Faded Dreams

by Kari Lemor

Luke took his time washing up, making sure to scrub any exposed skin. When he came out, Elle was sitting up, her eyes half open.

  “Hey, babe. How’re you feeling?”

  A smile crossed her face, and she lifted one hand. He caught it before it fell again and squeezed tight.

  “I don’t know why I’m so groggy.”

  “The doctor’s going to figure that out. All you need to do is rest.”

  As the doctor entered and began his examination, Luke hoped and prayed rest was all she needed.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Elle rested her head back as the contraction subsided. The pressure from Luke’s grip eased away, too. Her eyes popped open, and she reached for him. “Luke?”

  “I’m right here, babe. Not going anywhere.” He sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand again.

  God, she was a mess. It was bad enough being rushed to the hospital, but when they’d said her blood pressure was too high and the baby needed to be delivered, she felt even guiltier. She’d been trying so hard to be superwoman and had possibly hurt their child. Once they’d gotten her stabilized, they’d put her on Pitocin to induce labor.

  Tears came to her eyes, and her lip wobbled. Stupid hormones had her blubbering all over the place.

  “It’s all good, Ellie. We’re going to have a beautiful baby soon, and then you’ll feel better.”

  “I’m sorry. I should have taken better care of myself.” Tears slipped down her cheeks.

  Luke wiped them aside with his thumbs and kissed her sweetly. “Maybe your husband should have picked up on how tired you’ve been and done more around the house. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

  Dr. Wescott swept in with far too much enthusiasm for four o’clock in the morning. She hadn’t seen him for a few hours, so maybe he’d gotten a nap somewhere. She’d been trying to sleep in between contractions, but her anxiety kept worming its way in. She’d thought she was strong enough for this labor thing, but maybe she wasn’t.

  “How are we doing? Let’s take a look.”

  When the doctor positioned himself at the foot of the bed, Luke got up and crossed the room to gaze out the window. It was pitch black out there, so she didn’t know what he was looking at. Probably just getting away from the intimate examination as best he could. Elle wished Dr. Chaudhri was here. She’d feel so much better with a woman, especially one she’d been seeing for many months.

  “About five centimeters. Softening up nicely.” He draped the sheet back over her feet and checked the fetal monitor next to the bed.

  “Is the baby okay?” Her voice wobbled.

  He patted her hand and smiled. “We’ll keep our eye on things to make sure you have a healthy child. Get some rest in between contractions if you can. You’ll need your energy for pushing.”

  He trotted out, and Elle gritted her teeth. Maybe she’d been better off when she’d been out of it. At least then she wasn’t aggravated with what the doctor was saying.

  Luke strode back to her side and grinned at her. “Five is more than it was an hour ago. Progress.”

  “I still need to get to ten. I don’t know if I’ve got the strength for this, Luke. I thought I could do it.”

  “Hey, hey, don’t get down on yourself. Your blood pressure is still spiked, which is causing all this lethargy. Plus, your blood sugar is low. That’ll make anyone groggy.”

  “I should have eaten more at the party. I’m sorry.” God, she was being pathetic. So emotional.

  Luke cupped her face and kissed her on the nose. “There were lots of people there to interrupt your meal, and it’s difficult to eat if you aren’t feeling great. We should have stayed home.”

  “And miss your dad’s big party? Not on your life. I don’t need your family hating me forever.”

  “God, babe. Nobody would hate you for missing it. Right now, my whole family is waiting anxiously for word on how you are. They all feel bad they didn’t insist you sit down or go home earlier.”

  “It’s four in the morning. I hope they aren’t sitting around waiting. They should be asleep.”

  “I’m sure they are, but they’re all sleeping with the phone next to their head. Hopefully, by the time they wake up in the morning, we’ll have some wonderful news to share with them.”

  “Yeah, that…ahhh.” Another contraction hit, and she clenched her fists.

  “Breathe, babe. Breathe. Remember how we learned to do it in class?”

