Yesterday's Promise

by Michele Paige Holmes

  Collin took my face in his hands. “It nearly killed me to leave you yesterday. It was as if a part of me was ripped out and left behind, too. I knew I couldn’t survive it this time. I’ve loved you so long, Katie. I’ve waited so long for the privilege of loving you.” He lowered his lips to mine, returning my shy effort with one that spoke of years of pent-up yearning. His lips were soft and slow, exploring every surface. They lingered and caressed, fulfilling the promise only hinted at on our wedding day.

  I sighed with contentment, causing Collin to pause, lean back, and study my face.

  “It is all right for a woman to kiss her husband, isn’t it?” If he told me otherwise I wasn’t certain I would care.

  Collin’s eyes darkened briefly, the ever-present seriousness attempting to surface. I grasped his shirt front and pulled him close to me again. I couldn’t lose him to that darkness. Not now.

  “Today it is all right for you to kiss me.” His look remained dark, but it was passion I saw simmering there now. “And for me to kiss you.” He did so again, his mouth more insistent this time. My hands slid up to his shoulders, then around the back of his neck, holding tight when he lifted me from the ground.

  I was out of breath but didn’t care. Collin’s lips parted suddenly, inviting. I gasped. With a shaky laugh he released me to kiss the bridge of my nose and my forehead.

  “I’m not entirely certain that type of kiss is proper.” I stared at the front of his shirt instead of his face.

  Collin lifted one of my tousled curls. “And does that concern you over much?”

  “No.” I didn’t need to consider. He kissed me a third time, long and slow and luxuriously until I thought I would melt in his arms. “Collin,” I breathed. “I love— kissing.”

  He laughed, then gathered me close, resting his chin on top of my head.

  “For years I heard nothing of you or your whereabouts, but I pictured you a grown-up young lady, dancing at balls on the arm of some well-bred, English nobleman. Countless nights I tortured myself with such images. Others I spent dreaming of this very moment.”

  “The time for dreaming is over.” Euphoria wrapped me in the snug cocoon of his arms. I never wanted to leave this spot or his embrace. But at last Collin stepped away, holding me at arms’ length.

  “We should continue on. It isn’t safe here.”

  “I’m not certain anywhere with you will ever be safe again.” I smiled as I brought a hand to my forehead, damp with perspiration.

  “True.” A corner of his mouth lifted. “You are a danger I shall be constantly wary of.”

  “Me?” I looked up at him through my lashes, as Anna had once taught me about flirting.

  “Aye, lass. You started it.” Collin swept me in his arms and pretended to toss me towards the horse. I reached up and hoisted myself the rest of the way.

  “Remember that,” I said pertly as I settled my weary legs for another long ride. “Next time it is your turn to begin the kissing.” I looked away, blushing at my boldness, before I could gauge Collin’s reaction to my invitation. I’d laid my heart and soul bare, utterly exposed for him to do as he wished.

  How long, I wondered restlessly, would I have to wait.

  “Grandfather, no!”

  I sensed a different kind of movement behind me and whirled to see the lass standing between me and the belt. I grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the way a second before the leather slapped smartly across the front of my thigh.

  “Stay back,” I ordered, even as she flung herself at her grandfather, arms wrapped around his legs.

  He pried her fingers away and held her sternly from him. “And now yours. For flaunting a gift meant to be used with wisdom. He shoved her toward me. “Hold her.”

  “No.” I pulled Katie behind me, the sound of her weeping filling the silence of the hall. “You charged me with protecting her, and so I will.”

  “I’ll do no lasting harm,” the laird promised.

  I shook my head. “She’s but a child, and the wrong here is not hers. Let her be.”

  Chapter Twenty-four

  “There.” Collin stood behind me on a bluff, a thick forest of trees at our back, protecting us from being visible to anyone below. He pointed to a distant castle and outlying crofts, both sparsely spread and with less farmland between than I had imagined.

  “We’ve been on Campbell land for some time now,” Collin continued. “But this is the best vantage point of your home.”

