Faded Dreams

by Kari Lemor

  Luke lifted to his feet easily, and Elle was so envious. Even with the baby in his arms, there wasn’t any struggle.

  “Thanks, bro. You’re the best. Hopefully, by the time your little one arrives we’ll be in better shape and can reciprocate.”

  “Only if Ellie’s the one cooking,” Alex quipped. “Not sure we’d live through anything you made.”

  Alex and Gina said their good-byes and left. Elle hefted herself off the couch and inched toward Luke. Would she ever be able to walk normally again?

  “How was the first day back after your week away?”

  He kissed her lips, and Elle swayed closer to keep the connection. Even though she wasn’t ready for anything intimate, she loved the feel of her husband’s lips on hers. They stayed kissing for a few moments, then Luke eased back.

  “Lots to catch up on, but the rest of the team had pitched in to move the project forward. It’s all still on schedule. I was more worried about how you were faring.”

  Slipping her hand through his bent elbow, she leaned on him as they strolled to the kitchen.

  “Little Miss Dawn did lots today. Eat. Sleep. Poop. Rinse and repeat.”

  Luke eased her into a chair at the kitchen table, then handed her the baby. “Did you get any rest? You were up half the night feeding and rocking her.”

  “Most of that sleeping she did today—it was on me. Not as restful as it would be if she was in her bassinet, but she stays asleep longer if I’m holding her.”

  Luke removed the casserole from the oven and set it on top. After scooping some out and plating it, he brought it to the table, then lifted Dawn from her arms.

  “You eat first, and I’ll hold her.

  Elle wanted to complain, but when Luke gazed at their daughter, it was obvious to anyone with eyes, that he was enjoying every second.

  “Looks like she’s content being held in her Daddy’s arms.”

  A secret smile crossed Luke’s lips. “Yeah, I think she knows who I am. Recognizes my voice.”

  “Of course, she does. You used to talk to my belly often enough. She loves being with her Daddy.”

  Luke only had eyes for Dawn as he said, “I can’t even describe how much I love her.”

  Elle understood what he was talking about. Their daughter was everything to her. Obviously to Luke as well. It wasn’t right that she felt jealous that Luke had never said that he loved her.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Elle’s beautiful face was so peaceful in slumber. Luke hated to wake her, but Dawn was starting to fuss. Hadn’t she just eaten an hour ago? Glancing at the clock, he noted it was almost nine. He never slept this late, but waking up every few hours at night had knocked his usual sleep cycle off.

  It had to be a hundred time worse for Elle. He, at least, could close his eyes and drift off while she fed the baby. Elle had to be alert enough to hold their daughter.

  A tiny mewing sounded again, and Luke slogged out of bed and peeked into the bassinet next to Elle’s side. Dawn’s eyes were wide open, her mouth puckered for another lusty cry. Quickly, he scooped her up and snuggled her to his chest. A kiss to her head and whispered assurance in her ear, and she relaxed against him. God, he loved when she did this. Trusted that he’d take care of her.

  After settling in the rocking chair in the corner, he ran his hand up and down his daughter’s back. Pressing his nose to her head, he inhaled that unique scent he’d never forget. He felt like a Neanderthal with the protective instincts that roared to life inside him. He was starting to understand why his mom was always doing stuff for them. He’d do anything for this little girl. The love he had for her was already so strong, he couldn’t imagine what it would be like when she was grown.

  Setting the rocking chair moving with his foot, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the feel of his daughter against his bare chest. They’d been told there was therapeutic value in it for the child, but Luke knew there was some for him as well. When he’d gotten home from work last night, he hadn’t been in a great mood. He’d only been out of the office for a week when Dawn had been born, but in that time several miscommunications had happened, ones he hadn’t discovered until Thursday before he left. He’d spent all day yesterday attempting to fix them, which had put him in a fowl mood because he’d been attempting to get home on time every night.

  But as soon as he’d sunk onto the couch next to Elle and snuggled Dawn against him, all the stress had simply drifted away. He knew it would return once he was back at work Monday, but for this weekend, he’d forget it and concentrate on his family.

