayson Makwa to ask if he’d meet Brenda for a counseling session before the woman left town. To save time, Tori had decided to pick up a few things for Brenda here at Misty Glen Reservation rather than traveling all the way into town.

  The small string of bells attached to the front door of the shop tinkled, and Tori lifted her head automatically. Her gaze connected with Chay’s and her lips parted in surprise. Luckily she was able to contain the gasp that had gathered in the back of her throat.

  Clearly, Chay was just as taken aback by this unexpected encounter as she.

  Should she greet him? Ignore him? Or what?

  Tori resolved to let Chay decide. If he wished to take no notice of her, then she’d follow suit. A second ticked by, then another, and she could feel her heartbeat pound in her ears. She realized that if he walked away without acknowledging her, she’d be crushed.

  He stepped inside the shop, letting the door drift closed behind him. Vaguely she was aware of the tinkling of metal against glass. With his eyes riveted to hers, he made his way toward her.

  Relief flooded her in a torrent. She refused to allow herself to examine what that might mean. She didn’t want to know. Then he was close enough that she could feel the heat of him, smell the pine scent that clung to his hair, to his clothes.

  “Hi,” he said.

  He didn’t smile. But there wasn’t anything antagonistic in his greeting, either.

  “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” The words left her mouth with no conscious thought “On the rez, I mean. I thought you were avoiding this place.”

  His mouth pulled into a grin. “Came to see my cousin. Dakota got himself married not too long ago, and I wanted to meet his new wife.”

  “Lyssa.” Thinking of her friend, Tori smiled. “She’s a friend of mine. I was her maid of honor when she married Dakota.”

  The troubled look that darkened Chay’s features made her feel as if she might have revealed too much. She pressed her lips together in an effort to shut herself up.

  After a moment, Chay nodded toward the items she had stacked in the small red plastic basket hanging from her arm.

  “You going on a trip?”

  She looked down at the toothpaste, the soap and the other products. Then she tipped up her chin. “No,” she answered him honestly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He seemed to be waiting for her to elaborate on all those travel-sized purchases she’d chosen, but she remained mulishly silent.

  Chay’s gaze dipped to the floor. “Look, Tori,” he said, catching her gaze once again, “I’m sorry that I was so… harsh the last time we spoke. This is my problem. It has nothing to do with you and I shouldn’t be taking my frustration out on you.”

  The apology touched her heart. “I know this is something you need to work out, Chay. I’m sorry I butted my nose in. I have no business offering you advice. But I only pushed so hard because—”

  I care. Those were the words she’d been about to utter. Luckily she’d stopped herself.

  I do care, a quiet voice earnestly intoned from somewhere in the back of her mind. But she dared not admit that. Not if she were to keep her heart safe.

  “Because I think it’s… that it’s very important for you to find the answers you need.”

  She felt weak in the knees all of a sudden. The longer she stood here, the more she was coming to understand just how much Chay had come to mean to her. She wanted him to be happy and whole. She wanted those nightmares to stop plaguing him. She wanted…

  “So,” he said, his voice soft, “we’re okay? You’re not angry with me?”

  Tori shook her head. “I’m not angry.”

  “Good.”

  That mysterious allure entwined around their ankles, slowly twisted its way around them, meandering between and about them like a live entity. Chay was cognizant of it. Tori read it in his intense black gaze.

  “Are you going to Dakota and Lyssa’s party tonight?”

  “I, um, I want to. But I’m just not sure yet.”

  Chay smiled, and she realized how much she’d missed seeing it.

  “I thought you said you were Lyssa’s maid of honor,” he said. “I can’t believe you’d miss this party.”

  She smiled, but didn’t respond.

  “I could pick you up,” he pressed.

  “Thanks, but—” she shook her head “—I’m really not sure about my plans.”

  The allure thickened to a density that was becoming awkward.

  Finally he said, “I’ve been waiting for that call you promised.”

  The remark and his pseudo-hangdog expression called for a smile. The moment was so intense, though, that smiling was difficult for her.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d still be interested in helping me with the carriage house.”

  “Of course I am. Has the permit arrived?”

  “It has.” She shifted the basket, a corporeal reminder of why she had to keep him and everyone else away from Freedom Trail. “But I need another day or two, Chay. Then I’ll be ready for you.”

  He looked at her hard, as though he were searching for some hidden—deeper—meaning in her words. The oxygen seemed to thicken and Tori felt the need to get out into the fresh air.

  “I don’t understand why you keep putting me off, Tori.”

  Oh, Lord, she wanted to tell him everything. She’d love to reveal everything about her work at Freedom Trail. But with Brenda’s decision to go underground came a heavy responsibility. Tori could not tell anyone what she was planning. She hadn’t even told Grayson, a man who’d been helping her for quite some time. Brenda trusted her, and the woman deserved the confidentiality that Tori had promised.

