Double Deceit

by Julienne Brouwers

  Wait a second. Was he being serious? I glared at him, my cheeks flushing. “Are you kicking me out?” I hissed.

  His lips formed a straight line and his jaw thrust forward. “I think it’s best that we leave it at this.”

  I found his condescending tone infuriating. There was a roaring in my ears and a red mist appeared before my eyes. This guy had some nerve.

  I ferociously pushed back my chair and jumped up. “That’s just charming,” I said coolly, my face a mere centimetres away from his, but inside I practically exploded. “Thanks for the nice breakfast. I wish you all the best.” At that preposterous, shady firm of yours, I added in silence.

  Even before he could utter another word, I stamped upstairs, blind with rage, slipped out of his shirt and tossed it onto the bed. I flung on the clothes that I’d draped over a chair last night and snatched my handbag off the floor.

  I ran downstairs again, opened the front door without saying a word, and slammed it shut behind me.

  I stomped down the stone stairs to where I’d secured my bicycle to a lamppost. I jerked the wretched bicycle lock, which wouldn’t budge. When I finally succeeded in opening it, I jumped onto my bike without looking back.

  The ten-minute ride home, leading me through the Vondelpark, which was already filled with a substantial number of people on this surprisingly sunny Saturday morning, did me good. The fresh air and the peaceful atmosphere in the park made the anger over the confrontation with Dan slowly subside. I thought about his reaction to my statements and came to the realisation that I should have seen it coming that he wouldn’t just buy my story. The leads I’d shared with him about Mason & McGant were far from water tight and convincing. The man had only just met me, so it was a no-brainer that he thought I was loopy.

  When I arrived home, I saw on my phone that I’d received a message from Lindsey asking if I wanted to go for a bite with her and the girls the following evening. I shuffled into the living room while replying I’d join them only for drinks around eight and plopped down on the couch with a loud sigh.

  24

  “Speak of the devil!” Karen shouted as I entered the restaurant the following evening. “Our happy single,” she added with a grin as I arrived at the table to greet my friends. Before my encounter with Dan I’d sent a message to Lindsey saying I was going on a date, and included the name of the restaurant. I didn’t want to reveal to her who it was – she’d left no doubt as to how she felt about the situation when we last saw each other – but it felt like the responsible thing to do to inform someone about my whereabouts that evening.

  Frederique poked Karen in the ribs. “K, it’s a tad too soon for statements like that.”

  Karen seemed unaware of any wrongdoing. “Why?” She looked at me. “You’re dating again right? Or was I misinformed?”

  I gave Frederique a reassuring pat on the arm and said to Karen, “Yes, I am.” Karen’s remark confronted me with the fact that going on a date half a year after Oliver’s death was moving awfully fast, but I pushed the self-conscious feeling quickly aside.

  My girlfriends had finished their diner and were having a cheese platter for desert. I gave them all a peck on the cheek, peeled off my coat and draped it over a chair before sitting down at the massive wooden table. Under the table I noticed that Karen was yet again wearing her particularly charming walking shoes – very comfortable as claimed by her. Lindsey, on the other hand, was looking fabulous as always – her blonde hair was styled perfectly and she was wearing an elegant green blouse with tight white trousers, accentuating her long slender legs, and matching green stilettos.

  “Now that we’re all here, I can share the good news,” Karen said, looking thrilled. “I’ve been offered a new position as an orthopaedic surgeon.”

  “How wonderful for you,” I exclaimed. “Congratulations.’

  “Thank you,” Karen said, before sharing the nuts and bolts of the post she was taking up next month.

  “I’m so impressed by how you do that, being in the operating theatre every day. Working as a surgeon must be such a demanding job,” Frederique sighed, with a strained expression on her face. “I wouldn’t be up for it, bearing the responsibility for another life, dealing with the stress when something goes wrong. I’m glad I have so much freedom working as a freelancer.”