  Family. Funny how that dynamic had changed in only a matter of months. From free and easy single guy to married with a wife and child. Boggled the mind. The panic he’d always felt anytime someone had mentioned settling down was nowhere to be found.

  Gazing at the adorable face of his daughter, he rubbed her back and watched as her eyes fluttered closed again. She hadn’t needed to eat. Simply needed her dad. Wow. These powerful emotions kept washing over him and taking him by surprise.

  He gently stood, still snuggling her close and tiptoed to the bed, where he managed to recline against the pillows. Elle hadn’t even twitched. She had to be exhausted with all the feedings and taking care of Dawn while he’d been at work.

  His mom stopped in almost every day, but she’d told him she hadn’t wanted to overstep. Elle’s Aunt Sharon had stopped in twice with food, but Dawn wasn’t her grandchild, and it was apparent she wasn’t feeling the same overwhelming love for their daughter that Molly Storm was.

  He must have drifted off, because when he felt Dawn squirming, the clock read ten-thirty. Elle rested on her side, a body pillow tucked under her belly and between her legs. She watched their daughter as she wiggled and made tiny hunger noises. When Elle gazed up at him, her eyes shone with love. Was that what he was seeing? For him? Or the fact he’d kept the baby occupied so she could rest? He didn’t remember a woman ever staring at him with that special look in her eyes. Granted, he probably would have run as fast as he could away from her. He’d never wanted any entanglements before. These days, he couldn’t even remember why.

  “She’s going to need to eat soon.”

  “Yeah, but she can wait a few minutes. Did you need to use the bathroom or get something to eat or drink? Or I can get you something?”

  Elle sat up and took a moment to balance. After almost two weeks, she was finally moving around without constant wincing. When he’d seen their daughter come out, he’d wondered how women walked at all after that.

  “If you’ve got her, I’ll just be a minute.”

  “No rush, babe. We like our daddy/daughter time.”

  Elle disappeared into the bathroom and came out later, hair brushed and braided and looking slightly more awake. Once she’d piled up the pillows, she scooted onto the bed and tugged on the nursing pillow Alandra had loaned her,

  Luke kissed his daughter on the head. “Time to eat, pretty girl.”

  While Elle got the baby in the correct position and nursed, he jumped in the shower, then shaved, so he didn’t scratch his precious girl with stubble. After he’d pulled on casual clothes for the day, he refilled the water bottle Elle always kept on the nightstand and made some toast with cinnamon on it. He’d found Elle liked it that way.

  When he placed it on the bedside table, Elle sent a big smile his way. “Thanks, Luke.”

  He adjusted next to her on the bed, so he was able to see without disturbing the feeding process. He’d been mesmerized with the sight of his daughter suckling from her mom.

  Dawn’s eyes drifted closed. Elle tickled her feet, and she began sucking furiously again. He loved how she did that and how Elle just seemed to know what to do. Often, he felt like he was floundering. He’d changed some diapers and held their daughter, but other than that he felt useless. He couldn’t feed their child, allowing Elle some much needed sleep.

  Elle shifted the baby to her shoulder and rubbed gently until a soft burp came out. It was enoug
h to wake her up again, so she could feed on the other side.

  Once she was furiously sucking again, Luke touched her soft downy hair. “It’s her big two-week birthday tomorrow. What should we do?”

  Elle gave him the look, one she must have learned from his mother. “Sunday dinner at Alex’s. We got out of it the last two weeks because of this little lady, but I have a feeling your mother would like us there.”

  “Did she say anything to you?” He didn’t want his mom making Elle uncomfortable.

  “She was very sweet and said she understood if I was too tired. But she also said there would be plenty of people there to hold the baby and free us up.”

  “That’s true, but you always have to feed her. I wish I could help with that.”

  “I’m not ready to give her a bottle quite yet. I’ve been successful with nursing while so many aren’t, so I don’t want to change something that’s working.”

  “I didn’t mean that, babe. I just want to give you some time to rest. Do you want me to take Dawn to my brother’s tomorrow while you stay here and sleep? I can do it right after you feed her, then bring her back when she gets hungry again.”

