Slow to Grow
Page 23
Finally things were panning out for Lloyd. Girlfriend, a burgeoning career in broadcasting, six months away from graduation. Onward and upward.
During break while in Chicago, he didn=t want to seem desperate, so he only called Maggie twice a day. She seemed a little distant but seemed happy to hear from him though by the end of break, he was only calling her once every few days. He felt their relationship was at the stage where he didn=t need to check in all the time. Their "relationship" was 16 days old.
He had a acquired a new sense of confidence that he had never possessed before. Lloyd and his cohorts had started frequenting the local bars of Chicago, now that he was 21, and he was in the early stages of forming his bar behavior modus operandi, which consisted of lingering on the fringes and leering at attractive women whilst making no effort to make contact.
But at this particular juncture, his confidence was high, which was less frequent than the 17 year cicada cycle. On this occasion a pretty girl actually asked him to dance, he figured he must have been giving off confidence vibes since he had a lady back at college. He was flattered, but didn=t take it any further. Ha ha, take it further. You mean like how he passed out the first time he saw a boob, or the time he choked when he first saw bush?
Sometimes cocky thoughts would permeate his brain, and he would delude himself into thinking he was something he wasn=t. If it walks like a pussy and sounds like a pussy, well....
Lloyd strutted back on campus in January, ready to resume his torrid love affair with Jessica. He called her when he got back on campus, and was looking forward to seeing her. He had even brought extra laundry detergent just for the occasion. She told him she was busy and that he could come by tomorrow.
Well that's interesting. I figured she would want to see me right away. She must be tired. well, I guess I can wait another day. Shit, I made it 21 years. I can do one day with one hand tied around my penis.
He told Mike about it and Mike hemmed and hawed and seemed like he wanted to tell Lloyd something but didn=t do it. Mike was a really nice guy, and didn=t have the heart to tell him what he really thought.
Lloyd was a dumbass.
The next day, she didn=t want to see him either, and while he may have been a dumbass, he wasn=t an idiot. But he was a creep. So off he went to her house to peer into her window, just like her creepy husband did.
It was a mistake. He saw her on the same couch that he had lost his virginity on making out with some dude. He started crying and ran off like a little girl. There was no vengeance like in a teen heartbreak movie, where the protagonist heaves a brick through the window and tells her to fuck off. No, siree, he whimpered like a little boy and cried himself to sleep.
Why, why, why!!! things were going so well before I left. She really liked me. I am never washing my cumstained blue jeans EVER AGAIN....
In the end he found out that it was her formerly estranged husband, and that they had gotten back together at Christmas. Damn his rotten luck. And being the nice sincere idiot that he was, he was sort of happy for her.
And slowly but surely the virginity started to grow back.
In the meanwhile, one of his classes in his final semester was a theater history class in which he was massively overmatched. He didn=t care about greek theater and shockingly didn=t put much effort into the class. But a serendipitous occurrence happened midway through the course. Mark started dating the TA, a rather attractive girl named Marla.
Lloyd was struggling along getting his normal C=s and D=s until she casually mentioned that she had a copy of the midterm. Well, he wasn=t going to pass that up. But, instead of being prudent and not getting every answer right, in a class that he had previously struggled, he got a 100 on the test which sent the histrionically, stereo typically gay teacher into a hissy fit for the ages.
AThomehow,@ he theatrically lisped, Athome people in the class got their hanths on a copy of the midterm. I shall make their lives mitherable if I ever find out how that happened.@
Lloyd sat smugly sat in his seat, appreciating how he had gotten under the over dramatic teacher=s skin. At the end of the year, Lloyd casually asked the teacher if he minded if Lloyd took the final exam early as he needed to fly home to visit his sick grandmother.
The teacher said, AAbsolutely,not! I will make no exceptions!@
Lloyd was taken aback by his anger, and asked him if he would mind if he went to his superiors to get an ok. He was sincere, he wasn=t trying to annoy the man or anything.
AIf you do that, I WILL SUE YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE GOT. DO YOU HEAR ME, I WILL SUE YOU.@
AUh, ok? A Lloyd chuckled, causing the man to have a near conniption fit. AI KNOW IT WAS THOU WHO CHEATED, I DON=T KNOW HOW OR WHERE YOU GOT IT, I KNOW IT WAS THOU!!
ACalm down, Shakespeare,@ Lloyd untheatrically stated, Awhat will you sue me for?@
AFor crimes against the state!@
AUh, yeah, um, so, uh, can you tell me when the next shuttle arrives to take me back to Earth?@ Lloyd smart mouthed back.
AYoung man, you shall reap what you have sown, and pay the price of the pauper!@
AOk. Uh, sorry I asked.@
Somehow he got a D in the class and managed to graduate.
Miraculously his grade point average was almost exactly the same as it was in high school. 2.34 on a four point scale. He was proud that he had weaseled his way through college in four years. .
It took many years for Lloyd to realize that the saying is true. AYouth is wasted on the youth.@