by Jenna Mindel
Helen Zelinsky stepped closer and brushed Monica’s hair behind her ear. “Have you eaten dinner?”
Monica scrunched her nose to keep from falling apart at the waver in her mother’s soft voice. “Not really hungry.”
“That’s it. You’re coming with us.”
“Us?”
“Your father and me. He’s in the car. We were going out to dinner and I saw your office lights on. Your house is dark, Monica.”
“The sun hasn’t even set yet, so why would I turn on lights in the house?”
“You look like you could use a steak.” Her mom completely changed the subject on her.
Monica laughed, but there was no real amusement in it. If ever she sounded as hollow as she felt, it was now. Tomorrow’s appointment would lay the groundwork for her cancer battle ahead. A fight she’d never wanted. A battle that could last a lifetime.
She stood and gave her mom a kiss on the cheek. “I won’t be good company and I’m thinking of turning in early. Thanks for stopping, though. Tell Dad some other time.”
Her mother looked disappointed and concerned, but gave her a big hug.
Monica held on tight.
When her mother stepped back, she gave Monica a hard look. “You sure you’re okay? I can stay. Your father and I can come back after dinner. Maybe you should come home with us tonight.”
Monica shook her head. “Thanks, but I have a few more sites to look into, and like you said, it’s going to be fine. God’s got this, right?”
Her mother wasn’t convinced by her cavalier tone. She looked worried. “Maybe you should call Cash.”
Monica glanced up sharply. “Why would you say that?”
That wise gaze didn’t miss much. “Because you’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”
Of course she was, but she didn’t want to admit it. She and Cash had agreed that they couldn’t work. Not now. Probably not ever. They’d finally said the word goodbye.
“Does he know?” her mom asked.
Monica clenched her hands into fists, only to release them and wipe her palms against the backside of her shorts. “Yes. I told him.”
“And?”
Man number two that she’d chased away. “Mom, we’re friends. Friends who’ve always gone in different directions.”
Her mother squeezed her hand and looked right through her. “Call me if you need me. I don’t care how late it is.”
“I will. I promise.” Monica squeezed back and walked her to the door. She waved at her dad, seated in the car waiting.
He honked the horn.
After she watched her parents drive out of sight, Monica saved her work and shut down the computer. She flicked off the light, shut and locked the door and headed for her house. Funny, but she never locked the doors to her home until she went to bed. Her office was locked any time she wasn’t in it.
After entering the little bungalow situated two blocks from Main Street in Maple Springs, Michigan, Monica headed for her bedroom. She changed into a summery set of pajamas her mom had given her for her birthday a couple weeks ago.
Her gaze snagged on the beautiful crystal stork on her dresser. Cash had given it to her for her eighteenth birthday. It was a good twelve inches high and had most likely cost him a few bucks even back then. She still had the padded box that it came in.
Running her fingertips over the cool crystal, she then touched her lips, remembering the kisses they’d shared. Their first had been the night he’d given her the statue. Monica had been young and eager to kiss Cash in an attempt to purge the crush she’d had on him.
How wrong she’d been. Maybe it had been then that she’d realized she loved him. Had he asked her to go with him back then, she might have. But he didn’t ask.
He hadn’t asked this time, either. This time they’d cut those ties for good, finally putting words to what they’d always known. They had no future together. They’d never really had one other than in her foolish daydreams and wishes.
She closed her eyes as the image of that scar tearing up his middle burned through her thoughts. What other injuries awaited him? She’d never been able to watch those war movies her brothers liked, because the thought of Cash getting torn up in battle as portrayed on screen made her sick.
She touched the crystal stork again, letting the tears fall. “Oh, Cash, please be safe.”
* * *
Cash packed the last of his bags and personal belongings from the small apartment over the garage of his brother’s place. It wasn’t much more than a room and a bathroom, but it’s where he’d stayed when home on leave after his mother had sold her house and moved in with Cole and Ruth.
Even though he’d been here for nearly a month, he didn’t have much. Just a couple duffels and a box of memorabilia Ruth wanted him to have from when he and Cole were kids.
Memories.
He’d made some with Monica over the years. Quite a few this past weekend. He wanted to make more. He ran his hand through his hair, then down his face, scratching the whiskers of his close beard. Even though the cabin had been full with his mom, Ruth and the boys, Cash hadn’t been prepared for the emptiness that consumed him after Monica had left. He couldn’t stay there with memories and images of her popping up all around. He didn’t want to.
Once he’d made the decision to leave the Zelinsky cabin, his sister-in-law and mom followed suit. They didn’t want to stay there in the woods without him, so they packed up, cleaned up and returned.
Now, he suffered from a serious case of cold feet in his plan to stop in Maple Springs before heading for Camp Lejeune. Tomorrow morning he’d leave before dawn and make it in time to hopefully convince Monica to let him join her for her afternoon doctor’s appointment.
What if she didn’t want him there? Worse, what if she didn’t really want him? He’d find out soon enough.
