Faded Dreams

by Kari Lemor

  “Where are you being stationed?”

  “Afghanistan, or thereabouts.” He couldn’t really give anyone his exact location, and there was always the chance his unit would get moved if they were needed elsewhere.

  “How long will you be gone?”

  Her face had softened with concern, and he reached to take her hand. He hated to admit how much he needed human contact right now. And for some reason, he didn’t want one of his usual ladies. Most of them had little in the way of brain cells, and what did that say about him? Nothing good.

  “About six months.” He shrugged. “Could be longer. Could be shorter.”

  Elle tucked her legs underneath her, causing her to edge closer. Her smile was forced. “You should go for the shorter one.”

  “That’s my least favorite option. It could mean coming home seriously injured…or in a box.”

  Her hand twitched in his, and a tiny moan escaped her perfect mouth as she licked her red lips. “Oh. Then, no, don’t pick that one.”

  The last time Luke saw her, they hadn’t really connected for more than a few words of hello and good to see you again. Suddenly, he was quite aware of how grown up she was.

  Of course, in high school she’d been so much younger, her fourteen to his eighteen when they’d graduated. Often, it was difficult to get past that age difference. Now, staring at her, he wondered how he’d never noticed how pretty she was.

  Her hair was gorgeous, long, and silky. The dying light bounced off it, highlighting the reds and golds. Her deep brown eyes were so rich and dark, he felt like he could get lost in them. When she smiled, those adorable dimples lit up her urchin face, so you couldn’t help but feel great. Elle had always been the kind of person he’d gravitated toward. Maybe not when he’d wanted a date, but certainly when he’d needed a good friend.

  That age difference had always stood in the way. That and the fact she was sweet and good. High school had been all about the action, something he’d never have attempted with Elle. Even after he’d taken her to the prom, he’d only given her a quick kiss on the cheek as he’d dropped her at her aunt’s door. He never would have tried anything more with someone so innocent or young.

  He’d never been with someone like that. Innocent, sweet, good. Had never wanted to make a commitment to anyone. Up to now, he’d only wanted good time girls. Ladies who knew the score and that his attention was a limited time offer. He was too young for a commitment. Or so he’d thought for the longest time.

  Recently, he’d been dwelling on his single status and reevaluating his life. Especially since he got word he was being deployed. It had started him looking at his siblings. All of them married and incredibly happy being with one person forever.

  Erik and Tessa were not exactly what he’d expected from his oldest brother, but Luke couldn’t argue that they loved each other and were ridiculously happy. The fact they had three kids and a new puppy blew his mind. Even with Erik’s inability to walk without a cane, he didn’t seem to let it disrupt his relationship. Of course, Tessa was perfect and accepted him for exactly who he was and never allowed him to wallow in self-pity.

  His brother, Alex, had also married his exact opposite, though Gina had been his shadow since they were kids. It had been a little easier to see them getting together. They’d always been together. Now it was just official.

  His baby sister had also found love in the unlikeliest of places. With the unlikeliest of people. But Sara’s husband, TJ, worshiped the ground she walked on, and Luke couldn’t be more thrilled for the two of them.

  His siblings were all so obviously blissful in their marriages that Luke began to wonder if there was something wrong with him. He had never come across anyone who made him feel enough to want to be with them forever.

  “Are you nervous about going?” Elle rubbed her fingers along his hand, calming him in a way no one else had ever been able to do, except perhaps his mother.

  He shifted slightly, managing to gain a few extra inches toward her. “Not sure I should admit it. I’ll ruin my bad boy reputation.” He tipped his chin up and nodded. “But I am. Especially after what happened to Erik.”

  Her hand touched his arm, and he suddenly wished he’d removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves.

  “I’d heard Erik was injured but didn’t get any details.” She didn’t ask. Knowing Elle, she wouldn’t. Gossip wasn’t something she liked participating in, if he remembered correctly.