  Pain radiated from her hip bones, making it feel like someone was in there with a crowbar, prying them apart. The intense feeling built and built to the point she couldn’t get any words out. Finally, finally it eased away leaving her wrung out and limp.

  “We?” she said after she’d taken a deep inhale. “Seems I’m the one breathing and you’re just sitting there holding my hand.”

  Luke’s lips tightened and guilt crossed his face. “I know. I’m sorry. I wish I could take the pain away for you.”

  “No, I’m just being a big baby. You’ve been wonderful. Thank you for being here with me. I’m not sure how I would have done this by myself.”

  “You would have been fine, but you don’t have to do it alone because I’m in this with you. We created this child together, and we’ll get through this delivery together.”

  Together? She prayed every night that she and Luke would remain that way. Right now, she merely wanted the strength to push the baby out.

  For the next four hours, they repeated the same thing over and over, except each time a contraction hit, it seemed to last longer and was more painful. She didn’t even get as much of a break in between each one. She’d been doing this for over ten hours. When would this baby get here?

  Elle drifted off but woke with the muscles in her stomach tightening once again. She reached for Luke’s hand, but he wasn’t there. Had he left her? He’d promised he’d stay with her.

  “Luke?” The word was barely above a whisper. It’s all she had the energy for.

  The toilet flushed, water ran, and Luke darted out of the bathroom. “Right here, Ellie. You’re doing great.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed as she rode out the rest of the contraction.

  Elle had no response. Her muscles trembled. Her eyes automatically shut as she listened to Luke’s soothing words.

  “Junior will be here before you know it. Can’t wait to meet our child, Ellie. You are going to be the best mom ever. I know it.”

  “Luke.”

  “Yeah, babe? Right here.” His breath caressed her cheek.

  “I’m so tired.”

  “I know you are, sweetheart. I’m here to help you get through this. We’ll have a baby soon and then you can get some rest. Okay? There’s a little bit of work to do first.”

  “So tired.” Tears dripped down her cheeks.

  Luke brushed them away as he’d done every time she’d gotten weepy. Tucking some hair behind her ears, he said, “You should rest for a bit now while you can. I’ll be right here when you need me again.”

  Too soon, she did need him. Holding her hand. Being her strength and support. Talking her through her breathing as the contractions ripped across her middle.

  When another contraction hit, it seemed to be right on top of the last one, and Elle let out a long cry.

  As she squeezed Luke’s hand painfully, Dr. Chaudhri entered the room. “Elle, let’s take a look.”

  As Luke held Elle’s hands and whispered into her ear, the doctor folded the sheet around her knees and did an exam.

  “You’re almost ten centimeters dilated and fully effaced. I’d say pretty soon you can start pushing and then we’ll have a baby for you. If you feel the urge to push, make sure to let us know.”

  Elle felt her belly tighten again and cried out. This hurt too much, and she wanted it to stop. Luke’s unique scent filled her nose, giving her comfort. He was here with her, helping her get through this. Soon, they’d have a baby. Little Junior Storm. Would it be a boy? They could name him Luke like his father. But what if it was a gi
rl? They’d thrown a few names out but hadn’t ever settled on one.

  “I know you’re tired, Ellie. But as soon as you push the baby out, you can sleep all you want.”

  “Promise?”

  “Yes, I promise. Now, there’s another contraction starting, so let’s get you breathing through it. Just like they taught us in class.”

  Like in class. She remembered childbirth class. Why couldn’t she do the breathing? Her head was filled with syrup or jelly or something equally as squishy and thick. Pain arched across her abdomen again, and she grabbed Luke’s hand and squeezed.

  “Breathe, Ellie. Breathe. Don’t tense up. The contraction is making room for our child to come out.”

  “It hurts.” She should be able to get through this, but after every contraction she slumped back against the mattress and almost passed out. With the newer contractions being on top of each other, she wasn’t getting any kind of rest.

  Suddenly, it seemed all the muscles in her lower belly tensed at the same time. This must be what the doctor had meant about the urge to push. Her muscles were doing the pushing.

