Her Last Cowboy Christmas

by Liz Isaacson

  But it had.

  Lance had changed too, and so had Amber. He didn’t smile back at her or act like everything was okay.

  “I think we should stop seeing each other,” he said, his voice barely leaving his throat. He tried to clear the emotion from it, only creating a loud noise that made him flinch.

  Amber just looked at him resolutely. “I think you should come with me to Denver.”

  He started shaking his head before she’d even finished talking. “My family is here, Amber. My mother needs my help.”

  “She can come too.”

  “What’s she going to do in Denver?”

  “What does she do here?” she challenged.

  Lance felt the wind go out of his sails. He didn’t want to fight with this woman. He didn’t want to say something he couldn’t take back later. “Amber, I…I think you should take the job if you feel good about it. I’m not going to stop you from doing that.”

  She nodded, letting her gaze roam around the room.

  “But I don’t think I can keep dating you, only to know you’ll leave in six months.” He took his cowboy hat off, wiped his hand through his hair, and reseated his hat. “Seems better to just end things here. I’m sorry.” He nodded one final time and headed for the door, giving her a wide berth.

  He had his hand on the doorknob when she said, “What if I don’t want to break up?”

  “You do,” he said. “Or the job wouldn’t even be an option.” He opened the door and stepped outside, the air out here so much easier to breathe when it wasn’t full of her perfume, the fruity candles she burned, her very essence.

  “Lance,” she said, and he stalled at the top of the few steps, a sigh working through him. “I don’t want to break up.”

  “Amber,” he said, turning back to her. She’d moved closer to him, and he could reach out and take her into his arms if he wanted to. And oh, he wanted to. “How long have you been here on the ranch?”

  “Two and a half years,” she said.

  “How long is the longest assignment you’ve had for Forever Friends?”

  A line appeared between her eyes as she frowned. “I—don’t know. Probably this one.”

  Exactly what he thought. “I already know you’ve dated me the longest out of anyone in a long time,” he said. “And I think you just have a gypsy spirit. If it’s not Denver, something else will call to you soon enough, and you’ll chase after that.” He tried to smile, but it hurt so much. “Maybe you’re just not one to be tied down, to anyone or any place. And that’s fine.”

  “It’s not fine,” she said, her voice tinny and high.

  He didn’t want to make her cry, but he felt dangerously close to losing his control too. “I’ll see you later.” He went down the steps and on down the road, never looking back. If he did, he was sure he’d run back to her, take everything back he’d said, and beg her to let him be her boyfriend again. Even for one more day.

  But deep down, he knew he didn’t want that. He wanted the type of love that bridged everything. That brought people closer, that spanned time and space and eternity.

  And Amber Haws had never committed to anything for longer than two and a half years. He made it all the way back to his cabin, both dogs vying for his attention, before he drew a full breath again.

  That was hard, and he wondered if he’d ever be able to breathe normally without Amber in his life.

  He made it through the next day, and then the next, and then a week. He went over to his mother’s in the evening, choosing to be with someone rather than being alone. She didn’t mind if he brought his dogs, because they didn’t weigh over a hundred pounds and remind her of her husband. In fact, she’d really taken to Maddie, and Lance was considering asking his mom if she wanted the little lap dog for herself.

  She was great company during the day, and Lance was never home at that time. He’d be fine with Ribbon, and so he offered.

  “You want to give me your dog?” His mom stopped her crocheting, something that rarely happened. “Why? What’s going on?”

  “Nothing’s going on, Mom,” Lance said, regretting the offer. “I just thought you liked her, and look at her. She’s all cuddled up to you while you knit.”

  “It’s crochet,” she said. “And I’m not taking your dog.”

  “But you like this one, and she could keep you company during the day.”

  “Oh, James keeps me company. Or Scarlett lets me hold those babies.” She picked up her stitch again and peered at him at the same time. How she could do that without looking, he didn’t know. “So what happened? This isn’t about me being lonely.”