  “He came home in a wheelchair. It was a bombing, and he was trapped for about four days before they could get him out. His pelvis was crushed. Shattered his kneecap. Apparently, lots of other damage to muscles and tendons as well. A couple of years later, he still uses a cane.”

  Elle inched in closer, her face next to his. “But he came home…and not in a box.”

  “He did.”

  She tightened her grip on his arm. “But it still scares you, thinking it could happen to you.”

  Luke tried to smile. It was doubtful she bought it.

  Music from the reception drifted down the hill toward them.

  “Would you care to dance, Miss Russell?” He thought about adding while I’m still able to walk, but that was far too morbid. He had to push all those negative images out of his mind if he was to get through his deployment.

  Elle cocked her head and closed one eye, assessing him.

  Standing, he removed his jacket and held out his hand. “Come on, Ellie. I need to hold a pretty lady in my arms before I head off to war.” Play the soldier card. Maybe she’ll buy it.

  The corner of her lips turned down, and she rose. Swooping her into his arms, he held her tight and swayed to the music. Luke closed his eyes and rested his cheek against the side of her head. Her arms crept around his neck, and her body settled against his.

  This was it. Perfection. How was it he’d never found this before? This feeling of holding onto something, someone, who just made you feel so right. He couldn’t say he hadn’t been looking. Okay, maybe he’d been more into finding the physical release he could get and less of the emotional. But right here, right now, with Elle in his arms, every feeling and emotion was on high alert.

  They swayed together for song after song, and Luke didn’t want to let go. He needed this memory, this feeling so ingrained he’d remember it for a long time. There was no need for words.

  The lyrics of the song playing spoke of love and forever. For the first time in his life, Luke thought he might have a chance. Which was ridiculous since he was going away soon. He hadn’t spent any real time with Elle in the last ten years. Yet, for some reason, all the support and friendship she’d given him in years past converged on him now, allowing him to draw strength from her. Strength he’d need over the next six months or more.

  “Thank you for staying down here with me, Ellie.” Luke ran his hand over her back and shoulders left bare by the halter neck of her bridesmaid dress. “I needed a friend today.”

  A tiny laugh drifted from her mouth. “You’ve got more friends up at the reception than I do.”

  “I guess, but not the right kind of friend. I don’t want to be a downer to everyone who’s trying to celebrate, and I’m truly thrilled for Brad and Nicole and hope they have a wonderful marriage. It’s just, at the moment, I’m being selfish. I appreciate your keeping me company.”

  Elle lifted her head and smiled at him, her eyes teasing and almost smug. “I’ve got the hot stud, Lukas Storm, all to myself. What woman could ask for more?”

  He paused in his dancing and took a deep breath. Elle cocked her head in question.

  “Did I say something wrong?”

  “No. It isn’t anything to do with you.” He led her back to the swing and settled in with her pressed to his side. Hefting the bottle to his lips, he took a big swig, then handed it to her. She sipped more daintily, then held the bottle in her lap.

  Elle rested her head against his shoulder and gazed up at him. “What are you thinking about, Luke?”

  “Wome
n.”

  A snort erupted from her mouth, and she scowled. “Why am I not surprised?”

  When she tried to scoot away from him, he slung his arm around her shoulder and held tight. “It’s not what you’re thinking. I’ve been remembering all the frivolous women I’ve been with over the years. And I know it’s been a lot. But none of them have ever meant anything to me.”

  Tugging the bottle from her hands, he tipped it up again, then handed it back. “If something happens to me on deployment, all those women, they won’t care. No one will cry at my funeral.”

  Kneeling next to him, she placed her hands on his shoulders. He grabbed the bottle, so it didn’t tip over, and set it on the floor of the cabana. He’d need every ounce of alcohol to get through this night.

  “Luke, you’ve got a big family who love you. They’d be devastated if anything happened to you.”

  “I know that. But I was thinking about Erik and how much his wife loves him. And Alex and Sara are now married, and each have someone special in their lives. Someone who’d mourn for them. I’ve got no one. Not one of those ladies I’ve been with would give me a second thought.”