  “Oh, God. I have to push. Aaahhhh.”

  Several nurses scurried about, lowering part of the bed, and setting up a tray of medical tools. Dr. Chaudhri slipped on some gloves and a mask and positioned herself at the foot of the bed.

  “Let’s raise your head a bit more to use gravity to get this little one out.”

  Elle watched Luke, his eyes darting all over the place as the medical staff bustled about. He looked as scared as she was.

  Another contraction hit, and she couldn’t worry about her husband. She somehow had to find the strength to finish this job.

  Again and again, she pushed and held it, then pushed some more. The pain was so intense she couldn’t stop the cries from escaping. When would this end? Dear God, make this end.

  All at once the pressure that had been ripping her apart eased. Glancing between her legs, she saw her child’s head. The doctor squeezed a bulb syringe, then smiled at her.

  “One more good push, and we’ll be meeting your child.”

  Elle wasn’t sure she had anything left in her. Then, Luke pressed closer, held her tight, and kissed her cheek. “You can do this.”

  Her stomach muscles clenched again, and Elle had barely taken a breath when the baby whooshed right into Dr. Chaudhri’s hands.

  Several nurses swooped in. For what, she didn’t know. All she could focus on was the wiggling bundle now crying in the doctor’s hands.

  “You’ve got a little girl.”

  “A girl.” She looked perfect. Was she? Elle tried to say something, but the room waved in and out. She was cold. So cold. Her whole body shook, and she couldn’t lift her head.

  Words swarmed around her. Blood pressure. Blood. Baby.

  Where was her baby? Where was Luke? Had he left her? Had he taken her baby? Was that the only reason he stayed with her? To take his child? No, it was her baby.

  “My baby? Where’s my baby?”

  Luke felt all his muscles go lax once the baby slid into the doctor’s hands.

  “You’ve got a little girl.” Dr. Chaudhri said as the nurses moved in to assist, one with the baby and another checking the blood pressure monitor that had been attached to Elle’s arm this whole time.

  “A girl,” Elle said, her words barely audible.

  He didn’t even know how she was still conscious after what she’d endured. How did women go through even longer labors and have enough strength to get the baby out?

  The nurse did something to the umbilical cord, then Dr. Chaudhri cut it. Once the nurse wrapped the baby in a towel and lifted her away, the doctor tugged on the cord that was still inside Elle. The amount of blood and what he assumed was placenta that came out plopping into a metal pan surprised him. Was that normal?

  When he glanced at Elle, her eyes were unfocused again, and she gripped the rails of the bed. “My baby? Where’s my baby?”

  Before Luke could answer her that their daughter was fine, the nurse stabbed the doctor with a stare. “BP is falling fast. She’s going into shock.”

  Another nurse rushed over and spread a blanket on Elle. As Luke reached for her hand, he could feel the warmth from the fabric. It had been heated.

  Luke’s head swam as medical terminology was thrown around the room. He tried to follow it, but all he got was something about too much blood and low blood pressure.

  “What’s going on? Is something wrong with the baby? Ellie?”

  One of the nurses gripped his elbow and steered him toward where the other nurse wiped down their daughter and weighed her. He kept peeking over his shoulder to check on his wife. Dr. Chaudhri and several nurses hovered around her. He couldn’t see what they were doing.

  “Even though your daughter’s a little early, she’s still a healthy weight. Six pounds and two ounces. Seventeen and a half inches long.”

  He gazed down at the tiny face that stared unseeingly at him. Their daughter. Yet her mother was in need of help. “What are they doing to Ellie?”

  The nurse wrapped the baby in a blanket and smiled at him. “They’re just getting her stabilized. It’s quite a traumatic ordeal to give birth. It might be a good idea for you to go get a cup of coffee and stretch your legs for a bit. When you come back, we’ll have both your daughter and your wife all cleaned up.”

  “But what if she needs me?” Luke had promised he’d be here for Elle.

  “Just a few minutes to call anyone to let them know your daughter is here and healthy. A cup of coffee, then come right back.”