  “So you are lonely.” He sat down in the recliner he liked best and leaned back, a long sigh coming from his mouth. “I’m tired.”

  “I’ll admit I’m a little bit lonely, but being here is about ten times better than being alone in that house.”

  Lance heard the undercurrent of emotion in his mother’s voice. “And yet, you weren’t very open to leaving that house the first time I suggested it.”

  “I just needed time.”

  “So think about taking Maddie off my hands,” he said. “Honestly, I think she’d be happier. Ribbon would be. And so would you.”

  “Where does that leave you?”

  “About where I always am,” he said.

  “Lance.”

  He let his eyes drift closed, because he was tired. Oh, so tired. Just plain exhausted from all the physical work he did around the ranch, to the emotional toll of not being able to text Amber had extracted from him.

  “Where’s Amber tonight?” she asked, and he gave a soft snore as if he’d fallen asleep. “Oh, you silly man,” his mother said. “I know you’re not asleep. Fine, we won’t talk about Amber.”

  “Good,” Lance said. “Because I broke up with her, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “You broke up?” The level of distress in his mother’s voice caused him to open his eyes and look at her. “Why?”

  “I just said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

  “I’m calling Kristen.”

  “What’s she going to do?” Lance’s heart pulsed irregularly for some reason. His sister lived an hour from the ranch, and she barely knew Amber. Kristen could literally do nothing for Lance in this situation except embarrass him.

  His mom didn’t answer, but she actually set aside her crocheting and reached for her phone. Lance got up though every cell in his body wanted him to stay put, take a little nap, see if his mom would feed him later.

  “I’m leaving,” he said. “Come on, guys.”

  Ribbon came, but Maddie just looked at him from the warmth of his mom’s side. “Maddie’s staying with you.” And with that, he walked out of his mom’s cabin, her last words—“Kristen, you will not believe what happened”—ringing in his ears.

  He couldn’t even believe what had happened. He’d broken up with Amber, a woman he’d liked for two years.

  “Better now than at Christmas,” he told himself as he walked home, Ribbon limping along beside him. Then the holiday wouldn’t hold such bitter memories, and he might have a shot at moving on.

  Cache came out of his cabin, laughter riding the air with him. Karla followed, each of them carrying a box, as they’d been slowly moving Cache’s things over to Karla’s cabin. They’d taken a quick honeymoon to Yosemite National Park, but they’d returned yesterday.

  Lance watched them laugh, their love like a scent on the air. Cache pulled Karla to him and kissed her, and Lance knew then that he’d never be whole without Amber.

  He’d never be able to truly move on. Not really. Not ever.

  Helplessness filled him as he climbed the steps and waited for Ribbon to hobble up after him. He’d felt like this for so long when it came to Amber, and he was tired of it.

  “Lord,” he said as he went inside his cabin. “Help me understand why I’ve let this woman have such a hold over my heart for so long.”

  But God didn’t seem too
keen on granting Lance’s request, because another week passed where all his thoughts centered on Amber, and then another.

  The Sunday after the Fourth of July, he sat in the chapel, listening to the choir sing. The angels in heaven seemed to be in attendance, as he heard more voices than there were bodies up on the dais. He’d come very early to church today, because he was still searching for the answers he needed in his life.

  What should I do differently? he prayed. Help me see the right path. Give me courage to take the first step.

  But he couldn’t see. Couldn’t feel. Couldn’t step.

  Chapter 22

  Amber rubbed her eyes as she waited for Jewel to call her back into her office. She hated coming to Los Angeles to the Forever Friends headquarters, but paperwork needed to be signed, and Jewel couldn’t get out of the office.

  So Amber had made the drive into the city, leaving Last Chance Ranch in the hands of Susanna Rodriguez, the woman Amber was training to take her place as the volunteer coordinator and adoption specialist.