  “Our home,” I corrected, wrapping my arms tight around my middle. I didn’t want to go there alone, or at all really. Brann is there now. As were others who would do us harm. It would be up to me to be aware of their movements if we were to stay safe. But save for the brief, almost too late warning at the loch, I had sensed or seen nothing since the vision at the moor.

  “I turned and buried my face in Collin’s chest. “Must we go?”

  He held me close and stroked the back of my head as I imagined he might have when I was a child. “No one is here to force us.”

  “But—” I’d heard the lilt in his voice and knew he wished to say more.

  “Your grandfather expected we would.” Collin held me away from him and looked directly at me. “He counted on us, and there are many others there looking for you to return as well.”

  I groaned. “Let us hope they are not terribly disappointed.”

  “I haven’t been, so why should they be? You’re going to help them, Katie. Why—” A mischievous smile lit Collin’s face. “You may even be able to feed them, with your recently acquired skill, locating already dead fish.”

  “Unjust,” I cried, punching him lightly, feeling immensely grateful that the solemn Collin was slowly being replaced by this man who could smile and tease and even laugh. I prayed he might stay like this, once we were no longer by ourselves.

  “You’re not going there alone. We are in this together,” Collin reminded me. He’d turned me away from him once more, and his hands rested on my shoulders as they had that night at the inn. As I had then, I felt a calm and confidence flow from him into me.

  “How do you do that?” I asked, as I had previously, still waiting for a satisfactory explanation.

  “It is my gift, so you may use yours. You must be calm to see what is coming. I help your mind and heart to be still.”

  “But how do you do it?” I persisted.

  “It’s very simple. Something your grandfather taught me.”

  “Is it a secret? Am I not to know?”

  “You can now.” Collin leaned close, brushing my hair aside to whisper in my ear. “I love you. That is the secret. I gather my feelings for you, concentrate them into my touch, and the love you feel from me provides the peace you need.”

  More tears. Oh dear. His simple, beautiful explanation buoyed me above our worries. I reached up, placing one of my hands over Collin’s. “Thank you.” It seemed I would be forever in his debt. I wished there was something I could give in return. He had my love, but I wasn’t certain he felt it, as I felt his.

  “Never doubt my devotion to you, Katie. No matter what may come.”

  “I won’t.” I dashed a hand over my cheeks, hoping he hadn’t seen my tears. “Now then,” I acquiesced, “I shall do my best to see what Brann is up to.” Concentrating my mind on him seemed the best chance I had to see anything. He’d been the first person in my vision at the moor. I closed my eyes, reaching out to the land spread below us, expecting I would have the bird’s-eye view of my previous sight, where it felt as if I had hovered above the land and people and was privy to their actions and conversation. But this time it was different.

  In my mind I found a path and followed it, not to the castle, but to a cottage where I saw not Brann, but a woman.

  Uncertain if this was my imagination or actually seeing something, I allowed myself to daydream that the cottage was ours. Maybe we should live happily there instead. The idea of having our own little home was suddenly very appealing. A castle would house many
people, whereas a cottage might just be for the two of us.

  Was the little house in my mind real? Did it already exist, either here or on MacDonald land? There was only one way to find out.

  “Will you find me some sticks, please?” I opened my eyes and walked to a spot of ground mostly devoid of grass. I knelt and began using my hand to smooth the dirt.

  Collin brought me a sharp rock and two sticks, one thicker than the other.

  “Thank you.” I dragged the rock through the dirt, marking off a square in which to work. Then I picked the thinner of the two sticks and began scratching it across the ground, making lines that in turn showed the small home I’d seen, simply built. Humble. I wouldn’t care what it looked like if it was ours. “Hmm. This roof must leak. Look how poorly it’s patched.” I dug deeper, using the darker earth beneath to shade the thatching in places.

  Collin said nothing but sat nearby and watched as I drew the main cottage and then the smaller outbuildings. I thought about adding a chicken or two next to the coop in the yard, but the sticks didn’t allow me to provide that much detail. There was a woman there that I felt I had to draw. I began sketching her, my heart falling with each stroke. This wasn’t to be our cottage. It belonged to someone else. The name that had haunted me for days came to mind again. I stopped mid-way through crafting her skirt and turned to Collin.