  Karen rolled her eyes at me without Frederique noticing. I knew she didn’t regard Frederique’s web shop for home-made jewellery as work – rather as a hobby – but sometimes it seemed as if she was jealous of Frederique, who had a loving husband with a high salary. The man thought it was all very well so long as his wife managed the household and was content. Luckily, Frederique was as blind as a bat to Karen’s mocking.

  Lindsey took up the praise. “Add taking care of two children to that, which may be even harder,” she said, smiling faintly. There was a hint of sadness in her eyes and I wondered if that smile was masking a hidden longing.

  Karen grinned. “Thank god for au pairs.”

  Frederique raised her eyebrows. She wasn’t the type to judge someone openly, but it was obvious what her opinion was on Karen’s children not spending much time with their parents.

  A waitress came to ask if we wanted something to drink. I looked around and saw that my friends had just finished a cup of tea. “Darlings, I didn’t come here to have tea with you,” I said jokingly. “How about we share a bottle of wine?” I felt like celebrating the first time I was out with my best friends again without me acting like a wet blanket.

  Frederique waved her hand. “Sorry, I’ll pass. I need to drive back home. I’d like one last tea, please,” she said to the girl, who looked like a student with a side job.

  Lindsey and Karen were up for a bit of indulging and agreed.

  “Chardonnay?” Lindsey suggested.

  “Sounds great to me.”

  After telling us more about her new job, Karen decided to direct the attention to me. “Enough of this boring work stuff. Jennifer, don’t think we’ve forgotten about you,” she said with a wink. “How was your date yesterday? We want all the juicy details.”

  I saw Lindsey looking at me with interest. I’d told her earlier in a message that I’d spent the night at his place, but that had been all.

  I pressed my teeth into my lower lip and tilted my head. “Absolutely wonderful … And at the same time, awful.”

  Frederique frowned. “I don’t follow.”

  “Thank goodness, here come the drinks at last,” Karen said.

  I waited for the waitress to distribute the order, toasted and took a sip, feeling a warm glow of relaxation move through my body. I realised that only Lindsey was up to date on everything that had happened lately – my suspicions regarding Mason & McGant, the file with the confusing notes that Oliver made before he died and the sudden death of Sandra due to an unusual tram accident.

  It was too much to put into words and I decided to not go into detail right now. “We went out to dinner last night at a very nice place. It was great fun,” I said, grinning at the memory. “We talked so easily, time just run away from us, as if we’ve known each other for ages. It was the first time since Oliver died that I was laughing and enjoying myself, feeling so carefree again.”

  Frederique looked at me with a warm smile. “Oh darling, I’m so happy for you. You truly deserve it.”

  Karen chimed in with similar words of consent.

  “Actually, you’re touching upon a delicate subject,” I said doubtfully. “Sometimes I wonder if I do really deserve a new chance of happiness. It’s only been six months since Oliver passed away and so much has happened since then that I feel I haven’t been able to put things to rest,” I said, being deliberately vague.

  “You mean Oliver’s faux pas?” Karen asked, clearly expressing her judgment of him.

  That mistake had set a chain of events in motion, but it was too much to elucidate it all now. I felt overwhelmed and nodded. “Yes, mostly that. I don’t know how to perceive our relationship anymo
re – was it simply a colossal mistake on Oliver’s part, and would we have been able to reconcile and move forward together? In that case, we could have been happily married for the rest of our lives, if he hadn’t had that accident.” I paused. “Or was he in fact leading a double life and actually a completely different person to the man I thought he was?” I rubbed my eyes. “I feel so muddled all the time.”

  “I understand,” Frederique said softly. “It’s complicated.” She laid her hand on my arm. “If only Oliver were still here – things would have been different. You could have talked it all through with him and found out the truth about his affair and his feelings for you.”

  I lowered my eyes and bit my lip, feeling tears welling up. I didn’t want to cry again – not here. I pulled my arm away from under Frederique’s hand. “It’s okay.” I attempted a reassuring smile. “Let’s talk about it another time,” I said and drank a mouthful of wine.