  Elle bent her head. Her beautiful eyes bore right into his. “I may not be special in your life, but I’d cry for you, Luke. A whole bucket of tears.”

  The words were like an embrace to his soul. Could she be any sweeter? Tucking her against his shoulder again, he pressed a kiss to her hair. “Thank you. That means the world to me. But you’re wrong about not being special. Even after all these years, you still hold a very special place in my heart.”

  When he glanced down at her smiling face, he had the urge to kiss her. To kiss Elle Russell, who was no longer too young for him. She was an adult and so was he. Two consenting adults. Could she ever see him that way?

  “Can I kiss you?” The words slipped out before he could stop them.

  Her brows rose as her eyes grew wider. “You want to kiss me? You’re that desperate, huh?” She slapped a grin on her face, but he’d seen her doubt.

  Cupping her face, he stroked his thumb down her cheek. “You are so good and sweet and beautiful, Ellie. That hasn’t been what I’ve had in my life up to this point, but right now, it’s something I’m finding I need. I’ve been so shallow in my choices of women and the thought of not returning, never having held a woman of substance, makes me ache. I don’t know what the future is going to hold for me, but I just want to touch something, someone good and honest and pure of heart before I go.”

  She nodded, and her smile warmed him all the way through. His hands drew her toward him, and he pressed his lips to hers. Sweet. Yes, they were soft and sweet, and he needed more.

  Shifting, he draped her legs across his lap and lowered her back to the cushions. Again and again, he kissed her, made love to her lips, and caressed her face and neck and throat. Elle reached out for him and ran her hands across his shoulders and around the back of his neck. He couldn’t get enough of simply kissing her.

  A small humming sound drifted his way, and he adored the rapturous expression she wore as his lips nipped their way down her neck. But he had to have her mouth once more. It had become addictive, and he couldn’t stay away.

  “I can’t believe I’ve waited this long to sample your gorgeous lips. If I’d known they tasted like honey, I would have found you long ago and spent the rest of forever drinking them in.”

  Her laugh had him easing back to gaze at her. Kiss-swollen lips. Hair in disarray. Eyes shining with mischief. This was the image he needed to keep with him always.

  Digging in his jacket pocket, he extracted his phone. Elle sat up, and he snapped a few pictures.

  “What are you doing, you goof? I must look awful.” She shook her head and finger-combed her hair away from her face. He took a few more.

  “I’ve never seen anyone look more beautiful than right now.”

  A blush spread across her pale skin. “You’re nuts.”

  “Nuts for you.” He gave her another quick kiss, then reached for the bottle of champagne. They’d finished more than half of it.

  Pointing to the bottle, Elle said, “That’s why you’ve suddenly found the need for someone like me.”

  “No. This has just finally given me the courage to reach for something I didn’t think I could have.” He took a long swig, then handed it to her. When she finished it off, he tossed it on the grass, then dragged her to lie on the swing again, holding her tight to him.

  “What are you doing, Luke?”

  He pressed his lips to hers, stopping the words of doubt he knew would come out. Elle was one of the most intelligent people he knew, but when it came to being confident with her appearance, she seemed happiest to blend into the background.

  Peeking at his watch, he marveled at the time. Well past two in the morning. He was only just noticing the sounds from the party had died down. He’d been enjoying being with Elle too much.

  He rested against the end cushion and tugged until her head lay on his chest. “I’m too tired to walk back up that hill. This way I can say I’ve slept with one nice girl.”

  Elle started to pull away, but Luke held tight. “Just sleep. Please, Ellie. Stay with me the rest of the night.” His voice sounded desperate to his own ears. Pathetic, yes, but he couldn’t let her go. He needed her tonight as he’d never needed anyone before.

  She snuggled against him, and he sighed, his muscles relaxing. “The memory of you in my arms will help me get through my time away. Thank you.”

  “You’re going to be fine, Luke. I know you will.”