  Things had been moving faster than she’d anticipated, and she’d be in Denver by mid-August. It was too close and yet too far away at the same time. She couldn’t help looking to her left every time she drove onto the ranch. Lance lived down that first road, and she wanted to catch a glimpse of him.

  She never did. They’d worked together a lot over the past couple of years, even before he’d shown up with the doughnuts and upended her existence. But he seemed to have completely disappeared the past few weeks, and Amber didn’t blame him.

  She wouldn’t want to be around someone like her. She’d spoken true that she didn’t want to break up, but Lance was also right. She hadn’t ever committed to anything—a man, a job, even a pet—for longer than a couple of years. Theirs was the longest relationship she’d been in, and this assignment for Forever Friends was the one she’d had for the longest time.

  Heck, even Cyclops, her rescue cat, had only been with her for eighteen months.

  “Amber, she’s ready for you.” Janice smiled at Amber as she stood, and Amber tried to wipe the emotion and exhaustion from her face before she entered Jewel’s office.

  “Hello, dear,” Jewel said, not bothering to look up from her desk. “Sorry to make you wait. We had an incident out on the farm in Portland that I needed to check on.” She glanced up, a smile on her face. Their eyes met, and Jewel abandoned whatever she’d been working on. “You still want to do this, right?”

  “Yes,” Amber said. She’d been praying about it and praying about it, and everything felt so right. She’d been on conference calls with the team in Denver, and she liked them. She enjoyed giving her opinion and having it listened to. She felt valued there, and appreciated, and stretched.

  That was the biggest one. She loved Last Chance Ranch. Loved her friends there, loved the work, and she knew she was important and valuable to the operation. But everything had become stale there. Even training the goats for yoga didn’t hold the same spark it once had.

  She couldn’t help thinking of what Lance had said. You just have a gypsy spirit.

  So she’d go to Denver and get the new facility up and running. Train a half a dozen people to do what she did. And then what?

  That question had been plaguing her for weeks. Then what?

  She couldn’t answer it. God didn’t, no matter how many times she asked.

  She reminded herself that she was loved. She’d felt that, and she couldn’t deny it. She also knew going to Colorado was the right thing, so there was no way she could doubt those feelings and promptings. She just didn’t understand why she had to sacrifice Lance—one of the best things that had ever happened to her—to fulfill her “gypsy spirit.”

  Jewel laid out all the paperwork, though Amber had seen it all before. They’d been in constant contact over the project in Denver. She signed everything, hugged Jewel, and left the huge office building that had a doggy daycare on the bottom floor, as well as an animal hospital where they trained dogs and cats before they went out to homes. The second floor was dedicated to the rehabilitation of animals they found on the street, or animals born with genetic defects or life-threatening conditions.

  Amber loved the work Forever Friends did, and she sent up a prayer of gratitude that she had a job she loved.

  But had she had to give up a man she loved in order to keep the job?

  An hour later, she slid into the booth opposite her sister. Her mom moved over to make more room for her, saying, “There you are. We were just about to call you.”

  “Sorry,” she said. “There was an accident, and traffic is snarled right now.”

  “Already?” JJ asked, looking out the window as if she’d be able to see the freeway from here. She scowled and reached for her diet cola.

  Amber didn’t particularly enjoy spending time with her family, but she’d asked her mom and sister to a late lunch in the city, as they were there looking at stationery and seals for the upcoming wedding.

  “I have some news,” she said, looking up at the waiter as he arrived.

  “Drinks?”

  “Yes, I’ll have a peach lemonade.”

  He nodded and left, and Amber faced her mom again. “You’re engaged to that cowboy.” Her mother shrieked, drawing the attention of everyone within a ten-table radius.

  “Mom,” Amber hissed. “No.”

  Neither of them seemed to hear her. “I told you, Mom.” JJ glared at Amber—actually glared at her. “You can’t get married until at least a year after me. I get a year.”