  “Sure, darling. Whatever you want,” Lindsey said.

  Karen had shared little with us about her love life ever since her divorce two years ago. “How about you Karen, what kind of person would you like to date?” I asked, eager to deflect attention from me. “Your guess is as good as mine.” She chuckled. “Someone with a heartbeat?”

  I laughed.

  “You always know how to create diversions, don’t you, Jen,” Lindsey said and laughed. “Surely, you’re not expecting us to let you off the hook that easily, are you? Tell us everything there is to know about your date! Does this guy live in Amsterdam?”

  “Yes, he does,” I replied and took another gulp of wine. “He actually lives quite close to my place.”

  “Oh really, how convenient,” Frederique said and blew on her tea. “Does anyone want my biscuit?”

  Karen took advantage of her offer and gobbled it up. How she was able to put that away together with the Chardonnay was beyond me.

  I recounted the dinner I’d shared with Dan in broad terms.

  “How exciting,” Frederique exclaimed.

  Karen raised her eyebrows teasingly. “Yeah, yeah, we get the picture. Nice food, chatting the evening away … Ho-hum. So what happened after dinner?”

  “He gave me a tour of his new house,” I responded dryly.

  “Anyone else care for a refill?” Lindsey asked, holding the bottle of wine over my glass, which was nearly empty.

  “Fill her up,” I answered.

  “All right, now we’re getting somewhere,” Frederique said, sitting on the edge of her seat. “Tell us straight up, did you spend the night there?”

  I nodded.

  Karen threw back her head and howled like a wolf.

  Frederique raised her eyebrows. “Seriously? You cheeky minx.” She looked into the far distance with a dreamy look in her eyes. “Oh, I’d kill for a night like that – living without a care in the world. Just have a good sleep without interruptions – no children crying because of a bad dream or a lost dummy.” She pulled away from her musings and looked at me. “Although you probably didn’t get much sleep at all, or did you?”

  I cackled. “I take great offense at your suggestion,” I said, mimicking the expression of a demure girl in boarding school. “I managed to restrain myself and slept in the guest room.”

  “Sure you did. And you expect us to believe that?” Lindsey said with big round eyes.

  Frederique put her cup of tea on the table and leaned back as if she were getting ready for a chick flick in the cinema. “Guys, this is really ear-candy for me. Nothing ever happens in my life anymore. You’ve made my day, Jennifer.”

  I grinned. For almost fifteen years I hadn’t experienced anything particularly exciting either, but in the last six months I’d become involved in more drama than I cared for.

  “Go on, you,” Lindsey urged. “Did you have breakfast together in the morning?”

  I nodded. Memories of the date that went down in flames came flooding back. “Yes,” I said curtly and took another swig of wine. “But enough about me. Girls, how are you all doing?”

  Frederique ignored my attempt to deflect and started firing questions at me. “Wait a minute. Not so fast. How did it end? Did he say he’d call you again? Would you want him to? Or was it just a one-night fling?”

  “I don’t know,” I said evasively. I was starting to become ever so slightly irritated by their interrogation.

  “Did something happen between the two of you?” Lindsey asked.

  I replayed the moment where I’d fled his flat, tail between my legs, and wrinkled my nose. “It didn’t end that well.”

  Karen shook her head. “Why not?”

  I sighed. Perhaps it was the right moment to confide in my friends, for after all, they’d always supported me in the past. I knew for sure they’d be understanding this time as well.

  And so I commenced talking, describing how Sandra had informed me about the case that Oliver had been working on in secret in the lead-up to his death and how his former colleague Benedict hastily backed away on our plan to meet for coffee when I’d queried him about the case. I also told them about the nightly visits to Mason & McGant and the incriminating DVDs we uncovered, and finally about how Dan had responded to all this information.

  When I finished, three pairs of eyes were gazing at me. The silence at the table was fraught with unspoken questions. Karen took a swig of wine, fiddling with the frayed seams of the chair she was seated on. Frederique averted her gaze when I tried to look her in the eye.