  As he drifted off, he hoped she was right.

  Chapter Three

  Luke opened his eyes to something tickling his neck. Gorgeous auburn hair spread over his shoulder and chest. The wedding. Drinking the champagne with Elle down by the lake. And they were still here.

  Though it was still dark in their cozy spot on the swing, the sky over the lake had begun to change colors. Dawn was approaching, and he’d have to say goodbye to his time with Elle. He didn’t want to. He wanted to stay here for as long as possible.

  Something had changed for him last night. Yes, he’d been pondering his choices lately and wondering if it wasn’t time to put his Romeo image in the rearview mirror. But seeing Elle again, holding her, kissing her, touching her, had cemented those thoughts and dreams. His desire for excitement and physical intimacy with a variety of women had faded into a need for substance and love and a constant in his life. Someone who’d cry for him if he didn’t make it back.

  Like Elle.

  Gazing down at her sleeping form, he knew he wanted what his siblings had. With Elle? Maybe it was too soon to vocalize those thoughts, but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t keep them close to his heart. Keep her close to his heart.

  His arms tightened around her, and he nuzzled his nose into her hair. He’d carry her scent with him and remember it when he needed a boost. Remember how she felt in his arms, curving herself against him. To stay warm? It was August, and the slight breeze was refreshing, not cold. He’d like to think she knew it was him and wanted his touch.

  Kissing her cheek, he ran his hand down her back, memorizing her curves. A soft moan drifted from her lips.

  “Luke. Mmm, that’s nice.”

  So she was aware it was him touching her. Why did that please him so much?

  “You’re nice. And beautiful. And I just want to hold you as long as I can.”

  Her dark eyes opened, and a smile lit her face. “I’d like that, too.”

  Their mouths came together, and soon he was kissing her as if there was no tomorrow. Maybe there wasn’t for him. He tried to keep the desperation away, but it kept seeping back in.

  As he skated his hand up her bare back, he flicked open the clip holding her halter top together. A tiny sound of protest slipped from her mouth, but when his lips nipped along her flushed skin and down to the valley between her breasts, she clung to him tighter and arched her head back.

  “Oh, God,
Luke.”

  “I’m not a god, but if you want to address me as one, I’m okay with that.”

  A laugh transformed into a gasp as he flicked his tongue over her nipple. The peak hardened, and he drew it into his mouth, sucking and licking.

  Elle held his head and whispered words of encouragement. “Oh, yes. Aah, Luke.”

  Taking turns, he gave attention to her other breast as she tugged his shirt from his waistband. Soon, the silky skin of her hands was gliding over his back.

  “Oh, yes, Ellie. Touch me. God, that feels incredible. Don’t stop.”

  She didn’t. Her hands ran up and down his back, then around to his sides. He eased back to allow her access to his chest and filled his gaze with her beauty. Her lovely breasts lay before him, and he touched them again, stroking and caressing and kneading until she wriggled her hips and moaned.

  When Elle bent one knee, the skirt of her dress slithered to her hip exposing her gorgeous leg. He couldn’t even think about controlling his desire to explore. He caressed the skin on her calf, then drifted up to her thigh.

  He shouldn’t go any farther. This was Elle. Pure and good and sweet Elle. He could control himself.

  Shifting his position, he nestled on his side and kissed her lips. She got to work unbuttoning his shirt. Okay, maybe she had other ideas.

  All right. He’d let her lead and see where it went. He wouldn’t push.

  As Elle swirled her fingers in his chest hair, he skimmed his hand up her leg to her firm ass. God, it was round and full, and he couldn’t get enough of touching and squeezing it. When he dipped his hands inside her panties, she wiggled until they slipped lower. He could take a hint. He helped her get them off, then tucked them in his pocket.

  Now, he needed to keep Elle satisfied.

  His hands, her hands, mouths and lips caressed, licked, nipped, and worked each other into a frenzy. Somehow, his pants had come undone, and Elle had his erection in her hand.