  After Brenda and Scotty were on their way to their new home, then Tori could come clean with Chay. She could tell all as soon as her guests were safely gone.

  Tori sighed. “I do have your number, Chay,” she assured him. “I will call you.”

  That was a promise she had every intention of keeping.

  Chapter Seven

  When Tori didn’t answer the door the second time, he knocked, Chay went around to the back of the B&B in search of her, excitement bouncing in every step. The promise in her tone when they had parted this morning had churned him up. He’d begun thinking about the project they would soon start and he’d drawn up plans for the carriage house.

  He had two ideas, actually. He’d sketched out two renditions of the renovations he’d seen in his mind’s eye. One utilized only the existing space, the other would necessitate a small addition being built off the back.

  The second idea was what had him so energized. With just a small eight-foot extension, he’d added a sitting area and a kitchenette that would allow Tori’s newlywed guests some real privacy. What man and woman who were just starting out and getting to know
each other wouldn’t like the opportunity of taking their meals alone, in the comfortable seclusion of their own little cozy suite?

  Chay grinned, sure that Tori would flip over his idea.

  He knew she was too busy to start the work for a couple of days. She’d said as much. And he didn’t intend to take up much of her time. All he wanted to do was hand her the plans, and then he’d go on his way.

  He walked toward the detached garage, but since it had no windows, he couldn’t tell if her car was inside. The yard was empty, and he wondered if she were out by the lake.

  Movement in his peripheral vision had his head swiveling toward the house. A curtain had flicked in an upstairs window. Chay was certain of it.

  Did Tori have guests staying at Freedom Trail? Was that why she’d put him off for yet another couple of days, even though, as she’d told him, the building permit had arrived? But if that were the case, why hadn’t she simply said that? Having paying visitors was a perfectly viable excuse for avoiding construction noise that might have people complaining, or worse yet, taking their business elsewhere.

  When he’d talked with Tori in the pharmacy earlier today, she’d shelved the renovation with such a vague reason that he couldn’t even remember what it had been… or if she’d even offered one.

  Chay lifted his face toward the inn’s second floor. Was that a shadow falling across the curtain? Was someone up there watching him?

  He stared hard, but the form was gone.

  There was something furtive about this… something—

  A rumble of laughter shook his shoulders. “Chay, dude,” he murmured to himself, hanging his head and scrubbing at the back of his neck, “you’ve been spending too much time alone. Your imagination is running wild.”

  The sound of tires crunching on gravel made him turn. Tori’s little compact eased up the long lane, stopping just a couple of yards from him. Tension marred her beautiful face as she opened the door and got out of the car.

  “What are you doing here, Chay?” she asked.

  He should have been put off by her tone, but his enthusiasm over the plans he’d brought made him oblivious to her mood.

  “I’ve brought you something.” He knew there was a zest in his voice she couldn’t miss. As he approached her he held out the sheets of graph paper on which he’d drafted the drawings.

  She took them from him, and his gaze darted to the large items on the back seat of her car.

  “You sure you’re not going anywhere?” he asked, indicating the two suitcases with the price tags still affixed to them.

  “Just doing a little shopping.” She didn’t look up, just studied the pages he’d given her.

  Then he noticed the gaily wrapped package on the seat. “You’ve decided to go to Dakota and Lyssa’s party?” Although he tried not to feel offended by her declining his offer to take her this evening, he would have been lying if he’d said he wasn’t affected.

  “I’m still not sure I can,” she said in a rush. “If I can’t go, it would be rude not to send a gift. I hope I can get away. But even if I can, I won’t be able to stay long.”

  An awkward moment passed, then she looked up from the plans. “These are great, Chay. Thanks. I like the one with the addition a lot. It’s perfect. Just what I’ve been looking for all along.”

  He smiled, pleased with the notion that he’d been right about which draft she’d choose. “I thought you’d like it.”

  Their gazes locked then, and Chay had the overwhelming sense that Tori’s mind was weighed down with something.

  “What is it? Something’s wrong.”

  He made to move toward her, to reach out to her, but she balked. Her hands drew back and she pressed the sheets of paper to her chest in her effort to retreat from him without actually stepping backward.

  Startled by her reaction, he let his hand drop to his side. A frown rutted his brow. “You told me at the pharmacy that you weren’t angry with me. But you still are, aren’t you?”

  “No, Chay,” she told him. “Please believe me. This isn’t about you.”

  He couldn’t help but ask, “Then… what is it about?”

  Her features filled with roiling emotion and he was certain there was more she wanted to say. Yet she didn’t. He found himself staring at her glorious golden hair when she dipped her chin toward her chest.