  “Who is Mhairi?” If I was soon to meet her, now was the time to ask about everything that had been troubling me. “Ian made it sound as if the two of you were—”

  “Friends,” Collin said. “Mhairi’s father was killed at Culloden. Her family is one I’ve tried to help, like many in our clan. There has never been more to it than that.”

  I imagined Collin repairing a roof or bringing meat to the family and being asked to stay for dinner. Of course Mhairi would see him as her own, personal hero. I knew the feeling well. Perhaps Collin hadn’t thought there was more to their friendship, but it seemed likely Mhairi had felt there was.

  Ian had believed so, anyway.

  “Is this her house?” I leaned away from my drawing so Collin could see all of it.

  He shook his head and pretended a frown. “Your sight isn’t working all that well if you think the woman standing there is Mhairi. I said her father died at Culloden, not her grandson.” He leaned back on his elbows, as if expecting to be here awhile. “Not to mention that Mhairi is on MacDonald land, and the croft you’ve drawn is down there— if it’s the place I’m thinking of.” He pointed to the valley below. “What else can you see?”

  Not Mhairi, or her house. Good. I couldn’t seem to help the flare up of jealousy but now happily pushed it aside as I turned back to my drawing. The woman I’d sketched showed no indication of age. Her face was little more than an oval, given the crude implements with which I had to work. Discarding the stick, I drew my knees up to my chest, closed my eyes, and searched again.

  Collin joined me, scooting close to sit behind me and kneading the tension from my shoulders. “You can do this,” he encouraged quietly. “I know you can.”

  I wanted to. For him. For my grandfather. For the people down there I hadn’t even met.

  As before the cottage appeared in my mind, the edges fuzzy at first. As they grew clearer the door of the house came into sharp focus. A woman stood before it, her face lifted as if searching for someone. For us? Hands wrinkled with age gripped her apron while her mouth moved wordlessly. White hair topped her head. Her eyes stared at everything— and nothing.

  “She’s— blind.” I opened my own eyes and scrambled to my feet. Collin followed, holding out a hand to steady me.

  “The cottage is down there,” I said, excitedly. “Not too far from Grandfather’s castle. The woman’s name is Liusaidh, and she is looking for us. Waiting. Expecting us. But she cannot see... as we can.”

  Collin’s lips parted, and his grip at my elbow tightened. He breathed in deeply before saying anything. “Liusaidh is real, and she is blind.” He smiled, but it was filled with sadness.

  I thought I understood why. “We really are going there, aren’t we? This— us helping our people as my grandfather saw it— is actually going to happen.” Even with the dangers we’d faced and all that Collin had told me the past week, it still hadn’t seemed real— until now.

  “Aye, Katie. It is going to happen. Just as your grandfather saw it.” Collin took my hands in his, gently rubbing his thumbs across the tops. “I thought it might take you a little more time... But that was foolish of me. Selfish. I’ve got to get your dowry to Ian before he brings MacDonalds raiding at our door. And we’ve got to prevent Brann from harming any more of your people.” Collin drew in another deep breath. “Together we will face whatever problems await.” His mouth lifted in a fleeting smile. “I feel much better with your gift and knowledge on our side.”

  “Me, too.” My smile lingered longer than his. “I wish I could describe to you how it feels.” I gestured to the picture in the dirt. “I saw all of that. I saw Liusaidh— someone I don’t even know.” My new ability felt amazing, exciting.

  “I’m grateful for your confidence,” he said. “But remember, this is not a game. We are like Daniel walking into the lion’s den. I believe we have the Lord’s favor, but only the most careful actions will stay the beasts.”

  “I understand.” I squeezed Collin’s hands. “I wish I still had my paints and brushes,” I said, for the first time voicing my regret at losing the contents of my trunk. “It feels like I’ve just passed a preliminary test. I want to try again, to see if there is more of importance I can summon and draw or paint.”