  “I don’t mind going, and I’d love to see everyone. But is it okay if I don’t stay all day like we’ve done in the past? Your mom suggested I come for the meal, then slip out when I’m feeling tired.”

  Luke grinned. “You told me you were tired all the time.”

  Elle chuckled, and he loved seeing her happy. “I am. I also need to get out of the house for a bit. I’m starting to feel claustrophobic in here, even with a house this size.”

  “Then, we’ll plan to go over once darling Dawn has been fed and changed. Make sure you don’t overdo it, and let me know when you want to leave.”

  “Luke, you don’t have to come back with me. You can stay and visit with your family when I return home. I’ve been taking care of Dawn all week by myself.”

  “I know you have, but I want to help when I’m not at work.” He circled his arm around her shoulder and chuckled at the infant asleep on the nursing pillow, mouth open, a tiny bit of milk dribbling from her lips.

  “Milk coma.” Elle reattached her nursing bra and reclined on her pillows. Luke followed her down, making sure their daughter was safely on the pillow between them.

  “You know, babe. I have to say I’m glad we had that little condom mishap. Having you here next to me and this little darling with us is more than I ever could have imagined. You both make me happy.”

  Elle pursed her lips. “Even when you don’t get any sleep because she’s screaming?”

  He kissed her on the cheek and chuckled. “Yes, even then.”

  The crying babies had Elle’s milk letting down, and she prayed the nursing pads would hold until she had a chance to feed Dawn. Or they could get out of the church and get somewhere private.

  The priest droned on, and she wanted to listen to every word, but she was still dripping fluids from several places. The sooner they got Dawn baptized, the better.

  Finally, it was their turn. Gina carried the baby as the godmother, and Alex stood proudly next to her in his role. Elle loved how Luke kept his arm around her back, keeping her close. He’d been so solicitous in the three weeks since Dawn was born. Always making sure she had something to drink and plenty of pillows while she nursed. He’d been better at picking up his clothes from the floor, though sometimes only when she’d given the pile a disgusting look.

  Between Molly, Alex, Alandra, and several other cousins, she and Luke hadn’t gone hungry. Casseroles and desserts had appeared magically in either the fridge or freezer periodically. Molly, Luci, and Anna had stopped by yesterday and cleaned her house for her, so they could have the party afterward there. She’d been embarrassed at how messy it had gotten in just three weeks, but none of the women had even hinted it was her fault.

  She’d actually heard Molly muttering to herself when cleaning the bathroom sink, which she knew had Luke’s whiskers in it. “I taught him better than this.”

  Dawn rested blissfully unaware in Gina’s arms until the holy water was trickled on her head. Then, she opened her mouth and let out a yell. The family all chuckled, then paraded back to the pews until the mass was over.

  There was only one other baby to go, and Elle pressed herself close to Luke’s side as they waited. Automatically, he pressed a kiss to her head. God, she loved how he did that so often.

  After more prayers, the service was finally over, and they headed home. Elle would like nothing better than to snuggle into bed and sleep, but they had a house full of people stopping by.

  Luke’s immediate family had all been at the baptism. His aunts, uncles, and all the cousins and their kids would drop in throughout the afternoon, hence the cleaning crew by Molly and the aunts yesterday. When she’d mentioned plans for food, her mother-in-law had stepped in.

  “If you want to do it yourself, we understand. But this family is here to help, especially after a baby. You’ve got enough on your plate just taking care of this beauty; you don’t need added stress. We’ve done enough of these events that it’s second nature. This way, you only have to be there. We’ll put the unmarried cousins on clean up duty.”

  They’d chuckled at that, and Elle had happily accepted the assistance.

  Since Luci and Anna hadn’t been at the church, they were already in her kitchen moving casserole dishes and platters around. Luke plodded behind her, carrying Dawn in her infant seat.

  “How about if I feed her now before too many others get here? I’ll do it in the bedroom. I don’t feel comfortable nursing in front of your entire family.”

  “Whatever you want, babe. I’ll carry her up for you.”