Cash checked his watch, grabbed his phone and hit his contact for Matthew Zelinsky. Monica’s brother might be on break about now as first mate on a Great Lakes freighter. Cash waited for his lifelong buddy to pick up. He’d rather not leave a message, but would if he had to. He wanted Matthew’s approval before carrying out this new mission.
“Cash, what’s up?”
He blew out his breath. “Hey. You busy?”
“I have a few minutes. Everything okay?”
“I’m in love with your sister.” There, he’d said it out loud. He heard suppressed laughter on the other end. “It’s not funny.”
“Sorry, but yeah, so?”
“So...” Cash wanted to growl into the phone. “I wanted you to know, and make sure you’re okay with it.”
“I’ve pretty much known for years. ’Bout time you’re doing something about it.”
Silence.
Cash wasn’t sure yet what he was going to do. All he knew was that he couldn’t let Monica take this walk through cancer alone. He had to support her. He’d cheer her on from the sidelines, through constant contact. He wanted her to beat this and then—
“You are going to do something about it, right?”
“Yeah.”
Again, Matthew laughed. “Don’t sound so bummed. Monica’s a great girl.”
“I know she is. I also know about the cancer, Matty, and I can’t just walk away.” He couldn’t be like that other guy. The loser who had dumped her.
“I’m glad you’re not.” Matthew sounded somber, but relieved. “Godspeed, buddy.”
“Thanks.” Cash disconnected and took another deep breath.
This wasn’t going to be easy. In fact, this might be the hardest thing he’d ever done. He’d offer his heart knowing it could get broken in two depending on what that doctor had to say.
Cash closed his eyes, recounting what Ruth had said about her years with Cole being the best of her life. Whatever time he had with Monica would be worth it. He’d make it that w
ay.
He carried his stuff downstairs and loaded it in his car, leaving behind only what he’d need in the morning. With that done, he entered the main house, where he spotted his sister-in-law through the kitchen window. The sun hadn’t set yet, but his nephews started school the following week. Ruth liked them on a regular schedule, so he was pretty sure they’d be soon heading for bed.
His sister-in-law was at the sink, unloading the dishwasher. “Hey. Are you ready to go?”
“Car’s packed. I thought I’d say goodbye tonight, since I’m heading out so early tomorrow. Where are the boys?”
Ruth nodded toward the family room. “Watching TV with your mom.”
Cash turned to go, but Ruth stalled him.
“Thanks for everything you did for the boys. They loved going to that cabin with you.”
Cash nodded. “It went pretty well.”
His sister-in-law handed him a small gift bag. “I have a little something for you to take to Monica. You know, as a thank-you.”
He glanced inside. “What is it?”
“Some ginger candies, a notebook with a pen and a thank-you card, of course.”
Cash pulled out the small sparkly notebook with matching pen and knew Monica would love it. Lifting the ginger candies, he felt his stomach turn at the small print on the bag that stated these were good for nausea.
He couldn’t stand the thought of Monica getting sick and suffering through treatment. He hated even more that he wouldn’t be right there with her.
Ruth touched his arm. “I’ve heard they really do help.”
“Thanks.” His voice came out sounding thick, so he didn’t say more.
Searching out his mom and nephews in the family room, Cash took a seat and finished watching a Disney movie with them. He tried to focus on the story, but his mind wandered. He’d never wanted worries back home that might impede his judgment in the field. Could he manage to keep it together over the course of training for the next mission?
The way he looked at it, the only way he’d find any kind of peace before he left was to know exactly what Monica was up against. The good and the bad. Whether she wanted his love or even returned it, he needed her to know that he was sticking by her. They were in this fight together.
* * *
Thursday morning, Monica lay in bed staring at the ceiling while sun streamed in along the sides of her Roman shades. The air was warm, with mild temperatures overnight promising to climb during the day. A last blast of summer heat before the kids started school next week.
She didn’t care about getting up and going to her office. Not today. She didn’t care about getting work done, either. Couldn’t focus on it anyway.
She’d typed a bunch of questions on her tablet based on what she’d found online. None of it had given her any hope, in fact quite the opposite. She’d read one too many stories of women who’d battled breast cancer for years. Several had gone into remission, only to one day find that the cancer had crept back into their lives. Monica didn’t want anything to ever creep back in on her. Which meant hitting this disease aggressively.
What would Cash think about it all? What advice would he give?
She’d never told him what kind of cancer she had. Never explained what was at stake. The fear in his eyes had been enough for her to keep that to herself. She could possibly have reconstructive surgery, but she would never be the same.
Rolling onto her stomach, Monica buried her face deep in the pillow and screamed. It didn’t make her feel any better.
Nothing did.
Flipping onto her back, she pounded the bed with her fists. “Why, God? Why me, why now?”
Nothing.
She quieted her thoughts and listened. Hard.
Still nothing.
God doesn’t always answer right away, but He always answers on time.
It was something her mother had once said to her when she was young. Monica couldn’t remember when or under what circumstances, but it came to her now. God knew her heart. He knew her fears as well as her desires, yet He required her trust.