  Amber stared at her, dumbfounded. “You need a year…to do what?”

  “Mom,” JJ whined. “Now I’m not going to be able to get everything I want.”

  “Of course you will,” her mother said.

  “Not if Amber’s engaged too. My wedding isn’t for six more months. I can’t have your attention be divided.”

  “I’m not engaged,” Amber said, glaring at her sister now. She’d always gotten the lion’s share of their mother’s attention. Always. When they were younger, JJ was constantly sick. Constantly at the doctor. Constantly calling their mom to come get her from school. And her mother did it. Took her to lunch. Bought her the soups she wanted. All the ice cream. Everything.

  “It will be fine,” her mom said. “I’m sure Amber will get married on the ranch like all her other friends. It’ll be so much simpler than yours.” She said it as if simple was bad. As if getting married at Last Chance Ranch was the worst move anyone could possibly make.

  “I’m not engaged,” Amber said again, more forcefully this time.

  JJ had opened her mouth to say something, but she switched her gaze to Amber instead. “What?”

  “I’m not engaged,” she practically growled this time. “I got a big promotion at work. That’s the news.”

  The waiter set her peach lemonade down and said, “Do you ladies need a few more minutes?” He knocked on the table. “I’m going to give you a few more minutes.”

  The silence that followed his departure grated against Amber’s nerves. She reached for the straw and unwrapped it before sticking it in her drink. She needed to cool off before she said anything else.

  “A promotion,” her mom said. “That’s great, sweetie.”

  “Is it?” Amber asked. “Because you sound like I just told you I’d been fired.” She shook her head, even the sweetly sour taste of the lemonade not working to soothe her. “In fact, I broke up with Lance. Or rather, he broke up with me.” She bit back the wave of sadness that threatened to drown her. Every time she thought of him she had to brace herself against this tide. “And I’m leaving California. I’m moving to Denver in four weeks.”

  She scooted to the end of the bench and got out of the booth. “Thanks for the lemonade.” She opened her purse and pulled out a five-dollar bill. “I have to go.”

  “Amber,” JJ said, but Amber just glared her into silence.

  “You invited us to lunch,” her mother reminded her.

 
; “Yeah,” Amber said. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Enjoy yourselves.” She walked away, her head high but her heart sinking, sinking, sinking to the soles of her shoes. Her fingers shook as she walked out of the cool restaurant and into the heat. Behind the wheel of her car, tears filled her eyes.

  She only had one person she wanted to call and talk to, explain everything that had just happened, and find comfort in.

  Lance.

  And she certainly couldn’t do that, not when she’d chosen a job over him.

  Amber talked to Edith, McKenna, and Diane about taking Cyclops, but none of her friends wanted a declawed, blind cat. She couldn’t bear to put him back in Feline Frenzy, because if those who cared about her wouldn’t take him, she didn’t think anyone would.

  Lance had two rescue cats, and he’d liked Cyclops well enough, but she couldn’t ask him. She hadn’t spoken to him in weeks, and as the day approached that she’d be leaving Last Chance Ranch for good, the need to see him one last time started seething.

  But she would not call him and ask him to take her blind cat so she could move three states over and start a new job. She would not. Talk about rubbing salt in an open wound. Just hearing his voice would undo all the decisions she’d made over the past month.

  “Well, let me know if you change your mind,” she said to McKenna. The goat yoga instructor waved as she left, and Amber looked up when the door didn’t close when it should’ve.

  Lance’s mother stood there.

  Amber jumped to her feet. “Jamie Lee.”

  “Did you think you could leave this ranch without saying good-bye to me?” She looked stern, but in the next moment, a smile broke out across her face.

  Amber half-sobbed and half-laughed as she crossed the volunteer house to hug Lance’s mother. “Of course not,” she said as she felt the motherly embrace she’d longed for. “I just wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me.”

  “I’ll admit I was a little upset with you when I found out you were leaving.”