  She murmured, “It’s almost over. Everything’s set.” Then her gaze skimmed the inn and she sighed heavily.

  Now, Tori thought, would be the perfect moment to tell him everything. To explain about her work. To tell him that she’d love to attend Lyssa and Dakota’s party with him, but that she’d spent some long hours on the phone on a plan to send Brenda and Scotty in secret to the southwest, where they would begin a new life for themselves.

  But she looked up at Freedom Trail and knew Brenda was in there watching her. Every time Tori’s own sister had gone into hiding, the fear of discovery that the entire family had dealt with had been devastating. Brenda was feeling that right now, and she had no family to rely on.

  Tori promised Brenda she’d tell no one, and it was a promise she simply had to keep. At least until mother and son boarded that midnight bus bound for New Mexico.

  “What do you mean when you say that everything is set?”

  Chay’s question forced her to meet his dark gaze.

  She injected a brightness into her words as she said, “What I mean is that tomorrow we can begin work on the carriage house. Everything is set and I’m ready. But right now—” she made a show of rolling up the graph paper in her hands “—you’ll have to go. I’ve got an appointment in just ten minutes.”

  Grayson was coming to meet with Brenda. Tori didn’t want Chay to be here when his grandfather arrived.

  Those onyx eyes of Chay’s studied her in silence. It was clear he wasn’t sure what to think. Finally he nodded slowly. “If I don’t see you at Dakota’s house tonight, I’ll be here bright and early in the morning.”

  Tori hated letting him walk away with all those doubts in his head about her, but she honestly felt that she had no choice.

  ~oOo~

  Scotty set three plates on the table and then went to the cutlery drawer for forks, knives, and spoons. He was sad, and the child wasn’t even trying to hide it. Tori stood at the stove, stirring the beef stew she was heating for their dinner.

  Brenda was talking with Grayson in the privacy of the living room while Tori and Scotty fixed the meal.

  “I’m not going to see you again, am I?” the boy asked Tori.

  “I won’t lie to you, sweetie. You probably won’t.”

  Worry settled on the child’s shoulders like heavy storm clouds, but he continued at his task, folding the linen napkins into neat rectangles and then placing the utensils on top of them.

  “Why does my dad have to be so mean? Why does he hurt my mom? I hate him so much. I never want to see him again.”

  Tori covered the Dutch oven with its heavy lid and then turned her soft gaze onto Scotty.

  “We have to go away, don’t we?” he asked Tori.

  She nodded. “Your mom thinks it’s for the best. So you’ll both be safe.”

  Scotty nodded now, and Tori’s heart ached with the knowledge that he was being forced to deal with things children simply shouldn’t have to deal with. But reality was reality, and it couldn’t be avoided forever.

  “I like you,” he said. “And I like this place.”

  This was his way of telling her he appreciated everything she’d done, Tori knew. She patted his shoulder, ruffled his hair. “I like you, too, Scotty. And the place you’re going is just as nice. The people there will help you, just as I helped you. You’ll get yourselves settled. You’ll start school again. You and your mom both will make new friends. You’re going to be all right.”

  The two of them shared a smile.

  She looked up to see Grayson Makwa standing in the doorway.

  To Scotty, Tori said, “Why don’t you go get washed u
p for dinner? Tell your mother we’ll eat soon.”

  The boy hurried off.

  “Thank you for coming,” she said to Grayson. “Do you think Brenda’s ready to go off on her own? Or are we rushing it?”

  “Do not worry,” the old shaman said softly. “She will be fine. She has a very strong incentive for surviving. Her son.”

  That much was true, Tori knew. Brenda showed the fierceness of a lioness when it came to protecting Scotty.

  Grayson came toward her. “What I am more interested in talking about is you.”

  Surprised, Tori said, “Me?”

  He chuckled softly and took her hand in his. A calming vibration emanated from him.

  “I feel that you have been spending much time feeling troubled.”

  Tori’s head bobbed up and down. “I’ve been worried sick about Brenda and—”

  “No.” Grayson stopped her. “I am speaking of the anxiety you are suffering over my grandson.”

  Hiding the fact that she was surprised by his perception was impossible.

  “Chay,” she breathed.

  How could Grayson know of her disquieting thoughts and feelings regarding Chay? But then, she shouldn’t be the least astonished. The Kolheek people didn’t trust just anyone to become their shaman. Grayson Makwa had been born with gifts and talents that bordered on the mystical.

  He gazed deeply into her eyes, and Tori got the sense that the elderly man was much older than he claimed to be. It was a silly notion. But in his dark eyes she sensed a mysterious insight, the wisdom of generations.

  “It is best,” he said slowly, clearly, “that Chay blame me for the past.”

  Tori’s lips parted with her short, sharp inhalation. “But you can’t have done what he thinks. You need to talk to him. Tell him—”