  I picked up the bottle of wine, topped up my glass and noticed that Lindsey’s was still nearly full.

  Why didn’t anyone respond? I’d finally gathered enough courage to confide in them, and now they were all goggling at me with eyes of abject and unspoken condemnation.

  “So … I’ve finally spilled the beans, is anyone going to say anything?” I broke the silence.

  Frederique exchanged a clandestine look with Karen, who made a face like I’m-not-saying-anything.

  Frederique coughed. “Darling, it’s such an ordeal you’ve had to go through,” she began, choosing her words with care. “First the death of Oliver and then finding out that he’d had an affair,” she summarised, as if I could have forgotten about it. “A situation like that would mess with anybody’s head.”

  “What are you saying? I need to see a shrink?” I snickered and immediately regretted it. Surely she had good intentions, right?

  Frederique carried on talking as if she hadn’t heard me. “I can only imagine how it must have knocked the ground from under your feet. Your whole world has been turned upside down,” Frederique went on.

  The waitress came to ask if we’d like to order another drink.

  “No,” I replied with a scowl on my face. She raised her eyebrows and retreated.

  “Is it perhaps possible that all the sadness and turmoil may have had a bearing on your …” Her voice trailed off. “… on your judgment? You’re just not thinking straight right now.”

  I threw Frederique a glare, my cheeks flushing. “What’s your point?”

  She bit her lip and continued, avoiding eye contact. “It must be hard to accept everything that has happened to you. I once read in a psychology magazine that if you’re a victim of a traumatic event, the mind will come up with all kinds of explanations to deal with it – as some kind of survival mechanism. Does this make any sense?” she asked gingerly.

  I had to bite my tongue to restrain myself. She had quite the nerve comparing the situation I was in to something she’d read in some lame magazine. As if those people had any idea what they were talking about. They simply had to meet a deadline and wrote whatever rubbish they could think of. “I’m not imagining anything. Surely you can all see how the signs add up to something sinister?”

  I saw Frederique exchange looks with Lindsey, whom I expected to take sides for me, but to my horror she jumped in for Frederique. “Come on Jen. You have to admit, how likely is it that Oliver didn’t have an accident but was actually …” She looked ar
ound before lowering her voice. “… killed by someone? And that a similar fate befell Sandra, with a large law firm trying to cover it up with a tram accident.”

  My fists clenched underneath the table. My supposed friends looked at me as if they’d just explained that the earth was round and not flat and I was too ignorant to understand.

  I chugged the last bit of wine in my glass before I spoke. “It’s a long shot. But it’s not impossible. I have little evidence, but I just know, I just feel that something is wrong,” I said, trying to convince them. But I could tell by the look on their faces they took me even less seriously because I was making such an emotional plea.

  Frederique took over ‘the intervention’ again. “This is nothing like you, you’re always the sensible one, Jennifer. Really, you’re starting to see things that aren’t there. Please believe us. That’s probably why your date reacted that way.”

  She befuddled me for a moment. The vast amounts of wine had gone to my head, clouding my thought process. I rubbed my eyes.

  “Darling. Don’t take this the wrong way,” Frederique said and gently rested her hand on my arm. “I believe I’m speaking on behalf of all of us when I say we’re just a little concerned about you.” Her brown eyes were full of compassion.

  But Frederique’s remark only added fuel to the flames. “I don’t need your concern.”

  Without making an announcement, I pushed my chair back, jumped up and for a moment the world started spinning around me. I swayed a little and had to grab the table to stave off falling backwards into my seat. I finally managed to continue speaking. “This is a real kick in the teeth. So much for trust and friendship, huh! I’d never imagined you all to be fair-weather friends. I had expected a wee bit of help – or at the very least some support and trust in me,” I exclaimed, giving the nosy onlookers the cold shoulder. I shot a glare of contempt and infuriation at Lindsey. “Particularly from you.”