  Elle’s eyes were closed, and he let out a huge sigh. He should call his parents and let them know about the baby. One that needed a name. He’d talk to Elle about that as soon as she felt better.

  “Your wristband will get you back in through the security doors.” Cradling the baby in one arm, the nurse turned toward the sink and reached for a washcloth.

  Luke stumbled out of the room and down the hall until he was free of the maternity ward. He found a quiet corner in a small alcove and called his parents. Checking his watch, he was astounded to see it was after ten in the morning. They’d gotten here early last night. How had that much time passed already?

  His mom picked up the phone on the first ring.

  “Luke? Is Ellie all right? The baby?” Her concerned tone warmed him.

  Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm down. “We’ve got a beautiful, healthy baby girl, born just a few minutes ago.”

  “Oh, thank God. No problems with her being born a little early?”

  “She’s only a bit over six pounds and I forget how long, but they didn’t seem concerned.” He couldn’t say the same for his wife’s condition.

  There was a pause on the line, then, “And Ellie? How’s she doing?”

  He swallowed hard. “Not so great. I think she’s really sick.”

  “What did they say?”

  “Not much. Kind of kicked me out of the room on the pretense of getting coffee and calling with the news. They said they’d have both baby and Ellie cleaned up when I got back.”

  “There is a lot to clean up after having a baby, Luke. It’s a messy event if you hadn’t noticed. What makes you say she’s sick?”

  “Her blood pressure had been really high all night, but once she had the baby, it dropped. The nurse’s reaction made me think that wasn’t a good thing. And there was so much blood. The doctor was real busy dealing with that, so I couldn’t get any information. Ellie was so out of it once she’d finally got the baby out. She was shaking, and the nurse said she was in shock.”

  “That’s not uncommon for a woman after labor and delivery. The body’s just had a huge trauma to it. I went into shock with both Erik and Sara. They throw some lovely warm blankets on you and soon you feel better.”

  “Yeah, they had the blankets. I hope it worked on Ellie. I should get back in there and check on her. Can you pass the word along? I don’t want to take the time calling everyo
ne.”

  “Of course, sweetie. I’ll get on the grapevine. Your father and I will stop by in a bit to check on things. It’s not a problem if we can’t go in to visit, but we want to make sure you don’t need anything.”

  He wanted to tell them not to come yet as he didn’t know what Ellie’s condition was, but even at his age, he needed his parents for support.

  “Any way you could stop at the house and pick up Ellie’s bag she packed? My head was nowhere near remembering it last night.”

  “We’ll do that. Now, go tell Ellie and our new granddaughter that we love them. We love you, too, Luke.”

  “Thanks, Mom. Love you.”

  Luke took another minute to use the restroom and root out a cup of coffee before scurrying back to the room. He was anxious for what he’d find.

  Dr. Chaudhri was still at the foot of the bed. It looked like she was sewing something. God, he didn’t even want to think about how that happened. One nurse fiddled near Ellie while another one held their daughter.

  “Mr. Storm. I’m just about to give your daughter her first bath. Why don’t you come watch, so you’ll know what to do?”

  His feet stepped automatically to where his child was held. Water trickled gently from the faucet, and he watched as she explained what she was doing. The baby seemed contented with the water and facecloth giving her a soft massage. He wasn’t sure he could hold the baby in one hand like that while washing with the other.

  His gaze flipped back and forth between Ellie and their child. His wife hadn’t said anything yet. Was she sleeping or unconscious?

  “Doctor Chaudhri, how is Ellie?”

  “She’s resting right now. As you know, her blood pressure was dangerously high, and her blood sugar was low. Her blood pressure dropped significantly once she delivered. We’ve got her on medication that should help get that under control again.”

  “Is that why she’s not awake? She is just sleeping, right?”

  The doctor smiled, then said, “She needs rest. After examining the placenta, I discovered she’d experienced a mild placental abruption. Most likely, the cause of the heavier than usual bleeding.”