  They climbed the back stairs, and Elle arranged her pillows on the bed. Once she was settled, Luke handed her the baby.

  “I’ll put the car seat in the den and play host until you get down. Don’t rush. There’s plenty for people to eat. Do you want me to bring you up something?”

  The smells from the kitchen were driving her crazy. “Would you?” She shifted her nursing top and got Dawn latched on.

  Luke grinned, those dimples making her stomach do flips. “Anything special you want?”

  “Aunt Luci’s meatballs. And a few of those crabby things your mother makes. I’ll get more once I feed her. I just don’t want those gone by the time I get down.”

  Luke chuckled. “My mother’s crabbies will go fast, but Aunt Luci makes enough meatballs for several military platoons to feast on for a week. Be right back.”

  True to his word, Luke set a plate next to the bed, along with a tall glass of iced tea. After kissing her and Dawn on the head, he trotted off down the stairs.

  Voices and laughter rose up to her, and Elle felt the guilt rise. This party was for Dawn’s christening. The baby should be downstairs with everyone. As the child’s mother, she should be, too. Taking a deep breath, she had to remind herself she had every right to be up here. Besides, there wasn’t a single member of the Storm family who would be upset with her for nursing the infant in private. Gramps and the uncles might even appreciate it.

  Yes. Good. Calm. Being stressed wouldn’t do the baby any good. It would only hamper her ability to eat, since she could feel when Elle was tense. While her daughter fed, Elle managed to nibble on the food Luke had brought up.

  Footsteps sounded up the back stairs, then went in the direction of the hall bathroom. After a few minutes, the toilet flushed, and the click of heels came her way. Grabbing a baby blanket, she draped it over Dawn, not knowing who would appear in the doorway. It was Gina.

  “Hey, sorry for intruding.” Her olive skin was paler that usual. “I decided to use this bathroom, since I didn’t figure anyone wanted to hear what I was doing in there.” She held her belly and made a face.

  “Still having morning sickness?” Elle patted the bed next to her. She knew the feeling well.

  Gina toed her shoes off and rested against the headboard. “I’m coming
up on the twelve-week mark soon. With any luck, it won’t continue after that.”

  “Has Alex been supportive?”

  “Oh, God, yes. I swear Felix is more of a mother hen than Molly. But he’s so sweet about it that I wouldn’t think of complaining. I can’t wait to see him cradling our little baby. Men with infants are so frickin’ sexy. Right?”

  Elle laughed, startling Dawn. It was time for a burp, anyway. She lifted the little girl to her shoulder and rubbed her back. “I love seeing Luke with Dawn. He’s so gentle, and he’s actually teared up a few times when she gazes at him. He’s a goner, for sure.”

  “Yeah, I don’t even need to wonder about my husband. Not only will he be totally in love with any kids we have, but he’ll have organized charts and schedules for every aspect of their lives.”

  Dawn let out some gas, so Elle situated her on the other side. “I wish some of Alex’s neatness and organization would rub off on Luke. He’s really wonderful with the baby, but Lord, that man knows how to make a mess.”

  “Oh, he lived with us for over a year. I’m very aware of his cleaning habits, or lack thereof. He could get Felix madder than anything else when he made himself a snack in the kitchen late at night. I’d come down in the morning to find my husband scrubbing the counters, swearing under his breath.”

  “I do something similar after he’s left for work. Luckily, the baby sleeps for long periods of time during the day. Unfortunately, she likes to do her sleeping while in my arms. The bassinet, not so much.”

  “Didn’t you get one of those carry sling things at your baby shower?”

  “I did. I still haven’t figured out how to get the baby in it without strangling her or myself. For right now, it’s easier to just stop doing everything and try and sleep when she does. That was Molly’s suggestion. I should listen to my mother-in-law, right?”

  “Absolutely.” Gina giggled. “She did raise four beautiful children.”

  Gina relaxed against the pillows, and Elle stroked her daughter’s head while she ate. When Dawn had nodded off into her milk coma once again, Elle placed her on the bed, then righted her wardrobe. Gina opened her eyes and bit her lip.