  “One thing at a time,” Collin said. “First, I think we each need some new clothes.”

  “And something to eat that isn’t fish or oatmeal.” I tugged at his hands. “And a real bath! Come on. Let’s go.”

  “In a minute.” Collin pulled me back toward him. “And we can’t just walk down the path. We’ve got to stay hidden, remember.”

  “Of course.” I felt foolish. I hadn’t seen Brann, but that didn’t mean that he, or someone else who would do us harm, wasn’t nearby. “Why do you suppose I saw Liusaidh? She is waiting for us, but might it be a trap?”

  Collin shook his head. “Liusaidh is an old friend and loyal to your grandfather. You probably saw her because that is where we are to go first. She will be able to appraise us of the state of things.”

  “Oh, good.” I smiled my relief at not having to wait longer. My reluctance had fled. Only a short while earlier I hadn’t wanted to go down there at all. Now I felt impatient to meet this Liusaidh, to see my grandfather’s castle— my childhood home— to learn more of my past.

  It seemed Collin did not share my enthusiasm. His eyes betrayed a deep sorrow.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” I placed a hand on his cheek.

  He covered my hand with his, then brought it to his mouth, kissing the back of my knuckles lightly. “It will not be just the two of us after this. Our wedding trip is over.”

  “Oh.” I’d forgotten that he viewed our days together as such. While the last two had been fraught with danger, those before he had planned thoughtfully for my pleasure. “They were the best days of my life,” I reaffirmed. “But I expect that some in the future will surpass them. We will be together, and someday the difficulties we face will be resolved.”

  “You’re right, of course.” He didn’t sound convinced.

  For a second I worried that he knew something of the future as well, something troubling. But no, that was my burden. Not Collin’s. I was his and wanted very much not to add to his troubles but to take them from him, to be the friend who kept him from being lonely.

  “I should think a celebration is in order,” I suggested, thinking of something that might pull him from his melancholy. “You’ve brought me safely all the way from England— no small feat, given the opposition we’ve faced. And I’ve just found our lodging for tonight. Surely that ought to be worth something.”

  “What did
you have in mind?” Collin asked, his gaze straying to my mouth. “Perhaps you could show me.”

  “Oh no.” I shook my head. “It’s your turn to start. I kissed you first yesterday.”

  “So you did.” He pressed his lips to my fingers once more, then turned my hand over and lowered his mouth to my wrist.

  I closed my eyes, sliding easily into bliss. “What is it about your lips? Is there another secret to them that my grandfather taught you?”

  Collin laughed. “Same one. My kisses are given with love. Makes them better than any you might have had before.”

  My eyes flew open. “I never kissed anyone before you.”

  “Never? At a ball, or while strolling about a garden on some not-so-proper gentleman’s arm?”

  “Of course not.” I pulled my hand away. “It was Anna who had suitors and a season. Not I.”

  “What do you mean?” Collin frowned. “There’s no need to pretend with me. Your father was well connected. I know what your life was like. Yesterday when you declared that you loved kissing, I assumed—”

  “Father saw to it that I never had any suitors. I thought it was only because we couldn’t afford it— though Anna was granted a season. Now I realize it had to do with more than money, and I can only be thankful. As you should be. Father prevented me from meeting any eligible men, let alone kissing one. And I am certain his actions were because of you.”

  Collin didn’t speak for a moment then cleared his throat. “I may have to reconsider my opinion of your father.”

  “I am glad to hear it. As I am glad to know I’m not the only one who feels jealous.” I felt so again suddenly, wondering whether or not I had been Collin’s first kiss. “Did you ever kiss anyone before me?”

  His shifting eyes told me the answer before his reluctant “Aye.”

  “Who?” Please don’t let it be—

  “Mhairi,” he admitted. “Just once. It was wrong of me. A mistake. Considering that I was already betrothed...”

  All of the insecurity and hurt of the previous days rebounded inside of me. I tried to turn away, but Collin wouldn’t allow it.