God answers prayer.
She knew that. Had always known that, but this was where the rubber met the road, testing what she really believed. Could she truly act on her faith and trust the Lord with her body, her heart, her entire life? That was the tough part, even when things were good, but when things were bad, could she let go and simply trust in the Lord?
Dragging herself out of bed, Monica shuffled to the kitchen, made coffee and sulked. Not even the luscious smell of the freshly brewed special blend brought her any pleasure. She had every question she could imagine outlined on her tablet, but she still didn’t feel ready.
Not at all.
After filling her cup and mixing in cream and sugar, Monica slumped on the couch. Staring out the window, she sipped her coffee. Her neighbor across the street was trimming the bushes around her small yard. A group of kids were heading to the beach early in anticipation of a hot day and a crowd. None of them had a clue. Life could change in an instant.
Closing her eyes, she knew she’d go stir-crazy waiting around all morning for her mom to pick her up after lunch. She downed the last of her coffee, changed into a pair of capri-length leggings and a long sport tank. After slipping into running shoes and pulling her hair into a ponytail, Monica grabbed her phone and earbuds and headed outside.
She didn’t even bother stretching and took off down the block at a moderate jog. It had been at least a week since the last time she’d gone for a run. The morning was warm and it didn’t take long to work up a sweat. She ignored the green light on her phone reminding her of messages waiting to be answered, cranked up the volume for the music stored on it, and upped her pace.
After twenty minutes, her muscles strained but responded well enough. She’d feel it the next morning, but she didn’t care. She pounded the pavement, running faster than normal until it hurt. She finally stopped and bent over, breathing hard at the sharp stitch in her side.
She’d made it to the bluffs overlooking town and the street where Cash had lived growing up. She walked toward his old house with the big square porch. She’d been to the Miller house only once, after Mr. Miller had died. Monica had come with her mom to drop off a meal.
She’d never forget standing in the foyer while her mother took the food to the kitchen, and hearing Cash in the living room. She had moved forward to go in and offer her sympathy, but heard a girl’s giggle and froze.
Cash hadn’t been alone.
Backing into the wall as if she could disappear into the floral wallpaper there, she’d nearly died when he came around the corner and saw her. Her face had been scorching hot with embarrassment. He’d seemed a little awkward, as well, now that she thought about it.
Cash had looked uncomfortable, even sorry to see her, but he’d greeted her, calling her Stork before accusing her of lurking in the hallway. Fortunately, her mom was ready to go by then, so she didn’t have to linger any longer.
Monica still didn’t know who that girl might have been. It didn’t matter. He was as out of reach now as he’d been back then.
Blowing out a breath, Monica turned away and headed home. No more thinking about Cash. He was gone and she’d be wise to let him go. From her thoughts and her heart.
She walked the several blocks back to her little house on the other side of town. Her thoughts continually strayed into dangerous territory as she remembered every detail of the time spent with Cash at her uncle’s cabin. She even missed Ethan and Owen, and wished she’d had the forethought to get Ruth’s phone number. She would have liked to call them, just to see how they were.
Rounding the last block, Monica stopped when she saw the black Dodge in her driveway. Her stomach dropped to the soles of her running shoes and her heart bounced around inside her chest. Hope mixed with a good dose of panic and irritation
as she watched Cash knocking on her front door. She seriously considered turning around and running the opposite direction, but then he saw her.
Too late. She was caught.
Different from the time she’d just remembered, but with the same breathlessness and shame. The same feelings of dread. They’d said everything they’d needed to say to each other, so why had he come all this way?
Crossing the street, she approached her house under Cash’s direct gaze. She walked toward him as he advanced, and they met in the driveway. Near his car.
“I didn’t know you were a runner.” He smiled.
“Not as often as I should. What I really like is Pilates. I go to a class a couple times a week.” Monica knew she was rambling, but really, why was he here? She stood toe to toe with him, her hands clenched at her sides. “What are you doing here?”
He ran a hand over his beard. “I’d like to go to your doctor’s appointment with you. If you’ll have me.”
Monica chewed on that a minute. It didn’t make any sense considering the way they’d left things between them. Besides, she was nervous enough without him tagging along. She wasn’t sure she wanted him there to hear all the gruesome details. “I don’t know...”
Cash gestured toward the house. “Can we go inside and talk about this?”
That sounded lengthy and even more alarming. She managed a smirk. “Are you nuts, on a nice day like this?”
“Humor me.”
Monica didn’t know where the urge to argue with him came from, but she dug in her heels. “What if I don’t want to?”
His eyes darkened and a smile hovered at the corners of his shapely mouth. He stepped even closer. “I could carry you in.”
Of course he could, but it still made her laugh; a nervous-sounding giggle escaped when she saw the look of determination in his eyes. He’d do it. She could just imagine him carrying her up those porch steps like some long floor rug draped over his shoulder.
She backed up, but his car was in the way.
Nothing stopped Cash. He slid his arms around her waist as if he’d scoop her up romantic-like, and whisk her up the steps and into her house as if...
